The Quickening

Notes: Thanks for the reviews. Also, I would have updated sooner, but I've slept through the majority of the passed two days. Anyway, here's the latest chapter.

Previously:

"My place?" He asked. Faith nodded and he led her out. She had just disappeared out of the door, throwing a last look back at Xander, when he turned, feeling someone's eyes pass over him.

Chapter Twelve:

It was raining outside. Faith sat by the window in John or Ryan or Andy's apartment – she wasn't entirely sure he had even given her his name in the rush of the moment – and watched the rain draw lines down the glass. Lightening lit up the sky for a brief moment before everything faded into darkness again. Faith looked over at the clock by the bed, surprised to find her vision blurred by silent tears that were rolling down her cheeks. Hastily wiping them away, she drew her knees up to her chest and hugged them tightly. The guy she had left the Bronze with was asleep, a contented smile plastered on his face. Faith wanted nothing more than to beat it off him, to make him see how much it ripped her apart every time she let herself be used by someone else.

Her Homecoming dress lay crumpled on the floor. She had stolen it from a consignment shop on Main Street. When she had seen it, she knew that she would look good in it. But when she had slipped it into her duffel bag and walked out of the store with it, she hadn't done it hoping that some random high school loser would think she looked sexy in it, she had done it hoping that Xander would. Xander, who despite his kindness towards her, had to be using her as well. Faith tried to think of a time when he had betrayed his true intentions, but she couldn't. She wanted to trust him, despite everything in her very being that screamed for her not to; it was far easier to suspect him of something – anything – that would justify her blowing him off like every other person she had in her life.

Faith closed her eyes, angry at the salty tears that burned their way down her cheeks. Her hands curled up into tight fists and she could feel her fingernails break the skin of her palms. Warmth spread out over her hands and she opened her eyes, looking down at them. Blood oozed out of fingernail shaped cuts. Faith knew they would be gone by the time the sun rose. She looked back over at her latest mistake and sighed. Getting to her feet, she carefully tiptoed over to her dress and picked up it. Then she slipped into the bathroom. She didn't need to turn on the light to see. Her slayer senses allowed her to see nearly perfectly in the dark.

Grabbing a handful of tissues, she wiped the blood away from her hands. Slipping on her dress, she walked back out into the bedroom and tried to locate her shoes. Then she threw one last look over her shoulder at the bed and walked out of the front door of the apartment. The hallway was lit harshly by popping fluorescent lights and Faith found herself squinting at the change. She knew she looked like a wreck, but she still walked with a confidence that made her seem like something above and beyond everything else. She opened the outside door of the apartment building and stepped out into the rain. It was cold against the bare skin of her shoulders and she found herself shivering as she aimlessly walked.

She didn't want to go back to her motel room and sit in the dark, watching some old, romantic movie on the two channels she actually received. Though it was late, she knew that she wouldn't be able to fall asleep. Her mind was racing and her feet led her on, taking her through the streets of Sunnydale without any conscious thought on her part. Finally, she found herself standing in front of Xander's house. The house was dark and she imagined that Xander was sleeping, entirely oblivious to the fact that she even existed. She shrugged off the thought, pretending like she didn't care, even though she knew that she did.

Before she could stop herself, she walked up the sidewalk and disappeared into the shadows of the side of the house. She wasn't entirely sure which bedroom was Xander's, but as she walked around to the back of the house, she could feel a slight tingle run down her spine that told her he was near. Stopping at one of the windows, she peered inside. The curtains were drawn, but she was positive she had picked the right room. Knocking softly, she waited. She could her someone groan inside and stir. Faith stepped away from the window and folded her arms across her chest, waiting. The rain seemed to be falling harder and her hair was slicked back, soaking wet, much like the rest of her. Her skin had adjusted to the cold, however, and she could barely feel it.

The window slid open and Xander's head popped out. His hair was sticking up in random places and he looked like he was half-asleep. But when he saw her face, his eyes seemed to light up. "Hey," he said, his voice low and rough. "What're you doing here? It's like two in the morning."

Faith froze, suddenly wishing she were anywhere but standing on Xander's lawn outside of his bedroom window in the middle of the night. "This was a mistake," she said, backing up. "I should go."

"No, wait!" Xander said as loudly as he could without waking up anyone else in the house. "Stay. I wasn't doing anything important."

"You were sleeping," Faith replied dryly. "I woke you up."

"I sleep all the time. In fact, I've probably slept half my life away. So this is a nice change of pace," Xander responded jokingly. "You want to come in?"

