A/N: Emily: Yes this is late, but I actually have a really good excuse, well, I think it is good.

George: Seeing Kingdom of Heaven three times in three days does not count as a good excuse!

Emily: I think you will find most of our readers will disagree with you there! I would also like to apologise for the mushiness in this chapter, watching Orlando be all integral as a knight has turned me into a sap!

Disclaimer: I own nothing apart from an odd craving to see Kingdom of Heaven again.

Chapter Thirteen – The wonderful works of Kai.

Gelfhorn slowly began to draw blood from Ellette's neck, "I think I am doing Middle-earth a service, if you had remained alive I would have had to feel sorry for the stupid elf that ever fell in love with you!"

"That would be me!" A cloaked figure jumped out of the shadows.

Gelfhorn pulled the knife away from Ellette and haphazardly blocked the incoming blow. Ellette fell to the floor in a heap tripping her rescuer up in the process.

"Kai!" She shrieked as the darkling elf joined her on the floor. "What are you doing here!"

"Um…trying not to get either of us killed!" Yelped Kai as he rolled out of the way of Gelfhorn's lunge. "Look mate I'm not really into kin-slaying, so why don't we talk this over like adults!" Kai narrowly dodged the knife thrown at him. "Well at least you're unarmed now." Kai ran at the hysterical elf and took him down, "I am placing you under arrest for the kidnap of a member of the royal family and the attempted murder of said royal."

"I will not give Legolas the satisfaction of seeing me in jail!" Gelfhorn screamed. He lashed out and hit Kai in the nose.

"Watch the face!"

"Kai get him!" Yelled Ellette.

"Working on it!" Kai threw himself at the escaping elf and grabbed him by the ankle earning him a kick in the face from the foot he had yet to restrain. "What did I say about the face!" Gelfhorn answered by spiting at Kai. "Ewww it went in my hair!" Kai flapped about letting go of Gelfhorn and jumping up inadvertently knocking Gelfhorn in the face and sending him flying off the balcony.

"Is he dead?" Asked Ellette looking down at the still body of Gelfhorn.

Kai answered with a, "Whoops, I was aiming on bringing him back alive." He reached down and pulled Ellette up. "Are you all right?"

"Yes, thanks to you."

"I had better get you home; your brothers will be beside themselves."

"Whereas my dad couldn't care less." Sighed Ellette.

"And what on Middle-earth would make you think that!"

"Well he didn't show up did he!"

"That's because he didn't know, he still hasn't returned to Mirkwood. If he had known he would have been here running Gelfhorn through with his sword seconds after you were captured!"

"But instead you came…Kai…what you said when you jumped out…did…did…"

All Kai wanted to do at that moment was scoop her up and kiss her but Kai being Kai… "Oh yeah that, it was just me being stupid, you know, acting like the big hero! Come on we had best be off."

Ellette watched Kai walk off, "Of course." She sighed.

……

"I hate you." George called over to Legolas as he got on his horse.

"I take it by that you are now completely sober." Stated Legolas trying to smother his smirk.

"If you mean can I feel, smell, hear, taste and see everything in heightened proportions forcing me to face the mother of all hangovers which is currently squeezing all lucid thought and comfort from my now diminutive brain, then yes I am incredibly sober!"

"Good, then we can be off."

"Is Kalin not joining us?"

"Um…after Amaria got that blow in I don't think he'll be riding a horse for a while yet." Grimaced Legolas remembering the noise Kalin made when he felt Amaria's wrath.

"Yeouch. So it's just me and you then."

"Yes."

"So…"

"So what?"

"Oh nothing…"

"No, what did you want to say?"

"Are you married?"

"What!"

"Well it's been a long time; I don't know what you've been up to!"

"No I am not married." Snapped Legolas.

"Alright…gay." George whispered the last part.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing, nothing, so are you dating anyone?"

"No."

"Got any new hobbies?"

"I don't have time for hobbies."

"Yeah kids will do that to you." Sighed George.

"It is not just the kids, I am now King of Mirkwood and with that comes duties."

"King! Yeesh rather you than me, so glad I got out of that business, so overrated."

"Well I am glad you have had fun these last eighteen years!"

