Disclaimer:I love Naruto. Unfortunately, I don't own any of it. Yep, that's right. Not a chapter of manga, not an episode of anime. However, I do lay claim to Inuzuka Kiyame's current incarnation and to Shuurai no Jutsu and Kyouken no Jutsu.
Author's Note: Thanks to all the wonderful reviewers! Check Author's Notes at the bottom for my responses, since I'm sure you don't want anything to keep you from diving into the story right now…
Chapter Three: Questions
Sunshine shone warm and comforting against his eyelids, chasing away the darkness that had held him for so long. He moaned in pleasure and turned his face blindly towards the light. Sunlight meant morning, and morning meant he'd survived the surgery and the night…
"Good morning, Kakashi-sensei!" a familiar voice said brightly. "Tsunade-sama said you'd be waking up soon. How do you feel?"
Like Jiraiya tied shuriken to his sandals and went tap-dancing on my chest. Still… "Better than I expected," he said honestly. "Alive. So you're on hospital duty now, Sakura?"
"Just basic stuff," his former student said. Kakashi turned his head and opened his eyes in time to see Haruno Sakura settle onto a stool beside his bed, brushing her short pink hair out of her eyes. "Patient care, mixing medicines, cleaning bed pans…ugh. Tsunade-sama let me help when she stitched up Inuzuka-san's leg, though!"
She sounded more enthusiastic than she'd ever sounded about anything when she was in Team 7…except for Sasuke, of course. Kakashi quickly steered his thoughts away from the Uchiha boy. That wound was still too raw to touch. He studied Sakura instead, noting with a pang how she'd changed in the months since he'd seen her. The most visible difference was in her clothing; instead of the red dress and teal shorts she'd worn during her time in Team 7, she now wore a sleeveless red vest, black shorts, and a short dark green skirt. There was a new confidence in her bearing, a little more wisdom in her face, a little more sorrow in her sea-green eyes. She had grown a great deal in the eight months since Team 7 was disbanded, and he was a little saddened by how much she'd come to resemble her new sensei, the Godaime Hokage. Would the rest of his students be so different when—if—he saw them again?
His right shoulder and the muscles of his chest protested painfully as he pushed himself up into a sitting position, but he set his teeth and refused to let it show. His head spun, and he had to lock his elbows to prevent them from giving out again. Obito's eye was uncovered, and his slowly-replenishing chakra was draining away again, even in the short time he'd been awake. Gods! He hated feeling weak like this!
"Kakashi-sensei, here." Sakura held out a pad of folded cloth topped with a gleaming metal plate. "We found this in your belt pouch. Tsunade-sama had a new headband put on it—it should fit."
He took the forehead protector delicately from her hand, feeling an unaccountable lump rise in his throat. Eight months with Tsunade, eight months of him being no more than a regular jounin with no connection at all to the Hokage's new apprentice—and she still called him sensei, still treated him with the same warm respect and concern. Maybe she hadn't changed quite so much. It gave him a little hope.
The cloth band of the new forehead protector was a little narrower than the old one, but it still covered Obito's eye well enough, tied around his head at the same steep angle. He ran his finger-tips from the edge of the engraved metal plate across the thin strip of naked flesh below his eye to the layers of bandages that started just below his cheekbone and swathed his entire lower face. His left cheek still burned with pain, but he could feel something cool and soothing against the raw flesh. "Good thing I wear a mask—this feels like it's gonna scar."
"Not if you keep those bandages on," she replied promptly. "The ointment Tsunade-sama used will prevent scarring as long as you keep the wounds covered for the next few days. Although I'm afraid your chest will still—"
"Look like hell," a woman's smooth voice interjected from the door. "We'll have to see if that'll be any improvement."
"Heh." Kakashi decided to overlook that comment. He was still too light-headed to think of anything biting enough for use in an exchange of barbs with the medic-nin of the Legendary Sannin. "Good morning to you, too, Hokage-sama."
