Chapter 24
"Severus, do you mind if I rearrange a bit?" Andraste asked once they walked back into the living room.
"By all means, do as you wish." Andraste took his permission to heart and waved her hand. Immediately his furniture disappeared and a row of three feather mattresses lined the floor beside a large leather loveseat. Andi motioned for Severus to sit by her, and for each of the students to lay down on a bed. "This is the most comfortable thing I've ever laid on," Harry said.
"It feels like I'm curled up on a cloud," Hermione agreed, snuggling deeper into the plush comfort.
"That's the point. I want you to be as comfortable as possible. Now I need you all to lie on your backs." Andraste paused a moment, waiting for them to oblige her request. She waved her hand and several of the lamps went out, leaving the soft glow of only two small fires shining in the room. When she was satisfied with the level of light, she continued. "Today we're going to start with guided meditation. It's very much like hypnosis in that you'll follow my voice to reach the point you want to be at. Now close your eyes and concentrate only on my voice. I want you to shut out all other thoughts and allow yourselves to think only about what I'm saying." She intentionally softened her tone several notches and continued. "I want you to breath in deeply; feel the air enter your body, let it reach the tips of your toes. Hold it until I count to five. 1...2...3...4...5 now exhale slowly 3...4...5. Deep breath 1...2...3...4...5 and out 3...4...5." Andraste slowed the tempo of her voice to a patient lull and went on with the exercise. "Breathe in...1...2...3...4...5 breathe out 3...4...5. Breath in...1...2...3...4...5 breath out 3...4...5. Keep breathing just like that. Deep breath in, feel it through your body 3...4...5...breathe it out slowly...4...5. Now we're going tighten the muscles in your body and hold it for ten seconds, starting with your feet. Tighten them.1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10 relax. Now your calves."
Andraste went through each of the parts of the body, having them tighten their muscles for ten seconds, and then relax. When she was through she instructed the students tighten all of the muscles in their bodies for the same amount of time, and then relax again. "Now we're going to walk down a staircase, each of the 10 stairs is a step further into your sub-conscious. We're on the first step and it's well lit. We're stepping onto the second stair, and you can see that it's getting darker, but you feel completely safe. You know that nothing in this place can harm you. You are the one in control here. You step onto the third stair, and you can see that there is a door at the end of the staircase. You know that the answer to all of your questions, the answer to your very being is behind that door. You're excited, but you know that there is no rush so you take your time, and take in your surroundings as you step onto the fourth stair. You can feel that the temperature has risen slightly, but you're still comfortable. You're enveloped in a feeling of warmth and safety as you move on to the fifth stair. You're starting to see the intricate design of the doorway ahead of you. Even though it's getting darker, you can still see perfectly. You're stepping onto the sixth stair now, immersing yourself in the perfect calmness that is washing over you. Every part of your being is relaxed in the knowledge that nothing can hurt you. You're moving onto the seventh stair, and it feels as if your body is becoming weightless. You float and glide more than walk as you move on to the eighth stair and see a soft light shining from behind the door in front of you. You know that wonderful things lie beyond that door, and you move closer to it, onto the ninth stair. You feel like your entire body is glowing with warm energy; with the energy that is shining from behind the door that is almost in your reach. You study the doorknob, seeing that its pattern was sculpted with the same love and care as the door, as the rest of this hall. You step forward, onto the tenth and final stair. You reach out for the door handle and finally open the door, stepping inside. You take a moment to bask in the wonder that is overcoming your body, and then you shut the door behind you. You walk slowly around the wall of room, taking in every detail that you can. You're letting your fingertips drift against the wall, feeling the texture of it under them. The room is filled with windows, each looking out on a different scene. I want you to study the room around you. This is your private place, where you can go whenever you need peace. You are safe here and you will always be. Take your time, explore the room around you. This is your home, this is you – and you can make it anything at all that you want. Now take a few minutes to explore and then we'll head back to the stairs."
