(1-21-05) Alrighy, kids! Let's see... Thank you for the reviews and the helpfulness and the all... I'm sure I would've eventually thought one upon my own, but I'd like to credit Yamashira de'Ryu with the title... The line is used more than once in the fic, as is to be expected (School DOES suck)... I can't believe I didn't think of it on my own... Stupid me! Oh well. Thanks!
I dunno about you, but I'm pretty tired of the Fanfiction Dot Net Spaces Faerie taking the spaces from between my words...He has no need and no motive... Unless he's just a kleptomaniac... And they aren't shiny, either, so it's neitherShadow nor Youko stealing the spaces... Who'd want to steal spaces?They're just these bland, boring, non-word gaps between the black lines we form into what we call letters, which, in turn, form what we call words, which, in turn, form what we call sentences, then paragraphs, and it goes on from there... But the spaces, though oh-so-bland and boring, are vital for proper comprehension of these black shapes. SO LEAVE THEM THERE, SPACES FAERIE!
NOW READ THE CHAPTER, DAMMIT! Lol. Hope it has all its spaces!
CHAPTER TWO
I'M NOT A BUTTERFLY!
Hiei sighed. He'd demolished two perfectly fine maple trees before he'd realized that it was sad for violence to be his only form of entertainment. Of course, the voice had nagged and nagged at him for that... Now he was resting on the battered, charred remains of one of the maples he'd killed, his fingers interlocked behind his head as he stared up at the sky.
I really have become soft. I've become used to the easy ningen life... I should move back to Makai for a couple months. See what Shadow thinks of that... he thought. No, cuz she'd probably either come with me or succeed in convincing me to stay here. What a pain.
No point in denying it any more, Hiei. Just go crawling back to Shadow in shame, tell her you've become a big softie and life in the tranquil ningen forest was too hard for you... Tell her you want to live in her house and you'll get a ningen job teaching ningen kids at a ningen school. Tell her you love her and you never want to leave her or anger her or anything like that, and that you'll stay with her through everything and even death won't do you part.
SHUT THE HELL UP, VOICE! I might have become soft, but I'm not some loving companion, and I'm not about to make any commitments, especially not to somebody like Shadow.
(Ah, talking to voices in your head is fun. I do it all the time. What? No! They... Er... Okay! Time to run from the loony bin guys! Runnn!! THEY WANT TO KILL ME!)
Why? What's wrong with Shadow?
Too much to list. Leave me alone. I don't want to talk to a nagging conscience, if that's what you are.
You're mean, Hiei. You prefer the company of a girl to the company of your own mind.
Hiei blinked. "Ah... That made little sense.
You're wishing I was Shadow!
HELL NO! The last thing I need is SHADOW talking to me in my head!
Well she could, you know. She can use telepathy.
How nice.
The voice decided to change the subject. What are you going to do for the next few days, Hiei? You can't go back to Shadow and show her how weak you've become, and you decided that killing trees is stupid, so, what?
I'm going to carve you out of my head with a rusty spoon! Shut the hell up!
Hiei got up and decided he'd leave the forest. He darted through the trees and was soon on a sidewalk not far from Shadow's house. He made a detour so he wouldn't have to go near it, and in the process, he ended up going through some of the lower quality housing developments.
Oh! Good idea! his voice said cheerfully as about ten thugs surrounded Hiei. Beat the shit out of them!
Hiei sighed.
"Hey, puny! What the hell are you doing on our turf?" one thug asked, pulling a knife.
"I suppose I'm waiting patiently for you to make the first move so I can beat the shit out of you and be on my way."
The thugs all laughed. "You couldn't--"
"Time's up," Hiei said. He leapt at the nearest one, punched him and sent him flying into the wall of a nearby house. In under two minutes, all ten of them were lying in the same vicinity. He brushed his hands together and dusted off his cloak.
"Two minutes of useful and oddly entertaining violence!" he said, smiling as he walked away.
He spent the rest of the day wandering aimlessly around Tokyo.
