Disclaimer: Don't know how many times I have to say this, but I don't own anything... blah, blah, blah... own divine pleasure.
Hey, I felt my muse and actually got an idea about what to write next. I am also glad that it didn't take me four months to come up with something. Thank you again for all the support and positive feedback. I hope you enjoy this as much as the others.
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Hermoine was enchanted as she walked down the corridors to the Great Hall. She seemed to be floating on air, having no perception of anything as the excitement and wonder enthralled her. Everything seemed new to her, like she was seeing it through different eyes. As she walked, things seemed grander and every step she took seemed to mean something.
Everything of course had changed. Hermoine realized that, though as cliché it may be, she had crossed that line between a child and a woman. Adding to her theory was that everyone's right of passage is different. Hers was being when she found out that she was desirable to men in a primal way.
She knew that her and Ron's relationship had to have been love, and she did lose her virginity to him during Christmas holiday the previous year. However, making love with him felt like the next step in their relationship. Like they were expected to do it in order to continue. But things soon deteriorated between them and before school let out, they had decided to break-up. Thanks to Harry's advice, they again returned to a solid friendship and Ron is even dating a sixth-year Hufflepuff. She couldn't be happier for him.
However, her love life was also getting its own tremendous boost. Snape! Professor Snape! If she had known six years ago that Snape and her would be involved in an affair she would have wanted to take a psychoactive drug to get rid of the ridiculous notions.
But here she was, walking into the Great Hall for dinner and feeling those butterflies kick in because she knew she would see him sitting up at that table, surrounded by all her teachers, and all the memories would come flooding back. The way he touched her, the way she touched him and everything in between.
You have to get a hold of yourself, Hermoine. You can't go in their all tipsy and as red as a cherry. She stopped right outside the open doors and peered into a windowpane to see her reflection. Her cheeks were heated and her hair was still in a sort of dishevel. To get rid of the heat, she opened the window and let the chill wind whip at her skin, and then she closed it and fixed her hair to the best of her abilities. Finally giving up on that task, she found a rubber band in her robes and just put it back at the nape of her neck.
When she walked in, her eyes instantly flashed to the teacher's table at the front of the immense hall. And there he was, sitting to the left of Dumbledore, deep in some conversation fore he didn't look up. She didn't give it a thought and went to sit next to Harry and Ron.
"Where have you been?" Inquired Ron, though it seemed more like an investigation then a curious question.
"The library." Hermoine lied. She made sure that she made the answer short as to not want any further discussion of her pre-dinner activities.
Ron and Harry just gave a look to each other and shrugged and again commenced with their eating.
Later in the meal, Hermoine chanced another look at Snape and found him eating, but not looking up at all. In fact he seemed extremely focused on the food in front of him, like it held answers to something but holding back the truth.
Was he regretting their time together? Was he figuring out the best way to break it off with her without hurting her?
She suddenly felt those butterflies turn to lead and she didn't feel like eating anymore.
One minute she's on top of the clouds, thinking about what will come next, and whether it'll get any better, and the next she's in a pit of despair. Everything that seemed so intriguing before just made her sick now. When the room started spinning, Hermoine felt like she had had enough and got up to leave, saying something about an upset stomach. On the way out she caught the view of his end of the table and in her light-headiness, barely didn't notice that he had already gone.
When Harry and Ron came up to Gryffindor tower after dinner, they didn't try to ask how Hermoine was feeling. They just hoped that she would be better in the morning.
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But she wasn't better in the morning. In fact she soon found herself in a dreadful state through out the week. If she wasn't in her room, she was either on her way to class, in class, or at the library, avoiding everyone and everything with her workload and big, gaudy books.
Harry and Ron had tried to console whatever it was that was bothering her, but it came up fruitless, because they would always lose her in the mysterious school. They eventually decided to give her space, and think about a way to find out was wrong.
The thing was that Hermoine was in pain. Her first actual sexual experience had turned sour and now she was paying for it.
Ugh! Why did I have to think I had to prove myself?! If she hadn't done those stupid things last Friday, none of this would have happened and she would have never had to feel like this. The pain was deep, in the pit of her stomach. He hadn't told her that he didn't want her anymore, but she knew that he didn't.
