Summary: HBP spoilers – The late-night discussion held between Molly and Tonks where feelings are confessed and Molly's voice of experience is Tonks' only ray of hope. RLNT
Notes: Well, here I am, with, not an LJ fic as usual, but with a Remus/Tonks fic! Roffle. Well, except for the fact that Remus only shows up in this fic for a few seconds, and has no kind of interaction with Tonks whatsoever. This is the scene in HBP (SPOILER WARNING, PPL!) before Dumbledore and Harry walk into the Weasley's kitchen to find Tonks there, looking pale and sad - well, my take on it, I guess. I tried to keep Molly and Tonks as canon as possible, but that was a bit hard, seeing that there were only very little parts of the book that I could find to base their personalities on. I don't particularly like this one...I think I could have found a few ways to make it a bit better. But here it is, The Point of No Return. Happy Reading!
I can't believe that I just did that. Those eight words ran repeatedly through Nymphadora Tonks's confused mind as she sat herself down shakily at the table in Mrs. Weasley's cramped kitchen. Her hands shook uncontrollably as she placed one over her brown eyes. Her spiky hair, normally a bright bubblegum pink, had now changed into a light, sandy brown.
It was late, she knew, and she should have been heading home. But home was the last thing on her mind at that moment. She wiped away the drops of perspiration that had culminated on her brow and sighed despairingly.
I can't believe that I just did that. How terribly naïve of you, Tonks, she scolded herself. What he must think of me now...
Tonks glanced toward the corner, where the only clock that actually told time had been placed, next to the hanging pots and pans. It read a quarter past ten. Nobody would be awake, the girl reasoned, with the exception of the man probably still standing shocked in the drawing room upstairs. I have to get out of here, was the next rational thought that entered Tonks's mind. Before he comes down and finds me like this. And with that thought motivating her, she pushed herself up off the chair with a groan. But of course she, being Nymphadora Tonks, managed to bring down three of the many chairs surrounding the table, all in one motion. She froze. The only way anybody in the Burrow did not hear that was if they were completely deaf and two miles away. I need to get out of here. Now.
But it was too late. There, on the wall opposite Tonks, was the shadow of a figure, holding a wand. "Who's there?" said the shaky voice of Molly Weasley. "Declare yourself!"
Tonks slowly turned around. "It's Tonks, Molly," she admitted guiltily, biting her lip.
Molly released a heavy sigh after peeking her head out from behind the corner, and lowered her wand, stowing it in her robe pocket. "Dear, I thought the Order had left after dinner."
"Er, not really," Tonks said truthfully. "I was just about to leave, but I knocked over the chairs."
The woman waved her wand and the chairs righted themselves. "Obviously," she muttered.
"Sorry about the din," the twenty-year-old said meekly. "See, I was in a bit of a hurry..."
Molly immediately took notice of the tone in which Tonks had said that. "Why?" she asked suspiciously. "Is there someone waiting for you at home?"
Tonks' eyes darted toward the door, to the creaky stairs, and finally to Molly. "Not really, no, but I must get home soon," she said in a squeaky voice. She shuffled her feet nervously, itching to get to the door.
Molly followed her gaze to the staircase. "Someone's here," she observed, taking in the coat rack next to the front door. "That's Remus's coat."
Tonks swallowed painfully at the mention of him. "Ah, so it is," she said quietly, hoping, praying, that Molly wouldn't put two and two together. "Wonder what he's doing here so late,"
"I wonder what you're doing here so late, dear," the mother of seven said, a small knowing smile gracing her lips.
Lie, Tonks, LIE! "Er-well, see-we, er...were working on some Order business." That had to be good enough.
"Really? What business was this?"
The young woman blurted out the first thing that came to mind, still quite aware that Remus might come down the stairs at any moment. "Sorry, Molly, top secret, y'know."
Mrs. Weasley looked as though she was about to respond, but was interrupted. Creak. The two women looked toward the stairs, Molly in anticipation and Tonks in horror. Creak. Molly smiled at Tonks, tearing her eyes away from the direction of the stairs and jerking her head over to the hallway on her right. Nymphadora took the hint and strode over quickly, searching for a hiding place and careful not to knock anything over. Creak. A few seconds later, she heard Molly's voice, seemingly casual. "Remus dear, what are you doing here so late?"
"Oh, er, Molly!" Tonks thought Remus's voice sounded higher than usual. "Forgive the intrusion, see, I was-er," there was a pause.
"Conducting some business?"
"Right, yes. I was conducting some business." There was another pause, until Remus said quickly, "Well, 'night, Molly, thanks for dinn-!" he had not yet finished his sentence when Molly interrupted him.
"Come sit, Remus, we'll have a cup of tea."
"Er, I'm sorry, Molly, I don't think so, I need to get some sleep."
"Ah, yes, the full moon is approaching, I forgot. Right then, off you go!"
Tonks sighed in relief. That is, until Molly said, "Oh, Remus, before you do, would you mind if I asked you something?"