The Godaime Hokage chuckled. Her high-heeled sandals clicked rhythmically as she crossed the floor to stop at his bed-side, just behind her new apprentice. "Sakura, on your way out tell Shizune I won't make it to the operation this morning. She'll have to carry on without me."
"W-what?" Sakura stammered. "My way—? But, Tsunade-sama, I just got here! And I haven't seen Kakashi-sensei for months—"
"Get moving," Tsunade said sternly.
Wisely, Sakura got, with a murmured, "See you later, Kakashi-sensei," and a quick brush of her hand across his blankets.
"She's been worried," Tsunade commented as the door slid shut. "By the time the medic team carried you in here last night, you looked like something three days dead." A dangerous tone slid into her voice. "Your heart stopped twice during the surgery, you know."
"Mm." Non-committal was probably the safest form of action when faced with Tsunade's famous temper. He hadn't known; he'd been drifting in and out of consciousness as Gai and the medics carried him back to Konoha, and he had only dim, patch-work memories of arriving at the hospital and hearing medic-nins argue over whether his abused body could stand the shock of general anesthesia for the surgery. Apparently it had—just barely. "Did the lightning mess with my heart, then?"
"You could say that," Tsunade agreed frostily. Then she exploded. "You practically fried your nervous system—you barely escaped severe brain damage—and you suffered a near-fatal heart attack while you were rolling around having seizures! You idiot, what were you thinking?"
Kakashi sighed. "That's the problem. I wasn't. If I'd sent in a shadow clone—hell, if I'd simply throwna stupid kunai—I could have stopped that missing-nin long enough to give Kiyame a chance. I'm supposed to be a genius ninja, and I didn't think at all. I just jumped in—" Like Naruto would have. His throat tightened with the old pain.
Tsunade groaned. "I'd hoped you'd rubbed off on Naruto, not the other way round. Well, no, reading those filthy books and being chronically late wouldn't improve him any…"
"He's with Jiraiya now," Kakashi pointed out, swallowing down the knot of pain that invaded his throat at the thought of his former student. "The 'Ero-sennin' will teach Naruto more than I ever could." Which is why you lost him—because you weren't good enough, not strong enough or smart enough to teach any of them what they needed to know. Sasuke went to Orochimaru for power after nearly killing Naruto with your Chidori. Naruto left with Jiraiya to gain the power to bring Sasuke back. And what could I teach Sakura? If I'd been a little better, maybe…but that's the story of my life. Copy Ninja Hatake Kakashi, the genius who's never quite good enough to save the people he loves…
Perhaps the Hokage sensed some of what he was thinking. After a lifetime as a shinobi, you learned to interpret silences—and Tsunade had been a ninja almost twice as long as Kakashi had been alive. She settled onto the stool Sakura had vacated and ran her fingers lightly through his tangled hair. "You know," she said quietly, "they all made their choices. You gave Sasuke an alternative. You did your best for him."
"My best," Kakashi growled, "wasn't good enough."
"Maybe not." Tsunade shrugged. "But then, none of us are ever good enough, are we? If I'd been good enough, Konoha's history might be quite different…" She sighed and leaned back. "In any case, I didn't send Sakura out so we could talk philosophy. I need to know what happened yesterday. You were coming back from a mission in Earth Country—for which I'll need the report later, by the way. How did you run into the ANBU squad?"
He grimaced. "I was taking a shortcut through the trees, and I passed pretty close to where they'd been fighting. Smelled it first, then saw the smoke. Both of the Leaf missing-nin were dead, as well as three of the ANBU—I only recognized Shinui Kaji, the squad captain. I thought at first he'd gotten hit with an explosion note, but it might have been the same jutsu they used against me. He was…very dead."
"Kiyame said he was hit first," Tsunade interjected. "He fell out of a tree, twenty meters above the ground, and they couldn't catch him."
Kakashi tore his mind away from the memory of Kaji's burnt and broken body. "Um, yes. That would make sense. So you've talked to her already?"
