Author's Notes:
Ooops, I forgot to remind ya'll readers to please review! Anyways, just do… I wont be updating 'til I'm satisfied with the number of reviews… Hey… it's pretty motivating you know…oh…so much for my blahs and blahs… on with the fic!
Previously:
"Onegai! Tasukete! Tasukete Onegai! Please…Please help me! Someone is after me! I beg of you… please help me!"
The fear, the alarm, the dexterity and even the relief she felt to find someone was all too much for Kaoru that no sooner had she asked the person for help did she collapse in a heap in the ground, breath erratic and face troubled.
To say that Himura Kenshin was shocked would be a total understatement. He was surprised, astonished and yes, very enraged. Who was her attacker? Who had wanted to hurt her? They will pay… He thought, eyes turning into a deadly shade of amber as he scooped her frail form and deposited her in his arms.
Chapter 3: Answers
He faithfully kept watch by her side the whole night. Trusting only Megumi's skillful hands and sworn secrecy, he had allowed the doctor to treat and clean her wounds after he had gotten back to the Imperial palace. The lady doctor had long since been a childhood friend of his and since he still had no plans in making everyone know about Kaoru whatsoever, he knew that Megumi would understand and would grant his request to treat the woman he brought home.
She did.
The doctor's verdict was enough to make blood boil in his senses. The bruises, the scars, the wounds… everything led to one naked truth.
Kamiya Kaoru, the woman he had loved all these time, has been a battered wife.
Had Megumi not calmed him and pacified him, he would have gone straight into Enishi's house and had his head sliced off. But killing him would be far too easy. He wanted to kill him, have him live again, then so he could kill Yukishiro Enishi again. The one person who had hurt the woman he most treasured. But the doctor convinced him that it would be all too frightening for a mere commoner to wake up suddenly inside the imperial palace itself.
Now, he couldn't believe how in some weird twist of fate, she had ended up literally in his arms and he was now again with the woman he had loved for so long. Yet something inside him warned him that her reaction might not be all too perfect for their situation. She might do some other…things that will definitely hurt him. But Kenshin would rather not think of that now. He just wanted to celebrate the fact that she was now lying in his bed, in his room, away from any harm that might befall her.
The emperor had never been so happy or so nervous in his whole entire life.
'This…this is the emptiness I had once felt… Kaoru…you're the one who could fill me... my soul… my spirit…no amount of riches or power could surpass you…Nothing…you're my happiness… But…I wonder…would you be happy to see me too? Would you accept me? Or am I being rejected? No…I cannot and will not accept that…You are mine Kaoru…MINE…and no one could change that fact…
A murderous glint flashed in his eyes before immediately disappearing beneath cool amethyst orbs when he caught sight of a slight movement below the sheets.
At once, he was clutching her hand, wanting so very much to see her open her lapis lazuli eyes and to be able to gaze at them till he knew his own soul drowned. He yearned for her, wanted her like no other And I will have her…she is MINE
Slowly, like an angel slowly stirring from a light slumber, her eyes began to flutter open, sapphire orbs, hazy with sleep, gleaming with the light.
"Where…where am I?..Ugh! Kami-sama… my head hurts!" she exclaimed trying to get up but merely jumping a good twenty feet off the air when she saw the redhead, who was none other than the emperor itself , sitting casually beside her.
"KAMI-SAMA!"
Had it been any other situation, Himura Kenshin might have laughed his wicked ass off with the comical expression splattered on her face. But moral ethics and propriety prevented him and instead, he found himself nearing her trembling form in an effort to calm her down.
Which was not so…
"DON'T TOUCH ME! WHY AM I HERE! WHAT AM I DOING HERE!" She honestly seemed to forget that she was talking to none other than the emperor himself, or the fact that it was well past midnight and her screeching might have been enough to let zombies roam around the outskirts of Japan.
"Do please calm down… first of all, I would like to reassure you that you're now out of danger. And that no harm would be likely to befall you inside the palace moreover in my room." He started in an attempt to calm her nerves down.
A delicate eyeball rose to look at him indignantly in the face. "Why did you bring me here? Why am I here?"
A gentle smile curved in his face while he sat beside his bed on a large chair. Her reaction was not what he had expected. Or maybe, that was yet to come. Whatever, he wanted to win her trust back which was not an over confidently thing to do so.
"You seem to forget Kaoru that you bumped into me in the streets. You asked for help, told me that someone was after you, and then fainted. I had no choice but to bring you in the palace." Wincing at the term 'bumped' he thought 'crashed' might be a better term but decided against it.
Watching as her face scrunched in recollection, sapphire eyes widened with the sudden filter of memories that came rushing back in her mind. And then, before both of them knew it, there was a thick kind of tension in the room.
What do I say? She thought as she felt heat creep into her cheeks. What do I say to this man? I'm afraid that if I start… I might not hold back at all… Oh good lord! Why me?
"Kaoru."
His voice had her head snapping back up.
"You've been hurt."
A look of denial flashed in her face while she desperately tried to think of something to say.
"By Enishi."
