Love Song
Chapter Thirteen- That Kind of Love
By darthelwig
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I do not own Saiyuki. This story is rated M. Slash warning.
Thanks to GhostHelwig once again for rescuing me from the pits of fan fiction hell and giving me the inspiration to keep this story alive.
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Kou's face was a thundercloud when he walked into rehearsal a week later.
He'd avoided his friends since his talk with his stepmother. He'd missed rehearsals, not returned their phone calls and kept himself locked away in his room, refusing to open the door when they came to see him. He'd completely cut himself off from anyone he cared about until now.
Doku and Yaone looked relieved to see him again. Kou was sorry he'd had to worry them, but he'd needed time to himself to prepare… to harden his heart enough to be able to continue on when what he really wanted to do was fall down and cry. But he was ready now. Resolve burned in his heart- strengthened by anger, hatred and a desperate need to find someone who truly loved him.
Lirin avoided looking at him, instead fiddling with her drumsticks, and it was her he approached, with purpose in every step.
"Lirin," he said, looking down at her. She met his gaze, her heart in her eyes, and he gave her the best smile he could find in his heart.
"I'm sorry," he said. "But everything's okay now. All right?"
She stared at him for a moment, unblinking, then her face split into a wide, beaming grin. Her complete faith in his words was almost staggering to Kou, whose own faith in humanity had been decidedly shaken.
"I knew it would all work out once I told you, big brother!" she said, her usual vibrant glow returning. The change in her was immediate and drastic- one second she was moping and listless, the next her boundless energy returned and she was once again a quivering mass of excitement. Her extremes were trying for Kou when he was feeling good. Right now it exhausted him just looking at her.
He gave her another quick smile and then the grim determination returned to his face. He had no way of knowing it, but the change in him was sudden and extreme as well. His smile had softened his face- without it he looked older… aged in a way that brought worry once more to the hearts of the people around him, all of whom loved him very much. He was oblivious to the look Doku and Yaone shared behind his back. His mind was already on the task at hand.
"Let's practice," Kou said, his voice hard and cold. "We have a long way to go and I will not lose."
He grabbed his guitar and settled the strap around his shoulders. Just three more weeks. In three more weeks he would be closer to finding his real mother. Three more weeks ands he would have that recording contract… and then he would make all of his dreams come true. Once he had that record deal, he would take the world by storm and his stepmother would finally be happy. He would make both their dreams a reality.
He would allow no one to get in his way.
….
Sanzo sat back and watched Goku play, trying to ignore the sharp, throbbing ache in his belly.
He'd been released from the hospital a couple of days ago with strict orders to rest, but he'd never been very good at obeying people in authority. He'd insisted they continue practicing even though he could barely stand up afterwards. His band mates had argued with him about it as he knew they would, but he'd been insistent and they'd eventually had to give in. He would do what he wanted, and they did need the rehearsal time. They still weren't tight enough. The songs were still too new. And they only had three more weeks to fix it.
He wasn't overly worried about it. They would pull it all together in the end. Losing wasn't an option for them and they all understood that.
His injury wasn't making things any easier, though. He could only sing a few songs before breathing became difficult and he had to rest. At least the injury wasn't life-threatening anymore. Shuuei's bullet had, by some miracle, missed his vital organs. He would live. It was just difficult to breathe deeply enough to sing.
Which was how he came to be sitting against the wall, watching Goku pick out a lazy, sad melody on his guitar.
He and Goku had managed to recover their comfortable familiarity with each other over the past seven days. They'd talked a little… nothing too serious. Neither of them had brought up the subject of their new relationship. The kisses they'd stolen during their few brief moments alone together had been… intense.
Perhaps he would've been more eager to deal with the matter if he wasn't in such piss-poor shape, but for now he was content with a few kisses and heated caresses. Anything more was beyond his abilities at the moment. He would talk to Goku more when he was actually able to make good on his promises. Until then, it could wait.
Goku seemed to have no problem with that. He was perfectly happy just to have the knowledge that Sanzo cared. The boy had barely left Sanzo's side since he'd come out of the hospital. He fetched things for him, ran errands for him and basically did whatever Sanzo asked except leave him alone. There were many times when the boy's constant presence wore on the blonde's nerves, but Sanzo never became seriously angry with him. He knew Goku had been lonely and was just trying to help him out in the only was he knew how. Still, he wished Goku would find some other way to show his devotion. Being constantly underfoot was a good way to get on his every last nerve.
Even with all of that, though, Sanzo had to admit he felt pretty good right now. The nightmares he'd been having while in the hospital had finally subsided- due in no small part to the fact that whenever he woke up at night now Goku was there. Sanzo could feel his warm, reassuring presence and relax again, even if he was half asleep.
If Gojyo and Hakkai had noticed how close together he and Goku slept these days, they didn't say anything… and he was grateful. He didn't have the patience to deal with questions and comments right now.