Of course Snape and her hadn't spoken two words to each other since Monday not even an insult or a "Miss Granger, stop helping Longbottom." He just sat at his desk and watched from a far. And a far it was, fore Hermoine had decided to sit in the very back and close to the door this time, because classes were unbearable.
Sometimes she could feel his piercing gaze on her, and she instantly felt herself heat up. After all the pain and distrust she felt in men right now, Hermoine still felt the semblance of excitement and anticipation when she saw him or sometimes when she thought about him. But it would all be in vain, which is why she usually whipped herself at night with words. The voices she heard in the privacy of her own room were merciless.
"You're stupid Granger."
"Why are you still clinging to him, Granger?"
"He doesn't want you, Hermoine."
And the dreams at night were the worst of it all. She would lie tossing and turning, dreaming of only one thing: He would seduce her and use her and she would love every minute of it. All the touches, he knew exactly where to place his hands and she loved to caress his velvety skin, but when he was done he would leave her, alone and neglected in the dark. She would call out to him again and again and finally he would come, but only to spew the same fire like words.
"What are you still doing here?"
"You are not wanted, Granger."
"No one wants you, Granger."
"You honestly think that I could want to be with you?"
"You really are just a silly girl, Hermoine."
As inferred, Hermoine didn't sleep anymore. She didn't want to see his face in her dreams, because it seemed so real, yet every time she would doze off, he would come back and she always wanted more, although she always knew what came next.
She tried to take her mind off it, covering herself with homework assignment after homework assignment. She had basically finished all the work for all her classes until the end of the semester in the span of one week. It came from no sleep, no food, and a lot of awakening potions.
Potions. Everything reminded her of him. No matter how many books she read and all the homework in the world till it made her brain hurt, literally, she couldn't keep her mind off the Potions Master.
When their final lesson of the week had come on Friday, Hermoine was glad for the chance of a whole weekend and a trip to Hogsmeade to get her thoughts together. The week had been an endless struggle, but she saw the end of the dark tunnel, and although she was only crawling, she knew she had to reach it to be free.
He had seemed extremely anxious of sorts that day, like he had more to say, but didn't want to give his students the satisfaction. During a lecture he was giving, Hermoine felt herself slip away. She definitely didn't want to dream about him when she was still in the class!
Willing herself to stay awake, she realized that all the students were leaving. The bell had rung and she hadn't even noticed it. Now she was probably going to be one of the last to leave. Hurriedly, she picked up her book bag and put her books in it, but it was too late.
"Dozing off Miss Granger?" He said in his usual cold as ice tone. The same tone he used in her dreams, she noted. Hermoine cringed at the remembrance.
"No, actually I guess I was just extremely bored." She barely said the words before she realized her mistake. She had taken a puck shot at him. She had never done that before, especially to a teacher. But she figured they had crossed that line a while ago.
He didn't seem to want to dignify it, probably thinking the same thing she was. "You don't appear to be your normal know-it-all self. Maybe a trip to the hospital wing and a good night's sleep would do you good?"
She shot her head up as to ward off his words. "No sleep!"
He raised an eyebrow. "Then why the sudden slump?"
His apparent sincerity touched her. Hermoine guessed she still held out hope somewhere inside that he was really being sincere, and she suddenly felt the lump in the back of her throat and the tears well up. But she knew that to survive, she must abrogate that hope and get on with the healing process. Besides, their conversation was over, because she had flung her book bag over her shoulder.
"What do you care? I'm just a spot to be cleaned on your overly superior ego."
And with that she trudged out the door and straight to her room to let out the sorrow in her heart before she went down to dinner.
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For the first time all week, Hermoine felt some semblance of pleasantness. She had cried for about thirty minutes upon reaching her room, and then succumbed to her fatigue and fell asleep. And there wasn't one dream. She felt like she had finally accepted the situation and glad for the quick bounce back. Maybe she hadn't really felt for him at all.
