(2-16-05) Heh heh, I put the wrong date on the repost of chapter four... Oh well. Anyway, thanks for your reviews, I'm updating early...
Please, PLEASE tell me this stupid site has got its faerie repellent out... Please tell me my chapter's going to have all its spaces and exclamation points and question marks. PLEASE.
CHAPTER FIVE
Stuff and Things
English class the next day was uneventful, for the most part. Shadow got along really well with Black-sensei, not only because she'd made an impression on him the first day, but because she'd made even more of an impression on him the second day when she'd started singing the Preamble to the Constitution of the United States of America quite randomly and quite loudly while Black had been talking to the Miller girl. He stopped in the middle of a sentence and stared at her, as did the rest of the class.
She was standing on her chair, one hand on her heart, the other raised in the air as she sang.
"We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, ensure domestic tranquility-" If you don't know the preamble, you're lucky. I had to memorize it in fifth grade and eigth grade...
"Shadow, what are you saying?" Kurama asked, in Japanese. She paused and looked at him.
"Stuff and things," she answered. Then she continued her English singing of something that isn't even a song. When she was done, Black grinned.
"Good pronounciation, very creative, but do you have any idea what you just said?"
Shadow, who had stayed in her elegant opera-singer pose with her eyes closed, suddenly grinned and dropped her hands to her sides, shrugging.
"Haven't a clue. Something about something or something... Something like that." She stepped down off the chair. "I just felt like singing. I could have chosen any one of several hundred English songs I've downloaded off the internet, but I decided that something out of my Great Conglomeration of Pointlessness would be more appropriate."
"The United States Constitution isn't pointless."
"It is to me. I'm in Japan, dude."
"Yes, well to Americans it is very important."
"I'm not American, now am I?"
"No. At this point, I'm not really sure what you are, but you sure aren't American, Shadow."
"Don't feel bad, Black-sensei. Nobody's really sure what she is," Kurama said. "That includes me, and I've known her for years." He pulled a roll of duct tape out of his bag, ripped off a short length, and stuck it over Shadow's mouth.
"We're pretty sure she's from Mars," Eclipse added. "But she could be from any number of other planets. Perhaps even one outside our solar system."
Shadow was clawing wildly at the tape on her mouth. It would have been a very simple endeavor to grab the corner of the tape and rip it off, but she couldn't grasp that idea. No. She would tear the flesh off her bones before she'd do something that simple... It was too confusing.
"I can understand where you might get that idea," Black muttered absently, staring at her. Nobody noticed the venomous glare Miller was sending Shadow. How dare she take the teacher's attention away! Ayame was also glaring. How could Shuuichi prefer a girl like this over her?
"She'll claw at her face until her eyes pop out, you know," Eclipse told them absently. "Perhaps you should do something about that tape, fox."
"But..."
"Take it off, Shuuichi-kun," Black sighed. "As amusing as it is, I can't have students physically harming themselves then blaming each other..."
Kurama sighed, grabbing the edge of the tape and ripping it off her face.
"JOHN JACOB JINGLEHEIMER SMITH! HIS NAME IS MY NAME TOO! WHENEVER HE GOES OUT, THE PEOPLE ALWAYS SHOUT, 'JOHN JACOB JINGLEHIEMER SMITH!' Da da na na na na na, Joooohhhhhn Jacob Jingleheimer Smith, his name is our name too... Whenever he goes out, the people always shout-"
"SHUT UP!" Eclipse shouted.
"Well, no, but I guess you could say that," Shadow muttered thoughtfully. Then she shrugged. "Jimmy cracked corn, and I don't care-"
"Shadow died and I don't care."
"When did that happen?"
"About two minutes from now."
"Really?" Shadow looked at herself. "I look kinda alive, if you ask me. But I guess there's the possibility I'm wrong. It's a small possibility, but it's there." She paused. "It's a very small possibility." Another pause. "Almost inconceivable. It's about one in a trillion."
"Shadow, as good at pronouncing English words you are, I have to ask you to sit in your seat and quiet down," Black said.
"But... I'm Henry the 8th I am, Henry the 8th I am, I am... I got married to the widow next door, she'd been married seven times before..."
"I don't think those are even the words," Eclipse muttered.
"And we really ought to hope you never married a widow, regardless of her marital past or place of residence," Kurama added.
"I don't have any neighbors, so I can't have married anyone next door, regardless of sex, age, or marital past."
"That's good to know," Kurama said.
"Cuz Hiei would be mad," Eclipse added. Then she slapped her hand over her mouth. "OOOOOOoooops!" It was a fake 'oops' that gave everyone in the room more ideas about the relationship between this girl and their new (extremely sexy) physical education teacher.