- - -
On Thursday, as Shadow had predicted, there were torrential downpours, and Hiei found himself in the shelter of a particularly large oak tree, which was stupid, because he knew lightning strikes tall things (on his own, he's never in danger of being hit by lightning, of course). However, he was sitting there reflecting on the past three days.
Monday: He'd been banished from Shadow's house. Argued with the voice.
Tuesday: Mauled trees. Argued with the voice. Wandered around Tokyo, pitted every thug and street gang in the city against him, and sat around using his Jagan to spy on randomly chosen people for about half an hour each. Nobody had succeeded in entertaining him much.
Wednesday: Slept until about two o'clock in the afternoon, butchered a fish in a stream he'd found in the forest around Shadow's house, and ate it charred horribly due to hunger from lack of food the previous day and his accidental overheating of the small fire he'd used to cook it.
Thursday: So far, sat under a tree and reflected on what he'd done Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.
"This is boring," he sighed. "I could go out in the rain, but what's the point? There's nothing more exciting to do in the rain then there is in the small bit of shelter this tree provides..." He wrapped his cloak around him more tightly and huddled in a little ball. After a second, he cussed. "Screw it. This is stupid."
He stood up and walked away. Ten seconds later, the tree he'd been sitting under was struck by lightning and caught fire. He shouted a surprised curse and stared.
"Wow. That was close." Subduing the flames, he then continued on his way.
- - -
"I wonder how Hiei's faring in all this," Yusuke mused aloud, staring out the window.
"He's probably found himself a nice cave to camp out in," Kuwabara said.
"Maybe he didn't and he's soaking wet and freezing to death," Eclipse suggested casually.
"That's cruel," Kurama admonished. "You know if you really believed that you'd be more worried."
"No I wouldn't. Not for Hiei, at least. I'd be worried for Shadow, because when he recovered, he'd come after her with a large array of pain-causing instruments."
"You wouldn't be worried for Shadow, either, because Shadow would just seduce him and they'd have feral animal sex to make up for it," Yusuke said. Eclipse blanched.
"You're repulsive, Yusuke."
"Isn't he though...?" the fox said. They were all sitting around the room, staring out windows or staring at the TV screen, which had a picture but no sound (it was muted because Yusuke had said it was too loud and was hardly a reflection of his dismal mood, therefore if they didn't turn it down he'd beat them to death).
Shadow came down the stairs. Everyone looked at her for any sign of worry for their fire demon friend, but she showed none.
"Hey Kurama, Hiei's gonna be applying for that P.E. job after all," she said. They all looked at her.
"What do you mean?" the fox asked. A second later, the front door opened and in walked Hiei, soaking wet and covered in mud. Shadow went flying across the room and hugged him.
"I MISSED YOU, DAMMIT!"
Hiei stared over her shoulder at the other four, who were staring with wide eyes and just gave him a confused, simultaneous shrug.
"I suppose I missed you too," he said, "or else I wouldn't be here."
"Are you cold?"
"Not really... Just wet."
"Well that's nothing that can't be fixed," Shadow said, smiling. "I knew you'd come back!"
"I was expecting a bit more grief from you," Hiei said. "You know, calling me a pansy and that."
"You're not a pansy! You're just... Social. And that's good, since anti-social people don't do very good in the teaching position..."
Hiei sighed. "Yes, fine, I'll apply at your stupid school."
Shadow squealed and hugged him again. "Arigatou!"
"Whatever," he said. He took off his sopping cloak. "What do you want me to do with this?" Shadow shrugged and took it from him.
"Something, I suppose." She wandered off absentmindedly and went into the basement, where, as well as having an infirmary and a pool table, she had her washer and dryer.
"So what did you do for two days?" Yusuke asked. "Kill stuff? Sleep? Eat? Cry over Shadow's sudden absence from your life? Train? Kill stuff?"
"None of your business, really," Hiei said, taking off his shirt and wringing it out. The water hit the hardwood floor and splashed everywhere. They were slightly surprised by his lack of concern for this.
"You know, you're causing a giant puddle of mud to accumulate around you," Kurama pointed out. Hiei shrugged.
"There's a mop somewhere in the house."
"Why are you being so pissy?" Kuwabara asked.
