A/N: Now look at that… two chapters on one day… I'm good, ain't I ^_^?
Chapter Ten
Feeling exhausted Coreena took off her helmet and leaned her head on the rest behind her. Kalidor, or short Kal, her R2-unit must have heard her loud and excessive sigh because he whooped a worried reply. She opened her eyes again and said in an assuring tone: "No, nothing's wrong, Kal. I just feel a little bit tired." The droid responded with a short series of whoops and whistles. "Yes, I know that it was just a short escort run, but I just…" This time Kal's signals sounded more like a mother bird cooing to its children. "Yes, I did get my demanded time of sleep. And don't go on that "mother bird" behavior again. Now… if you could have a look at the comm system, I'll join you in… say… here hours?" The droid gave her a negative. She sighed. "Well… two hours? No?" An affirmative. "One? Still not enough? Now look I gotta have a shower at least… what have you done to the environment controls anyway…?" Kal interrupted her, now giving her the amount of time he thought was appropriate. "Eight hours? You can't be serious about this… What do you mean by "Not being reasonable"?" Some warbles, some whoops. "Oh come on…"
"The droid's right, Cap. Get some sleep.", came suddenly a voice from below her. She looked down to see Lieutenant Marcus Lochlin standing there. Frowning she said: "Now you, too? What's this sleep thing about, huh?" Instead of answering her climbed up her ladder and leaned in to her, grinning and saying: "Ever looked in a mirror in the last ten days, Cap? You look awful." She gave him a slight shove which made him lose his balance and made him fall to the ground where he landed on his backside. While he was grumbling and rubbing his bottom she was finally climbing down the ladder with a broad and self-satisfied grin. When she was down on the ground she gave him an almost arrogant smile and said: "Womanizer rule number one: Never ever tell a woman how bad she looks. Or at least try to mantel it with a compliment." With that she padded his shoulder and went past him without another look. He just hoped no other squad member had seen this.
When she was finally done with showering and mastering various stacks of data work Coreena collapsed onto her bed and buried herself deep under her blanket. Lochlin had been so right. She looked and felt like a complete wreck whatever different she had told the medics and XO and squad mates and what else. It wasn't the escort duties or the patrols or the dull data work that were wearing her out like this. It were those nightmares she kept having. Nightmares about Alderaan being destroyed again and again and her being forced to witness it or even be on the planet at this time, nightmares of shooting Marcus… and then those strange visions she kept having since her 20th birthday and never had quite ceased. Someone dark was speaking to her, in a voice she felt more than she heard it, saying something about a "dark side" and "the force" and other frightening things she didn't want to think of right now. This was all so confusing.
And then her strange relationship with Marcus. She had to admit that he was the one she was closest to in the squadron, maybe apart from Kenzy, but she kept telling herself it was just a normal relationship between CO and XO, everything professional. It had to be like this, she could not forbid her squadron to voice any suspicions if they weren't hundred percent wrong.
Just as she was about to finally drifting off to sleep someone rapped on her door. "Go away.", she mumbled and just hoped the visitor would assume she had fallen asleep. But no, the knock sounded again. "I said, go away.", she called. Why, oh why did people on this ship preferably disturb her when she felt like she had gotten a little of her peace back. And 'lo, there was the third rap. Grunting with frustration she threw away her blanket and jumped down from her bed. When the door opened a familiar face appeared in the doorframe. "Do you have sixth sense for the time most inconvenient to rap at someone's door, lieutenant?"