"She gave me her report last night, while I was treating her. One deep cut across the left bicep, a hole through her right calf and a stab-wound in her right side—from kunai during the first fight, she said. She can't remember anything after the Cloud killed two of her dogs, though, so I need you to fill in that information."
Mad golden eyes…clawed hands ripping flesh…crimson tattoos masked by blood… screams cut short as fangs sink in… Kakashi's left hand tightened on the blankets. "I still don't understand what it was. I didn't sense any change in chakra, but… Kyouken no Jutsu. It wasn't just a body-change jutsu, like the Inuzuka clan's standard Quadruped technique. I was watching with the Sharingan, and I saw something inside her opening, like a Celestial Gate. Only it wasn't, because her chakra didn't increase. She just went feral. Mad. She wasn't human anymore."
"Kyouken no Jutsu," Tsunade murmured, as if to herself. "And then?"
"She attacked the one who'd killed her dogs. He had a katana, but he wasn't fast enough. She ripped his throat out with her teeth." He made his voice as flat and emotionless as it would go, trying to distance himself from the memory. "The other two were standing maybe four meters away. One of them started forming seals for the same jutsu he'd used to take me out. Shuurai no Jutsu. It's a chakra lightning strike—"
"Which should have killed you." That dangerous note was creeping into the Hokage's voice again. Her attention span was as short as Naruto's, and her emotions as volatile as Sakura's. Kakashi winced. "A lightning bolt to the chest is enough to kill anyone, but this one must have eaten your chakra, because you were almost totally drained when they brought you in. You'd also lost almost thirty percent of your heart muscle. I still don't understand how you managed to survive long enough for the medic-nins to get to you."
I wasn't ready to die. But there was more to it than that; Kakashi had seen plenty of shinobi die who had fought just as desperately to hang on to life. He'd killed more than his fair share of them. Tsunade was right; the lightning strike jutsu should have killed him, had been killing him, until—
He chuckled softly. "I guess Kiyame wasn't the only one opening gates. Don't tell Gai, but I think I've discovered a way to open a Celestial Gate without even thinking about it." He considered for a moment. "Two, probably. Opening the Heal Gate would explain how I managed to stop the seizures and regain some muscular control. It'd also explain how I weakened again so suddenly. Once that chakra ran out, I didn't have anything left."
Tsunade sighed. "I should be punching you bloody for sheer stupidity, but I have no intention of spending another night bringing you back to life. It was chancy enough the first time—and even worse the second." Her fingers slid into the hollow of his throat, checking his pulse. "Your heart is pumping steadily now, but you won't be completely out of danger for another week. You must have really pushed yourself after opening the Heal Gate."
She was really going to bite his head off for this. "There wasn't any alternative. One of the Cloud nin started the seals for the Shuurai no Jutsu. If he'd got her, we would've both been dead. I had to give her an opening. So I did Kanashibari no Jutsu, and I held 'em until she… removed the threat."
"Kakashi…" The Hokage looked as if she didn't know whether to pound him through the floor or kiss him. "If I had your luck, I'd be the richest woman on the continent. You shouldn't have survived last night!"
"Wasn't luck," he disagreed. "I couldn't give up, so I found the strength to keep going. Although—" he paused, thinking. "All right, there was some luck. If Katsu hadn't got between us when he did, I would be dead."
"And here," Tsunade said quietly, "we come to the heart of it. What exactly happened between you and Kiyame?"
What does she remember? he wanted to ask, but he was pretty sure Tsunade wouldn't tell him. Just make your report, he told himself sternly, and then ask your own questions. Right now, she needs the answers more than you do.
"She didn't release the jutsu," he said. "At first, I thought she had—she was over by the edge of the woods, and I could tell she was hurt, so I dug out my aid kit. I covered the Sharingan first and then called to her. She turned, and I realized she was still feral. I pulled out a kunai…"
He stopped. How could he explain what had happened next? Sorry, Hokage-sama, but I decided I'd rather die than kill a woman I barely knew. The kunai was just for show, really. Maybe I could've thrown it—maybe I could've hit her—but I couldn't have killed her anymore than I can forget Obito.
