A/N: Emily: Sorry Dudes I know this is uber late. I could say that I was in hospital after being shot nine times, however, I am neither 50cent nor a liar. Actually I've moved into my friend's house and everything is a bit chaotic and under boxes at the moment! As for George, I don't even think he knows where he is.

Disclaimer: If I were to disclaim everything including myself does that mean I don't exist!

Chapter Eight – Mad Gondorian Kings.

"Glory! Glory!" Pierre and Xavier hurled themselves against the library door and crashed through landing at the Lord's feet.

"Is there something I can do for you?" Asked Glorfindel calmly.

"Ellette's gone!"

"And you know this how?"

"Her horse is gone!" Yelled Xavier.

"She may have just gone for a ride." Reasoned Glorfindel.

"Noooo! Ellette does not just go for rides, especially since she is afraid to go out into the woods on her own!"

"All right now calm down, let me find Fiminur." It did not take long for Glorfindel to find the pompous lord who had taken up residence in the King's residence.

"Lord Glorfindel, I am rather busy right now what do you want?" Huffed Fiminur as he rustled some papers.

"I believe it is you that King Legolas placed in charge of his children."

"Naturally."

"So I would assume that it would be you that took responsibility if one of them went missing then?"

"Well of course but as you have probably noticed I run a tight ship around here, it is highly unlikely that any of the triplets would disapp…"

"Ellette is missing." Interrupted Glorfindel calmly.

"What!"

"Her horse is gone and she is suspected to have ridden off into the woods, which is apparently very out of character for her."

"And why on Middle-earth would she have run off, she has no reason to!"

"Of course not other than the fact that your daughter Phian humiliated her horribly and has set the local gossips off. Frankly Fiminur I am glad I will not be here when you have to explain to Legolas why his only daughter is wondering around Middle-earth on her own!"

……

"Here drink this." Boromir placed a pint glass filled with a brown liquid that was already beginning to solidify in front of Legolas.

Legolas groaned as he clutched his head, "What is it?"

"A concoction George once made for me, it cures the ultimate hangover."

"It looks evil, what is in it?" Legolas mumbled as his stomach clenched.

"Guinness, a special ingredient and of course…" Boromir paused as he smashed an egg and added to the mixture. "Now get that down your neck."

"Here goes nothing." Legolas grimaced as he downed the pint in one. "Uhh! What was the special ingredient?"

"You don't wanna know." Informed Kalin casually as he entered the bar. "So how are you feeling this wonderful morn Legolas?"

"I hate you."

"I love you too my dear friend. Remember anything?"

"I remember trees…and rabbits…and bears!" Legolas groaned and buried his head in his arms.

"That's about all you need know." Grinned Kalin. "As a peace offering I managed to round up a certain two hobbits."

"Legolas!" Cried Merry and Pippin.

"Not so loud please." Yelped Legolas, "How are you two?"

"Just fine and dandy." Replied Pippin smugly making a point of scraping the chair he was to sit upon loudly across the floor.

"Is it me or is that bug crawling really loudly." Asked Legolas as he finally gave into the hangover and collapsed face first onto the table.

Kalin went to wake him but was stopped by Boromir, "Don't bother waking him, let him sleep it off."

"Just make sure he is still breathing once in a while." Grumbled Haldir as he and his hangover joined the group. "What's that you got there?"

"It's to help Legolas find George." Answered Merry as he handed the hobbit's clue over to Kalin.

"Through green and gold and veiled TNT, the great mallorn that hides the key. The Hidden Realm holds the final clue, but that's if that freaky witch will give it to you." Read Kalin.

"I am far too hung-over to defend my lady. I shall just make the point of objecting to the fact that George called Galadriel a witch." Mumbled Haldir.

"What about freaky?"

"Well he does have a point."

"Yeah because when she turned all green and angry Frodo wet his pant, he had to borrow mine for three days while his dried out." Informed Pippin.

"Mae govannen." Called a voice from the door.

"Arwen! What are you doing here!" Boromir got up to greet the Gondorian Queen.

"It's Aragorn, he…he well…I think he may have lost his mind."

"I hear it…her voice…in my brain…all the time!" Babbled Aragorn as he stumbled into the bar past his wife.

"What happened to him?" Asked Legolas who had been awoken by the commotion.

