Title: Of Girls and Games

Author: WolfPilot06

Pairings: Nascent (if somewhat one-sided) SasuNaru, one-sided NaruSaku, and hints of ShikaTema and ShikaIno.

Warnings: Ephemeral shonen ai, hints at het pairings (whoa), a bit of language, and Sasuke acting a little OOC.

Notes: I actually rather liked Ryrahd's suggestion to show Sasuke and Naruto's progression towards friendship and more through a series of short stories. Originally, I was like, "Nnnaaahh, I'm too lazy, and I never really write anything more than one-shots", but then I got the idea of Naruto asking Sasuke for advice on girls, and this was born. So, I'm not promising regular updates or any future chapters, really, but here. Have Sasuke and Naruto on guard duty.

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Naruto hummed. He coughed. He shifted his weight from foot to foot and twisted slightly to glance at his partner, who remained impassive and still through all of Naruto's squirming. Naruto pulled a grotesque moue, scuffed at the ground with the toe of his shoe, and finally whirled around to scowl at Sasuke.

"I don't get it."

Dark gray eyes returned his impatient glare stoically, an inky brow lifting slightly in inquiry.

"How come Shikamaru gets two of them?" Naruto demanded, "He doesn't even try!"

Sasuke sighed mentally and turned slightly to give Naruto a reproving look.

"We're supposed to be on guard duty, idiot," he reminded his rival. Naruto ignored him.

"I mean, seriously. He just lies there, watching the clouds, while they argue over who gets to buy him lunch that day, makes that face –" Naruto pulled at the corner of his eyes, deliberately made his gaze flat, and curled his lips down at the corners in a frown; offhandedly, Sasuke had to admit that his Shikamaru impression was pretty much spot on. "And then he sighs and goes, 'how troublesome.' It's like he doesn't even care that he's got two of the hottest girls in Suna and Konoha mooning over him!"

Naruto flailed his arms in impotent frustration. Sasuke leaned back to avoid a wildly swinging fist and just smirked at Naruto.

"…Oh, shut up, bastard." Naruto scowled at him, "Just because you're a chick magnet doesn't mean anything. Us normal guys don't have your luck with the ladies."

"Probably because you try too hard," Sasuke noted coolly, resisting the urge to cross his arms over his chest and lean back against the wall. Two more hours of guard duty with the moron, Sasuke chanted to himself, and then he was free to curl up in his bed and forget that the oblivious blond ever existed. Not that he was ever all that successful at forgetting the loud-mouthed idiot, Sasuke thought wryly, but it wasn't for lack of trying.

Naruto's glare intensified.

"What do you mean?" he demanded. Sighing, Sasuke briefly closed his eyes, begged whatever deities existed for patience, and opened them again to give Naruto a look.

"Okay, Naruto," Sasuke said, sounding as if he was lecturing a five-year-old child, "Think about it. If a girl walked up to you tomorrow and said that she loved you with every fiber of her being and wanted to go out with you, how would you react?" Sasuke prudently didn't mention the fact that the shy Hinata had practically been doing this via body-language for several years now. Large blue eyes blinked.

"I'd say 'sure' and go out with her, duh." Naruto rolled his eyes, saying this as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

'Of course,' Sasuke thought to himself sardonically, 'This is Naruto we're talking to here. Mr. Give-Me-All-Your-Attention-And-Love Uzumaki."

"What if Sakura was there?" he went on patiently, silently congratulating himself for not letting his irritation with the topic at hand show. He hated talking about girls and getting dates and suchlike. They were such a waste of time, he thought disgustedly; shinobi didn't have the time or the freedom to worry about such trivial things. If – when – he managed to kill Itachi, he'd worry about getting a girl, but until that faraway day came, he'd really prefer if his stupid excuse for a rival stopped prattling on about the female half of the population.

"We-ell…" Naruto said slowly, considering, "I think I'd turn her down then, 'cause, y'know…I like Sakura-chan." He sounded almost shy, one finger scratching absently at a whiskered cheek as he blushed. Sasuke rolled his eyes.