Before she knew it, four hours had gone by and she woke up partially refreshed and ready to act like a friend again to Harry and Ron. When she looked in her mirror, she didn't even look blotchy. Some of the serious bags under eyes had gone and she wasn't as pasty. And also for the first time in a week she was famished!
She quickly headed down to the common room and out the portrait hole to the Great Hall to do some serious eating. When she gave her first smile to her best friends, they were both grinning from ear to ear.
"Hermoine you're back!" Ron gloated.
"Yeah, we really missed you 'Mione." Harry gave a sort of frown, but it didn't cover up how happy he was.
And she must admit, it was glad to be back to her old self. They all feasted on lamb and carrots and the food was extra special that night, with cake for dessert. It seemed like it was a party for her, but she dismissed that silly notion. Though she couldn't help look up at the teacher's table and notice that the teacher that brought her such misery was missing in action. For a moment or two she felt the same humbling pain in her stomach, but tried her best to get rid of it with her friend's company and the great food.
Although her smile was never as wide again that night.
After dinner, she decided to go to the library and read a novel or something to keep her mind off things until tomorrow's trip to Hogsmeade. She had worked herself to a corner of the library where no one would bother her, and settled down with a nice tale about three witches and their struggle for survival in seventeenth century France. It sounded interesting, and definitely distracting.
And for a good hour and a half, it kept her focus. She lost track of everything. The library around her and even time itself. Hermoine always loved how she could just get lost in reading. That is why she always cherished literacy and learning to read on a regular basis.
In fact, she got so lost in the story of the witches, that she didn't notice the presence of someone in her private nook. Not until they had to repeat her name at least three times.
"Lost in that book, I suppose, Miss Granger?"
Her head swung up and found herself staring into the inquisitive eyes of Severus Snape. Gaining your grip on reality after being in a different world for a while sure can be a hard task, so for several seconds Hermoine just stared at him, not even realizing who he was. Ah, to hold on to the ignorance, she thought.
"Uh, uh, uh, Professor Snape. What are you doing he. uh.. I mean what brings you down here at such an hour?"
"Well, I had decided to catch up on some reading for future lessons presuming that the library would be empty this late. What are you doing here?"
Hermoine knew the real reason why she came down her. To rid of him, but she would never say that. "Thought a good read was in order. That's all." And she went back to reading her book, though she could hardly focus anymore; she had failed at her task.
Professor Snape had no intention of ending the conversation, however. "I thought that you had been here all week reading and studying."
How had he known? The only time she ever say him was during class, for she avoided people and meals until now. She must have made her thoughts apparent, because he now looked at her like he knew a secret, but didn't want to tell her. A smirk curled his lips and for the first time, she saw a slight sparkly in his eyes.
"I was actually giving my educated guess, based on your personality and habits. And since you pretty much gave me my proof by your facial expressions, my calculations were correct."
"I am glad to be of some predictable entertainment to you, Professor. I hope you enjoy your... reading." And again she went to her book, trying to focus on some form of literature. But all the words seemed to have changed to a different language and she was having trouble recognizing them. Ugh, why hasn't she gotten over her lust for him, yet?
But Snape was relentless. "I have been trying to talk to you all week. You may think you have escaped everyone, including me, into dark corners and your room, but they are no sanctuary. The fact is, that the only reason why I haven't talked to you until now is because it was too high a risk to talk to without being seen."
Furious with her book and fed up at last, she placed it open, on the table. "Well you need not bother, Professor. I already know what you want to say and therefore you need not tell me."
He seemed surprise at her accusation to knowing his thoughts. "Oh? And what might that particular conversation entail?"
Too frustrated to sit down, Hermoine got up and took started pacing the aisle. She started to mimic his icy tone. "It was fun while it lasted, Hermoine. We cannot continue this, Miss Granger. You are still young. You will have plenty of more men in your life so soon you will forget all about me, Miss Granger." She took a couple of deep breaths and finally turned back to look at him. "And you're right. You are absolutely right. I have been trying to deal with it all week and I finally see the logical answer. Figured it out all by my silly know-it-all self."
