Sorry about the delay! I got writers block ¾ of the way in! (Bows deeply in apology…)

Warning! Incest between Satoshi and his messed up stepfather is mentioned, this is likewise implied in the anime and the manga. And, for those who know/want to know the series, male/male love is alluded to/mentioned in this fic & also the series itself, if you don't like that, DON'T READ THIS!

This fic is taken from both the anime series & the manga that have been released. This chapter is told primarily from Satoshi's point of view, as if you were viewing his thoughts & seeing through his eyes. The parts in italics are drifting thoughts that are also his but on an almost unconscious level: his very dark, philosophical persona, if you would.

(This fic is unedited/beta-ed!)

eeeeeeeeeeevil cackle

I own nothing… such a pity…

.—

Chapter 3: Regret

This is my house, though once it belonged to my stepfather. So vast, of soaring mullioned windows, imposing façades of stonework, floors of hardwood and walls of muted woodwork. It is a place at once grand and forbidding, elegant and imposing and within its walls once dwelled innocence and dreams, a childhood without borders or pain. Then shadows fell and innocence was lost, as a man who should have been a father slipped into madness and took a child for his own.

I was so young and knew nothing of darkness or the lust of adults, my world was the freedom of books and the ability to create art worthy of a master. Father, you watched me as I lost myself to my imagination, you looked on in envy and coveted what I could do. You saw in me my family history, and the sleeping hell that was my caged half. You adopted me to sheath that power. You took me to awaken it…

And it worked

Like a shadow we are, only half alive. Everything we do, a mirror.

I am Hiwatari Satoshi, taking high school because it is something I have never taken and I wished to know what it was like. I have already graduated from university and have a job with the local police. I am not at all what I seem

A fine face and form turns heads and stirs want of ownership. I am apart and always have been; do not reach for what will burn you. Many do and try in vain, though not for lack of wanting. I am handed love notes from girls with stars in their eyes as they see one they wish to warm from cold, one they wish desire. Such wishful thoughts bringing ruination and destruction, they know nothing of what they see.

I love. I destroy. For I destroy what I love, such is the way of things. Things I cannot deny or control.

To love another I give all of myself, all that I am at the feet of one. Such a peaceful surrender, painless, yet that brings the release of the other inside; he of darkness seemingly born of light, he who destroys all in his way… He who destroys all

I care for no one, and no one cares for me. Those girls, slight bubbles of foolish innocence, know nothing and are safe for I am indifferent to them. None hold my interest, none spark my fascination, and none are in danger, as I love none of them.

None shall I destroy

But

Niwa Daisuke…

You are…something else.

You are yourself: young, impudent, cheeky, shy, artistic, naïve, rambunctious… innocent. You have a mother who loves you, a father who watches over you and a grandfather who guides the lot. I envy you that but I could never hate you for it. After all, it made you who you are.

My usually expressionless face relaxes with a fleeting smile, my eyes softening in tenderness as my gaze drifts past the windowpanes in my room and focuses on the shifting forest outside. I inhale deeply, breathing in the faint scent of the girl lying still in my bed and the stronger remnant of our sex. I feel nothing concerning it, as it was nothing to me. It was an act of consented physical need that, for me, brought no pleasure. I don't love Risa, I never did. She is… an interest born of having my dark half locked away. After Daisuke sealed both our other halves I need no longer fear Krads ruination of anyone I grow close to, he can no longer rise to destroy them when my emotions are not bound in chains. So… I let myself feel.

Nothing is ever as simple as we'd like, emotions being such volatile things.

I have tried to love another but I cannot. They can never fully understand me; their light merely brushes my shadows. Attraction flares and is snuffed out; my eye wanders to another, my heart untouched. I am beholden to none, as I love none.

My devotion without anchor; I am at peace.

I am balanced, as I am alone

For I know myself.

.

TBC… I have a mental block as to the next chapter so if you have any ideas please tell me! Regardless, it'll be a bit before the next chapter is posted, as I need me some inspiration!

Flame me,

Fuck me.

Kiss me,

Hug me!

Send 'em up,

I'll eat it up!

Do send me your comments, thoughts and suggestions. Everything helps us authors better our writing.

snicker

(I love doing this…)

(AN: I actually have a Kanji tattoo of Hiwatari Satoshi on my right hip, filled-in-black & each of the three characters sized like a Canadian toonie. I strongly identify with the character, except for his twisted conflict with his father and most of the "Krad" so very fucked up inside him. I find myself very much in a similar shroud of shadows. A mix of profound empathy with utter detachment, all consuming passion with violence, a dual sexuality (though I am a girl!) that is not bound by the rules and a love that was utter surrender and perhaps too elusive to grasp again, with a depth that nobody can quite fill…)