Well, did he have to explain that part at all? Kiyame had approached him, but she hadn't attacked, so his noble intentions were a moot point anyway. "She didn't lunge at me, like she had at the Cloud shinobi. She was slower, wary—I guess my sitting down confused her. Her dog staggered between us when she was about three meters away. He was trying to protect me; he snarled at her, then barked. I think he must've managed to communicate with her somehow, because she shuddered and closed her eyes. When she opened them, they were brown again."
Tsunade let her breath out slowly between her teeth. "She guessed right, then. Blast! We can't afford to lose her, especially not now!"
"Lose her?" Kakashi stared at the older woman. "I didn't think she was hurt that badly. Is it because of that jutsu?"
The Hokage hesitated. "That's…classified information. I can tell you that Kiyame is recovering very well; she'll be out of the hospital tomorrow. She has, however, asked to resign from ANBU."
Kakashi wasn't surprised. Most ANBU members didn't last more than a few years, although resignation was less common than death in combat. He'd served for five years, beating the average by nearly eighteen months, and he still wasn't quite sure how he'd managed to come through with a (mostly) intact hide. "Smart girl." Although—losing her entire team probably had a lot to do with it, too. And what was this about classified? "Maybe I'll stop by later today. She could probably use a friendly face. Voice." He tugged at the wrappings that covered his face from cheekbones to chin. "How long until these bandages come off?"
Tsunade slapped his hand away. "Do you want another reason for wearing a mask? You'll scar worse than Raidou if you keep messing with those. Leave 'em alone till I come back to change them before lunch, or I'll tell Shizune to go through your apartment and throw away all of your books."
Kakashi narrowed his eye. "Sadist," he muttered darkly. Tsunade just laughed.
Gai, Asuma, and Kurenai dropped in shortly after Tsunade left Kakashi's room for the second time that day. She'd kept her promise, re-bandaging his face, chest, and shoulder while murmuring dire threats of exactly what she'd have Shizune do to his precious library if he did anything to strain his damaged muscles or disturb his ointment-smeared bandages. He kept (mostly) silent, his eye fixed on the steaming tray she'd brought with her. It had been, he calculated while Tsunade's threats buzzed around his ears, over thirty-six hours since he'd last eaten. By now even the hospital's indifferent food would taste spectacular.
Unfortunately, although Tsunade had left a wide hole in the bandages over his mouth, neither of them had considered how he was supposed to eat with his right arm immobilized against his chest. He could throw shuriken and punches equally well with either hand, could switch his kunai from right to left without a moment's pause in the ferocity of his attack, but he'd never trained to use chopsticks left-handed. At least his fingers were working well enough to curl around the slender sticks in an attempt to hold then in the correct position, although they kept sliding off unfamiliar calluses. He nearly gave up in disgust the third time he dropped a load of rice into his lap, but—I will not be defeated by a pair of chopsticks and a bowl of rice! If Naruto found out—
No. Don't think of Naruto. Think of awkward wooden sticks refusing to fit comfortably into his hand, think of bland rice and slippery tomato slices, which Sasuke had loved to the point of bringing a whole tomato in his bento every day they were in season—and no, don't think of Sasuke…
"Looks like Cloud missing-nins aren't the only things attacking you recently," Asuma remarked, lounging into the room. He indicated the rice scattered over Kakashi's tray and blanketed lap with a jerk of the cigarette clenched in his teeth. "Somebody slip an explosion note into your rice?"
Kakashi sighed and laid the chopsticks down on the tray. "Asuma, your bedside manner stinks."