"I have no idea, one minute he was fine and then the next…this!" Arwen collapsed into a nearby chair. "You don't think he is turning into a Zombie again do you!"

"No, only Emily could manage that." Legolas said sadly.

At the mention of Emily's name Aragorn let out an ear piercing scream, did three laps of the table and run into a wall knocking himself out cold.

"What a tit." Said the random dude.

"We'll have to take him to Lorien with us." Said Boromir.

"Why are we going to Lorien?" Asked a confused Legolas and Arwen.

"The Hobbits' clue leads us there, and I figure the freaky elf witch is the only one that can figure out what is wrong with the sleepy skitzo over there." Explained Haldir.

"Do we have to take Aragorn with us?" Grumbled Kalin.

……

"The ultimate payback." Announced Pierre to his brother.

"Phian is our new arch enemy; we will smite her with our full smityness." Yelled Xavier.

"We will snap her like a rabbit snaps lettuce!"

"Like a shark snaps bone."

"That is better!"

"Arda hath known no fury like two brother scorned!"

"We shall avenge our sister!"

"We need supplies!"

"We need to raid mum's room."

"If Ada found out he would kill us. No one is allowed in that room!"

"We must, mum is the only one who doth hath the components we need!"

"Why hast thou voice changed brother?"

"I know not, we really shouldth stoppeth now."

"I am so furious I cannot stoppeth brother, thou do not understand!"

"Okay there comes a point when this isn't funny anymore."

"Sorry."

"Right, now to naneth's lair."

……

"I think we are lost Big Ears." Sniffed Ellette. "Maybe we should turn back…oh but then that would just give them all something else to talk about, 'oh that's the elf that tried to run away but came back because she was scared,' no I'm not going back!"

Big Ears grunted as it began to rain.

"Oh great, look there is a cave not too far south of here, we'll head that way."

……

"What's this?" Pierre pulled out a box. "Wow, these pictures are really realistic, it is as if they have been frozen in time."

"They are called photographs; remember Ada has one of mum in his pocket."

"Argh!" Yelped Pierre as he threw one of the pictures under the bed.

"What!"

"Scarred for life!"

"What was on the picture?"

"You don't want to know!" Gulped Pierre as he tried to block the image of the seven naked elves including his father tied to lampposts after a certain stag do.

"Hey look what I found." Xavier pulled out a book and handed it to his brother.

"It's perfect!" Pierre grinned evilly as he read out the title, "The Anarchist Cookbook for Elves."

……

"Is anybody there? Hello? I'm sure I heard something."

"Hello?"

"Who's there?"

"George. Who's that?"

"Bernie."

"Bernie? It's a bit dark in here."

"Hang on a sec I'll just get you a light."

The cavern lit up with a great ball of fire.

"That's a neat trick."

"Well it comes with the job description."

"Oh really what job is that then?"

"I'm a Balrog."

"Oh yes so you are, now you mention it I can really see the resemblance."

"Um…right…so what are you doing here then?"

"Investigating this, investigating that, general investigation."

"Oh cool."

"Quite a nice place you got here…Hang on a sec…you can speak!"

"No not really."

"But I can hear you!"

"Yes, that is because you are mad."

"Oh right. Are you sure I'm not dreaming?"

"No you are definitely not dreaming."

"Pinch me…See I don't feel anything."

"That is because you are pinching me."

"Oh right. I thought I could smell burning."

"You have really lost it haven't you?"

"Do you want to meet my chimp!" Chirped George as he skipped off.

……

Emily: Yay the first George scene and you only had to wait eight chapters! Here are the thank yous:

Lil Smartass – Damn you and your commas,

Angel's Heart, Demon's Mind – I love it when Legolas is drunk, I think it should happen more often.

Ayiicaalime – Yes the Belgian Kai is extremely interesting. Ooooh I saw you yesterday (Thursday) loitering around Dartford park!

Limpet666 – Yes I am dead and yes I am remaining dead, so channel your energy on something else like…um…lots of 'Kai' chapters! Yay! George is back soon though!

Princess Shadowcat – Wow that was a lot of questions! Yes Ellette just left, you know stroppy teenager and all. The other two as you have probably just read are enacting their revenge. George will be found eventually. The hobbits found out about strip clubs ages ago from George. Legolas and grapefruits, he he that is just one of my whims really!