"Go right ahead..." his tone seemed casual, but Tonks could hear a drop of apprehension hidden under the layers.
"Tonks was just here, and she seemed a bit put out," Tonks heard Molly's mug hit the table and flinched, "Do you know anything about that?"
"Er, no," Remus said hastily. "Sorry."
"It's fine, fine. Do me a favor, dear, and if you see her, could you ask her? Please?" she added as an afterthought, and it was perfectly clear to Tonks that she was telling Remus that it was not a request, but an order.
"Of course," Tonks heard Remus mutter. "Well, 'night, Mollly."
"Sweet dreams!" Molly called after Remus, who was already halfway out the door.
A few seconds later, Tonks heard a loud Crack outside. She sighed again. She stepped out from her hiding place, only to find Molly staring knowingly at her. "Sit," she commanded, waving her wand so that a chair slid under Tonks.
"Oof."
Molly waved her wand again and a mug materialized in front of Tonks. "Tea, dear?"
Tonks froze. "Er, no, I don't think so, I must be-," but she was not able to complete that sentence. She was about to vacate her chair when she felt an invisible force push her back down.
"I insist that you have tea with me, Nymphadora."
Tonks felt rather like she was being reprimanded by her own mother. She took the now-steaming mug in her hands and stared at the table, hoping that Molly wouldn't ask anything else. But of course, it was Molly.
The woman sitting opposite from Nymphadora sipped thoughtfully at her tea. "What's this all about?" she asked after a pause, her eyes piercing through Tonks.
"What's what all about?" Tonks asked innocently, staring into her tea, where her ever-changing appearance was reflected. She looked as tired as ever, and she made a mental note to herself to get some sleep as soon as she was released from Molly's grip – that is – if she was able to get to sleep, with the amount of things weighing heavy on her mind.
Mrs. Weasley offered Tonks a soft smile. Something about that smile, however, scared Tonks more than the thought of running into Remus. "Tonks," Molly started kindly, blinking twice, seemingly innocent, "Dear. You and I both know that the chances of both you and Remus staying up until this hour in my home is almost abysmal." At this, Tonks avoided her probing eyes. Molly continued. "So I want to know just exactly what you two were doing upstairs."
So much for sleep, Tonks thought miserably. She sighed again, biting her lip, wondering whether she could trust Molly with such a secret.
"Go on, dear," Molly pushed her young friend on. She sipped her tea. "I won't tell."
Tonks went over her options. She could try lying again. But it was obvious at that point that she was absolutely hopeless at lying. She could tell Molly a few bits of the truth and leave some bits out, of course. But Molly was a mother of seven, and had probably developed her own personal lie detection system somewhere in her brain.
But it really wouldn't be a lie, per se, went the mischievous part of Tonks. She decided to give it a try. She swallowed hard, still staring at her tea. "Well," she started, trying to gather her thoughts, "I ran across him in the drawing room after dinner. He looked a mite lonely, so I started to talk to him."
"Hmm," Molly mumbled, showing she understood and that Tonks should continue.
"And well, that's it," Tonks hoped against all hopes that Molly would believe her.
"That's it?" Molly repeated incredulously. "That's it?"
"Yeah."
"Ah," Molly smiled, and Tonks knew that she had not done enough to convince the older woman. "What did you talk about?"
"Well, about..." she cast her mind off, reverting back to her old method of lying through her teeth. "Sirius. We talked about Sirius."
"The whole time?"
"Yup."
The soft smile on Mrs. Weasley's face faded and was soon replaced by a frown. "Dear, what exactly happened up there that was so traumatizing that you would lie to me to avoid talking about it?"
Tonks remained silent.
"I'm not letting you leave until you tell me, dear," she pursed her lips in determination, "and besides, you'll feel better if you just go on and say it..."
Again, Nymphadora refused to speak.
"You talked to him?"
Tonks nodded.
"You said something you regret?"
Nod, nod.
"Did you mean to say it?"
Tonks shook her head.
"You blurted it out?"
"Meh," was Tonks's embarrassed reply.
"What did you tell him?"
At which Tonks's attention was diverted – or so it seemed – by a small speck of dirt on the table that would not budge, no matter how much she scratched at it. "Stubborn little bugger, aren't you?" she muttered, obviously stalling.
"Tonks. What did you tell him?"
"Molly, do you know a charm to get this off? It's really bothering me..."
"What did you tell him?"
"Doesn't seem to want to-wha-?"
"Tonks!"
Tonks could only pretend for so long. "Hmm?" she squeaked, biting her lip.
"What did you say to him?"
"What I thought."
"And what was that?"
Tonks wet her lips nervously, swallowing hard, steeling herself for what she was about to say. "Well, it's not so much as what I thought, more about was I was thinking..."
"Which was?" Tonks could tell Molly was losing her patience.
Nymphadora Tonks sipped her tea once, and then said softly, "That I might...love...him." She sniffed once, avoiding Molly's eyes.