"Despite the fact that Sakura has never shown any interest in you whatsoever?" Sasuke asked impatiently. He was getting really annoyed now, though he couldn't exactly figure out why. Naruto scowled at him, blush disappearing instantaneously.

"That's part of the reason I like Sakura-chan!" A silly grin spread over Naruto's face, "She doesn't just like anybody. She's got taste, and she's pretty, and smart, and nice…" Sasuke resisted the urge to elbow Naruto violently as the blond shinobi's expression turned dreamy, "And when she realizes that I'm the number one ninja in Konoha, she'll finally notice that I'm the nicest guy around and she'll definitely fall for me!"

"So the reason you like Sakura is because she's hard to get, right?" Sasuke prodded. He wondered why he was continuing to talk about this at all, and chalked off his uncharacteristic chattiness to the boredom that accompanied guard duty and the fact that he was probably suffering a momentary bout of insanity.

Naruto's elated expression faded slightly as he considered that.

"Well, not exactly – " he paused, frowning, and scratched his head in puzzlement. "…Yeah, I guess so." Blue eyes widened. "Oh."

Sasuke closed his eyes and tilted his head back against the wall behind him, feeling unaccountably smug.

"So there you have it." He said, "The reason girls don't go after guys like you or Kiba is because you're too easy to get." He opened one eye and smirked at Naruto, "They know that if they said one nice word to you, you'd fall for them. On the other hand, guys like Shikamaru – " 'and myself', he added silently, "- are harder to get, and therefore present more of a challenge." He shrugged, "That's it."

'I can't believe I'm telling him this.' Sasuke thought sourly. Perhaps part of his advice stemmed from selfish reasoning, though, Sasuke admitted. For some reason, it annoyed him like hell whenever he saw Naruto mooning over Sakura or another pretty girl. Mainly, Sasuke told himself, it was because his rival acted like a stupid idiot whenever he encountered an attractive female. All of his brains – of which there was not a lot to begin with– seemed to dribble out of his ears whenever he saw Sakura. Sasuke hated to see Naruto debase himself for the sake of a girl who couldn't really see him for him, a determined blond moron twice the shinobi than anyone ever gave him credit for.

"Huh." Naruto finally said, still blinking. "I guess that makes sense."

Unexpectedly, Sasuke was nearly knocked over as Naruto glommed him, strong arms attaching themselves around his waist and squeezing tightly.

"Thanks, Sasuke!" Naruto cheered, "I just got dating advice from the Ice Prince himself!"

"What the- get off of me, you – you limpet!"

Sasuke vainly fought the uncharacteristic blush that threatened to bloom across his cheeks as Naruto determinedly snuggled into his side, hugging even more tightly before letting go and bouncing back, grinning from ear to ear.

"So you're saying," Naruto practically chirped, rocking on his heels and still grinning that mad grin, "That I've just got to act hard-to-get and Sakura-chan'll like me?"

'No, you idiot,' Sasuke thought, scowling, 'You just need to act like you do around me. Impossible to reach, impossible to understand, and so fucking hard to get that I have to punch your face in to get you to notice me.'

He said none of that, though.

"Hn. She'd never go for a dead-last dunce like you, anyway." Sasuke snorted and turned back to watch the unmoving forest beyond Konoha's gates. Naruto sputtered for a moment before making a rude noise and crossing his arms over his chest indignantly.

"Yeah, well, fuck you, too, bastard." Naruto muttered. Sasuke just smirked.

A few minutes passed before Naruto predictably started to shift again, scuffing his feet against the ground and fidgeting nervously. Sasuke mentally sighed again and was about to ask what was wrong this time, when Naruto neatly pulled the rug from under his feet.

"Thanks," the blond said gruffly, narrowed blue eyes daring Sasuke to make fun of him. Sasuke just blinked at him a few times and grunted.

"Whatever."

But when Naruto looked away, ranting about uncaring bastards and sticks lodged in unmentionable places, Sasuke let himself smile.

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End

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Comments and Criticism loved, appreciated, and kept in a little box to gestate.

And…I have to say, I'm not in the habit of replying to replies individually, so I'm just going to give you all a group hug and a heartfelt thanks for taking the time to hit the reply button and telling me how you feel about the story. I really, really appreciate it.

Wolf