A sickening horror lurched itself on her stomach as realization dawned on her comprehension. She knew that voice. That tone he used when he was infuriatingly mad. Strong… but somehow soft, smooth…calm with the edge of glaring steel.
"I…Kenshin…I mean your highness…It's not what you think…" she stammered, suddenly becoming painfully aware of the fact that she was talking to the most powerful man in Japan. "I…"
"Don't try to lie to me."
He's mad….she knew he was… and yet, there was nothing she could do…. Nothing she could even think…Her mind had suddenly turned completely blank. There were so many things she had wanted to say, but nothing would come out. Only a string of idiocrasy and not the truth she had really wanted to bare. A strange sensation had once again started to spread on her chest. The one she felt when she was only with him… she never felt it with Enishi…. And never knew she would experience it again…. She thought her feelings for the red haired man had abated. Along with her dreams of becoming free from the tight rein of her brute of a husband and yet…here she was…feeling helpless with just one look of him…
"Why…"
Her softly spoken question caught him off guard. Her face held no emotion. Blank. This was not what he had wanted. He wanted to be wanted. Not questioned. He was unsure of what she felt. For even her tone lacked of life.
"Why…Kenshin?"
Her eyes had become glassy orbs. Tears threatening to fall on the paleness of her cheek. Her lips slightly trembled and he had to fight the urge to wrap his arms around her form and never let go.
"I…Kaoru…" he was speechless. What was there left to say? So many times has passed their grasp. His leave for England and her marriage, these…all of these had all become obstacles in the web.
"Up to now…I never understood you…" she almost murmured, words trailing off as her face showed no emotions. She was like in a trance; he rationalized as he sought to know whatever she was feeling. Yet her words struck him hard. He wasn't an idiot not to know that what she meant was his behavior when she said goodbye. But how could I answer that…when I myself don't know why?
"I Never forgot that Kenshin… how it felt to be treated that way… how it felt to be betrayed… feeling as if every declaration of your love evaporate like acid in my chest…"
By now, angry tears had begun to seep out from her eyes. Her face, before devoid with emotions was now filled with anger. She was visibly trembling and her hands were balled into fist.
"I was furious…I was mad…I was over myself in despair… All this time you've been lying to me…Telling me how much you love me… and yet…YOU NEVER DID!"
"NO!" He argued, trying to explain his part. "Kaoru…I've always loved you…"
"LOVED ME! After all these…shit… you just say you love me! NO WAY IN HELL KENSHIN! YOU"RE A LIAR! AND YOU DON'T BLAME ME FOR CALLING YOU THAT FOR YOU'RE ONE!"
"Kaoru…" he warned, trying to control his temper that was fastly climbing on top. But before he could say something more, she cut his words, with her own, knuckles turning white while clutching the hem of her kimono in anger and infuriation.
"You never knew Kenshin… how hard it was for me… My world revolved around you… I lived for you! I gave you everything I had… and yet… this was what I got…Did you not know, that I married that bastard because of you Kenshin?" Hearing him gasp, she continued, "yes. I DID marry him because of you. Even after so many years had gone by… even if you were still in England and I knew that you could be happily engaged right there and then, I still thought of you, dreamt of you, I still wanted you Kenshin… even after what you did to me… people had been so concerned about me… that they thought marriage was the only resort they could turn to for me not to get totally insane. And THEN Enishi came into the picture. Everybody said we were a striking pair. He fell in love with me and asked me to marry him. Did I have a choice? Well guess what Kenshin, I never had one. I NEVER HAD ONE BECAUSE I KNEW I'D DIE BECAUSE OF YOU IF I DIDN'T MARRY HIM!
She was shaking, trembling, sobbing uncontrollably as she buried her face in the callous of her palms. Her inky jet locks sharply contrasted with the paleness of her skin and she looked so frail and fragile. Her words… her words had arrowed straight into his heart, making him see the crashing truth that it was his entire fault why she had suffered. Everything was his fault… Everything…
"Kaoru…"he started, unable to comprehend what to say. All I want to do is touch her… hold her… but am I prohibited from this? Why? Why do we have to suffer so much?
"Kaoru…Kaoru…oh Kaoru I'm so so sorry…"
In a flash, she had raised her head up, angry tears dripping towards her chin.
"SORRY? THAT'S ALL YOU'RE SAYING KENSHIN? THAT YOU'RE SORRY? WELL I DON'T FU ING CARE IF YOU ARE! YOU COULD TAKE THAT HELL OF YOU OUT BECAUSE YOU'RE CRAPPY SORRY WOULDN'T MEAN ANYTHING KENSHIN! IT WOULDN'T ERASE ANYTHING! YOU DON'T KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS FOR ME! TO SEE MY OWN SOUL…DYING LIKE A CANDLE IN THE FLAME… HOW BRUTAL ENISHI COULD BE WHEN HE'S DRUNK… HOW HE HURTS ME… HOW HE SLAPS ME AND RAPES ME WHENEVER HE LIKES… TO FEEL LIKE A PUPPET… A MANIPULATED DOLL… THAT FUCKING ASHOLE! THAT..."