There was a smile tugging at the corner of Molly's mouth, but she did her best to hide it. "You told him that you might love him?"
"Well – no, not really. I said that I think I love him..."
"You think you love him?"
"I know how stupid it sounds, Molly!" Tonks wailed, burying her head in her hands. "I didn't even know I was going to say it until that moment! We were talking about Sirius at first...but then he said something funny and he was so close and smelled so good and looked so – before I knew it, I said it!" her words were muffled from behind her hands and her face was partially obscured, but from what Molly could see, Tonks was now as red as a beet.
"Do you think you love him?" Molly asked softly, vacating her chair and sitting in the one closest to Tonks.
Tonks nodded, her face still hidden behind her hands. "But I didn't mean to tell him!" she moaned.
"Hush, Nymphadora," Mrs. Weasley had gone into Mother Mode. She pulled Tonks toward her, holding the young woman safe and comfy in her arms. They remained like that for a number of minutes, as Tonks stewed, angry at herself. Finally, she pulled herself back to the present and was released from her friend's hug. Molly surveyed Tonks kindly for a few seconds until she asked softly, "What did he do next?"
"He stared at me for a few seconds," her voice was quiet and strained, "then he told me that I shouldn't say things like that."
"Like what?" Molly sounded scandalized.
"That's what I told him, isn't it?" Tonks sniffed, sipping her tea distractedly.
"What'd he say to that?"
Tonks' hand was now shaking so badly that the mug slipped out of her grasp and fell to the floor, cracking into several pieces. "I'm sorry!" Tonks groaned. "I just – it's – I'm sorry, Molly!"
"No matter, dear," Molly said kindly, waving her wand. The mug, freshly repaired, flew into Mrs. Weasley's hand. "Now, go on with Remus," she said, busying herself with the kettle.
Nymphadora settled in the chair again, sniffing. "He told me that I shouldn't say things that I didn't mean. Then he said – he told me that even if I knew what I was saying, it wouldn't work."
"What wouldn't work?"
"Me and him." Tonks, recalling the moment, couldn't help feeling that he might be right.
Molly took a seat, and shook her head sadly. "Remus doesn't know what he's saying," she muttered, and Tonks felt grateful to her. "You two would make a fine couple."
"And then I asked him why it wouldn't work."
"Let me guess," Molly interrupted, standing up and pouring Tonks some more tea, "He said something about being too dangerous."
Tonks nodded, and added, "And too old and too poor...but I told him that I didn't care about all that, but he wouldn't hear any of it."
"He doesn't want to hurt the people he cares about," Molly said softly, placing the tea in front of her.
Tonks looked to Molly for support. "But what about the people who care about him? Are they just supposed to stay away and pretend that they don't care about him?"
The older woman shook her head, and again sat back down next to Nymphadora. "I don't know." She sighed. "The poor dear. He should learn how to accept love when it's offered to him, but he's too scared that he might hurt someone in the process." They drank their tea in silence for a while, until Molly said, "So is that when you left him upstairs?"
A little color filled Tonks' cheeks. "No."
"Then what happened?"
"Well, er, see-!" she had been interrupted by the someone knocking at the door.
Molly grabbed her wand. "Who's there?" she said nervously. "Declare yourself!"
The next voice they heard was Dumbledore's. "It is I, Dumbledore, bringing Harry."
Molly left her chair at once and opened the door. "Harry, dear! Gracious, Albus, you gave me a fight, you said not to expect you before morning!"
"We were lucky," Dumbledore said, pushing Harry into the kitchen. "Slughorn proved much more persuadable that I had expected. Harry's doing, of course." He took in the surroundings and noticed Tonks still sitting at the table, her face pale. "Ah, hello, Nymphadora!"
Tonks forced a smile on her face. "Hello, Professor," she said. "Wotcher, Harry."
"Hi, Tonks." Harry said.
Tonks swallowed hard, and stood up quickly, saying, "I'd better be off," she took note of the troubled expression on Molly's face. "Thanks for the tea and sympathy, Molly."
"Please don't leave on my account," Dumbledore said to Tonks as she pulled on her cloak. "I cannot stay, I have urgent matter to discuss with Rufus Scrimgeour."
Tonks was not going to step in that house again if she could help it. She carefully avoided everyone's eyes. "No, no, I need to get going. 'Night."
"Dear, why not come to dinner at the weekend," Molly asked, "Remus and Mad-Eye are coming?"
Tonks could not help but flinch at the name. "No, really, Molly..." she refused, not keen on meeting Remus anytime, "thanks anyway...good night, everyone." And with that, Nymphadora Tonks sped past Harry and the Headmaster and apparated out.
End
Well, that's it. I'm looking back on it now and feeling terribly ashamed of myself. This is a pile of crap! Anyway, to those of you who don't agree with me and for those of you who do but still read it anyway, I want to thank you for taking time to read this pile of dung. Lol. I would really appreciate your feedback (y'know...in the form of a review?). Well, thanks again, and until next time, I'll see you!