The bearded jounin shrugged. "I'm a shinobi, not a—"
"A what?" Kurenai asked dangerously, elbowing past him. "A creature with even the slightest sense of tact?" Her crimson glare flickered to Kakashi and softened a little. Only a little, though. She was definitely upset. Kurenai was never much good at hiding her emotions. Come to think of it, none of the kunoichi Kakashi knew were very good at it. At least when Kurenai was upset she got angry instead of bursting into tears.
Asuma knew the dangers of Kurenai's temper even better than Kakashi did. He threw her a wary glance and drew deeply on his cigarette. "I did chip in for the flowers," he pointed out.
"That's only because all the jounin did," Kurenai sniped, then glanced behind her. "Speaking of flowers…"
"Konoha's Beautiful Azure Beast has brought them!" Gai posed in the doorway, holding an enormous bouquet over his head and flashing that obscenely white smile at the other three jounin. But Kakashi didn't miss the quick flick of the black eyes over his body, the slight relaxation when Gai saw for himself that his "eternal rival"—and closest friend, if so simple a word as friend could describe the complexity of their relationship—was alive and, if not well, at least somewhere along the path to recovery.
He blinked lazily at Gai, because he knew nothing would infuriate the man more. Then, because after all, Gai deserved some kind of reaction for remembering the handkerchief and for hauling his sorry carcass back to Konoha, he drawled, "Flowers? For me? Gai, you shouldn't have!"
And because Gai knew that nothing annoyed Kakashi more than his poses, he struck another pose and announced in a booming voice, "I'm not the only one to despair at the loss of your health, Kakashi!" The grin turned sly. "Anko contributed very generously."
Kakashi groaned. "Please tell me that's another of your appallingly bad jokes…"
Gai was too noble to smirk. But he did flash Kakashi another sparkling grin as he stooped to pick up a vase from behind the door (where it had probably been hidden so it wouldn't interfere with his pose), plunked the bouquet in the vase, and strode past Kurenai and Asuma to place the flowers on the table beside Kakashi's bed. "Well, generously for Anko, at least."
"Meaning that she gave enough to buy half a daisy," Kurenai muttered.
There was more to this than Kurenai-upset-at-paying-more-than-her-fair-share or Kurenai-worried-about-a-recovering-fellow-shinobi or even Kurenai-during-her-favorite-week-of-the-month. Kakashi pushed the tray aside and fixed his eye on the kunoichi. "Kurenai. What's wrong?"
She folded her arms and looked away. "Nothing. Sorry. I'm just…"
"Is this about Kiyame?" Asuma asked quietly. "You were in her room for nearly an hour before we came here."
Kurenai bit her lip. "She's resigning," she said quietly. "I tried to talk her out of it—we've been friends for years, we became jounin together about three years ago, and I know she's one of the best kunoichi we've got—but she's too stubborn. Too scared, maybe." She snorted. "As if Kiba could handle the Inuzuka clan. I love that boy, but…"
"What do Kiba and the Inuzuka have to do with Kiyame resigning from ANBU?" Kakashi asked in confusion.
Kurenai's eyes widened. "Have you talked to her yet?"
He shook his head. "I probably won't be able to walk until mid-afternoon. Chakra depletion. But Tsunade-sama mentioned that she was resigning from ANBU. I don't blame her. I did the same, eight years ago."
"Well." Kurenai sighed. "This isn't just ANBU. Kiyame's decided she's not worthyof being either a Konoha kunoichi or the heir to the Inuzuka clan. When I left her, she was ready to turn in her forehead protector and step down in favor of her younger brother, Kiba."
Asuma's cigarette dropped from his gaping mouth. He ground it out hurriedly with his heel and lit another. "Kiba? Noisy, hyperactive, arrogant kid with a superiority complex? That is how you've described him," he added as Kurenai's mouth twitched angrily.
Sounds like Naruto, Kakashi thought. For the first time in almost eight months, the thought came with more amusement than pain. If Naruto can set his sights on becoming Hokage, why can't Kiba lead the Inuzuka clan?
…Because he has an older sister who is a damned good ninja, and why is she so intent on resigning every position of responsibility she holds?
