A/N: Emily: Hello! I am exceedingly hyper because in exactly nine hours I am going to see Simple Plan! Yay, they are so cute! (This was written on the 23rd) Again George has buggered off but hey that means no one can curb my randomness this chapter! Oh also I found out that I wrote Green Day and not Greenleaf in I think chapter three! Whoops my bad! I have Billie Joe on the brain!

Disclaimer: I disclaim everything including Kai who has been winding me up all week, he won't stop going on about the fact that he lost his battleship!

Chapter Five – Who else thinks Glorfindel is fit?

Elladan handed Legolas a scroll before sitting down warily next to his brother. "So how long do you think the blurry vision will last?" Groaned the elder twin as he watched three Legolas' unroll the next riddle left by George.

"It should wear off in the next few hours."

"That's a shame I quite like the idea of three Legolas'" Commented Elrohir dreamily.

"Urm…" Legolas hoped that that was the drugs still talking.

"I agree three Legolas' is quite the delicacy." Nodded Elladan.

"Definitely, best enjoyed with a long drink."

"I'm not a piece of meat!" Snapped Legolas, still not sure as to why he was taking umbrage to this inane conversation.

"No definitely not meat." Drooled Elrohir. "You are much sweeter like…"

"Like honey." Finished Elladan remembering a certain conversation that took place at Haldir and Boromir's stag and hen night.

Legolas gulped visibly and quickly began to read the riddle. "Push past the boredom and the rhyme, of the beings that do not know time. He has no lungs, but speaks freely; he will help you along if not clearly." He read it over again to himself and blinked in confusion. "I hate riddles."

"I can see four Legolas' now!" Chirped Elrohir.

"Four? That's not fair I've only got three. How come you have a fourth?" Whined Elladan. "Wait! I see another."

"I am afraid I am not another Legolas, gwenyn" Answered Glorfindel with a slight smirk. (twins).

The twins let out a tandem grumble and rubbed vigorously at their eyes. "Oh well I suppose you are cute as well."

"Well thank you." Glorfindel signalled for Legolas to join him outside of the twins' chambers. "Perhaps it would be better for us to leave them alone."

"And possibly safer as well." Remarked Legolas slightly worried at the prospect of fending off two drugged ellon.

"Worked it out yet?" Asked the infamous Balrog slayer.

Legolas looked down at the clue and shook his head. "He has no lungs? What kind of creature that talks has no lungs?"

"I would have thought a wood-elf like yourself would have got that straight away." Glorfindel chided slightly.

Legolas looked perplexedly at Glorfindel but then suddenly it hit him, "Trees! Of course, George is talking about the Ents. I have to go to Fangorn."

"Precisely."

"My lord, do you know where George is?" Asked Legolas wondering slightly at how much the lord knew.

"I am sworn to secrecy by the young King, but if you ever need any guidance I will help. I would very much like Lord Elrond to see his son again before he sails West."

"Lord Elrond is leaving?"

"Yes, soon. Now I must return to my duties before Erestor starts breathing down my neck."

"So are we off then?" Kalin rounded the corner.

"Yes. Has Kai and the boys left yet?"

"I just saw them off."

"Was Kai all right?" Legolas despite reassuring himself that he did the right thing still felt this overwhelming feeling of guilt.

"Remarkably calm considering. It doesn't really bode well does it?"

"He won't do anything stupid will he?"

"Stupid is in Kai's nature, I wouldn't worry yourself too much about him, he'll come good eventually."

"I hope so."

……

"I thought we were going whoring?" Whined Xavier.

"I am to return you two home." Answered Kai.

"When did you start listening to what Dad says?" Asked Pierre.

"I have always listened to what Legolas has said." Replied Kai.

"What about the time he asked you not to sleep with our nanny and you did?"

"As I remember it, we did not do any sleeping. And besides I said I 'listened' to what he says. I never said I actually took on board what he said!"

"So why are you listening to him now?" Asked Xavier finally.

Kai just spurred his horse on.

"Something is wrong, Kai never behaves like this. What did Ada actually say to him?"

Pierre shrugged. "All I know is that Fiminur is going to take charge of Mirkwood while Ada is away."

"Fiminur, Valar no! I shall die of boredom should that idiotic fool be put in charge. He'll make us study!"

"He wouldn't, would he! That's just cruel; no he would never do that, not while Kai is still around. Kai won't let him do that to us."

"As long as we stay with Kai Fiminur won't be able to make us do a thing." Reassured Xavier.

"All this talk of Fiminur has made me feel quite dull." Yawned Pierre dramatically.

"Well we could always think up a surprise for Phian for when we get back."

"Broccoli!"

"Bats." Responded Xavier.

"What are you talking about?"

"Are we not playing the random alphabet word game?"

"No! Broccoli, Phian is allergic to it; we could use that to our advantage. I heard it gave her hives once."

"That is positively evil brother." Grinned Xavier.

"I wonder how Ellette is getting on infiltrating Phian's pack."

"Maybe she might even enjoy herself."

There was a slight pause, the twins look at each other, wrinkled their noses and shouted; "Nah!"

"Apple Strudel." Began Pierre.

"Aquifer."

"Anchor."

"Amber."

"Um…Air"

"A…um…um…Angry Squirrels!"

