A/N: The final chapter of Autobiography (!) I'm finally 13 :happy dance: Anyway, the final chapter is nigh..lol...Thanks to alllllll of my reviewers from all the chapters :)

Dr. Friedland looked down at herself, unconcious on the floor. Wait, how could she see herself if she was unconcious and not dead?

"Bloody humans. Can't imagine how they can stand being inside a body all the time," muttered Dr. Friedland, or rather, her impostor. Suddenly, the impostor appeared to be ripping apart at the seams. She swelled, until she looked as if she was about to burst. The thing that was to have been Dr. Friedland disinflated and a short humanoid creature walked out of the folds of skin.

This figure appeared to be a child, but it was too disporportional to tell. She had cropped auburn hair and wore a strange green jumpsuit that read 'LEP'. This was none other than Captain Holly Short.

Meanwhile, Artemis was still sitting rigidly in his chair amid the office that looked like a nuclear bomb had hit it. Artemis looked extremely uncomfortable, but he was scheming in his mind.

How could he get out of there? There was clearly something odd going on, and Artemis was sure Root and Holly were at the bottom of it. What had Artemis done this time? Artemis wracked his brain trying to think what he had done to the fairies to get them after him. 'Damn it! It probably was that small bit of smuggling porn to the Bwa' Kell last month!Hey, it was only softcore to be fair!"he thought, then added in his mind, 'D'ARVIT! Great, now I'm even thinking like a fairy!'

Thinking clearly again, Artemis thought of his options while Bianca aka Dogwoman was chewing on his sleeve, quite used to this by now. He could go attack Dr. Friedland while she was under the mesmer, and then leave the building, blaming it on Bianca. But this obviously could go wrong. What if Friedland wasn't under the mesmer? Too many possibilities of discovery and being shipped off to an asylum. Or he could just sit here with his head in his hands. Right now, the latter seemed the best option for Artemis. So he sighed and got comfortable as Bianca proceeded to claw at his hair. Artemis didn't even seem to notice when Bob and Charlie had stopped fighting and let Bianca out in the hall. Bianca + Unsupervised equals bad news.

Holly-I mean-Dr. Friedland-I mean- oh forget it, you know who I mean, nervously touched the Neutrino 3000 stashed in her labcoat's pocket. Fowl was a smart one, she knew that. She was not surprised when allegations of porn smuggling had reached her ears. Yeah, it was definetely Fowl. Hey, what can you expect from a teenage boy? A genius, but nonetheless, a teenage boy with rampant hormones and lots of money. Holly started to remember when she was just 50...The wild years-wait, she was here for a mission, not reminiscing over teenage years.

Holly peeked around the corner and seeing no one there, she darted down the hallway quietly. Suddenly, she heard footsteps coming toward her. She tried to hide in a broom closet, but it was too late. The intruder greeted her rather cheerfully-with a bark and a lick on the face. 'So this was the freak that Root warned me about,' thought Holly, 'This is what the humans get after centuries of inbreeding. People like her. And Fowl' Holly tried to get up and leave, but at this point the dog-like human began to growl menacingly. Holly heated up her Neutrino 3000 to give her a small shock, when suddenly the human jumped on her and tried to bite her. Without thinking, she shot the laser, and-hey, where'd she go? Holly looked down at the floor and the pile of ash next to her. Oops. Better be careful with that thing, Holly. She merely shrugged and continued down the hall.

Finally, Holly found the conference room where Artemis was supposed to be. Room 640. Perfect. All she had to do was to sneak in and BAM! she would nab him and take him toPolice Plaza, where all Fowl's memories of the People would be erased. For good this time.

Holly took a deep breath and jumped into the room with laser pointed straight ahead, yelling, "FOWL! YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR THE CHARGES OF-" She stopped short when she saw the room was empty except for a piece of paper. It read:

Dearest Commander Root and Captain Short,

It is obvious that I have outwitted you, yet again. Did you really think that plan would work? Come on, I know you're better than that. Anyway, right now, I'm probably on my way to a sandy beach in Puerto Rico with free drinks and an extremely hot waitress named Carmela who I'd definitely like to try-oh forget it, the point is I'm gone.

Until your next pathetic attempt at capture, I remain,

Your most elusive crimelord,

Artemis Fowl the II

"D'Arvit!" swore Holly out loud. Of course, the LEP checked all flights and ships to Puerto Rico, private or otherwise, and no Artemis Fowl was listed.

Meanwhile...

Artemis suppressed a laugh in the closet nearby, dressed as Bob/Charlie. Was the LEP really that stupid, or had the dank air finally gotten to them? It was the only thing he could do, albeit a feeble attempt at escape.Fortunately, it worked, and it wasn't all a lie.Mind you, he was going to Puerto Rico with free drinks, no matter that he couldn't drink, his credit card would arrange that. And about that waitress...

End

A/N: Not a very funny ending, but it all came out pretty well..lol..Sorry for the delay, I've just started going to NJIT, so I haven't had much time to update any stories :)