Is it because of that jutsu?
"Kurenai," he said quietly, cutting through the kunoichi's indignant defense of her student. "Did she tell you why?"
The crimson-eyed woman's face tightened. She glanced at Asuma, who was studiously attending to his new cigarette, and then at Gai, who was assiduously rearranging the bouquet and pretending not to pay attention. "Not much," she said. "But I saw that clearing, and I can read between the lines. Kiyame's scared of what she did, scared she could do it again."
"What did she do?" Gai asked, forgetting that he was pretending not to listen.
Kurenai shook her head. "She wouldn't say. Just that she couldn't trust herself anymore, and that she couldn't put any Konoha nin in that kind of danger again. She's really upset about what happened to you, Kakashi."
"Nothing did happen to me," Kakashi protested. He told himself that it was true. "Or at least, none of it was her fault. My own stupidity is mostly to blame." He didn't like lying to his comrades, but Tsunade had asked him not to talk to anyone about Kiyame's 'feral' jutsu, and he could understand why. If the Inuzuka was so upset over what she'd done to the Cloud missing-nin and nearly done to Kakashi… But surely this was an overreaction! For the gods' sakes, Naruto had the Kyuubi leaking out of his navel, and he'd never decided to lock himself in his apartment for fear of hurting those around him…
Well. Perhaps Naruto wasn't the best example. But he was an example, at least, because whatever Kiyame had released inside her with that jutsu, it couldn't be worse than Naruto's demon. And if the blond-haired genin could live and work with the Kyuubi in his belly, surely a fierce, stubborn jounin wouldn't let a brief, bloody bout of insanity destroy her life.
"I think," he said, staring up at the ceiling, "that I really need to speak with Inuzuka Kiyame."
Author's Notes: First (and greatest) thanks go to my beta reader, Phoenix of Eternity, who has encouraged, critiqued, and discussed this work since its genesis. Check out her new story Anniversaries—I say with no reservations that it's very good. Second, thanks to everyone who reviewed! I'm thrilled to see how many people are excited to see what happens next. I've basically got the whole story planned out, so really it's just writing that will take the time… Anyway, from here on the genre becomes more Angst/Romance, as Kakashi and Kiyame both struggle to deal with their demons.
Chevira Lowe: Thanks so much! I really admire your own stories, and I'm so glad you're enjoying mine. Sorry that Kakashi went down so easily, but to me, anyway, what happened after he goes down is more interesting. He may seem lazy and laid back, but he has a core of steel…and he doesn't ever give up. So I guess I was trying to focus more on how he deals with "defeat" than on his mad fighting skills (which everyone knows about already).
Mechalich: You're right about the missing nins, and I'm embarrassed that I hadn't thought of that. You're also totally right about the effect this fight will have on Kiyame. From here on, the story branches into more of a "deal with the demons inside you" fic—and no, the demons are figurative, not literal. We don't need any more Youma popping up. Anyway, thanks so much for your kind words!
Daniel of Lorien: Thanks—I think so too! Or at least, I hope it does…
PinkyMcCoversong: I'll do my best to update as soon as I get the next chapter written—I'm just thrilled that people are actually reading and enjoying this story.
FireDragonBL: No, Team 7 isn't dead. This fic is set in the two-year interim after the team breaks up, with Sasuke going to Orochimaru, Naruto leaving with Jiraiya, and Sakura training under Tsunade. So Kakashi's on his own… And you're right that if he were at the top of his form, he'd notice the hidden enemies. However, even Kakashi makes mistakes (as we see with Zabuza, Itachi, and Kabuto). And however fast he is, he can't outrun a lightning bolt. Don't worry, he's going to beat himself over the head for it quite enough. Anyway, thanks for reading!
Clemence: Thanks for your comments. My beta was very pleased with Gai's handkerchief too, so I'm glad to see that you agree with her. I've always liked Gai, even though he is really bizarre—but then, what ninja is normal?