Chapter 32
The next day went much as the last. Severus taught; Andraste graded. The classes went by smoothly with the exception of a few fourth year Slytherin boys that had suddenly decided to follow Draco's lead and be disrespectful to the professors.
"You will both spend your evening in detention," Andraste told them once their insolence had pushed her too far.
"You can't do that!" James insisted.
"Yes I can, and now it's tomorrow night too."
"My dad says you're not even a real teacher," Lin added menacingly.
"Your father's opinion of me is heartbreaking, so we shall add Friday night to your detentions as well."
"She can't do this, Professor Snape," they finally said, trying to plead with their head of house. By this point, several of the Gryffindors were trying so hard not to laugh that they had their heads buried in folded arms on the tables in front of them. Even the other Slytherins were looking at the boys as though they had both grown extra heads.
"You're absolutely right, she can't," he responded with mock anger, turning to Andi. "This is not how I want to spend my evenings, so please let Filch handle the detentions." The two students gasped at his suggestion, they had expected him to overrule her, not make it worse.
"NO!"
"A much better idea, Professor Snape. And I'm sure he could use some help Saturday, as well," Andraste said cheerfully, turning back to the now-panicked boys. "Shall we try for Sunday?" James looked as though he was going to say something else, but was silenced by a sharp elbow in his ribs from Lin. All in all, James and Lin managed to earn themselves four detentions with Filch and lose ten times that many points for the Slytherin house. By the time the last class ended at 7:15 Andraste was very happy with the way the day had gone, and anxious to try out the potion later that evening. When they got to the Great Hall, they both took their seat, but Andraste kept her eyes focused on Harry while Severus was more interested in dinner. As soon as he turned his head towards her, she spoke directly into his mind. "No food after 8. I'm not going to ask you to fast for the full 24 hours, but I want at least 12 with nothing but water in your system." He nodded to her and smiled brightly. It wasn't that bad, she told herself, he had 30 minutes left to eat everything in sight, and then he'd be done fasting by breakfast time. Still, she couldn't help but feel a twinge of guilt at denying the already too-skinny boy food.
"Tell me Andraste," Dumbledore said, interrupting her thoughts, "of Draegon. I hear that he may return for Halloween."
"Who is Draegon?" Remus asked, looking up from the conversation he was in. "I've heard that name a hundred times today."
"A friend of mine. And yes, Albus, I believe that he will be joining us for the party."
"How wonderful," he said, looking straight at Severus. "He appears to have become the talk of the school overnight. It is not everyday one meets an Elvin vampire."
"Elvin vampire?" Remus inquired, "I didn't know that was possible."
"Apparently it is quite possible," Dumbledore answered before turning his mischievous grin on Snape. "Have you met him yet, Severus?"
"No, I have not," he responded, scowling at the older man, "nor do I have any desire to." It was clear to Andraste and Severus that the headmaster knew full well of their evening yesterday, and was informing them of that knowledge in a cleverly disguised fashion.
"Jealous, Severus?" Remus asked playfully, earning himself a scowl but continuing anyway. "If you're not going to be at the party, would you be terribly upset if I escorted your beautiful fiancée'?"
"By then she will be my wife, and I believe that Draegon has already offered to take my place, rather anxiously I suspect," he said, giving Andraste a look that made her have to restrain her laughter. Severus was certainly playing the situation up as much as he could, and so Andraste saw no reason why she couldn't do the same.
"So tell us about this vampire, Andraste," Professor McGonagall said curiously. "And how is it I have heard his name in every class today?"
"Word travels fast, I suspect, Minerva. Hagrid and the trio met him yesterday, and apparently rushed to announce it."
"But he is a vampire? Is he safe?"
"He won't be if he touches my wife," Severus growled under his breath, but loud enough for all of the teachers to hear. Andraste couldn't help the warm feeling that spread through her when he called her his wife, but was able to narrowly avoid another laughing fit.
"He is in no way a danger, you have my word on that."
"So what does he do?" Lupin asked, "I've never met an Elvin vampire, but they do have jobs, right?"
"Score!" Andraste thought to herself, "it's my turn to have some fun." "I guess you could say that, Remus," she said, almost giggling at her own evil mind. "He plays guitar and sings for a living. Maybe we could get him to do a few songs for us at the party." Andraste intentionally avoided looking towards Severus, but she could feel the dirty look burning into the back of her head.