Lochlin's grin faltered as he saw her wearing the clothes he recognized as her bed clothes. "Oh I… I'm sorry to have disturbed you, captain. I just… I just thought you might want to join the squadron. It's Randy's 19th birthday and he's throwing a round or two at the cantina…" She moaned inwardly. She was in absolutely no mood to socialize with the squadron and she told him so. "Well, Cap, it's just that you never seem to want to "socialize" with our squadron. People are starting to get annoyed with it. I mean, Dreis was not much of a "socializer" himself but at least he showed up at every birthday party someone of us threw and even shared some sabacc or drinking rounds with us…"
She ragged her hair and said: "I don't gamble and I don't drink. Apart from that I'd just spoil everyone's fun at the moment. When I said I don't feel like socializing right now I meant it. I'm not much of a conversationalist at the moment. I'm just… tired, lieutenant." He leaned at the doorframe with his right arm. When he spoke again his tone had changed from cheerful to worried. "Are you sure you don't want to tell me anything, Cap? I mean… I'm your XO, at least I should know if something beyond the normal duties is distressing you." I swear, if he's ever using this trick on me again, I' gonna knock him out… "Lieutenant…" She turned her face away from him but he followed her gaze, leaning in even more. "This time you're not getting away this easily. You have dark circles under your eyes ever since sick bay, you tend to dose off during briefings, you are advised to get more sleep by your R2-unit, you rarely show up in the canteen this day… Don't tell me that everything's under control and will just turn out fine and that it's none of my business because it is if my wing-mate someday gets sloppy because she's just way to tired to even fly a patrol. This time tell me the truth, captain." She still tried to avoid his gaze and finally turned her back to him. But to his surprise he could hear her quiet voice seconds later, eventually inviting him in.
Under the applause of their squadron mates and several other pilots present at the canteen, Randy Krennel and Kara Kar'Esta shared their first public kiss. Kara's sister who had suspected all the time but never truly believed in it threw them some teasing remarks but neither of them took them seriously. Shortly before their second kiss, Randy whispered: "Marry me, Kay.", and she said nothing, just kissed him back even more passionately than the last one. When they finally broke the kiss, he grinned and whispered: "I take that as a yes." Sitting down again and leaning back with his hands behind his head and Kara's arm around his shoulders Randy Krennel loved life through and through.
He had finally found the courage to make the true nature of their relationship public, kiss his one-year secret girlfriend under the eyes of at least 30 people and had been accepted as her fiancé. If his father would see him right now, "fraternizing with a lower life-form" he would have a fit of rage that would have ended in a heart attack. But the man finally was far, far away. Yes, he thought, life indeed was good.
Kenzy leaned back in her chair and folded her arms. Fragments about "not showing personal affection in public" came to her mind but for once she ignored. Pilots with higher ranks were present and didn't say anything so she supposed it would be alright what Krennel and Kar'Esta were doing. Anyway, she liked them both and wished them well but in every day routine that would have to keep this in check. "Jealous, lieutenant?", a low mocking voice from somewhere behind her said and she turned to see Flight Officer Blenwell throwing her one of these nasty grins, now with a mocking touch to it. She cocked an eyebrow, as ever so often and said with a false sweet smile: "Had too much to drink, flight officer?" Still wearing the lop-sided grin, he stood up and sat down beside her. He moved into a position that seemed to have been designed exactly for people like him. Hands behind his head, only sitting half on his chair, his right ankle on his left knee…
Blenwell looked so much like the ideal pilot whose ego was bigger than even his quarters, it almost hurt Saron's eyes. Rolling her eyes she turned away. "Aw, come on, lieutenant. I know you want a little bit of this for yourself."
"What?", she exclaimed as she turned around to him. Amused he noted the look of utter and absolute surprise and disbelieve. Provoking this woman is so much fun I just can't stop. The self-satisfied look on Blenwell's face had reached its peak ever since Saron knew this man, she noted. If she only could land a blow on this man verbally. Suddenly the grin faltered and a look more suiting a teacher or mentor than a pilot appeared, as he said: "You have to see… it's just like this, lieutenant… you are a woman… and deep down in her heart every woman wants nothing more than a man who loves and understands her, two or three children whom she can give all her love to and a nice little house on a nice little planet…" With every word her face changed more from disbelieve to downright fury. He see the anger boil up inside of her literally. And when she jumped up he knew had crossed a border he never should have even touched. The fire in her eyes was something he had never seen before and he somehow knew she was going to give him the most thorough beating-up her ever had for this any minute. He could see her clench her fists, could see the muscles working in her arms, in her face and then… then nothing happened apart from her turning around stiffly and slowly walking out of the canteen. Completely dumb-founded he starred at her all the time and when the door had finally closed he turned around to his comrades, just to see them all starring at him. His face blushing a deep crimson he rubbed his neck embarrassedly and mumbled: "Obviously she doesn't like Y-Wing jokes."
