A/N: Emily: Yes we are back with regular updates! Yay! So now you can review loads again, I am a needy person!

George: Yep she is extremely needy! Probably why your boyfriend dumped you!

Emily: Shut up!

Disclaimer: Hmmm…what to disclaim, how about George, that would make me feel better. Oh alright then, everything you recognise isn't mine unfortunately.

Chapter Nine – Laxative.

"Right, read it back to me." Instructed Pierre.

"Battery." Listed Xavier.

"Check."

"Tar."

"Check."

"Feathers."

"Check."

"Toy truck."

"Check."

"Catapult."

"In progress."

"Spades."

"Check."

"The ultimate payback on Phian."

"Priceless!" Yelled Pierre with an evil grin.

"Hey what's that noise!" Xavier ran out to the balcony and watched as a large group of Elven soldiers made there way out of the heart of Mirkwood.

"Glorfindel is leading them to find Ellette, I hope she is alright, for a sister she isn't that bad!"

"Why hasn't Fiminur done anything to help find her! Maybe Phian isn't the only one who needs a taking down."

"I'm sure I saw the perfect thing in Mum's closet." Grinned Pierre.

……

"Did we have to bring him?" Whined Kalin for the fifteenth time that afternoon.

"He needs help!" Yelled Arwen patting Aragorn's head affectionately.

"You can say that again." Mumbled a hung-over Haldir.

"Are you sure that Galadriel is going to be able to help him?" Asked Legolas.

"Hopefully." Answered Boromir, "Although I don't really know if she can cure madness."

"He is not mad!" Protested Arwen.

"Well he is doing a brilliant impression of a madman!" Kalin muttered while flicking the Gondorian King on the head reaching across his horse.

"She…she is…after me…you thought death would stop her but she'll never stop…she will never stop." Shrieked Aragorn.

This outburst caught Legolas' attention, "What did you just say?"

"She is still around…" Aragorn whispered as if not to disturb what was haunting him.

"Who is still around?" Demanded Legolas.

"Emily." Aragorn said the name as if it pained him to say it, well it did pain him to say it as he promptly fell off of Arwen and his horse after Legolas landed a well placed fist to the man's jaw.

"Legolas!" Screamed Arwen angrily, "He doesn't know what he saying, he didn't mean to upset you!"

"I don't have time for this." Dismissed Legolas. "I have to get Lorien." With that Legolas spurred Arod on followed by an amused Kalin and an uneasy Boromir and Haldir.

……

"Oh this is useless I'll never be able to light this fire." Sighed Ellette as she sheltered in a small cave.

Crash.

"What was that!" Ellette leaped up and looked around frantically. "Hello? Is that you Big Ears?"

Slowly she could hear footsteps approach.

"Who's there! I…I…know karate…I'm warning you…" Before Ellette could finish her warning a hand clamped over her mouth smothering her scream.

……

"You've come about George." Stated Galadriel.

Legolas nodded. Kalin, however, twitched nervously as he wondered how much of what he was thinking Galadriel knew. He especially did not want her to know what he was thinking at that precise mo…

"Kalin! You dirty little elf!" Cried Galadriel indignantly.

"Sorry." Mumbled an annoyed Kalin.

"So Legolas, if you do happen to find George what makes you think he will want to involve himself in the lives of your children?" Question the freaky elf witch.

"He is their uncle, of course he would want to be involved."

"He was their uncle when they were babies but that did not stop him from leaving eighteen years ago."

"That was different he was grieving."

"So were you but you did not leave. Legolas, I want you to think long and hard before you seek out George, then maybe, just maybe I will give you the final clue."

"Well isn't this a cheerful conversation." Sighed Kalin dramatically. "He Glady wanna hear something funny and totally creepy!"

"I wish you wouldn't call me that! Oh go on then what is it?"

"The Ents don't exist! It was the…" Kalin was interrupted by Galadriel.

"Dwarves. Yes I already know."

"What! How?" Kalin practically growled irritated that his story had been ruined.

"Gimli told me."

"Why would Gimli just tell you? He swore us to secrecy, he practically begged us!" Asked Legolas getting slightly suspicious.

"Well he…um…" Galadriel turned a deep shade of red.

"You mean...?" Legolas asked warily hoping he would never have to finish that question. At Galadriel's nod Legolas gulped trying to hold down the nausea. "I think I shall just…" Legolas never made it out the door fainting just under the archway.

"What? I don't get it, how did…Wait! You don't mean you and Gimli had…together…oh!" Kalin joined Legolas in a heap on the floor.

……

"The trap is set." Pierre placed the final touch to the elaborate and frankly one of the most ludicrous traps ever dreamt up.

"So what happens now?" Asked Xavier.

"Well it is our job now to make sure Phian drinks a lot of liquids, and as soon as she feels the call of nature we shall take up our places. Now did you manage to persuade that elfling to go ahead with the plan?"

"It took a lot of smarties and a promise that we would teach him archery but I finally managed to get him to agree."

"Excellent."

Ten hours later…

"That's her twentieth drink and she still hasn't gone!" Cried Pierre hysterically.

The brothers had managed to get themselves invited to a late night gathering organised by Phian to show her respect to missing Ellette. However, even a complete idiot could see that Phian was not exactly lamenting the loss of the elven princess.

"She like a bloody horse! It just keeps going in but never comes out! Look out the window, its bliming morning! She's held it in all night!" Exclaimed Xavier.

"This calls for the big guns." Pierre pulled out a small packet of white powder.

"What is that!"

"It is called a laxative apparently." Read Pierre.

"Where did you get it from?"

"It said in that book we found that it would help, but I couldn't find any. However, by some strange coincidence just as I said allowed that I needed some I found some in a bag."

"What bag?"

"It was red and had a strange girl called…um…powerpuff or something on it."

"Oh right. So um…what do you do with the powder then?"

"I do nothing with the powder dear brother for you are the one who is going to put it in her drink."

"Me! Why me?"

"Because I am older than you, heir to the Mirkwood throne and more importantly I say so!"

"That is just ridiculous." Mumbled Xavier knowing that he always lost when his brother pulled rank. "Fine, I'll do it but you have to distract her and her cronies."

"And how do you suggest I do that?"

"Use you wit, charm and imagination."

Pierre raised an eyebrow in thought. "Sod that I've a much better idea, right get over there and when I signal you pour it in."

"Signal? What signal?" Xavier asked but Pierre had already run off. "Great, well this should be interesting!"

……

A/N: George: In advance I would like to apologise about Pierre and Xavier's trap next chapter, we thought of it along with Emily's best friend Nic on a bench at some random time on Easter Sunday after eating a stupid amount of food!

Emily: I second that apology it is fairly random! Anyhow here are the thank yous:

Angel's Heart, Demon's Mind – Legolas and Grapefruit should definitely become a current occurrence! As it shall be soon that George will be back! I am actually really excited about having him back, the weird can begin again, plus as a reward for such a lovely review, between me and you, Kai shall be exploding back on the scene in a few chapters time!

Billie Joe Armstrong, Ian Watkins, Bam Margera and Johnny Knoxville are mine I tell thee! – I totally love your name! Except for the part about Ian Watkins! He he. Yummy Bam and his provocative tattoo! Wow you do read fast, well I am glad you have caught up and can now review every week!

Eltavor – I know the last chapter was slow but I really couldn't help it! This one was faster!