Faith eyed him warily for a moment before shrugging and stepping forward. Xander extended his hand to help her climb into his bedroom, which she took, even though she was positive she could have done without his help. "Thanks," she mumbled gruffly when her feet touched the floor.

"Are you okay?" Xander asked her as he shut the window.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Why?" Faith asked, moving further into the room.

"Your hands are bleeding," Xander pointed out. He pointed to a smear of blood on his own hand from where he had helped her climb in only moments ago.

"Oh," Faith said, looking down at her hands again. "Right. It's fine."

"I'm just gonna get some towels. You can make yourself comfortable if you want," he said, quietly slipping out of the bedroom. Faith sighed and looked around. She imagined that Xander's room was typical for a teenage boy. Band posters littered the walls and clothes were crumpled up in nearly every corner. Some comic books littered his desk and his book bag was haphazardly slung in his closet. Faith sat down on the edge of his bed and waited. The entire room smelled like him and it overwhelmed her senses.

"I brought some rubbing alcohol too," Xander said as he came back into the room.

"I don't need it," Faith replied. "Everything will be gone tomorrow."

"It could get infected or something," Xander countered, tossing the towels onto the bed. He poured some of the rubbing alcohol out onto a gauze pad and knelt down in front of her.

"This really isn't necessary," Faith argued, though she let Xander take her hands.

"I know," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Just let me do this though, okay?" Faith nodded. The rubbing alcohol was cold as it touched her hand and pain shot up from the wounds. She flinched slightly and Xander looked up at her. "That hurt?"

"A little," she admitted.

"Sorry," Xander said as he looked back down at her hands and carefully wiped the wounds as gently as he could.

"It's okay," Faith said, smiling a little. It occurred to her that the last time anyone had tended her wounds was when her Watcher was still alive. After patrols, Kate would cleanse her cuts or prepare an ice bag for her, even though they both knew that the wounds would quickly heal on their own. Xander finished and stood, tossing the used gauze pads into his trashcan.

"Do you want me to get some dry clothes for you?" He asked as Faith picked up one of the towels and began to dry herself off.

"You just want to get me out of this dress," Faith jokingly shot back.

"Absolutely…and into a pair of my baggy sweat pants and a t-shirt," Xander replied, smiling as he held up the garments in question. Faith laughed a little and took them.

"Thanks," she said. "You don't have to leave," she added, as Xander turned to go wait out in the hallway. "Just turn around." He nodded and turned. Faith quickly took her dress off and tossed it onto Xander's desk chair. Then she slipped on Xander's clothes. "You can turn back around."

"I waited for you, at the Bronze tonight. What happened with the vamp?" Xander asked. Faith shrugged her shoulders.

"Staked it. Didn't really feel like partying much after that, besides, your friends had finally shown up," Faith replied.

"They're your friends too, you know," Xander responded, joining her as she sat down on his bed again, this time resting her back against the headboard.

"I guess," Faith said, looking down at her hands. They felt better now that they had been cleaned.

"So where did you go?" Xander asked, almost as if he already knew the answer.

"You know how I mentioned something about finding some random loser that goes to your school and screwing his brains out when you asked me if I was going to the dance?" Faith asked. Xander nodded. "Well, that's where I went."

"Oh," Xander said and Faith swore she could hear disappointment in his voice. "Who was he?"

"I'm not really sure," Faith said, laughing mirthlessly. She could feel her eyes start to burn again with tears that threatened to spill out. Xander looked over at her. He hesitantly reached out and, with his thumb, wiped a stray tear off her cheek that had escaped despite her best efforts to control herself. His thumb lingered longer than necessary and Faith looked over at him.

"Why do you do this to yourself?" He asked, his voice thick with emotion. Faith smiled sadly.

"I don't know," she whispered.

"You want to sleep here tonight?" He asked. He could see relief spread over Faith's face when he didn't press her further about her evening's activities.

"If you don't mind," Faith said, looking over at him hopefully. He flashed her his patented lopsided grin and shifted the blankets to cover them both. Faith rested her head on the pillow and turned to face Xander. "I don't know what I'm doing anymore," she said softly.

"Everything's gonna be okay," Xander said, pulling her closer. He rested his chin on the top of her head, smiling when the smell of her shampoo filled his nostrils. He could feel Faith nod against his chest. Her breathing slowed until she was asleep, but Xander knew he wouldn't be able to join her that easily. Instead, he lay beside her and rubbed lazy circles on her back, hoping that he was right.