Love Song

Chapter Sixteen- Where the Heart Is

By darthelwig

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I do not own Saiyuki. This story is rated M. Slash warning.

Thank you Ghosty. You're the best.

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Hakkai woke slowly, his senses returning one by one. He stretched languidly, his eyes still closed and a smile playing at the corners of his mouth. His hands sought out the warmth of his lover, fingers exploring the bed in search of the familiar texture of his skin.

He frowned when he didn't find it, and he opened his eyes to see empty space where Gojyo should have been.

He sat up quickly, suddenly wide awake and on the verge of panic. He could see no sign of where Gojyo had gone to, except… Gojyo's shoes, his jacket, his cigarettes- all of them were gone.

The fear that Gojyo had woken up and decided to leave him filled his heart. But surely Gojyo would have said something. Surely he wouldn't have just left.

Hakkai's thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a key in the door. He blinked as bright morning sunlight flooded through the opening, then his sight adjusted and he was greeted by the most beautiful sight he'd ever seen.

"You're up!" Gojyo said, grinning, and he closed the door behind him, shutting out the sun. He held up two cups of steaming hot coffee and winked. "I was hoping I'd be back before you woke up, but I guess this'll have to do."

Hakkai's mind was slow to process this information, but gradually he realized Gojyo had just gone out for coffee, and the tension flowed out of him. He took one of the cups from Gojyo's outstretched fingers and sipped the drink carefully, letting the steam clear his head a bit.

"Something wrong?" Gojyo asked, removing his jacket and sitting on the bed next to Hakkai. He looked so obviously concerned that Hakkai couldn't even entertain the notion of not telling him about his fears. This was Gojyo. If he couldn't tell his lover about his worries, who could he tell?

"Yes. There is something wrong," Hakkai said, setting the cup in his lap and keeping his fingers folded lightly around it. He kept his eyes on his hands, unable to look into Gojyo's eyes while he spilled his secret fears out into the open.

"I'm afraid," Hakkai said, taking a deep breath for confidence. "I'm afraid to know what your plans are. Because… if you aren't coming back I'll ask you to change your mind... for me."

He looked at Gojyo now, his eyes silently pleading for understanding.

"I know it's selfish of me. I know I should just keep my nose out of it. But I can't. I'm sorry. I want you to come back with me."

He stopped, waiting for Gojyo to say something. Every second that went by was an eternity to him as he agonized over his lover's reaction.

"Hakkai, you're the only person in this world who can ask me to change my mind- without any hesitation. Don't you know that?" Gojyo looked surprised by Hakkai's statement, as if he couldn't quite understand what the problem was. Hakkai let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding.

"You really don't mind?" he asked, leaning forward slightly, and Gojyo smiled at him gently.

"I just hope you know I expect the same thing from you," Gojyo said, eyes twinkling mischievously. "If I think you should get my name tattooed on your ass, I expect you to consider it."

"I'll remember that," Hakkai said, laughing. "I just… I don't want you to feel trapped or restricted. I don't want to be a burden to you. I would hate it if my needs drove you away." He looked shy, almost embarrassed at having his feelings so exposed. He wasn't used to being so open about his insecurities. But Gojyo just put a comforting hand on his leg and squeezed gently.

"I don't know much about relationships. I've never been in one before. But I do know that you won't be rid of me that easily. I want to know what you want, Hakkai. I want you to share your needs with me. You shouldn't worry about that."

Hakkai nodded, a small smile on his lips, and Gojyo winked at him.

"Anyway, I decided I'd go back. I'm no quitter. And I didn't put all that effort into getting this far just to give up now."

He leaned in to kiss Hakkai, their lips soft against each other. Hakkai savored the smoky tang of Gojyo's unique flavor as their tongues met and caressed.

"Besides," Gojyo said, pulling away a bit and looking into the brilliant green of his lover's eyes. "You're my family. You, Goku and even Sanzo… you're the only family I've got."

Hakkai looked into Gojyo's eyes and saw the sadness there, the resignation of a man who'd finally given up hope on a childhood dream.

"Your brother?" he asked, voice soft, and Gojyo nodded.

"We're strangers now, Hakkai. That's all we'll ever be." The heartbreak in his voice was plain and Hakkai pulled Gojyo into another kiss, pouring his love and strength into his lover through it.

He didn't notice when Gojyo took his coffee and placed it on the nightstand. His senses were being swallowed whole by the sensuality of his lover. He was sinking deeper into their love and he was happy.

And so when Gojyo pressed him back into the mattress, he surrendered himself to his fate.

….

Goku was fidgeting again and it was distracting Sanzo from his newspaper. How could anyone concentrate with a teenager moping so obviously right in front of them?

Sanzo glanced at Goku over the top of his newspaper one more time and resigned himself to having to deal with this.

"What is it now?" he asked, his voice not entirely unkind, and Goku looked at him with wide, worried eyes.

"What if Gojyo doesn't come back?" Goku asked, and Sanzo sighed.

"This again?" he said tiredly, folding his newspaper and putting it aside

"He should have come back by now!" Goku said quickly, growing more flustered by the second. "And where's Hakkai? Where'd he go?"