Andraste stopped talking and studied the people around her, the students all had calm looks on their faces, and their breathing was smooth and even; so she was sure that they were all deep inside their own minds. She turned her focus to Severus, who was sitting beside her, his eyes also closed. The look on his face, however, made Andraste certain he wasn't meditating. "In fact..." she thought to herself. As quickly as she could, she closed her own eyes and slipped deep into a meditative state. When she was far enough under, which for her took only moments, she let the feeling of weightlessness overcome her and she slowly pulled her consciousness away from her body. When she was looking back down on her own resting figure, she turned towards Severus and found a more clearly defined version of what she had seen moments ago. His spirit was resting above his body, watching over the children. She smiled sweetly at him, getting a small nod in response, and dropped back into her body; quickly pulling herself out of the meditation she was in.
"It's time to come back," she began softly. "You're going to walk towards the door now, feeling relaxed and refreshed. You're at the door, and you step onto the tenth stair. The sense of calm is deep inside you now as you move on to the ninth stair, ready to open your eyes, feeling wonderful. You move to the eighth stair, the feeling of your natural weight starting to return as you glide onto the seventh stair. You see the intricate designs of the hallway around you, and the light shining in front of you is warm and welcoming as you step onto the sixth stair. You continue to the fifth stair, the feeling of being refreshed and awake growing stronger as you go to the fourth stair. You know that you can return to the room whenever you want, and that gives you a sense of peace as you step onto the third stair. You're almost at the top now, excited at the prospect of being in the glow of the light ahead of you, and you move on to the second stair. You're there, and the energy running through your body gives you an incredible feeling. You step onto the first stair, knowing that you can come back soon." Andraste stopped speaking for a moment, letting the students take in the experience that she was drawing to a close. "Now, I'm going to count backwards from 10. When I say one, you're going to wake up. 10...9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1." The trio all opened their eyes in unison, and laid there for a moment silent.
"That was..." Harry paused, searching for the right words.
"Incredible," Hermione finished for him. He nodded in agreement to her, and then sat up on his elbows.
"I feel so awake. Like I've been resting for hours," Ron announced. The other two immediately motioned that they felt the same.
"That's one of the great perks of meditation," Andraste told him, noticing that Severus had opened his eyes and was watching the children with a small smile on his face. "Now, if you talk about what happened, you're going to find that all of you actually had very different experiences. Each of your staircases and rooms look totally different because they're unique to you. They're representations of who you are. Eventually your room will be a platform for you to work from to answer questions, work towards goals, and even progress towards astral projection. Once you become good at it, you may find the room unnecessary, and you'll be able to achieve the meditative state you want very quickly. I don't use one, and haven't for a very long time; do you, Severus?" she asked, turning to the man beside her.
"No, I don't; although it is a great aide in the beginning."
"So when do we get to try astral protection?" Ron asked enthusiastically.
"After you know what it's called." Severus replied dryly. "It's astral projection."
"Yes," Andraste agreed. "Astral protection is what Professor Snape was doing that whole time," she told them with a smirk.
"Such a creative pun on words, Andraste. You truly are a comic genius." The monotone way that Severus made his comment, only added to how funny the others found it, and soon four of the five were laughing.
"Touché, darling. Okay, so back to business," she said, again focusing her attention on the students. "Our goal right now is for you to get to the point where you don't need my help to do that. Because of the time constraints, particularly on you Harry, we're going to make this a crash course. If you feel that I'm going too fast, please say so. It is very important that you completely understand what we're doing. If you don't, the results could prove very bad for both of us. Do you understand that?" Harry nodded to her, the look on his face solemn. "Okay, I want you to try it yourselves. If you decide that you can't do it, open your eyes back up but lay quiet so you don't disturb the others. Now lie back down and go for it." They stared at her for a moment, and then laid back and closed their eyes. She sat their quietly for 15 minutes, watching over them. Hermione was the first to open her eyes, followed quickly by Ron. They stayed there, still and quiet as she had requested, and waited patiently for Harry to awaken, unable to ask why Andraste was staring intently at the space above them. Thirty minutes later Severus opened his eyes, and then Harry immediately did the same.
