Emily: Green Day just get better every time I see them!

George: Yeah rub it in why don't you. sulks. Anyway on with the story.

Disclaimer: Haha we own the wonderful Kai and the yummy Kalin. Now if we could just get Legolas.

Chapter Three – Riddles and Fish.

"When George gave up his throne he gave me this. He said that if anybody had a really good reason of needing to find him I was to give to them." Aragorn placed a rolled up piece of paper in front of Legolas.

Legolas unrolled it and read it aloud, "The land of seeing double will direct you on your way, look beyond the Matrix and follow what they say." Legolas furrowed his eyebrows. "When did George start liking riddles?"

"He never did make anything simple. Any ideas?"

"The Matrix? I remember Emily and George talking about it, something about a glitch in it and someone called Mr. Anderson."

"Maybe Mr. Anderson knows."

"Any ideas as to where Mr. Anderson might be?" Asked Legolas sarcastically.

(A/N: This is where George get stupid Legolas/Matrix crossover ideas and Emily has to sedate him).

Aragorn blinked.

"Didn't think so…Wait! The Council of Elrond, George yelled at Lord Elrond about being in the Matrix." Recalled Legolas.

"If Elrond knew something, he would have found George years ago; you know he was devastated when George disappeared." Reasoned Aragorn. "What about the 'seeing double, do you think that could be a clue."

Legolas was starting to wonder how Aragorn ever managed to lead the Fellowship and quickly thanked the Valar for any time they may have intervened between Aragorn and a stupid idea. Legolas resumed reading over the riddle again, "Look beyond the Matrix and follow what they say. They? Who are they? Seeing double…double…the twins! Elladan and Elrohir, George did not tell Elrond where he went but them. I have to head to Rivendell."

"Now?"

"The sooner I find George the sooner I can relieve Kai of looking after Mirkwood."

"I still cannot believe you left him in charge. Why didn't you leave Kalin in charge and take Kai with you?"

"As fond as I am of the elf, the task of spending long amounts of time alone with Kai is best undertaken by a braver soul than I or under the influence of copious amounts of alcohol."

"Point taken. I shall have someone ready your horses and send for Kalin."

"So he is still in the land of the living, I swear by the Valar that that elf gets dozier by the day."

"Do you think something is wrong?"

"I don't know but I intend to find out." Legolas embraced his friend. "Thank you Aragorn, I know you and Emily were not always the best of friends but you have always been a good friend. I hope you shall find time to visit Mirkwood when I and hopefully George return there."

"Mirkwood!" Aragorn tried to stifle a whimper, "Um…yes of course."

……

"I think I'm going impotent."

Silence

"Do you think I'm impotent?"

Silence

"Well there is definitely something wrong with me."

It was at this point that Kai figured the fish was not going to answer him but the fish was going to listen.

"I haven't had any action for a whole week now."

If fish could raise their eyebrows this fish would have.

"I haven't been this long without sex since my majority…What is wrong with me? There are plenty of gorgeous elleths everywhere, so why don't I want them!"

The fish did a few laps around its bowl then hid itself in some seaweed.

"I see them, I even spy on them in the baths, but still no reaction. I even try and remember times that have caused major reactions but Lieutenant Kai master of the underpants is just not standing to attention."

The fish let out a frustrated sigh.

"This calls for drastic action. It is time to take Xavier and Pierre whoring and with a bit of luck hopefully I'll get lucky too!"

The fish came out behind the seaweed and smirked (yes the fish smirked).

"Well I don't see you getting any!"

"Maybe if you bought me a lady friend I would be getting some!" Yelled the fish.

Kai blinked erratically and promptly decided that magic mushrooms were not the best way to start the day.

……

"Kalin, is there something you need to tell me?" Asked Legolas as the two began their journey to Rivendell.

"Urm…no…why would there be?" Stammered Kalin.

"When did you develop a stutter? And for that matter when did you become so clumsy? You broke half of the royal Gondorian china in two days!"