"Goku," Sanzo said, and their eyes met across the room. The boy put down his guitar and looked at Sanzo curiously.
"Yeah?" he asked. "Did you need something?"
"Are you going to play around with that all day?" Sanzo asked, a hint of annoyance creeping into his voice. "It won't take Hakkai very long to finish his errands, even with that moron tagging along."
Goku grinned and walked over to Sanzo. He knelt down next to the blonde and gave him his best innocent look.
"Is this better, Sanzo?" he asked, and the blonde growled low in his throat and pulled the boy's head down to capture his lips in a kiss. Goku melted into it, welcoming Sanzo's tongue into his mouth. The kiss was long and lingering, and by the time their lips parted again both of them were breathless with desire.
Goku sat back on his heels and smiled shyly, blushing at the way Sanzo was looking at him.
Sanzo was amazed all over again at how intense his arousal could become from just a single kiss from Goku's sweet lips. He'd never experienced anything like it before. He'd never felt such a need to touch someone.
Another sharp stab of pain in his stomach reminded him of his current limitations, and he grimaced. Goku saw the pain on his face and was immediately concerned.
"Sanzo… you okay?" he asked, eyes wide.
"I'm fine," the blonde grunted, leaning back again and resting his head against the wall. He looked at Goku and a hint of a smile touched his lips.
"So what song was that you were playing?" he asked, deliberately changing the subject. Goku just shrugged.
"Just something I've been working on," the boy said dismissively. "It's nothing."
"It's good. You should finish it," Sanzo said quietly, watching Goku blush an even deeper shade of red. Strange how he could find a simple blush so alluring, but he enjoyed seeing that telltale flush creep into Goku's cheeks.
"You really think so?" the boy asked, keeping his eyes fixed on his own hand as he toyed with the hem of Sanzo's shirt.
"I wouldn't have said so if I didn't," Sanzo replied, quite serious. Goku looked up and met his gaze, pleased despite the embarrassment.
The strangest feeling came over Sanzo as Goku smiled at him- a feeling that warmed his heart and brought a tender smile to his face.
He knew what this was. He could recognize it again. His heart was open to it for the first time in years.
It was love- pure and simple and true. It filled him and strengthened him and he could no longer imagine his life without it.
And he no longer even wanted to.
….
Gojyo stood outside the convenience store, waiting for Hakkai. He'd decided to wait outside and have a cigarette. Hakkai could handle buying things just fine without him.
They'd come out for cigarettes and beer- and to give Sanzo a chance to rest. The guy was insane, in Gojyo's professional opinion. He was pushing himself way too hard. If they didn't force him to take a break every so often, he'd keep going until he dropped. To his way of thinking, Sanzo's behavior was counter-productive, but there was no talking to the guy when he had his mind set on something. So they'd used this excuse to force Sanzo to take a breather.
He hoped Goku behaved himself while they were gone. They hadn't done this just so Sanzo could exhaust himself in other ways.
He grinned to himself. He and Hakkai had noticed the change in Sanzo and Goku's relationship, and they were pretty pleased about it. Gojyo just hoped that Sanzo would finally lighten up a bit if he got laid. The guy was a serious pain in the ass sometimes. He hoped Goku knew what he was in for. Of course, if there was one person who could get past all those nasty defenses Sanzo put up, it would be the kid. Sanzo seemed to have a soft spot when it came to him.
'Well, maybe not a soft spot,' Gojyo thought to himself, chuckling.
"Oh my. If it isn't Sanzo's least favorite little sidekick," said a sneering, high-pitched voice, and Gojyo turned to face the voice's owner with his own look of open contempt.
"Just who I didn't need to hear from," Gojyo said, running one long-fingered hand through his hair and stretching lazily. He flicked his cigarette butt at the other man's feet and hooked his thumbs into the waistband of his jeans, already bored with the conversation.
"Have you been relegated to errand boy once again?" Dougan asked, his voice dripping with false sympathy. "Is that all Sanzo thinks you're fit for?"
He laughed and suddenly Gojyo wanted to hit him. He'd been teased and taunted by Dougan since the first day they'd met, when he'd shown up at one of their after-show parties a friend had thrown for them.
It was hate at first sight for them both. He'd been creeped out by the guy from the beginning, and that feeling only grew as Dougan came around more and more often. He seemed to have some kind of sick fascination with Sanzo, and his seemingly innocent comments to their singer had always dripped with thinly veiled innuendo and almost vulgar posturing. It disgusted him. He could practically see the obscene images and thoughts that went through the guy's head. And Sanzo had the nerve to call him a pervert.
Being insulted by this no-talent little wannabe was just too much for him to take. He'd put up with it for far too long as it was and he was sick of it.