Snape, on receiving her comments, had a few of his too announce know. He slowly stood up until he towered over her. "And like your silly know-it-all self, you simply over analyze everything."
She didn't say anything, so he continued. "I had no desire to say any of those things to you and have left no inkling to suggest so."
Hermoine had finally found her voice, finally, but it still came out to barely a whisper. "Then what are you saying?"
"What I am saying is that I have rarely wanted anything through most of my life, and now that I have gotten what I wanted, I hardly want to let it go."
Hermoine's heart gave an irregular beat at his words, and that lump had come back to her throat. She was elated that her nightmare hadn't come true and that he actually still wanted her. She just couldn't hold it all in anymore. "Oh Severus."
And with that she pulled herself to him and planted her lips on his. In correspondence, he wrapped his arms around her and their mouths mingled for several moments. She loved the feeling of being in her arms again and instantly felt the depression she had been feeling all week leave her.
When they broke off he embraced her against his chest and spoke softly in her ear. "I have always wanted you, Hermoine, and nothing is going to change that."
Tears fell with his declaration and she choked out, "I am so relieved."
"You didn't know how hard it was to see you this week and not want to touch you. And it pained me to see you in such distress. I am so sorry I didn't speak sooner."
"Everything is fine now. I don't feel hurt anymore, just happiness."
"I'm glad."
And he just held her in his tight embrace. Several minutes had gone by with no one around except for them. He rocked her and stroked her hair, and she breathed in the deep scent on his clothes. To Hermoine, the world seemed to be in perfect balance at that moment.
Then suddenly he became rigid and cold. She felt shivers coming from him and he started to twitch. She broke from his grasp to find him gasping for air and bent over.
"What's wrong?"
But he didn't speak, just kept breathing heavily. His eyes were closed, obviously something was making him hurt.
"Severus?"
Then she saw it. He was clenching his right arm. It was causing him pain.
Then as suddenly as it came, it went, and for what seemed like an eternity, Snape's breathing slowed and he started to regain his senses. But he was weak. She went to him and allowed him to lean on her shoulder while she helped him to a chair. His face was pale and moist from sweat, and breathing was stilled labored. She had to know what was happening to him.
"What is it?"
He pointed to his arm and pulled up his sleeve to reveal a brilliant red skull, branded on his forearm.
Hermoine's hand went up to her mouth to stifle the gasp. "Does that mean?"
He gave a slow nod.
"So you have to go?"
He gave another nod.
"Now?"
"Yes."
"When will you be back?"
"I don't know. He tries not to make our absence apparent to the community, but he has all weekend before it does."
Hermoine still was horrified and scared, and her face showed it.
Severus had gotten the feeling in his legs back, and to prevent further delay to his meeting, stood up. "Don't worry, Hermoine. I will come back."
He pulled her close again and held her face in his hands. "Remember? I am not going to lose something I've wanted."
She smiled. "I know."
And with that he gave her a sweet kiss and left into the shadows. Going off to who knows where to face who knows what kind of danger. But he said he'd return and she believed him. She still had the excitement she felt from knowing that he never wanted to break up their affair in the first place, and that was good enough to make her entire weekend a smashing time.
Feeling content and feeling sleepy, Hermoine decided to head up to bed in order to be ready for the Hogsmeade trip tomorrow. She looked down at the open book and saw something odd. The words were still jumbled up. How can that be? But she soon found her answer as right before her eyes the words moved around and weaved within themselves until they finally formed sentences, and then paragraphs. She could clearly understand it now. It had been the book the entire time.
"I guess the three witches strike again."
She closed the book with a thunk and returned it to the shelf.
On the way back to Gryffindor Tower, Hermoine felt that similar floating feeling she had before. To think, only eleven hours ago she had been to the edge of despair, thinking he didn't want her, and she thought she had finally seen the light at the end of that dark tunnel, but it turned out to be him. She had willingly gone to the edge and he had brought her back.
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I don't know, but does this seem a bit different from the other chapters? I know it isn't as steamy, but I hope it isn't as soft and misty. Fortunately, it will only be in a couple of chapters. And like I said: I gave my self a big pat on the back for writing this so soon, :).