"Meh." Muttered Kalin randomly.

"Something is going on Kalin, maybe I can help."

"It's Amaria…"

"Is she all right?" Surely Legolas thought he would have known if something was wrong with Kalin's wife.

"Yes, yes she is fine…she is…well…you see…I'm going to be a father."

"Kalin that's great! It…is great isn't it?"

"Yeah it…is but…what happens if I'm a crap father! I can barely look after myself; it wasn't until I met Amaria that I stopped conning Kai into washing my clothes. Not to mention the fact that the last time I tried to cook anything I poisoned half the Mirkwood army including you!"

Legolas grimaced as he remembered the time he had tasted the strange green concoction Kalin had managed to serve up, he could still remember the agonising stomach cramps that followed it for weeks after. "Granted that all cooking duties should be left to Amaria but Kalin you are wonderful godfather to the triplets, excluding the time you gave them that pet, why should you be any different with your own child?"

"Because I got to give your kids back when they would cry or need something, I don't think I could hack being…wait a second I don't see what was wrong with that pet, granted it was slightly rough but…"

"It was a Warg!"

Kalin shrugged, "Do you think Kai will be excited that he is going to be an Uncle?"

"After he gets over the initial shock of you becoming a mature adult, despite it being a few millennia late, he'll become ever the doting uncle."

"And if he doesn't get over it?"

"He'll shack up with George and start the first Uncle's Anonymous Association!"

……

"It has been done before!" Cried Ellette for the ninth time that day. "All these pranks have been done, we need something new."

"Well let's here your brilliant idea!" Yelled Pierre.

"Kai would be able to think of something." Grumbled Xavier.

"Kai is not to know about this!"

"Whatever." Pouted the brothers. "What we need is the ultimate humiliation."

"And what would that be?"

"That is what you need to find out." Grinned Pierre.

"And how am I supposed to do that, Phian is hardly likely to tell me her deepest fears. She is more likely to befriend a dwarf!" Ellette scoffed.

The twins both raised an eyebrow and broke out into radiant grins. "That's it!"

"What?" Asked Ellette. "What's it…I don't know what you are…wait…you want me to…no…no way…not even if you paid me!"

"You are the one who wanted the ultimate prank! You need to infiltrate Phian's gang."

"No! They braid each others hair!"

"Think of it as recon."

"I'll go mad!"

"Your sanity is a sacrifice we are willing to make for the dirt you are going to dig up on the prissy Phian."

Ellette glared at the brothers, "Have I ever told you two how much I despise you sometimes?"

"All the time." Beamed Xavier, "We just don't accept it."

"How could anyone despise the beautiful Greenleaf brothers?" Pierre said smugly.

"Those beautiful Green Day brothers better get themselves ready, because we are off to Merry and Pippin's Hash bar." Kai announced.

"Now!"

"Yes now, and no Ellette you are staying here, I'm not having some random human stealing your virtue." Kai almost dictated.

"Whatever you say Kai." Agreed Ellette much to the surprise of the three elves watching her.

"Okay, well that was almost too easy. Don't try anything while we are away, I have put a very trusted friend in charge while I'm gone."

……

The fish rounded his now bigger fish bowl, well being ruler of Mirkwood did have its perks.

……

A/N: Emily: I got my ear pierced again so I rounding at eight piercings now!

George: Mum is going to kill you when she sees the new one!

Emily: Great, well you had better get your reviews in before I am murdered! Here are the thank yous:

Ayiicaalime – I wont mention that I'm seeing Green Day again you may try and mass murder me.

Lil Smartass – I may haunt whoever I feel like. And review what? Don't you mean update! I can do that!

Limpet 666 – Well Kai was so insane in this one just slightly flaccid! Oh dear!

Poolbum – The K brothers say thankies for their kiss! Kalin even blushed.

Look four reviews! Four! Come on people even if you just write – Meh!