Title: My Promise
Rating: K+
Summary: Major Half Blood Prince Spoilers. First Person, Severus Snape. There's a story behind it all...
Disclaimer: Nothing here is mine! Lyrics belong to the wonderful Fall Out Boy.
Notes: Please review. (Looks around) Pretty please? Also, Flashbacks are in Italics.
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From day one I talked about getting out
But not forgetting about
How my worst fears are letting out
He said, " Why put a new address
On the same old loneliness?"
When breathing just passes the time
Until we all just get old and die...
Now talking's just a waste of breath
And living's just a waste of death
And why put a new address
On the same old loneliness?
And this is you and me
And me and you
Until we've got nothing left
-Fall Out Boy
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"Please..."
The very words cut into me deeper than a knife. Dumbledore had never begged me to do anything before. Hell, he never begged anyone to do anything. And then I saw it. His hand, swollen, raw, peeling. He had not taken the potion tonight. He had exposed it to water. And soon it would be gone.
"Severus... please..."
"I can't Dumbledore! I can't do it!" I wanted desperately to shout the words, but my mouth never moved. I couldn't think straight. Death Eaters stood behind me, completely focused. Draco's shocked expression did not falter. He wasn't going to do it. He wasn't going to do anything.
I looked Dumbledore in the eye, hating him for this. Hating him for making me promise, making me swear...
Everything around me seemed to fade, apart from the greatest wizard of all time in front of me. And with a punch to the gut, I realized what he was doing. He was forcing me to remember, maybe a few hours ago, the meeting...
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"Come in Severus."
I was amazed. He had always known whether or not it was me. Even with Potter's meeting being sent just a few moments ago. Dazed, I entered the office, confused as to why Dumbledore was putting what seemed to be a stack full of parchment into his top draw. She looked up, smiling.
"Just getting a few last things in order," he explained, even before I could ask. " Please, sit down.."
"I'd rather be brief Professor," I said, finally remembering the reason I had left Draco's side. "I can't leave Mr. Malfoy for too long..."
"Ah, Draco," said Dumbledore, taking his own seat. His eyes twinkled, even now. " I assume tonight will be the night?"
"Yes."
He got up from his desk and walked around to his table of trinkets. His finger brushed the wood, removing a small amount of dust. He then met my gaze with something of a smirk.
"I trust you sent a message to the Order first?"
"Yes, Sir. I have. Everyone will be arriving within the hour."
"Of course," he said softly.
We stood in silence for a few minutes. I knew I had to get it all out, before Potter came and ruined everything. I cleared my throat, causing Dumbledore to meet my gaze.
"I trust you already knew half of it Dumbledore?"
"Yes," he admitted. "I am getting Harry out of the castle."
"Where will you go?" I asked, although I already knew the answer.
Dumbledore smiled. " I think you know."
"Yes.. I suppose I do."
Dumbledore's smile faded, and he suddenly seemed to be over-come with thought.
"You know Severus, I was meaning to speak to you before you left."
Everything inside of me then faded. No longer was I dazed, out of my character. My mind raced. I knew it was coming.
"No."
"It is not up for discussion Severus. When you came to me 17 years ago, you told me you would obey any orders I gave you. And, like I have told you many times this year, you have promised. You say you already do enough, and I do not disagree. but it is your choice Severus, and only yours."
"I won't do it Dumbledore."
"Think of the boy. The Un-Breakable Vow. The Order. I have lived my whole life, he has lived less than a year as a full adult. If he doesn't fulfil Voldemorts wishes, which we know he won't, you will have to. Don't shake your head at me Severus, because you will do it. You will. And you will not waste your own life over a promise. The Order needs you more than they need me. They now know what to do. Harry knows all he needs. You know what you need."
"Professor-"
"It is final Severus. Should it come to it, you will kill me. It is my time. You will flee. You will still survive, live, and-"
"I can't kill the only one who's ever been a father to me!" I shouted angrily.
"I will always be with you Severus," he said, walking towards me. Without giving him a fair warning, for the first time since Alibia died, I hugged Dumbledore. He seemed taken aback at first, but then his old and beaten hands patted my back reassuringly. And then, even worse, I began to cry. And though my body shook slightly, I could feel wetness on my own back and knew he was crying as well.
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"Do it Severus," he ended it, but not aloud.
Livid, devastated, I slashed my wand through the still air, straight at Dumbledore's heart. I had given him my word.
My promise.