"No need to get shirty, I'm here now and ready for whatever life throws at me, at long as it doesn't throw it too loud." George rubbed his head absently. "So the triplets, what are they like?"

"Pierre and Xavier, they know how to cause trouble, you have no idea the grief they have caused the poor hobbits."

"Excellent!"

"I knew you would say that…I hope you are not going to be a bad influence on them."

"Moi! Never!"

"Hmmm…anyway Ellette, she…she…she's like her mother."

"Good, I need to be reminded; I've spent far too long trying to forget."

Legolas nodded.

……

"Will you stay?" Asked Ellette.

"Huh?"

"When we get to Mirkwood, will you stay or leave again?"

"Ellette you know I cannot stay." Answered Kai.

"No I don't! You make up some rubbish about finding yourself then turn up just when I need you! I don't understand!" Ellette had held it in too long she turned herself around upon the horse causing Kai to grab hold of her waist to prevent her from falling. "Why won't you tell me why you left!"

"Because I am scared of what you might say!" Kai yelled back.

"Well you need not be because whatever you may say or do I will always lo…" Ellette cut herself off.

"You will always what?"

"Love you." Ellette whispered.

"I…I…"

Ellette cut his stammers off, "I know you think I'm just a stupid kid and I don't expect anything from you I just wanted you to know."

"Ellette I can't…"

"Just take me home Kai, then you can leave and I will never have to be an inconvenience to you ever again."

"You will never be an inconvenience to me." Was all Kai said before spurring his horse on.

……

"She'll be all right Pierre, I know it." Said Xavier as they sat at the edge of the forest staring at horizon in front of them.

"How do you know?"

"I can feel it."

"I feel numb."

"You must be able to feel it; it's like a shallow rumbling."

"You are likening our sister to a rumbling?"

"Hey I didn't say it was a logical feeling! Now concentrate, can you feel it now?"

Pierre closed his eyes and creased his forehead in concentration, 'Nope nothing.' He thought. He tried again and slowly but surely he felt it, "Hey! I do feel it!"

"See I told you!"

"Is it me or is it getting stronger?"

"Yeah it is, Xavier looked down at the puddle next to him and watched as the water began to ripple. He looked up just in time to see horse and two riders appear on the horizon. "Pierre look!"

"Who is it?"

"I think it's Ellette!" Squeaked Xavier in excitement, "But I can't see who it is with her."

"It might be the evil dude who took her! Draw your sword!" Pierre jumped up and started to run towards the horizon swiftly followed by Xavier.

…

"See I told you your brothers would be worried." Pointed out Kai and the boys shortened the distance between them.

"Why have you stopped?"

"This is as far as I will go."

"But…everyone will be happy to see you; you're the hero of Mirkwood!"

"I don't want to be Mirkwood's hero. I had better go before your brothers get here."

Ellette climb reluctantly off the horse. "Will you ever come back?"

"I'm no good for you Ellette, you deserve better than a playboy elf who still finds the occasional fart joke funny. Goodbye." And with that Kai left.

"Ellette!" Cried Xavier who had managed to take over Pierre by tripping him up. "You're alive!" Xavier dived on Ellette enveloping her in a hug on the floor.

"Not for much longer if you don't quit strangling me!"

"Ooops sorry."

"Ellette!" Just as she had recovered from Xavier's assault Pierre landed one of his own. "Thank the Valar you are safe."

"Get off me now." Commanded Ellette as softly has she could.

"Who was that on the horse?" Asked Xavier, "Should we chase him!"

"No don't do that," Ellette watched the retreating form of Kai. "He is nobody."

"So what happened? Who kidnapped you? Are they after you? Did you run away? How did you…"

"Stop! Please can we just go home before the questions okay?" Gasped Ellette.

"Sure, whatever you want sis." And so the two brothers escorted their sister home.

……

"It is good to have you back my lord." Fiminur greeted Legolas.

"I would have thought you would have wanted me gone for as long as possible." Commented Legolas suspiciously.

"If I have to look after those Valar forsaken children for another second I will be forced to sail to the undying lands! In fact that is precisely where Phian and I are heading!" And with that the snooty lord disappeared.