"I'm not being pissy, I'm being me," Hiei said. Kuwabara blinked.
"You're being 'you' from two years ago before Shadow existed..."
"So?"
"So LIGHTEN UP!!!" Eclipse shouted at the top of her lungs. There was a pause while everyone, even Eclipse, tried to rid themselves of the ringing in their ears before the girl continued, cheerful and more quietly. "You know? You're Hiei Jaganshi, social butterfly, not Hiei Jaganshi, social pit bull. Stop biting peoples' heads off."
"I'M NOT A BUTTERFLY!"
"See what I mean?" she said to Yusuke. He nodded. She turned her attention back to Hiei. "But Hiei, you'd make a wonderful butterfly!"
Hiei fixed her with narrowed, angry eyes. "I. Hate. Butterflies."
"Pity. They're such interesting little creatures. Maybe we'll get to catch them and pin 'em up by their perty little wings in biology next year." She said the last part with an evil, psychotic tone, a demonic glint in her eye as she grinned cruelly.
"Eh... Sure, whatever," Yusuke said, putting himself on the other side of Kurama to avoid the girl.
"I'm taking a shower and going to bed," Hiei announced. He took off his boots and walked away. They stared after him.
"Maybe he had an epiphaniphanee," Eclipse said.
"It's an epiphany, Eclipse, and I think he's just cold and tired," Kurama corrected. "He's changed since he met Shadow, he's not about to become the moody little guy we knew before in a matter of two days. He just hasn't seen enough of Shadow since he walked back in the door today. Now clean up that mess he made."
"Why should I?! You're his best friend!"
"That's exactly why I shouldn't," the fox answered, already walking away.
"I'm not cleaning that up," Eclipse told Yusuke. He snorted.
"You think I am?"
"No."
"Poker?"
"Sure!"
Those two walked off and left Kuwabara standing there by himself when Shadow came back up the stairs a second later with a mop and a bucket of water. She looked disapprovingly at the mess, then pressed the mop and bucket against the human's chest, glaring up at him.
"Well? What are you waiting for? Start cleaning!"
He took them, more from being startled than from obeying Shadow, and she walked away before he could think (she could have stood there anywhere from two minutes to two years and that would have been in the 'before he could think' range).
"Where'd Hiei go?" she asked, walking into the living room.
"He went to take a shower and go to bed," Kurama answered.
"Okay. So what are you guys doing?"
"Nothing."
"Hm. I'm gonna go upstairs and pester Hiei, then."
"But he's taking a shower..."
"Then I'll pester him when he gets out," Shadow said, heading up the stairs. "Baka!"
"Be nice, children!" Yusuke commanded. Shadow ignored him and vanished up the stairs. She went to Hiei's room and sat on his bed waiting for him.
A few minutes later, he came walking into his room wearing a pair of pants and no shirt. Shadow grinned.
"Hi!"
"Hn."
Shadow narrowed her eyes, her smile gone in a split second. "Don't you 'hn' at me, young man!" Hiei blinked, then decided to antagonize her.
"You gonna stop me?"
"YES."
"Hn. That's a laugh."
"Yeah! My laugh! I'll laugh as I look down at your still, mutilated, hn-less form at my feet!"
"Sure, whatever. You could never do that to me."
"WATCH ME!"
"Hn."
"I warned you once already, Hiei!"
"More like two or three times."
"Shut up!"
"Hn."
"THAT'S IT!"
Shadow lunged at Hiei, pinning him to the floor. She glared down at him and his ruby eyes stared up at her innocently. Of course, behind the innocent mask was the perfect face of an arrogant, antagonizing fire demon who was intentionally doing this to annoy her.
"Don't you give me puppy eyes! That only works so many times!"
"But... But..." Hiei protested pathetically. Shadow continued glaring. He continued looking sad and innocently scared. They continued staring for a few more minutes until Shadow finally sighed, sitting next to Hiei instead of on top of him, and pulled him into a hug.
"You and your stupid puppy eyes."
"Whatever works," Hiei said, smiling.
"Did you miss me?"
"Maybe a little."