"How wonderful!" Dumbledore said, standing up. "Can I have your attention, please?" he said loud enough for every student to hear. He glanced at Andraste, who was covering her mouth and had a wide-eyed expression; and then at Severus who looked pale with a slightly green tinge. Once the students had quieted, he continued. "I have a few announcements to make about the Halloween Dance. Because of the various rumors, I have decided to remove the question of who Draegon is." The room filled with the sound of various whoops and hollers, mainly out of the female students; but the headmaster raised his hand to quiet them again, throwing a look at Severus that almost dared him to say something. "Yes, he is an elfish vampire; as well as a singer that we are sure will be rather famous soon." More hollering. "And he has so kindly agreed to perform for us Halloween night," Dumbledore said, briefly smiling at Andi. "On the condition that Professor Andraste performs with him." Andraste, who was leaning in her chair laughing at Severus' expense, tilted too far when Albus said that; and fell the rest of the way back onto the floor. She shyly stood up and righted her chair, knowing that the entire school had just seen her fall on her ass. "She's very excited, as you can tell," the Headmaster told the students with a bright smile. "And we are all looking very forward to it." Instead of sitting back down, Albus leaned towards Severus and Andraste and suggested they join him in his office. Feeling like they were students being sent to the Headmaster's office, instead of professors being invited for tea, they stood and followed him out of the Great Hall.
The three walked in silence past the Gargoyle guarding his rooms, and up the narrow staircase. With a wave of his wand, tea appeared, and he told them to help themselves as he did the same. Once everyone was seated, he sat behind his desk, looking very amused and watching them in silence.
"I don't know why I'm even bothering to ask," Andraste said eventually, "but how did you know?"
"Know what?" Dumbledore inquired, as kindly as ever. "About Draegon, or about the vampires that were wondering the park in London last night? Or perhaps you mean the young men that encountered them?" Andraste sunk down in her chair, feeling as though she was six years old, and wishing that making herself invisible would help.
"Never mind," she said weakly. Albus continued to smile merrily at the both of them for a few minutes, letting them contemplate his feelings on what they had done before he spoke.
"I am looking forward to the performance."
"There will be no performance," Severus countered harshly.
"You are quite wrong, Severus. Because it seems silly to give you both detention, although I must say you very much deserve it; this is your punishment."
"Come on, Albus," Andraste pleaded. "It wasn't that bad."
"The real vampires that saw you disagree. They feel that you have risked their exposure." Andraste looked down and nodded her head, realizing for the first time what they might have done by their prank.
"Well," she asked hopefully, "Severus gets to go in costume, can I?" He seemed to think on her question for a moment, and then slowly nodded his head.
"It seems fair, but the students are expecting Andraste to be there. How do you plan on keeping them from realizing that Draegon is Severus before it's announced?"
"Announced?" Severus interrupted.
"Yes, Severus," Dumbledore assured him. "That is the best part."
"I'll think of something," Andraste said, her voice wavering as she stood. "Can we go now?" As soon as he gave her permission to leave, she headed for the door as quickly as possible. Severus, however, managed to beat her there. The walked down to the dungeons in total silence; both sulking like children.
"You know," she said once they had settled, "this could be fun." His only response was to glare and then inform her that it was time to make the potion. Before she had a chance to say anything else, he swept out of the room towards his private laboratory. "Come on," she said, taking a seat and watching him gather the ingredients he needed, "it's not that bad."
"I have told you already, I do not sing. And I am certainly not going to traipse around on stage like some silly rock star."
"You don't sing, but Draegon does," she said with an innocent smile. "Try," she suggested, waving her hand at him.
"I do not..." he began, but stopped speaking immediately. Although nothing else had changed, his voice once again had taken on the sound that he now recognized as Draegon's. "Give me back my normal voice, Andraste," he demanded. "NOW."
"Not until you sing."
"I DO NOT SING!"
"Wanna bet?" Andraste asked, standing and walking over to him. "I'll make you a deal. If you sing for me, I'll..." she said, whispering the rest of her offer in his ear. When she was done, she gently licked his earlobe and then stepped back, waiting for a response.
"You're cheating," he insisted. Instead of denying it, she just stood there smiling at him. "FINE," he eventually said with a sigh. "What do you want me to sing?"
"Anything." Severus thought for a moment, trying to decide what would be easiest. After a few minutes, he started softly in on a song that Andraste had never heard before.
"I've given up my life, my breath for freedom. I've tasted every promise this darkened world has made, but given the choice to do it all again, I think on second thought I would have stayed..."
