Chapter Twenty Six

Liberty, work out room

It was like the first time, only with roles reversed. This time Blenwell was beating the dummy to pulp, and she was standing in the doorway, watching. She knew she had to approach him eventually but just for a little while more she staid with just enjoying the show.

For a man of his size and stature he moved amazingly fast and fluid. And that applies to all kinds of moving., she thought and almost blushed at it. There had been two more times in the work-out room that involved a work-out slightly different from what the room was meant for. And both times had filled her with absolute pleasure and had almost destroyed her at the same time, giving her a lot of restless nights afterwards.

She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment and tried to get all the self-loathing and the reproaches out of her mind. Instead there was only the picture of two bodies – hers and Blenwell's – sweating and panting and hanging on to each other in a firm, desperate and passionate grip, almost devouring each other. As if there would be no tomorrow. Gods, she longed to feel him all over her, inside her again, if only for one last time. At the same time she knew she had to stop this. Maybe he was feeling nothing through all of this, just venting of some steam but she couldn't go on like this forever because she knew that sooner or later she would start to fall apart.

Finally Saron willed herself to take a deep breath and approach Blenwell who still was aiming kicks and blows at the dummy. Standing just a step away from him she cleared her throat and said in the slightly arrogant tone she knew would drive him up the wall in no time: "Time for a chat, Flight Officer." He spun around, his fist raised to hit her squarely in the face. Her hand went up just in time to catch his wrist and stop his fist from hitting home. "You really have to get faster, Blenwell.", she said with a smirk, still holding his wrist in a steel grip. However, if it was about sheer strength he could beat her anytime which both of them knew. So, after a second of starring contest, she decided to let his hand go.

He still didn't say anything though, just turned back to the dummy and was about to attack it again when she firmly grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. "When I say "time for a chat", I mean "time for a chat", and I mean now." She still had her hand on his shoulder and felt his whole body stiffen all of a sudden. She knew this. He was just a small step away from exploding. But if that will make him talk, then so be it., she thought a little sourly.

"Oh, suddenly it's all about talking, huh?" So he chose to be sarcastic. Fine, she could deal with that. "If you can remember, we were ordered to do some talking. And I for once am not someone to ignore or disobey orders." He snorted. "Yeah, just like you disobeyed Mallan's order to abort your attack on the Predator." She should have known he would bring this up. Of course he would bring this up. But she didn't have time for this. So she chose to ignore it. "Quit beating around the bush and trying to get away. We are ordered to talk, we talk. End of discussion." Suddenly his fist came out of nowhere but shortly before hitting her he seemed to have realized what he was about to do and turned around in one swift motion and slammed it into the dummy. It was pure will power that kept her from jumping back in fear, and for a moment there was no sound, just the slightly heaving breath of Blenwell penetrating the room.

And then he turned back, willing to bring her down, just by starring at her and started to speak again in a low voice which in a way was louder than any yell could have been. "This is what it's all about, huh? Getting what you want and the way you want it, right, Lieutenant? First it's "Don't you dare even looking at me, Blenwell.", then it's "Be my fucking dummy-boy, Blenwell.", then it's "Don't talk about it, it's just sex, Blenwell." And now it's "We have to talk, Blenwell." But you know what? I'm sick of it. Sick of being your toy, your servant, your… whatever you want me to be. I'm out of this. Try to get someone else to "relieve the tension" or whatever you did this for." With that he turned back but didn't do anything.

Only after a few more seconds Saron had finally gathered herself back together enough to speak without betraying all the anger and hurt and disappointment in her. "Fine. But don't let this influence your performance, Flight Officer." And with that she turned to leave. Just when she had almost reached the door, he spoke up another time: "Just tell me one more thing." She paused. "Was it worth it? What was in it for you? And why me?" For a moment she contemplated just leaving the room, afraid, she might give away herself, but then she chose to turn around and answer him: "Honestly? I don't know. I'm sorry, but I just… Excuse me, but I don't think you even want to know. I… have to go."

Why she let him come near her again, and what had possessed him to do so in the first place, she couldn't say. Not then, and not later. But suddenly he stood before her, again, with something else in his eyes, and in his whole posture which she couldn't quite put her finger on. He just starred at her, and all of a sudden tipped her chin up with his index finger and kissed her. Not roughly and devouring as all the times before but tentatively and… soothingly. And when his hands started to caress her rather then roam about her body like before she was lost to him. And when he started trailing tender kisses along her cheekbone and throat down to her shoulder she did something she hadn't done for over ten years: She let herself cry.

Predator, Lt. Kardian's quarters

All right… she had a bag of medicaments, her blaster, some spare cloths, ID… Ilara Kardian looked at the bag in front of her and was slightly astonished. So this is my whole life in there., she thought. The bag was a normal duffel bag, standard Imperial issue. All her uniforms were still hanging in her locker in need order, so there were only private clothes inside of the bag. Along with a few holos of her family and home planet, a personal data pad and some book-cards there was nothing else private. It kind of depressed her that her whole life fit in a neat meager bag.

Shaking her head a little she scolded herself that she had other problems now. She had yet to find a way to get rid of the shuttle pilots and security personnel that would be assigned to her shuttle for sure. And she had to worry about how to get away from the planet once she had the shuttle to herself. Kardian knew that there was a VSD assigned to Windermere III, and a whole wing of TIE-fighters based on the ground.

Kardian, you fool. How could you ever think about doing something as stupid as this?, her inner Imperial instructor bellowed at her but she chose to ignore him just for once. I have been following your teachings far too long. Look what it made out of me. A maintenance technician for an admiral's newest toys. I'm sick of it. And she was happy to have seen this at last. Somehow she knew that her lessons from the Imperial Medical Academy of all things were the ones getting her through all of this. Everything for the patient, even the impossible. She smiled. The mentioning of this particular lesson brought to her the memory of a thing her father loved to say on every possible occasion: "Be realistic. Try the impossible.", and finally she had her jitters under control and her resolve back. She was going to this, no matter how high the risks were.