Sanzo knew Goku was distressed, but comforting someone didn't come easily to him and he knew he hadn't been doing a very good job of it. Still, it had only been a day. He couldn't understand why Goku was taking this so hard.

"What's really bothering you, Goku?" he asked, getting straight to the point. He wasn't a big believer in playing games, and he was thankful for Goku's open honesty and straightforward approach to things. It was one of the few ways in which they were similar and it made life a lot easier then it could have been.

Goku hesitated for only one brief, embarrassed second before responding.

"I don't know what to do," he said softly. "I feel so… helpless."

And finally Sanzo understood. Goku wanted to help so badly, yet there was nothing he could do to make things better and he knew it. For someone who cared so passionately, it must be driving him crazy.

So he worried about it constantly, letting it drive him to distraction, trying to figure out if there was some way he could help the people he loved- some small way that maybe he'd overlooked.

Sanzo's keen instincts led him straight to the heart of Goku's problem- his fear. He wanted to help because he was afraid of losing them. They were a family now, the first one Goku had ever been a part of.

His expression didn't change, but his voice was somewhat softer when he spoke again.

"Don't worry so much," he said. "They'll be back. Just give it some time."

Goku nodded, though his face was still troubled.

Sanzo removed his reading glasses and set them on the floor. He walked over to where Goku sat on the floor and knelt down, laying one hand on the boy's shoulder. Goku looked at him and smiled bravely through his fear, wanting to be strong. The sight of that sad smile burned in Sanzo's heart, and he pressed his lips to Goku's to erase it both from his own mind and from the boy's face.

Goku slowly responded to his kiss, opening his mouth and letting his lover taste him. Sanzo tried to keep the kiss slow and gentle, but his own desire was rapidly growing and instead he drank hungrily from Goku's lips.

Goku's tongue swirled around his and he moaned into the boy's mouth. The sound seemed to stir Goku's passion and the boy pressed his lips more firmly against Sanzo's, his hands beginning to wander over the blonde's body.

Things were speeding up quickly, heat blazing between them as they succumbed finally to their mutual passion. Sanzo gasped, breaking their kiss, as Goku's fingers found the tight bulge in his pants and cupped it, caressing it lightly through the denim. He gazed into Goku's golden eyes, searching for confirmation that he wanted this here, now, and Goku nodded almost imperceptibly.

Sanzo didn't wait any longer. He kissed Goku again, pressing him backwards to lie on the floor as he did so. Goku's hands slid along his back and sides, exploring him, and each touch sent tingles racing up and down Sanzo's spine.

His lips left Goku's mouth to trail over the boy's jaw and travel down to his throat. Goku raised his chin to allow the blonde better access to his sensitive skin, and Sanzo nibbled and licked his way down Goku's throat, paying special attention to the small area where he could see the boy's pulse beating rapidly.

Sanzo could have stayed there much longer, lingering over the sweet flesh of his lover's throat, but his desire was driving him lower. He slid down Goku's body and raised up the boy's shirt, exposing the smooth, flat planes of his stomach. He pressed a kiss above Goku's belly button and then dipped his tongue into that sensitive spot.

Goku gasped and arched up against him, his fingers tangling in Sanzo's hair. The small sounds coming from Goku's throat drove Sanzo nearly wild with lust, and his fingers popped the button of Goku's jeans, fumbling in their haste but managing nevertheless.

"Get a room," said a laughing voice from the doorway, and Sanzo froze in the act of pulling down Goku's zipper. He sat up quickly, resting on his knees, and Goku pulled himself up as well, looking delightfully disheveled and thoroughly shocked.

"Gojyo!" he exclaimed, rising to his feet quickly. "You're back!"

Sanzo sat back and wiped one shaky hand over his face, trying to adjust to the sudden change of plans. Gojyo walked over to Goku and wrapped an arm around his neck, wrestling him playfully.

"Where else should I be?" he asked, grinning. "I've got to save you from our lecherous friend here," he said, nodding at Sanzo, who just rolled his eyes. Goku blushed, unable to think of a reply.

"What are you doing here?" Sanzo asked, sparing Goku further embarrassment.

Gojyo released his hold on the boy and shrugged, and Hakkai went to him and slid an arm around his waist.

"We've got a lot of work to do, don't we?" Gojyo asked seriously, and Sanzo gave him a measuring look.

What he saw pleased him, though he would rather die than show it. Gojyo looked more at peace with himself than he had before, like he'd finally decided what it was he really wanted. He was a man with a purpose now, not a boy with no thoughts of the future in his mind. He didn't know what had brought about this sudden change, but it was exactly what he'd wanted to see.

He smirked, looking bored with this whole discussion.

"What makes you think we even want you back?" he asked, ignoring the shocked look on Hakkai's face.

"Who else would put up with your bullshit?" Gojyo said, smiling cockily, and Sanzo snorted, but he didn't object any further and Gojyo's grin widened.

"Welcome home, Gojyo," Goku said, smiling brightly up at the redhead, and Gojyo nodded absently.

"Home is where the heart is," he said agreeably, wrapping his arms around Hakkai and squeezing him tight.

Finally, he was home.