"He did it." Severus said, an uncharacteristically proud look on his face. "I'm very impressed with you, Harry. I honestly didn't think you'd be able to learn at all. You must have much more self-discipline than I thought."
"Did what?" Ron questioned, sheer confusion written on his face.
"Astral projection." Andraste told them, her smile so bright that she was unintentionally glowing. "How did you learn that so quickly, Harry?"
"I suspect he didn't," Severus told her. "He's already capable of communication on that level, which takes ages to learn, doesn't it Harry?" The sheepish grin on Harry's face was framed by the blush rising up his cheeks.
"You mean you can already do this, Harry?" Hermione asked incredulously. Andraste unceremoniously ignored Hermione's question and asked one of her own.
"Why didn't you tell me? And where did you learn this?"
"Well," Harry began, "For one, I never had a name for what I was doing, so I wasn't completely sure that it was what you were talking about. When you guided us through the first time, the feeling I got was identical, so then I was pretty sure I knew what you meant with the Astral Projection thing. When you told us to do it ourselves I went ahead and tried. I have to admit," he said, the smile on his face widening, "Professor Snape scared me a bit. I wasn't expecting to see him there."
"Well, I guess this is wonderful news. That's going to take a lot of the pressure off of trying to get you to the point you're at. So where did you learn it?"
"I had a lot of free time at the Dursley's. I spend most of my summers locked in a little room, so I found ways to occupy myself." Andraste just stood there staring at him for a few moments, not sure what to say before Severus responded for her.
"I think we've all had enough for one night, so why don't you three go do your homework, or not do your homework, however you occupy your evenings. We'll see you tomorrow at seven Harry, don't forget what we discussed." The students nodded and said their goodbyes and Severus walked them out while Andraste returned the living room to its original state.
"So what did you two discuss?" Andi asked him when he returned.
"Quite a bit actually. He told me a little about how he learned to do that, and we talked some about Voldemort. He's scared. It's natural obviously, but he is scared."
"He told you that? I'm surprised he'd hand out confessions to you of all people."
"I think he felt safer that way... like it's not really talking. That, and we discussed a bit about the way I've been towards him in the past. I think that may have had something to do with it."
"You apologized?"
"If you want to call it that. We came to an understanding." Much to Severus' surprise Andraste threw herself into his arms, giving him a huge hug and kissing him several times all over his face. "What was that for?" he asked her without any complaints.
"For you. Thank you. I know that was hard for you, but you did it, and you have no idea how much it means to me."
"You can feel free to show me," he said with a mischievous smile.
"I would love to," she told him seductively, and kissed him with all the passion she felt. "Later." His jaw dropped as she threw him a smirk and moved off towards the kitchen for a drink.
"At least get me one too, brat."
"Say please."
"Please, brat," he countered with a smile. Andraste came back from the kitchen carrying two glasses of red wine and handed one to Severus.
"So what else did you two talk about?" she asked, sitting down beside him.
"I expressed my preferences that he not do this unless one of us are with him. I don't want him leaving his body open."
"That makes sense. I should have thought to mention it, but I'm still reeling from the fact that our lessons are getting moved up a bit."
"It's already done," Severus told her, quieting for a moment. He had news for her, but he was uncertain of what her reaction would be, and worried because of it. "She may get angry, she may cry, bloody hell I hope she's happy," he thought to himself. "Andraste, I need to talk to you about something," he said softly; hoping for the best.
"Yes, darling?" she inquired with a cheerful tone that he prayed would last.
"I know this is going to be hard for you, Andi; so I want you to know before we start that I'm here for you. I always will be."
"Oh God, who died this time?" she asked him, only half serious.
"Jeremy." He studied her face, searching for some sort of emotional response. "Albus told me while I was gone earlier. He thought it best if you hear it from me. I'm sorry Andraste, I hope your okay."
"I am, Severus," she replied, looking him straight in the eyes. "But so is Jeremy. He's not dead. Who ever said he was is wrong." Denial, while not uncommon in situations like this, was the last response Severus had expected. Rage, yes. Tears, yes. Calm acceptance, yes... but outright refusal to believe what he had said?
