You may flame me if you want. This story is really just for your pleasure and my amusement. And if do you come across any mistakes while reading this, please, it's supposed to be that way.

The best way to read this is to sing it to your own tune, seeing that's what I did when first I wrote it.

It's short. It's strange. It's psychotic.

I call it,

The Joy of Missing Limbs

Sometimes, we all just have to lose our legs and get auto mail ones! It's just not fair! When you've got all your limbs! And you need a hhhuuuggg. From Ed! Eddy Ed Med? Medicine? Nooooooo. He's got spots! All over his haaaannndddsss! Maybe it's chicken pox or maybe just leprosy! But I bet it's...ROY! LOOK HERE COMES ROY! He's drawing on Ed's haanddss...how sad! Corn Corn Corn! Al replaced Winry's wrench with corn! So Winry shot him dead. But Al's not allowed to diiieeee! Because Hughes had salvaged a few plastic bags from his lunches his wife made him (because he was poor and couldn't buy his own) and made a big balloon thing for Al so he could never get hurt or something! Gracia never gave Hughes mmmooonnneeeyyyy because Hughes thought it was salad. And oh, how he loved his salad! He'd eat grass and say it was salad! He'd eat Ed's boots and say it was salad! He'd eat his daughter's hair and say it was salad! Everything was salad to him!

EVERYTHING WAS SALAD TO HIM!

So Roy decided he was to fix this very unfortunate problem cause you know, he was his friend and all. So he took Armstrong's Vietnam battleaxe and chopped up Hughes's house!...and dubbed himself King!

Bum bum bum bum. Bum bum bum bum. Bum bum bum bum. Bum bum bum bum.

"Kiiyiiiyiiiyiiii, get this bum off my porch!" screamed Hughes. Roy was very annoyed! He was not a bum! He was a mub!

"A mub you say?" said Johnny...Depp-ay. "What da hell is dat, yo?"

"My child," sang Roy, "I am not a nun, so therefore I'm a mub!"

"So that means I am toooo!"

"No. You suck." And Winry popped out of Roy's purse and shot Johnny Depp-ay dead.

...Roy loved that purse. No! He didn't! That's why he threw it at Hughes for calling him a bum! Dum dum dum dum dum! Goes the drum!

Riza Hawkeye had a drum. She found it in a trash heap when she was eight months old. And as she had collected that drum from the heap it said, "You will join the military in seven days." And she did. At age twelve, because during those seven days her birthday had been celebrated! All those seven days. Her parents were nuts!

So they were like, "Seven day birthday for Riza!" You see, her parents were trolls that lived in the Himalayas so they didn't know 'bout birthdays dat much. So say when Riza was thirty-two she was really four but nobody could tell the difference. Except Ed. Ed had special age seeing powers. He actually found out one day that Roy was 1,403,926,820,000,000,000,000,000,176 months old.

And Ed was all like," Man, you're like 1,403,926,820,000,000,000,000,000,176 months old."

And Roy was like, "Man, stop manning people." And still nobody noticed Roy Mustang was not making any sense in this story.

"I have a water jug and I'm going to pour it all over the earth so everyone will drown!" cried a random cat floating in the air. Science was so not gravity.

So back to Hughes and Roy!

"Roy! You reduced my house to toothpicks! Now I can finally become a dentist!" cried Maes Hughes, the mushroom man of Seattle.

Then, many random people from The Little Shop of Horrors appeared and sang, "He wants to be aaa ddeeennnntiiisssttt!"

Roy liked stomping on random Little Shop of Horrors people that just suddenly appeared in the middle of a story that had no plot. So he did. He was going to stomp on the plot too but someone had already eaten it for brunch. It might have been him.

Then, to everyone's horror or pleasure, Hughes started to sing.

"Come on Roy let's go party!"

"No."

"Oh, come on Roy."

"Bunnybunnnybunny...uh...no."

"Please, just one little party."

"Bunny says no!"

"Oh, Roy. Now you've made me sad. I mean, every year we celebrate my birthday by stuffing each others faces with my wife's apple syrup banana fluff cat hair surprise and eat the balloons and die from consuming helium. I even remember one year I dared you to eat one of the candles and you had to be rushed to the hospital because your esophagus got all burned. Come on Hughes! Those were good times!

Roy was confusimized. "...am I really Hughes...and are you Roy?"

"Well I have eyes. Does Roy have eyes?"

"I dunno, Hughes. I dunno."

Fin

Confusimized- really confused, usually to the extreme.

Flames can be used for many basic needs. Maybe, simply, a way to stay warm. Popcorn makers, even. Say, your house is somewhat rained upon by wood…and termites eat your roof so it's completely out in the open, instead of wasting your precious money on a wood exterminator, you could just simply burn it out with this amazing substance. Why waste money on heater installation? Do it like the Indians once did! Hold tribal dances, midnight bonfires, and your own worship gatherings. We even dare you to try our extra Stake Burning package you get free with shipping and handling! Burn your annoying, nosy neighbors. Listen to the sizzle of your pesky, prying relatives. To purchase your new FIRErm today please call, 1-800-FLAMERS-562. That's 1-800-FLAMERS-562. And remember, flames our welcome! They will be purchased.