"Back off, Dougan. I'm in no mood for your petty insults right now," Gojyo said, clenching his fists at his sides. His hold on his temper was a bit tenuous at the best of times, but he didn't want to start a fight if he could get the asshole to leave him alone without throwing a punch. Hakkai hated it when he got blood on his clothes.
"What's the matter, Gojyo? Did I strike a nerve?" Dougan taunted him, heedless of the dangerous look in Gojyo's eyes. "Hacks like you are a dime a dozen, I'm afraid. Everyone knows that. I'll never understand why my dearest Sanzo puts up with you."
That was the last straw. Gojyo snarled and swung his fist around, connecting squarely with Dougan's sneering, contemptuous face.
Dougan's eyes widened in surprise and pain as he was knocked backwards, landing flat on his ass. Gojyo stood over him, glaring furiously down at his tormentor. Dougan pressed his hand to his wounded jaw and smiled wickedly.
"I guess that really is a sore spot for you, isn't it?" he said, quickly recovering his composure. Gojyo folded his arms across his chest and frowned.
"I don't need to hear that shit from a perverted little maggot like you. I'm not the one with the issues here. Don't take your petty little jealousies out on me."
"Gojyo, what's going on?" Hakkai asked, emerging from the store carrying a bulging plastic bag. He glanced around at the people giving Gojyo a wide berth, then down at Dougan who was still sitting on the ground where he had fallen.
"Well, what do we have here?" he asked, his expression not nearly as mild as his words sounded. Gojyo shrugged and lit another cigarette, his posture becoming noticeably more relaxed as Hakkai became subtly more aggressive.
"Dougan and I were having a little chat," he said, grinning. "I think he's having a little trouble getting the point, though."
"Oh?" Hakkai asked, squatting down next to Dougan. He looked at him very seriously, his face calm but his eyes icy. "Maybe I can help with that," he said.
"I'm not afraid of you," Dougan said. "You're nothing more than a thug. Your hypocrisy is astounding. For a man who lost his lover- no, his sister- to a gang of men just like him, you've got a lot of nerve. How dare you judge me!" Dougan's words were cut off by Hakkai's hand as it snaked out to grab his throat in a bruising grip.
"What did you say?" Hakkai asked, his façade of easygoing joviality dropping away to reveal a harder, crueler face. His eyes burned with fury and he bared his teeth in a snarl.
Gojyo's smile faded and he watched soberly as his lover's bitter anger was loosed. Whatever Dougan got now, he deserved. He was a fool to have brought up Hakkai's painful past in that way, and Gojyo enjoyed watching the little worm squirm under Hakkai's chilling stare.
"How did you find out about that?" Hakkai asked through gritted teeth. Dougan covered his fear with a look of haughty superiority, refusing to be cowed.
"It wasn't difficult," he said, choking slightly as Hakkai's grip tightened. "I bet your precious Kanan suffered, didn't she? Did she cry?"
Hakkai's gaze narrowed, his left eye glittering dangerously, and his grip tightened again, cutting off any more words. Dougan's eyes bulged and his fingers dug into the flesh of Hakkai's wrist, seeking release.
Gojyo leaned down and placed a hand on Hakkai's arm. He was worried- scared for his lover's well being. Hakkai would never forgive himself if he killed Dougan now… like this.
"Hey. Hakkai. Chill out, man. Let him go," he said, keeping his voice low and soothing. "You don't want this."
He thought for a moment that Hakkai hadn't heard him. There was no response on his face, no slackening of his grip. His eyes stayed fixed on Dougan's reddening face as he choked the life out of him.
Then, almost imperceptibly at first, his grip loosened and Dougan gasped for air, coughing and gagging as his lungs pulled much-needed oxygen through his nearly crushed windpipe. Hakkai watched him dispassionately.
"Don't ever use her name again. I will kill you. And you would be wise to never come near Gojyo or myself again. One more wrong word to him and you'll see me get very angry."
Hakkai didn't wait for a response. He stood and hefted his bag, his expression softening as he gazed at his lover.
"I'm sorry you had to see that," he said with a soft smile, and Gojyo shrugged.
"No problem. It's kinda nice seeing you get all worked up over me," he teased, throwing his arm around Hakkai's shoulders. His lover's smile widened at his obvious attempt to lighten the mood.
"Well, since I did all the shopping, you can carry the bag," Hakkai said, eyes crinkling with laughter. He handed the sack to Gojyo, who grimaced at the weight of it.
"Shit, Hakkai! What the hell did you buy?"
"The beer and cigarettes that you and Sanzo requested," Hakkai replied, and Gojyo winced.
"Oh yeah. Right," he said, hooking his arm into Hakkai's and leading him away.
Dougan watched them go with hate burning in his heart. He would repay them for this humiliation. He wasn't some weakling they could push around at will.
He coughed again and pushed himself up off the ground, shaky on his feet but still standing.
And that was better than they would be when he finished with them. He swore it.