Shadow looked hurt. "You heartless bastard!"
"Jeez... Go nuts. I was joking. I didn't miss you at all."
Shadow just clubbed him upside the head.
"Ow! Jeez! I was joking again! I missed you, okay! A lot! Don't hit me again!"
The girl slowly relaxed. "Good Hiei." He snorted.
"Right."
"So, anyway, Saturday I have to go take tests to be placed in school, since I was home schooled before now--"
"You were?"
"That's what fox boy said."
"Ah. Continue."
"So that's when you're gonna go apply for the job, okay?"
Hiei sighed heavily. "Sure, fine, whatever..."
"Yeah, it sure is fine weather," Shadow said, grinning. She got up. "Kurama said you intended on going to bed after your shower. I won't keep you. I've gotta go be a wench to Kuwabara and make sure he's mopping up the mess you made."
"That's what you're best at."
"What, being a wench?"
"Hai."
"Shut up, Hiei."
"Yes ma'am."
"Go to bed."
"Yes ma'am."
Shadow got up and left the room. Going downstairs, she found Kuwabara obediently mopping the floor.
"Hey! Maybe I should hire you as a maid!" she said, grinning. He looked at her, horrified. She laughed. "Yeah right! Like I'd pay you to do anything! I wouldn't pay you to save my life!" She walked away, shooting back at him, "Keep mopping!"
Well, Saturday came two days later, as it usually does after Thursday. At two o'clock, Kurama loaded the two fire demons into his car and headed towards the school.
"Remember what you've been told, Hiei," the redhead said, looking at his friend in the front passenger's seat.
"Yeah, yeah, I went to college, I know martial arts, but that's not what I'll be teaching the kids... All the time... Um--"
"No, Hiei. I really don't think Yamashita would approve of you teaching any martial arts to the kids at all ever."
"Well I wouldn't want them to know any. Then they'd be able to defend themselves when Shadow takes over the world... Of course she'd kick their asses, but the fact remains... She might get a bruise or something."
"That's right! Everything Hiei does will be in the best interest of me and my world domination plans!" Shadow said from the back seat. Kurama looked at her in the rearview mirror.
"Shadow, you're not using my high school as a base for your dictatorship..."
"Damn."
"So what else do you have to know, Hiei?" the fox asked, putting the conversation back on course.
"Um... I taught for a few years in a school in... another city... and it burnt down 'mysteriously' and any records of my existance went poof. So now I'm here and I've had other jobs and stuff, and I'm the most qualified person for the job. Right?"
"Good enough..." Kurama said. "You'll just have to fill out applications, and you know how to do that."
"Quick! When's your birthday?" Shadow asked.
"They don't have calendars in Makai!" Hiei snapped. "Not when you're a bandit child!"
"Bzzt! Wrong answer! October 31st is the correct answer," Shadow said. Hiei looked at her sideways.
"Whatever..."
They arrived at the school a short while later and the two were all set up with their tests and applications and whatnot else that they needed for their own respective purposes.
And they were there for quite some time.
... Yes...
Quite some time...
And Shadow still wasn't done with her tests...
Until finally...
Three hours later...
She FINALLY...
Finally...
FI-NUH-LEE...
Finished.
Hiei and Kurama were snoozing in the cushioned chairs in the office when she came back with the man who'd administered the test. She went over to them and poked them repeatedly until one or the other of them woke up.
"What time is it?" Kurama asked, looking around.
"About six," Shadow replied cheerfully.
"You mean to tell me I've been sleeping in this chair for the past three hours?" Hiei asked incredulously.
"Hai."
"No wonder my back hurts."
"I thought it was unhealthy to sleep sitting up..." Shadow said.
"It probably is... But you've slept standing up before so you're worse off than me. Can we go now?" The question was directed at anyone who could answer, since the administrator of Shadow's tests was also in the room, looking over the papers.
"Hai, go ahead. You'll receive your test results and schedule in the mail within a week," the man said, not even looking at them.
"Good. Let's go," Hiei said, leaving.
"I'm hungry," Shadow said randomly. Kurama sighed and steered her out the door behind Hiei.