"What exactly is your relationship with Jaganshi-sensei? Are you related?" Black asked. Shadow shook her head.
"Not related, and we're not in love with each other and we're not married. There's nothing there, but I can guarantee any swarms of fangirls will be chased away with a bokken. Perhaps a katana." She shrugged. "Just leave him alone."
And this added threat and warning put ideas back in the minds of these pervert teenagers. Typical.
"I see," Black mumbled. The bell rang.
"Sayonara!" Shadow sang, grabbing her books and bolting for the door.
Science was more nagging. Take out your book, take out a paper, you'd better all have #2 pencils, your assignment for the class period is yadda-ya, your homework is ya-yadda-ya-ya-ya. Due tomorrow for a test grade.
Social studies passed uneventfully because Shadow was too busy plotting Tayama-sensei's death to wreak havoc in a history class.
And in language arts, well... Trouble abounds. Apparently Shadow was in a better mood. Maybe she'd come up with a way to murder Tayama and make it look like suicide, or at least shirk the blame onto another person... Whatever it was, when Sato-sensei came in the room, Shadow was sitting innocently in her proper seat with her hands folded on her desk.
"Our essay for today is 'Who do you look up to?' I want at least four sentences," the teacher said.
Shadow looked at her blank sheet of paper, at her pencil, then grinned and wrote, in very incomprehensible handwriting, "Who do I look up to? Figuratively speaking or literally, by the definition of the words? 'Cause if we're talking about physical shortness, I look up to everybody except Eclipse and the new phys. ed. teacher, Hiei Jaganshi, who is a good friend of mine so I can call him whatever I want, thank you very much. Figuratively speaking, I look up to nobody because I. Am. Perfect. Perfect by every working definition, because I am wonderful in every way, shape, and form, and also superior to many, many pathetic little pions, like that one kid sitting over there picking his nose with his pencil, for example."
Then she put down her pencil, leaned back in her chair, and sighed contentedly. The teacher, pacing around the room peering at papers, came over and picked up Shadow's. The first one done is always suspicious... Life is so unfair.
"Oh dear... Shadow-san, I think you need to rewrite this... You still have seven minutes left. That's pl-"
"Rewrite it! That's a perfectly fine essay! You can't mess with perfection! Do not insult my grapeness!"
Eclipse snorted. "Grapeness... Heh heh..."
"Shadow, really, do you honestly want to take a failing grade on this?" the teacher continued.
"You're grading me on this! You can't flunk it! I used big words! And proper sentence structure and... and... all that jazz!"
"Perhaps you'd get a C, then..."
"You. Suck."
"Would you like a detention?"
"Not particularly, but if that's what you're gonna give me for expressing myself, I guess I have no choice."
Sato-sensei made some huffy noise and stomped over to her desk. She opened a drawer and pulled out a detention form, grabbed a pen, and started writing. Shadow watched her write every word with curious, calm interest. Everybody else was too busy gawking at Shadow to notice anything else. Except Kurama, who'd hidden his face behind his hands and wasn't about to move, it seemed.
"Take this to the office, Shadow," Sato said, walking huffily back over and holding the paper out to Shadow. "Your detention will be after school tomorrow. You will report back here."
"Okay!"
No sane human cheerfully agrees to detention. Even if its a good detention. They at least try to act dejected. Not Shadow. She stood up, took the slip, and walked out of the room with cheerful dignity. When she got out in the hall, she tore off running.
She went to the office first, gave them her slip, and they marked it in their computer and put it in a file cabinet. Then she walked out, went around the corner, and took off running again. Only, not towards Sato-sensei's classroom... Tsk.
-
"Hey Sen-sei," Hiroshi Nakada said mockingly. Hiei looked up from his roll call list with one eye, not even moving his head.
"What?"
"I want a rematch."
A ripple went through the group, mutters and whispers, but Hiei just laughed bitterly.
"That's funny, Nakada. Very amusing." Then he went on with roll call.
"Hey! Don't just brush me off!" Nakada snapped. "I'm serious! I want a rematch! Are you listening?"
"Nope."
"You dumb little freak! I want to know how you went from being a student a couple years ago to being teacher! You shouldn't even have graduated yet! You'd be in my grade!"
"Classified," Hiei replied coolly. That had been the answer he and Kurama had agreed upon should that question arise. "And I suggest you don't insult me or I'll be doing a little worse than flipping you over on a padded gym floor."
"Is that a threat? You can't threaten students."
"It wasn't a threat, it was a promise."
Nakada moved his mouth soundlessly and Hiei smirked.