At the same time Coreena fought hard to keep the tears from streaming down her face. She sat on the lower bunk, opposite of Lochlin who had taken his usual place straddling her chair and sitting with the backrest towards her. "Why didn't you tell me that these nightmares haven't subsided since sick bay?" She looked down, wrung her hands. He could sense the frustration she must have worked up by now and just wished he could take her hands in his and tell her everything would be good.
She, on the other hand, somehow sensed that there was more behind his mask of a worried subordinate or friend. Coreena didn't know how and why but she had the feeling she could almost hear his thoughts, like she had heard the people of Alderaan screaming out in shock, pain and desperation. It frightened her and surely didn't do anything against her confusion concerning him.
After a fair amount of time she finally said in a choked and strained voice: "I thought they were nothing of importance, just some after shock symptoms, vanishing after a week or so… and then I didn't want to bother any of you… I mean this is my problem, I don't have to burden others with it…" He rubbed his face, then said: "Cap… could you please stop this "Please, nobody worry about me, I'm goodness impersonated" thing? It's not helping us any. You should have said something two weeks ago, then we wouldn't have this mess now. I don't blame you on anything, it's just… kind of rubbing off on me, too."
She stood up, walked a step or two, and looked at the wall with her hands in her pockets. Then she said: "I'm sorry about this, lieutenant. I'm sorry about the whole "too much distance from the squadron" mess, it's just that… I didn't came here voluntarily or because my former squad commander thought I was such an exceptional pilot I needed my first command right after my field promotion… I got here because my commander couldn't afford to throw me out or demote me because my flight and leadership performance just didn't allow this but he nevertheless wanted me out of his squadron so he requested my transfer. I should have transferred to Red Squadron but he made sure I got some unknown Rookie unit operating in the Outer Rim with nothing more to do than some occasional escort runs and dozens of simulator runs and just plain dumb patrols." She turned around and now, the first tears had started running down. "And do you want to know why he did this?" Uncertain of what to say Marcus just shook his head and she went on. "Because I had been "flirting", "making constantly advances" and "distracting his pilots from their work". I was one of these pilots, dammit. This guy from some decades ago thought women were naturally unable to be soldiers, to fight, to even only fly. And that my homeworld was Alderaan didn't make it any easier."
"I…" She cut him off, saying: "There's nothing to say to it, lieutenant. I just wanted you to understand and I hope you do now." He nodded and stood up himself, suddenly being nearer to her than on any other occasion. The tension that raised in him was enough stun him for a brief moment of time, making him unable to think about anything else than her scent, her hair, her wet face, all the doors that suddenly opened. He coughed and said in a croaked half-whisper: "If there is anything I can do for you, captain…" She smiled a sad little smile and shook her head. "No, it's okay for now, lieutenant. Just you being here and listening to my whining made it better." Marcus had to ram is hands into his pockets to keep them from caressing her cheek and make the tear go away. He coughed another time and gave her an almost apologetic smile, saying: "That's… um… good to hear. I suppose I better leave now… I should have been at Randy's party for almost an hour now, so…" She nodded and answered: "Yes… you… you should be going now, he surely would be mad at you if you missed the whole party. And we don't want to rise any suspicions, do we?" Her smile seemed a little to cheerful to be genuine but he didn't notice. Marcus had enough to do with his own emotions so he just agreed and went through the door with a "See you" and another one of these embarrassed half-smiles.
She didn't close the door as soon as he was out and notice only moments later that she actually as starring after him. Immediately she turned away from the door and collapsed on the ground. Angry she hit her fist on the floor. Damn!, she thought, I am doing it again.