Kardian smiled. Finally a plan began to take form in her mind. There were still two standard days left, and she would use them wisely.

Isolation cell

She woke up, hurting. But what news were that, anyway? These days she always woke up hurting. Hurting in the face, hurting on her arms, hurting between the legs… for quite some time now she had the feeling that she consisted of nothing but pain. She had even on some point more or less forgotten her name. Maybe it had been when the bald admiral had stopped asking her any questions and had just plainly tortured her. The woman in the cell could remember that it was something starting with C… Cori… yes, something like this.

Slowly Cori opened her eyes, although she knew it was no use. She would only be blended by orange twilight. And so she shut them in the same instant that the first orange rays met her eyes. For a while she sat completely still, trying to will the pain away. She had managed that, during one of the torture session. At some point she only wished the pain to go away with all her might and suddenly it had gone away. Only for a brief second, but in this brief second she was free of pain, sitting at a camp fire, talking to someone… someone… Am I going insane? Is my mind only playing trick after trick at me?, she wondered, a bit idly.

She took an unsteady breath, trying to concentrate on the camp fire scene again. On the someone she been talking to… It had been a male voice, but different male from the male voices that were now talking to her, making her cringe at only thinking about male voices, male presences. No, no it was… low, soothing… She knew the voice. The voice had once been comforting her, whispering good night to her… I am going insane. I'm sitting in an isolation cell, with no clue when I will be tortured again or being shown mercy finally and being killed, and all I can think about is some voice…, the last tiny remaining rational part of her screamed at the dark void her mind had become.

No… no, not some voice. A voice. Marcus' voice, it finally came to her. Yes, Marcus. The name rang something inside of her, something good. Yes, something warm and fuzzy and… nice. Whoever Marcus was, he would bring her through all of this, she decided. Thinking about him made her feel warmed and made indeed go away the pain if only a little. A small smile flit over her features.

An observer might have decided that now was the moment where she was beginning to become really insane but to her it felt as if she had finally gotten a part, albeit a small one, of her sanity back.

Liberty, work-out room

She never ceased to amaze him, he had to give her credit for that. When Saron had turned around and had tried answering his question, Marten had been shocked to see the helplessness and loneliness displayed in her eyes. Hell, the turning around itself had been a small miracle, after what had passed between them before her leaving. Hurrying over to her and kissing her had really been the only thing seeming appropriate for him at that time.

But he should have known he wouldn't be able to stop after it. He should have known he wouldn't be able to keep away from trying to express with his body what he couldn't express with his words. And so he had. Had put every ounce of the strange, confusing, frightening feelings she evoked in him in his touches and kisses, had tried to bring a tenderness into the whole act that made up for all the roughness and rashness of the first three times. When he found out she was crying he was scared to death, so much that for a second he was almost paralyzed.

She had felt it, and she had looked away, seeming almost ashamed of it. It had brought him out of his stupor, making him try to kiss away the tears. When he had attempted to say something she had surprised him by taking his face in her hands and kissing him as he had kissed her: tentatively, tenderly and just a little insecurely. From there on, both of them seemed to be communicating not by words but by touch. At one point, when he still had been capable of thinking halfway straight, the thought So much for talking everything out. had crossed his mind, and he had halfheartedly smirked inwardly to that. Not long after this there had been no room for coherent thought in his mind anymore.

And now he was sitting in the work-out room again, with his arms and legs loosely around her, his forehead against hers and was desperately hoping against hope she would not just get up and walk away like after the last three times. And she didn't. She just sat there, one of her hands on his shoulder, the other cradling and idly stroking his neck. Blenwell knew he couldn't take this anymore. Even if he wasn't a Jedi, he could feel the questions and desperation and guilt and a whole lot more feelings radiate off her. So he heaved a sigh and opened his mouth to say something, but she bet him to it, saying: "Don't. Whatever you wanted to say, just don't. Please."

It almost killed him, hearing her say "Please" in a pleading, almost begging manner. This wasn't the Saron Kenzy he knew. The Saron Kenzy he knew was demanding, firm, strong. Not begging, cowering, weak. He cupped her cheek with one hand and turned her face to him, holding her gaze with his eyes, but only for a moment as she turned away again. The fear of her leaving without anything more grew unbearable in him again, but it was drawn back slightly by her putting her forehead on his shoulder. He encircled her shoulders and draw her even nearer to him. Whatever turmoil was storming inside her, he would be there, even if she couldn't speak about it to him.

For a moment, she even hugged him back, and he thought she would stay, finally letting him in. But she loosened her embrace and said, with an almost unbearable sadness in her eyes and in her voice.: "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But I'm not what is right for you. I just… I can't." And then she kissed his forehead and entangled herself and finally went out of the door, without looking back. One second, only the slight humming of the ship's engines were heard in the work-out room. Then, suddenly, the perfect stillness was cut into by a frustrated howl, and the dummy was in for another round of being beaten up thoroughly.

A/N: Wheeeeeee, 'nother chapter! Just as a note: I was listening to songs like "Out of reach" by Gabrielle, "Killin' Kind" by Shelby Lynne and "I don't know you anymore" and "Two beds and a coffee machine" by Savage Garden when writing the two parts taking place on the Liberty which maybe explains their depressive basic tone. But I love those parts, and I hope you take at least a little pleasure in them as well, even if they don't neccesarily created the happiest of moods.

Anyway, here goes a very big cookie to Bjrn :D