"Oh yeah? Well, I still want that rematch! Fair and square right here where everyone can watch!"
"You're kidding, aren't you?" Hiei asked, marking down the last name on his attendance sheet and finally looking up.
"Do I look like I'm kidding, man!"
"No, not really, but you teenagers are so strange sometimes, I can't ever really tell."
"Put down the mat or I'll fight you without it!"
Hiei sighed. "We aren't gonna do this every day, are we? Because I have been trained in martial arts by a master, and you have not. It's obvious who will win every time."
"No way, man. I don't care what raggedy old man thinks he taught you to kick ass, you're half my size and I'm not about to lose to somebody smaller than my girlfriend!"
The class watched with rapt attention. They knew Hiroshi Nakada for his bad-boy gangsta attitude, and they knew most teachers just wrote him up or ignored him (he skipped detentions anyway so what good would it do to write a detention?), but Hiei was new, and he had flung him around a bit yesterday... Just a bit. And now Nakada was saying Hiei was smaller than his girlfriend. This could get interesting.
"Did you wonder why I moved so fast yesterday?" Hiei asked calmly. Nakada didn't say anything and the little demon continued. "Because I'm small. I'm light. Do you know why birds can fly, Nakada? Because their bones are hollow. They're small and very light, they can move fast and defy gravity."
"So what are you saying? That you're a bird?"
"Hardly, you fool. I'm saying that my small size is an advantage. A smaller target, moving at high velocities, makes it hard to hit. Is it easy to shoot a sparrow?"
"No."
"See what I'm saying?"
"No."
Hiei groaned. "That's because you're a fool. I'm saying that I'm perfectly happy with my size, and if I'm smaller than your imaginary girlfriend, I don't care. I may be physically small, but my mind is endless and my experience outweighs yours. A person like you would have to live a thousand years to experience HALF of everything I've been through. Therefore, I am superior, and you need to shut the fuck up."
Now everybody was gawking. Gawking at Hiei for swearing, gawking at Nakada for a reaction, and gawking at each other in disbelief that they had the fortune of having such an awesome (hot) teacher.
"How... dare... you!"
In Nakada's mind, Hiei was still his age, still a stupid assistant teacher to a certain 16-year-old redhead who'd had the fortune of teaching biology for a month, still a stupid student who'd irritably gone to school for the majority of the year about two years ago. He was also half his size and an abnormal freak who wore black all the time and had red contacts. So Hiroshi Nakada had no problems being an insolent pest towards Hiei because he was a stupid fool who did not know better.
"I dare. I'm superior. I'm allowed."
And Nakada took a swing at Hiei. He dodged. Nakada continued swinging at him. Hiei was distantly aware of footsteps, running footsteps, in the hallway, but didn't think much of it until they came into the gym.
The class was surprised to see a black-clad girl come tearing across the gym floor, straight towards Nakada and Hiei, shouting "HIEIHIEIHIEIHIEIHIEIHIEI!". The human boy noticed too late and Shadow decked him. Hiei stared as Nakada fell.
"The bigger they are the harder they fall," he muttered. "What the hell are you doing here Shadow?"
"I got detention from my language arts teacher! Tomorrow after school! Second day! Do a dance!"
"That's not good, though, Shadow."
"Doesn't bother me. And besides, Yusuke never said I couldn't get in trouble.
The class was still gawking, even more so now than before. This girl just came rocketting into the gym, screaming the teacher's first name, and punched some kid in the face, then proceeded to cheerfully tell him she had detention. This was not normal school conduct. Not normal at all.
"You bitch!" Nakada snapped, getting up.
"Hey-hey, I remember you! You're that dumbass I pummeled whenever that was I helping teach biology! How cool's that?"
Nakada glared. "I'm turning you in for assault!"
"I'm turning you in for assault on a teacher, then," Shadow replied, grinning. "We've got a whole crapload of witnesses here, haven't we?"
Nakada continued glaring. Hiei smirked, but turned his head so Nakada couldn't see. Shadow snickered.
"Where are you supposed to be right now?" Hiei asked.
"Literature."
"Why aren't you?"
"Cuz I'm not. You see, there was a long line at the office and I had to wait forever before I could get in to give them my detention slip. Understand?"
"Ah yes. Those lines are something nasty, aren't they."
"Then I had to go to the bathroom and I got stopped by another teacher for not having a pass. Yes, Hiei, you stopped me in the hall and bit off my head for not having a pass, and I had to argue with you and then plead for my life when I pissed you off. Do you see what I'm saying?"
"That you're a liar and an excuse-maker? Yes, I see what you're saying."