"Andraste, he died in the hospital this morning. They said from the start that his injuries may have been too much to recover from. Not many people could survive being thrown through a bookshelf by someone with the strength that Lupin has."
"He's not dead, Severus. I would know if he was," she insisted. "And this conversation is over." He focused on his wine, not knowing what to say. Dumbledore had seen Jeremy's body, who could argue with that? Maybe he would have to have Albus talk to her himself.
"So," Andraste said happily, "I think we need to make those potions soon." Severus sighed quietly to himself and decided to allow the abrupt change in topic.
"How do you plan on proceeding?"
"I was thinking tomorrow night we'd both go explore the ether with Harry. Make sure he really knows how to get around and such... then Harry and I should start taking the potions so we can get used to each others powers. He needs to know how to handle himself with my abilities."
"The power you have with souls, is he going to get that too?"
"No, I don't think so. Most powers aren't singular to just someone's energy or their physical being, they're tied in with both. My ability to see and affect souls the way I do isn't like that. It's something I do with my own spirit, which of course will be in Harry's body."
"I have to say that I find that comforting. For some reason the idea of Harry being able to destroy souls bothers me." Andraste thought for a moment about the tempers that 16 year old boys sometimes have.
"Agreed." Andraste and Severus both lost themselves in their own thoughts for a moment before Andi finally spoke again. "So, really, where did you learn to play the guitar like that? That was amazing."
"When I was eight my parents took me to the United States and I saw somebody playing one on the street. My parents had more money than time for me, so when I told them I wanted to learn they bought me one, and I spent most of the time in my room working on it. I always found it very relaxing."
"I've never known anyone that could play that well. Would you mind playing another song for me?" Severus nodded and stood up, heading to the bedroom. He soon returned carrying a guitar case that he laid across the table and gently opened.
"I'm going to play mine, if that's alright," he told her, removing a solid black guitar from its case.
"Is that a D'Aquisto New Yorker?" she asked, envy burning in her eyes.
"Yes it is, '73," he replied matter-of-factly. Severus picked it up and began to check the tuning on it.
"But that's a $30,000 dollar guitar! Why are you playing it? Shouldn't it be in a case somewhere?"
"36,000 actually, and it was in a case, in my closet. What's the point of having a guitar if you're not going to play it? I bought it because it sounds great, not because it'd look good on display." He demonstrated his point by finger-picking a rapid succession of notes, and Andi was definitely very convinced. As good as Severus was on her guitar, with this one he was even better. The gentle tones that it rang with almost seemed to whisper life into the air around them.
"What's your favorite song?" Andraste asked after listening to Severus for a few minutes. He stopped playing and stared into space for a moment before answering, obviously contemplating her question.
"I don't have one. When I was younger, however, I was rather fond of "Castles Made of Sand." I enjoyed the irony of it."
"Jimi Hendrix?" she asked with a laugh. "Why am I still having trouble picturing you listening to American music?"
"Because soulless bastards don't usually do things that...human." Andraste wasn't sure how to react to that, the honesty of his words hitting her more than she expected them to. It was easy to forget that Severus had been his own person for 35 years, not just the potions bastard that had once made her life Hell, and now made it complete. Her presence hadn't made him the person sitting beside her, it just made him show it more.
"Will you sing it for me?" she eventually asked, stretching out on the couch.
"Absolutely not," he replied firmly. "I do not sing."
"Fine then," she said, thinking that she really wasn't surprised, "at least play it." He obliged her request, and close to 20 minutes later he sat there quietly staring at the woman that had fallen asleep beside him.
"My entire life has changed," he thought as he put away his guitar and carried her to the bedroom.
"Thank you," she said, opening her eyes a bit and smiling at him before she turned back to her dreams. Severus watched Andraste sleep for ages, thinking how right she looked laying there beside him. His world, his entire life had somehow become wrapped up in the woman in front of him. The idea of ever being without her made him ache inside in ways he never knew possible. "Maybe there's a way to make sure she stays here when this is over," he thought to himself. Without any doubt that he was making the right decision, or care for the late hour, he went to the living room and floo'd an old friend.