A/N: Sorry I haven't updated this in a while. I've had a lot going on this summer.

The next Monday, I did everything I could to reassure my that the day would go by without disaster. My plan had been to give Heather a chance, probably more to redeem my conscience than her self-esteem. But the idea that Heather was tolerated, let alone liked by at least one of my friends was a very tiny chip in the armor I worked so hard to rebuild after what happened about a year ago.

I was examining myself in my full-length mirror, and was in the process of deciding between two shirts, when my mind began to drift away from me. What Ashley wasn't the only one who started liking Heather? What if boys did too? What if everyone realized that Heather was as normal as they were, that half of what I had said about her wasn't even true? What if they knew my real reason for exiling her?

I shook my head, and settled on a pale blue pheasant blouse, which matched the necklace that was neatly set out on my dresser, with the rest of my makeup. I had always known that, the worse I felt on the inside, the more important it was to look perfect on the outside.

Hazel greeted me as usual, in front of the steps to Degrassi. "What's wrong?" Hazel asked. "You look like you're ready to puke."

I made an obvious eye-role, hoping my friend would take the hint that today was not a good day for me. "I'm fine," I snapped. Hazel winced lightly, wondering what she had done to deserve the tone. Feeling guilty, I quickly smiled, and added, "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Ashley's over there, if you're wondering," Hazel commented, pointing toward Ellie, Marco, and Alex's usual hangout place.

Today, Ashley and Heather had joined the group, which seemed to be expanding by the day. Pretty soon, Heather was going to have more friends than I did. Everyone would love her, leaving me all the more vulnerable. "That is so weird," I sighed.

"I know," Hazel agreed. "To think that breaking up with Jay would get Alex a whole new set of friends."

I shook my head. "No. Heather."

Hazel shrugged. "She's really not that bad. I mean, yeah she's got a bit of a different style, but she kind of grows on you."

"Great," I groaned, opening her purse, pretending to be looking for something. "You too."

"Hey," Hazel said defensively. "You were the one who told us to give her a chance. What do you have against her now?"

I knew that no answer I could come up with would satisfy Hazel.

"Yeah," I sighed. "I guess you're right. We'd better get to class."

"When you work with html, there is something specific you need to look for to determine how the codes should be grouped," Mr. Simpson lectured.

I noticed an e-mail had appeared in my box.

Hey, Paige

I just wanted to thank you for inviting me to your slumber party. I think I was wrong about you too. You're actually not too bad.

Heather

I blushed lightly, and gave her a friendly reply, despite the sick feeling that was developing in my stomach.

Thanks. We should totally hang out sometime.

Paige

I should call her, I thought, as the bell rang, letting us out of class. Maybe she likes The Dot. No…she'd be more likely to go someplace underground or alternative. God…I don't even know the difference.

For the first time in months, I noticed Ellie opening the locker next to mine. "Hey, Ellie," I said cheerfully.

"May I help you?" Ellie asked dryly.

I shrugged. On a normal day, I would have found Ellie's love for rebelling against conformity, and basically everything I stood for, incredibly irritating. But I couldn't afford to get mad at Ellie over stylistic difference, if I wanted her to help me. "Actually, I was just wondering if you could clue me in on what kind of bands are playing around here. You know…your kind of scene."

Wrong question. "My scene?" Ellie asked. "And what exactly is my scene? Even if I could come up with some kind of answer, why the sudden interest?"

I shrugged again, trying to appear casual in what was probably going to be viewed as social suicide. "Well…you know. I mean, aside from me being on Spirit Squad and you being more artsy…we're really not that different."

Ellie took a moment to recover from her shock. "Did I really just hear you say that? This doesn't have anything to do with Ashley stealing your new friend, does it?"

I was taken aback. "What? Heather's not my friend, hon. I just invited her over to make up for the way I've treated her," I said lamely.

"If this is some stupid plan to humiliate her…"

"Is it even possible that maybe I just want to change a bit?" I asked.

"That's what my mom asked me before the last time she went a full six hours without drinking," Ellie sighed. "And I'm no more fooled this time than I was then."

Ellie shut her locker and began to walk away. "Ellie, wait," I pleaded.

"Are you going to tell me what's really going on?" Ellie demanded, finally stopping.

"Hon, I already told you," I said, trying to keep my tone mild. "I just think that since Ash and I have been best friends since second grade, it would be good for me to give some of her friends a chance."

"Ashley's had different friends since grade nine," Ellie pointed out. "Why weren't you interested then?"

Heather Sinclair walked by, briefly waving to Ellie. "Why don't you tell me exactly what you're saying here?" I asked.

Ellie shook her head. "I'm not accusing you of anything, Paige. I just think it's odd that you're suddenly willing to step outside your world, just to keep your friendship with Ash. If it were that important to you, you wouldn't have encouraged her to take ecstasy, thus doing your part to kick her out of your group."

For a second, I was completely in shock. "I didn't know she had e. I would never have let her do it if I had known."

But, deep down inside, I knew that Ellie was right. "Or is that just how you treat all your friends?" Ellie asked. "Because it looks to me that it's a bit late to make amends with Heather, if that's what you're trying to do. She would have done anything for you to accept her and all you did was find new ways to make fun of her."

Feeling defeated, I resorted the only comeback I could think of. Glancing at the removable sleeves Ellie often used to hide her cutting scratches, I added, "You know, why don't you fix your own problems before you worry about mine."

Ellie didn't strike back. Her tone remained relatively calm, as she said, "That was bitchy, even for you. You come to me of all people for advice, and now you're telling me that I'm too fucked up to give it. I'm sorry, Paige, but from the looks of it, you haven't changed at all."

I took a moment before nodding, and heading toward the girl's bathroom. How had I said something so tactless to Ellie? Had I ever treated anyone right? I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach as I thought about how hard Heather really had tried to make me like her. The problem was, all the while, I had been trying to make myself hate her. Now, in my last year of high school, I was going completely out of my way to try to make sense of whatever feelings I might have had for her. It was enough to make me wonder why Ellie was the one who felt like she deserved to be hurt, rather than me.