As if her words weren't enough, Kaoru had begun to claw on her skin, nails leaving angry red marks on the surface. It seemed for Kenshin that the woman wasn't speaking to him anymore… More like it was slowly becoming an outlet for her anger and if he didn't stop she might continue to further hurt herself…
"Kaoru…Kaoru! Kaoru Kami! Please stop! You're hurting yourself! Stop it!" She was hysterical and when his words fell on empty ears, he decided to take matters on his own hands. Gently, but firmly, he tried to catch her in a tight embrace to prevent her from hurting herself even more. She fought his touch, slapping, and striking him in an effort to put distance between his body and hers. Yet his arms were like steel metals clamped on her arms and finally, her strength deserted her and she collapsed in a sobbing form in his embrace, arms tentatively slipping to clutch him closer.
When he felt her collapse in his embrace, he knew the worst part was over. The dam broken, she was sobbing heavily while her hands gripped his gi tightly. Now he knew, now he was sure, that she still wanted him. That she could not reject him and that somehow she still loved him. Her touch had been enough. The way she had so desperately clung to him made him wrap his arms around her and feel overjoyed about their union. She had never felt this good. He thought. Her skin, her touch…even her scent…. This was all for real.
"I thought…" he murmured, a lump somehow constricting at the back of his throat making his voice scratchy "That it will only be in my dreams that I can touch you again… I thought this may never happen again… that I may never touch you… hold you and treasure you like this…" his words somehow made her grip his gi tighter, searching for him, wanting to hold him as close as impossible as could be. Neither wanted to let go. Neither really wanted to let go.
"Kaoru… you have no idea… how sorry I am… knowing that it has been my fault that you have suffered… I will forever carry this in my heart… and I know that saying these words will not erase anything…but…. I want you to know … that you've never left my heart… that wherever I go… in some faraway place or another… you're still here…" he pointed on the right area of his chest. "And," he added, "Do remember that… I'm never going to trade you for any English girl I'd ever meet…"
She gasped, tears finally stopping. Only the good lord knew how happy she was right now… how relieved she felt to know that he had never loved another for that had become her greatest fear yet. "Kenshin…" she murmured, facing him and gazing at his amethyst eyes. Her anger seemed to dissipate, seemed to have not existed… Now, the only emotion she felt was the all consuming love she had always bore for him.
"I love you Kaoru… I always had… and I'll always will…" he whispered in her ear. Lips slowly moving to kiss one brow and the other, proceeding to touch her nose, her chin and finally, settled softly on her delicate lips. Praying that she won't reject him, imagine the euphoria he had when he felt her kissing him back. Slowly, cautiously until finally, she seemed to be drinking his lips as much as he was on hers. The love, the forgiveness, the regret… everything was erased with that one soul searing kiss they had. It was a bridge of some sort. A bridge for long lost emotions and a love almost forgotten between two mutual souls.
"Are you mad at me?" he asked after they had to break off when the need for oxygen came.
She smiled, making his breath catch on his lips. "I was. I'm not anymore…" she smiled when she saw relief spreading to his face. The tension had long since been gone and now, both just wanted to bask with the lost happiness they had uncovered.
"Is that how powerful my kiss was to be able to make you forget all the anger you've harbored for me all these years?" he gently asked, tone almost humoring. Teasing. Kaoru shook her head, a bittersweet smile blossoming in her lips. "You know Kenshin… I've never been totally mad at you… I just felt confused… scared and betrayed… but I never hated you… I was just…" she stopped, unable to continue.
A pang of guilt shot right at his heart seeing her torn expression. "I… Kaoru… It's so hard to explain… you know? Me myself… I admit… I really didn't know what pushed me to do that to you… All these years… I've been thinking… if only if only I had kissed you… treated you differently… declared my love for you in front of father and everyone… things might have not turned this way… You could now have been my wife… We could have had children…and everything and it pains me… knowing it's all my fucking fault."
His head was cast low, yet she could still feel the inward feeling of guilt and pain. So, gently, she took his face in her hands and made him look at her straight in the eye.
"Kenshin… Kenshin… look at me… It's not your entire fault okay? Maybe you've made mistakes in the past… but so have I… I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions. I should have remained steadfast with you… My faith and love wavered… and then I was forced to marry…" Her hesitation to say his name forced tension in her breath. Shuddering, she finally concluded, "All I'm saying is that, it's not your fault… maybe it's our fate."
"But you love me."
It was not a question but a bold statement and it surprised Kaoru. She was so astonished that she just sat there, frozen and shocked.
"I…I…" she stammered. Noting her hesitation, the young emperor gripped her hands and repeated his question, this time, amber eyes settling in his eyes.
"Do. You. Love. Me." He asked, Making sure his tone implied that he wanted a straight answer.
"Y-yes…" she whispered almost inaudibly. "B-But what about…"
"To hell with Enishi. You don't have to worry about him." He said, voice turning as hard as steel.
"Don't kill him!" she almost screamed, knuckles gripping his gi and her face painted with terror. His answer left her numb.
"You are Mine Kaoru. MINE. And I won't forgive anyone who stole what has been MINE. "
To be continued…
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