"See?" Andraste demanded. "Draegon can sing." Instead of replying, Severus continued the song, clearly amazed with his own voice.
"I've seen parts of this world unknown to most, I've felt a salty wind on my face, but when I think of what I turned away from, I think on second thought I should have stayed." Severus quieted for a moment, staring at Andraste. "I'll do it." The smile that spread across Andraste's face was so big that it almost hurt her cheeks. "But Dumbledore is going to wish he hadn't insisted on this. Those kids are going to get a Halloween they'll never forget," he said with an evil grin.
"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!" Andraste exclaimed. With a wave of her hand she returned his normal voice to him. "I know exactly what we need."
"And what is that?" he asked, returning his focus to the potion he was making.
"You'll see." Andraste went over to the desk and sat down; staring thoughtfully at the quill in front of her for a moment before shaking her head and making a pen appear. "So much easier..." she mumbled. She soon slipped into her own project while Severus concentrated over his cauldrons. She finished just as he was retrieving the blood and ashes mixture from the box that he had charmed to keep it at a steady temperature. She watched him add it to the potions he was making, and the liquid in one turned a soft blue while the other turned bright red.
"It's ready," he told her, filling several vials with each liquid.
"Then let's try it, but here, I want you to read this first." She handed him the paper she had been working on, and watched his face as he read it.
"What is this?" he asked, one eyebrow up.
"Well, an up and coming rock star has to have an original song, doesn't he? It's a duet," she said cheerfully.
"It's disturbing," he told her.
"Well, he is a vampire," she said, sounding slightly offended.
"You misunderstand. It may be disturbing, but I love it, it's perfect."
"Yay," she said excitedly, the smile returning to her face. "Now, would you like to trade bodies with me?"
"Absolutely," he said, handing her a vial, and raising his own. "Cheers." They both drank it down in one gulp, and felt an odd sensation, slightly like being stuck in a vacuum for a moment. Andraste closed her eyes for what she thought was no more than the time it took to blink, and when she reopened them she was staring at herself.
"This is freaky," she said, laughing at hearing Severus' voice come out instead of her own.
"It is...different," he responded, clutching lightly at his throat when he heard himself speak.
"Look at me," Andraste growled, advancing on him. "I'm the mean fearsome Potions Master."
"That is quite enough," he told her, finding that his harsh tone didn't work near as well coming from her voice. Suddenly she stopped and looked at him with an odd expression of elation on her/his face. "Whatever you're thinking, stop thinking it," he warned her, finally realizing the full implications of the power he had given her.
"Now, how did that song go?"
"Don't you dare, Andraste." She ignored his warning and started singing the same song that he had been entertaining her with earlier, only this time the words were much different.
"I've given up lots of stuff for nothing..."
"STOP IT ANDI"
"...tasted every pretzel that I've ever made..."
"I'M WARNING YOU!"
"...but given the chance to do it all again..."
"ANDRASTE"
"...I should have spent my time getting laid..."
"That does it. You deserve this," Severus told her, and stormed out of the room. Andraste was left gaping at him for a moment before she came to her senses and ran after him. Whatever he had planned with her body couldn't be good. As soon as she caught up with him she began apologizing profusely and begging his forgiveness, but he completely ignored her pleas. In a desperate attempt to stop him from whatever he planned, she waved her hand and made a solid rock wall appear in front of him. He gave it only a moment's pause.
"So how does this work?" he mumbled, and waved his hand. Immediately the wall disappeared.
"Damnit," she thought, "how did he figure that out so quickly?"
"Magic, Andi, Magic," he responded as though she had spoken out loud.
"Did you hear me?" she asked him, confused.
"Of course I heard you."
"Sev, look at my lips," she thought, not attempting to speak into his mind. He turned around for just a second and watched her.
"Are you surprised?"he asked her, still speaking.
"Yeah, aren't you?"
"Of course not. This is one of your abilities. Mind reading, remember?"
"Then why can't I hear your thoughts?"
"Because you also have a great ability to block. You not being able to read my mind for a change is something I am very much enjoying," and then he turned around and headed back towards the stairs.
"Desperate times call for desperate measures Sev. Not one step further," she said, utilizing the vocal power that Severus loved to flaunt. The only response she got was a laugh as he continued on.
"Fine. You asked for it." She continued to follow him, deciding that whatever he came up with she was going to do worse. Her fear began to mix itself with curiosity as she realized that they were headed towards Lupin's rooms. When they reached his office Severus walked into his office and a painting of the moon swung easily out of the way.