"Wow, your kids are that bad huh?" Laughed George, "Yo Glory!" He yelled as Glorfindel dismounted from his horse.

"And where have you been?" Asked Legolas.

"Checking up on your children, something happened while you were away…" It took Glorfindel all of three minutes to relate the disappearance of Ellette and her miraculous reappearance.

"What! Why the hell wasn't Fiminur keeping an eye on her! Where is she?"

"She is with her brothers in the courtyard, perhaps I should show George to his room while you go and see her."

"Dude, we really have to talk about Balrogs…" Began George as he followed Glorfindel.

……

"Ada!" Cried the triplets when they saw their father approaching.

"Bundle!" Yelled Xavier as the triplets rugby tackled Legolas to the floor. "We missed you."

"Are you all okay?"

"Yes Ada."

"Xavier, Pierre will you leave me alone with your sister for a minute, I believe there is someone in the main guest bedroom who you might want to meet."

"Did you find him!" Asked Pierre hopefully.

"I did."

"Immense!" The two boys ran off.

"Are you hurt? Did he hurt you? I'm going to kill him…Who was it?"

"Slow down Ada I'm fine! And besides you can't kill him he is already dead." Informed Ellette.

"Did you…"

"No, not me someone rescued me."

"Who?"

"Just some nobody elf."

"Nobody! An elf who saves my daughter is not a nobody where is he so I can thank him?"

"He left."

Legolas looked confusedly at his daughter, "Don you know who it was that took you?"

"Gelfhorn, I believe you knew him."

"Gelfhorn, why on middle-earth would Gelfhorn do something like this!"

"It's called love." Mumbled Ellette. Before Legolas could question her she said, "I'm going for a walk, I won't go far." She added at her father's worried look.

"Do you not want to meet your uncle?"

"Maybe later."

……

"So anyway I was like whoa, and you were like meh, and then I was like nooooo, then he was like-shit!" Recounted George.

"And?" Asked Pierre and Xavier eagerly.

"And that is how I became King of the Galaxy."

"Whoa, you are King of the Galaxy!"

"I am indeed, and not only that, I am a Jedi, a Timelord and a master of poetry."

"Can you teach us to be Jedis?" Asked Pierre hopefully.

"Yes, the force is strong in you two. Training must start immediately! I want you to go and find some practice light sabres."

"What's a practice light sabre?"

"A stick." Explained George, "However, I shall supply the sound effects."

"Cool." Said the brothers in unison before skittering off to their respective rooms in search of sticks.

……

'You are so stupid.' Kai berated himself. 'You made her think you didn't want her! You were right when you said that you didn't deserve her.'

"And I was right when I told you that you would make a wonderful husband for someone one day." A voice came out of no where.

Kai looked around, "Who's there!" There was no one. That voice and those words, they sounded so familiar, 'Emily?' Kai remembered when Emily had said those exact words to him. 'Maybe I do deserve Ellette, maybe I can make her happy.' With new found confidence Kai decided that he would follow his heart for the first time in his life.

……

After searching his wardrobe for the fifth time Pierre decided that he really did not own a random stick, 'Hmm maybe I should look in Ellette's room.'

……

Kai halted his stallion below Ellette's window and vaulted himself up into the tree scaling frantically upwards to the window. Climbing in Kai saw the blond figure rooting through the wardrobe, without knowing what to say Kai marched forward grabbed the blond and crushed his lips upon theirs.

……

A/N: Emily: He he!

George: A quick note, the line - I was like whoa, and you were like meh, and then I was like nooooo, then he was like-shit! Was stolen from 'Pirates of the Provocative Tattoo' by Billie Joe's Mistress, so thank you to her, and to everyone else go read her fic if you like random, which frankly you must if you are still reading this!

Emily: Hmmm maybe I should start bribing people for reviews, tell me you love me! Here is the one and only thank you to Billie Joe's Mistress:

You were right it was Kai, and I'm glad to see he has another admirer. As for Gelfhorn's name, well when you combine gay-elf-porn you knida get Gelfhorn – Oh I love being random. Yes George may have to return to the booze, I don't think he can cope much longer!

Can I just add, I'm starting a campaign to get George to shave his stupid beard off that he is attempting to grow! Please in your reviews can you support my cause!