What Will Become of Us Now?
By Moony
Don't own anything JKR does.
Well I can't believe I'm writing a Snape fic. But the thingy is, HBP opens up many possibilities for angsty fics. And they're fun to write. –Moony
I didn't betray him. I didn't. I didn't betray any of them, though they thought I did.
The rain was falling harder now, hurting against his face. But it was nothing compared to the writhing pain of his heart contorting. Why him? Why did it have to be he, to carry out the terrible job? He hated him, yet missed him all in one emotion. He hated him for leaving him in this position, hated him for being so weak there, yet so strong. He hated him for everything, but he missed him in spite of everything. Yet now all the Order thought he was a traitor. Thought he had betrayed them.
I didn't! I didn't! I'm innocent!How funny. He was in the shoes of his sworn enemy now, he suddenly knew how it felt to be like Black. He leaned his head against a tree, letting tears flow.
I'm not supposed to cry.
Crying was weakness. Fools wearing emotions on their sleeves were weak. And crying was doing just that. Crying was everything he hated, and yet he was crying right now.
Don't call me coward!
He remembered Potter's words. And he wasn't. He wasn't a coward. And he didn't want to kill Potter. A coward would have never done what he had just done, following orders. That was why Dumbledore trusted him, wasn't it? And he had been the only one, who wasn't cowardly to do it, though it hurt his insides like an ever burning fire straight from hell.
Why did you make me do it?He remembered those blue eyes, sad, tired, and ready to go behind those spectacles. And he had to follow his wishes. He knew he had to, for the sake of the world.
I can't kill you. The world needs you!And yet he had to. For that was what he was supposed to do, wasn't it? Follow his instructions. That was all the Order did. All instructions were given by Dumbledore. All those orders that would help Potter kill the Dark Lord, once and for all. And those had been his instructions.
But why this way? How will this help?Why was that the only option? And why himself?
Why? Why? Why!Swirling words that would never be answered.
I'm not a traitor.
He wasn't a traitor. He had been acting on orders, and wasn't that what he was supposed to do? Following his wishes, he had done it. Looking into those pleading eyes, his hand holding the wand, the pain inside him threatening to kill, he knew his orders. He knew what he had to do.
You forced me to kill you. What will become of us now?