Chapter Two

"I feel like shit," I announced to Ashley, in the locker room.

Ashley didn't understand. "Why do you say that?"

I pulled my gym t-shirt over my head. "Because I've been such a bitch to Heather over the years, and she really didn't deserve it."

Ashley smiled. "Wow, Paige is actually admitting that she did something wrong. Good job."

I rolled my eyes. "That's not helping. What I want to know is; what am I supposed to do about it?"

Ashley considered this as she sat down to tie her shoes. "Why don't you ask her to come to that sleepover you're having for all your friends?"

I didn't always pay attention in English, but this was definitely an example of dramatic irony. "Do you honestly think she'd come?" I asked. "And…do you think Hazel and everyone would leave her alone?"

Ashley sighed, and shut her locker. "Do you really think Heather's going to pass up an opportunity to be included in something?"
Sighing, I promised to try. "Alright. I guess it wouldn't hurt to ask."

Ashley smiled. "Good."

I didn't see Heather again until eighth block, when I had American History. She was sitting near the back of the room, reading through her textbook, when I interrupted her train of thought, simply by standing too close to her.

Heather looked up. "May I help you?" she asked.

I shook my head. "No, no, you're fine. I just wanted to ask if you'd want to come to a sleepover me and Hazel were going to have this Friday."

Heather gasped. "Me? I mean…this is some kind of joke, right?"

I shook my head, and took the empty seat next to hers. Hazel shot a confused expression at me from the front of the room, but I didn't respond. "No," I insisted. "I want you to come. I feel really shitty about the way I've treated you for the past few years, and I think I should get to know people before I judge."

Heather took a deep breath. "It's about time."

I nodded. "Yeah, hon, it is. And I'm sorry."

"Don't use that word," Heather pleaded. "It may be your little thing, but it gets obnoxious after a while."

"Oh, sorry," I said. This was going to be harder than I thought.

"Well…thanks. And I'll think about it," Heather said.

But underneath her scrutinizing façade, I could tell that she was happy. Or, at least, I hoped she was.

-Friday-

"Everything's perfect, Paige," Hazel insisted. "Calm down!"

"Do you think we need another kind of chips?" I demanded, as I set down the last bowl, which contained carrots and celery.

"What I think we need is a hostess who's a little less stressed out. I mean…come on. Terri and Ashley aren't going to care what this place looks like. They knew you in second grade, and I'm sure you were all perfect back then," Hazel reasoned.

"Actually…there's something I forgot to tell you," I told her.

"What?" Hazel asked nervously.

Ever since Dean raped me, Hazel tensed every time I had something important to tell her. "It's not that big a deal. I just invited Heather, that's all."

Hazel was shocked. "What? Why?"

"I know," I sighed. "But…I feel bad about how I treat her, and Ash thought I should at least get to know her."

"It's your party," Hazel breathed. "I'm not going to say a word."

"Yeah, well don't freak out quite yet," I told her. "Because I'm not even sure if Heather's going to come."

"Actually, the reason I'm not freaking out is because you're doing enough of that for the both of us," Hazel explained. "Oh, doorbell!"

Ashley came in, and I decided to give her an update as I dragged her sleeping bag into the living room. "I invited her, but I'm not sure if she's coming or not."

"It doesn't matter if she comes," Ashley told me. "The point is that you asked."

Terri arrived within a few minutes, and we were all thrilled to see her. It had been ages since the three of us had been together, as friends, without a glass wall and a heart rate monitor involved.

Ashley began to strike up a conversation with Terri, and Hazel started talking about how Jimmy had been doing since the shooting. All I could think about was whether or not Heather would come. Did she completely hate me, or was she willing to give me a second chance.

Heather spent hours at home, packing the right clothes, and putting on the right makeup for Paige's party. Perhaps it was just a lame girl's night, but it was much more than that to Heather. For her, it was her mother's first indication that she hadn't completely failed, and her first opportunity to be liked by the people she pretended not to care about.

Finally, the doorbell rang, and Heather almost considered bolting in the other direction. Of course, I didn't find out just how nervous she was to be there until much later. She put on a fairly calm suit when she entered. "Hi," she said casually.

"Hey, Heather," Ashley said, trying to be polite.

Terri seemed confused, and Hazel whispered something in her ear. Terri then nodded, and relaxed a bit.

"Do you guys want to go up to my room?" I asked.

"Paige has a whole bunch of new music videos on her computer," Hazel said, as if that would incite Heather.

"What kind of music do you like?" Ashley asked Heather, as we mounted.

"I dunno," Heather said. "A lot of stuff I guess. Some of my friends are in to that Japanese stuff, but I'm more of a Europop and Russian music person. But then I sometimes listen to metal and a bit of emo. Don't you play piano?"

Ashley nodded, as we entered my room. "Yeah. My ex-boyfriend plays guitar. He just bought this really expensive one that I swear is going to blow up his basement one day."

Heather laughed. "I play electric sometimes. I tried acoustic, but it just doesn't really go with my mood."

The conversation continued, and the two girls started talking about discreet bands I had never heard of. I tried to hide the fact that I was becoming jealous.

"Ashlee Simpson," Hazel commented. "Click on that one."

As Pieces of Me started to play, Heather didn't seem impressed. "I see where she's trying to dance, but it looks like she's having a seizure," she whispered to Ashley. "Next time I fall in love, I'm going to go up to the guy and say, I love you this much." She demonstrated a spazzing action to go with it. Ashley laughed.

"Well, what do you guys like?" Terri asked.

"Have you ever seen a Tool video?" Heather asked Ashley. "I love how everything in it is so surreal. It could be anything."

Ashley nodded. "Sorry," she said to the few of us who were watching the videos Hazel suggested.

"Oh, it's fine," I said. "How about we take turns," I suggested. "That way everyone's stuff gets played."

"That's a good idea," Terri said.

"How about you go next," I suggested to Heather. There was no way I was going to let Ashley have her. Wait. There was no way Ashley would want her…

And no way Heather would want me.

Be that as it may, I still didn't mind watching her, as she searched through a list of emo, heavy metal, and foreign music to find a good video to show us. She turned on a random Tool video, and I saw exactly what she meant about their nightmarish qualities. Hazel became a bit nervous.

"It's almost what the world looks like when you're high," Ashley remarked.

"And…how would you know that?" Heather asked.

Ashley sighed. "Grade eight wasn't my best year," she said simply.

Terri and I nodded, remembering why girl's night hadn't happened in a while. When it was Ashley's turn to pick a video, she picked Everybody's Fool by Evanescence. But somehow, watching a girl go through life being loved for her looks, fostering a false smile and blonde hair, only to come home and push her fist through a mirror didn't make me feel very confident. For a moment, I felt like the song was made for me.