"You guys are horrible," he said as they got in the car.
"What'd I do?" Shadow asked. "Hey! I wanna ride in the front seat!"
"No," Hiei said flatly, getting in.
"Kurama!!!" Shadow whined.
"Get in the back. We're gonna go get something to eat. You can ride in the front on the way back," he said. Then he got in the car, muttering, "God, she's like a little child..."
Hiei snorted. "She is a little child."
"I heard that!" Shadow snapped.
- - -
Well, the next week on Thursday, a large envelope arrived from Mieou High. Shadow eagerly tore it open like an early Christmas present and pulled out the papers it enclosed.
"'Dear Shadow Jaganshi, you will be pleased to know that you've been placed in advanced classes,'" she read. Then she blinked. "Who the hell are they to tell me whether to be pleased or not? Maybe I wanna be in retard classes, like Yusuke!"
Hiei wandered into the room. "What about Yusuke?"
"Read this for me, I'm too lazy," the girl replied, holding the letter out to Hiei. He took it and looked it over.
"You're in advanced classes, your schedule and test results are enclosed, we wish you a good year at Mieou High. The end," he summarized. Shadow blinked, then grabbed the other papers that had been in the envelope.
"I scored extremely well in every subject!" she said cheerfully.
"How?" Hiei asked, looking at the papers over her shoulder. "Was the fox feeding you answers through telepathy?"
"I tried to get him to. He wouldn't. Then he fell asleep, and you were already asleep, so I had to do it all by myself. So I guess I'm just a FREAKIN' GENIUS!"
"Well... I've heard that the stupider a person acts, the smarter they are," Hiei said, shrugging. "It's hard to believe, but... I guess you might have a brain after all."
"THAT'S LIKE ADMITTING I'M GOD!" she shouted. "AFTER ALL YOU'VE INSULTED ME, YOU FINALLY ADMIT I HAVE A BRAIN! I FEEL VERY SPECIAL!"
"You shouldn't."
"I do!"
"But you shouldn't."
"Well I do. Don't spoil it."
"Right. Kudos and all that. Let me see your schedule."
She handed him another piece of paper and he looked at it. "Assuming I get hired, you'll be in my class last period... Good. At least I won't have to put up with you first thing in the morning..."
"Yes you will! You'll have to put up with me when we get up, and on the way to school!"
"Oh, shut up."
"I don't wanna."
"Do it anyway."
Shadow glared. "Aren't you going to miss our quality time together?"
"It's not like we'll never see each other again," Hiei said. "You'll just be at school, learning, and I'll be at school, teaching. That is, assuming I get the job."
"You'll get the job, don't worry!"
"I'm not worried..."
"With a fake history like yours, there's no way you could not get the job!"
"Fake history," Hiei repeated, more to himself than Shadow, as the phone rang suddenly.
"Answer that," the girl ordered. "It's like, right next to you!"
Ring.
"Actually, it's closer to you, Shadow."
Ring.
"Well I have a fear of phones."
Ring.
"It's probably Kurama. You've never been afraid-" Ring. "-to answer the phone before now."
...Ring.
"Yes, well--"
Hiei snatched the phone off the reciever, glaring at Shadow. "Moshi moshi."
"Hiei Jaganshi?"
"Hai."
"This is Principal Yamashita from Mieou High. I'd like you to come back for an interview for the job you applied for at the school. How is next Tuesday?"
"Um, yeah, that's fine..."
"Noon?"
"Yeah, okay."
"I look forward to it."
"You probably don't, really, but I suppose saying that makes you feel better."
"What?"
"Nothing. I'll see you then. Sayounara." Hiei hung up before the man could respond. Shadow was grinning. He looked at her. "...What?"
"It WAS for you, and you ARE getting the job, aren't you?! Was I right or was I right? Oh yeah! Party!"
Hiei blinked as the girl started dancing. "Um... Not really, the guy just wants me to come back for a job interview next Tuesday..."
"Really? Way cool!"
"At noon."
"Way cool!"
"Shadow?"
"Way cool!"
Hiei paused. Shadow continued dancing.