"You have company," Severus hollered into the living room. Andraste was still trying to adjust to watching herself move and talk, and was sure it was only downhill from that point. She followed Severus down the hallway where Remus had called back to them from. Lupin was sitting on the couch, having tea with Professor McGonagall.
"Hello, Andi, Severus; to what do I owe this unusual pleasure?"
"Great," she thought to herself. "Neither of them know that we've switched bodies."
"It's nothing," Andraste insisted immediately. "I guess we'll be going now."
"Don't be silly, Severus;" Severus retorted. "Although you are the smarter of us, I think that it's okay if we stay for tea."
"How dare he!" "No, Andi. You are by far the more intelligent of us, don't be so modest." Remus and Minerva were watching the exchange, looking partially confused, partially stunned, and completely amused.
"Wait a minute," Lupin said. "Andraste, what can I do for you?" Andraste opened her mouth to respond, but quickly realized that he was actually directing the question to Severus.
"I have a confession to make, Remus." Severus said.
"Please don't do anything stupid," Andraste begged. Severus turned to her with an unsettling smile that she found to be even more disconcerting because she was seeing it on her own face.
"You have no one but yourself to blame, Severus," he said, drastically accenting his own name.
"Yes, Severus. I am rather curious to hear what Andraste has to say," Lupin told him.
"As am I," Minerva added.
"Very well then, I shall continue," Severus said, adding a dark tone to Andraste's voice that she found very odd. "Remus, I'm in love with you. I always have been, I always will be and I want to have lots of little werewolf babies with you. A whole litter, in fact."
"Oh, how dare you! You're a dead man," Andraste said, forgetting for a moment that they didn't realize that Severus was the one in her body. "I'll do you one better than that!" She turned back to Lupin, certain that she was going to win this one. "Lupin, Andraste and I have been fighting about this all night, so please be patient." She suspected that Lupin was in too much a state of shock to attempt to be anything but patient, and it was only going to get worse for him. "Andi seems to think that she deserves you, when in reality I am by far the better partner. I love you. I have since we were in school here together, and although we can't have werewolf babies, I would like to show you my love...," Andraste threw the now fuming Severus a quick smile, "...with a cha-cha."
"Oh, no you don't!" Severus screeched at her.
"Watch me." Andraste grabbed Remus, who was still in a slight coma from the dual shocks he had just received, and pulled him up into her arms, forcefully leading him into a few dance steps while she hummed. When Severus tried to get in between them at the same time that Remus attempted to pull away; Andraste gently pushed Severus away, and dipped Lupin into a kiss.
"I have rarely had students," Dumbledore interrupted from the doorway, "that could get into as much trouble in an entire year as the two of you have in the last 36 hours." Andraste looked up in Albus in shock and let go of Remus, dropping him to the floor. Her initial reaction, which she was sure looked absurd coming out of Professor Snape's body, was to look down and point at her own body.
"He started it."
"You know that the potion works now, please go remedy this mess. I will stay here and make sure that Remus is not going to need counseling."
"Does that mean you don't want to tango with me, Albus?"
"Maybe another time, Andraste."
"Andraste?" Lupin questioned incredulously. "Will someone explain to me what's going on?"
"I hope you understand, Lupin," Andraste told him as she grabbed the hand of her own body. "It never would have worked." With that she tugged on Severus and disappeared out the door in a run. Neither of them stopped running until they had reached his living room, where she threw herself down on the couch and tried desperately to stop laughing long enough to catch her breath. "That...was one of...the funniest things...I've ever seen...Did you see his face...when I kissed him?" Severus responded by thrusting a vial of red liquid into her hand.
"Drink it. Now. I want you out of my body." She obliged at the same time that he drank his own, and quickly she felt the same vacuum-like sensation that had accompanied the original change. The first thing she noticed when she returned to her own body was that she was in immense pain.
"Why do my nipples hurt? Is that a side effect?"
"Yeah," he responded, looking thoroughly pleased with himself, "of me pinching them as hard as I could before we switched."
"That was just mean!"
"That's what you get for kissing Lupin with my lips."
"Ha. Well that's the only thing your lips are going to be kissing anytime soon."
"Oh, really?" he asked, standing up from where she had thrown his body and slowly advancing on her. The look in his eyes was a mix between sheer determination and absolute desire.
"Okay, maybe just a few..."