"You can't have that one!"

……

"Let's play truth!" Squealed one of the elleths.

'Anything but truth.' Groaned Ellette inwardly as Phian and her cronies formed a circle.

Ellette had so far survived three hours in the land of all things girly and pink and she was starting to crack.

"Ellette is first as she is new!" Announced Phian. "You have to come up with a question."

"Um…I don't really…uh…"

"Come on, you can ask absolutely anything." Encouraged a small brunette elf.

"Um…Okay who do you fancy?"

As soon as the words had left her mouth the girls began to giggle idiotically and it took all of Ellette' strength not to turn into a homicidal maniac, she was sure the hair clips they had shoved in her hair earlier could be used as weaponry.

The small brunette was first to answer. "I've always had this little crush on…well your brother Xavier actually."

"Why in your right mind would you fancy him!" Gaped Ellette forgetting the fact that she completely despised this game.

"It is all that dark hair of his and those dreamy eyes…"

"You've got it bad." Remarked Vivnia a blond mouthy elleth who liked things her own way. "Shame you are going to have to wait another thirty two years till he hits majority."

"Actually she doesn't." Informed Ellette with slight satisfaction. "She only has to wait another seventeen and half years."

"Elves reach majority at fifty and you and your brothers are only eighteen." Snarled Vivnia.

"Yes but we are only half elves so with elves reaching majority at fifty and humans at twenty one, my brothers and I are averaging at thirty five and a half!" Grinned Ellette.

Vivnia did the math and admitted defeat with a scowl.

"Does anyone else think the lord Glorfindel is fit?" Asked Tathriel. "I know he is way old but he just sooooo breathtaking."

"I suppose so but I definitely like my elves dark. I mean get a load of those Rivendell twins. I swear I almost died when they came here, I don't even think I could choose between them!" Giggled Nienna.

"Why choose? Just have both!" All the girls, bar Ellette who was actually quite bored at this precise moment, burst into laughter.

"Well I would much prefer a proper elf, like that gorgeous galadhel Rumil. Do you remember when he and his brother came to visit the King and they started sparring with no shirts on." Vivnia let out small sigh.

"As I seem to remember that was the same sparring match where Ada whoop Rumil's arse." Ellette said smugly.

"That's because your Ada is…" Vivnia stopped suddenly deciding it was probably for the best that she did not drool over Legolas in front of his daughter.

Ellette raised an eyebrow.

"Um…so Phian who do you fancy then?" Vivnia babbled quickly.

"Well…I…" Stammered Phian. Ellette's eyes narrowed dangerously. And all the girls went silent. "Look Ellette, I feel that now we are good friends I can tell you anything."

"Go on…" Prodded Ellette.

"I don't actually fancy your dad. It's my father that is pushing the idea. Not that I don't think Legolas is attractive, I mean he is positively perfect!"

"Please stop." Gagged Ellette.

"If you must know it is that gorgeous lieutenant of his, Kai that I adore."

Ellette wrung her hands together hoping that this would stop them from wrapping around Phian's neck.

"Kai!" Gasped Vivnia. "What that elf does not know in the bedroom department is not worth knowing!"

"You've slept with him?" Asked Ellette as calmly as she could.

"Hasn't everybody?"

It was at this point after she took a quick look around the room that Ellette realised that it was just her and Phian that had not.

"Yes well, I do not just want to sleep with him." Corrected Phian.

"Oh so you think you can tame the infamous Kai!" Laughed Vivnia spitefully. "As I've heard it there was only ever one female that could capture his heart."

"And who might that be?" Asked Ellette.

"Your mother." Smirked the discourteous elf. "It was her that he was willing to give up Mirkwood for."

"That is just a rumour."

"Really? Then why don't you ask your Ada next time you see him."

……

A/N: Emily: Meh! I need caffeine, hyper levels are dipping, must listen to more Simple Plan! Oooh I have an idea, how about everybody who has this story on their favourites review and I get twenty-five reviews for this chapter! I know I am pushing my luck but it would be so cool, you don't even have to write loads, maybe just 'Yum Kai!' or something. Anyhow here are the thank yous:

Chaotic Jinx – Would I dare kill Kai? Hmmm? Well I killed myself so I am pretty much capable of anything. Kai and Ellette – that would be a happy ending but I not so good at them! Go me and my riddles, glad you like. I like the word crack, but now there is a rumour going around that I'm on it which isn't good, especially when George gets wind of it. Speaking of George, he has disappeared in fit of self pitying 'I miss Emily' rage!

Lil Smartass – There are more stoned twins in this one just for you and as you have probably read they like Legolas even if you don't, and do you really think Kai is going to disappear for good!

Angel's Heart, Demon's Mind – I have to admit I stole that quote!

Ayiicaalime – I'm glad you like Ellette because I thought she was being slightly over shadowed by her annoying brothers! Yay fish!

Limpet666 – Okay I shall make a deal with you, if you update your story Kai then I will bring Faramir back into the story. Deal? And yes you can have Kai while he is banished.

Lil'rook – Wow! Someone who doesn't like Kai! I congratulate you for your courage, I would watch out for limpet666 she is very obsessive that one! It is a good job Kalin is in this story loads then!