"Way cool!"
"I didn't say--"
"Way cool!"
There was another pause. Hiei glared. Shadow just kept saying 'Way cool' at perfectly timed intervals while dancing like an idiot. Finally, Hiei shot in, "I hate you!"
"Way coo-- YOU DO?" Shadow flung herself to her knees at his feet, crying and sobbing and hugging his leg. "YOU HATE ME? WHAT AM I EVER GOING TO DO WITHOUT YOU? YOU CAN'T HATE ME! WHAT CAN I DO TO MAKE IT UP TO YOU? IF I WORSHIP YOU AND WAIT ON YOU HAND AND FOOT AND BRAIN AND DO EVERYTHING YOU ASK OR THINK OF ASKING, WILL YOU FORGIVE ME FOR MY HEINOUS CRIMES?"
"Perhaps..."
"WHAT IF I LIVE IN YOUR GARBAGE CAN FOR SIX MONTHS?"
"No, Shadow, that will not--"
"BE ENOUGH? IT WILL NOT BE ENOUGH? HOW'S A YEAR? TWO YEARS? THREE? FOUR? ETERNITY?" Shadow jumped up, angry suddenly. "YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME BE YOUR SEX SLAVE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE? FUCK YOU!" She flipped him off and spun around to come face-to-face with Kurama. "HOLY SHIT! IT'S A NEON MONKEY!" She cowered in fear.
"..." Kurama looked at Hiei, who shrugged.
"PMS?" he suggested. Shadow rounded on him and beat him to a pulp.
"YOU SICK, SICK LITTLE MAN!"
Kurama watched, his eye twitching. "That was uncalled for."
"NO IT WASN'T! HE DARED TO ACCUSE ME OF... OF... HE ACCUSED ME OF..."
"Yes, I heard him, Shadow."
"SHADOW? WHO'S THAT? MY NAME IS--"
"STOP SHOUTING!!!"
Shadow looked at him, puzzled. "No... That's not it. I was gonna say my name is Ryu Hayabusa! I am a super ninja! Watch me kick ass!" She struck a variety of poses, threw floppy discs like shuriken, and pulled out a bamboo sword from nowhere and started hitting Kurama in the head with it.
"Ow! Stoppit! Stop!" he yelped, trying to shelter himself with his arms.
"Don't cower from the inevitable! Your brain will be mine, monkey-boy!"
"I'm not a monkey! I'm a fox!"
"A FOX?" Shadow froze, then screamed in horror and hurriedly walked away, waving her hands and her bamboo sword above her head. "It's the apocolypse!"
Hiei pushed himself to his feet. "Hey, good news," he said, looking quite unexcited.
"What's that?"
"They're calling me back for an interview, isn't that good?"
"Hai..." Kurama said, still puzzling over Shadow's behavior. "What was that she was shouting about being a sex slave just before I came in here?"
"I don't know, she thought I hated her so she was pleading for forgiveness..."
"What would have made her think that?"
"I said I did."
"Oh. Makes sense."
"Just to test her. She was saying 'Way cool' to everything so I wondered if she'd say it to that, too. She started to."
"Interesting."
"Isn't it though?"
"No."
"No."
"I didn't think so."
"Me neither."
"Who's talking right now?"
"You are."
"Who am I?"
"I think you're Hiei, but I can't remember who started this conversa-- Nope, you're Kurama..."
"Ah. I thought so, but you can never be too sure..."
And that, as they say, is that. For this chapter.
(that last part was me getting confused and then writing my thoughts, and then it was like, oops. Oh well.)
Hm... I proofread this a week ago, so I don't remember if there were any notes I wanted to add here... I should stop doing that. Ah, and I know Hiei was majorly OOC (what with the talking to himself and being unable to revert back to his old self for a week to stay away from Shadow)... Don't complain about it, or I'll unleash my wrath. This is MY fic and while I'm writing it, I can toy around with his personality however I see fit! So I take advantage of that power! Fanfics are the one thing in which peoplealways bend to my will.::pause:: Sort of. ::mutters:: Damnthem forcing me to make this a romance...