"I'm glad we understand each other. And perhaps the principal wanted to talk to me as well."
"You fully intend to stay here all period, don't you?"
"Yes I do."
"You know my class will be pissed and so will yours when the rumors start flying around."
"I care not, good friend Hiei."
"Well I'm glad you don't care, pupil Shadow."
"I have pupils. They're in my eyes." She pointed at them.
"Yes, most people do..."
"Hey Jaganshi-sensei..." one kid ventured suddenly. Hiei looked at him, one eyebrow raised. "Somebody told me you're a swords master. Is that true?"
"I told you I'm a martial arts master, didn't I?"
"You told them what, Hiei?" Shadow said with mock dissapproval.
"I told them that I'm a martial artist and I've saved the world on countless occasions from strange, mutant, ugly creatures with inhuman powers, and that I'm also one of those misformed monsters and I like to kill and burn and had plots to take over your world for a long time through my mistreated life. What did you think I told them?"
"That you like eating the souls of small children with a bowl of ramen noodles."
"Yes, well, that's beside the point..."
The entire class continued staring, gawking, and forming opinions in their minds. Perhaps their awesome (hot) new teacher was actually a bit on the insane side, d'ya think?
"Okay, class!" Hiei said, clapping his hands together. "You're gonna have to start bringing your gym uniforms next week, but for now, you can do whatever you want. Go to it."
He then walked over to the bleachers, gave Shadow a boost (the whole 'ningen girl' thing...), and climbed up them himself. Eventually everyone started moving, some people settled around the walls to do homework, others played some sort of game with a ball. And still others sat and pelted Hiei and Shadow with balls of paper, just to see if they could catch them.
It startled Shadow when the bell rang and she was still in the gym.
"Oooops," she said, grinning. "Hope Kurama picks up my junk from my desk and brings it to lunch, cuz I'm not going up there..."
Hiei just smiled. "You're in trouble tomorrow, you know. I bet your teacher sent somebody to the office and knows you weren't there."
"Eeeewwps."
"Yeah, I'm sure." Hiei dropped from the bleachers. "Off to lunch, then, is it?"
"Yep." Shadow jumped down from the bleachers on her own, since nobody was around.
Upon arriving in the lunch room (at the same exact moment as Hiei, to boot), Shadow was pounced upon by the majority of her literature class, and some of the previous period's gym class.
"Where were you?"
"Did you get suspended?"
"Were you kicked out?"
"Did Yamashita tie you to the wall and beat you?"
"Did Yamashita tie you to his desk and rape you?"
"Did you get it on with Jaganshi-sensei?"
Shadow, buried under the interrogating mass of humans, let out a pitiful cry like that of a tortured animal-a high-pitched pained wail of sorrow that eventually formed into the words, "Get off me, go away" and was repeated over and over until the entire cafeteria was staring at her and the ring of students who had separated themselves from her the instant the cry had started. When she continued bawling, Hiei grabbed her ponytail and dragged her out of the cafeteria. Her crying subsided instantly into short, repeated "Ow, ow, ow."
Once in the hall, away from the prying eyes, Hiei pulled her to her feet and pinned her against the wall.
"What the hell was that?"
"The cry of a wounded animal before its pathetic and gory decease. Don't hurt me."
"I should. But I won't."
"Thank you."
Hiei let go of her and walked back to the doorway, stopping dead as he nearly ran into Kurama and Eclipse.
"Where the hell did you go?" Eclipse snarled, sliding past Kurama and glaring at Shadow.
"My lord and master was calling to me."
"I was doing no such thing!" Hiei snapped. Then he blinked. Oops. That sounded wrong when he didn't deny the whole 'master' thing...
"You're her lord and master!" Eclipse yelped. "What's she, some kind of sex slave?"
Hiei's eyes widened, but Shadow answered.
"Oh, yes, of course, Eclipse," she said in a purring, sultry voice, slinking up to Hiei and putting her arms around him from behind. "We have mad, passionate sex every... single... night..." She was pressed very close to Hiei, and his eyes were only slightly wide with nervous uncertainty. This girl was unpredictable and psychotic, and for all he knew, any second she'd spin him around and start kissing him passionately-though he hoped she had more sense than to do that in school. But she didn't. Instead, she started imitating the high-pitched moans of a girl during sex.
I think I would have preferred kissing, Hiei thought frantically as he tried to get away. Eclipse and Kurama stared in absolute disgusted horror.
"Hiei..." Kurama muttered. "What's she-"
"She's lying, I swear to God she's lying and I've never had sex with her in my life!" Hiei yelped, prying the girl's arms away and lunging over to hide behind Kurama. Shadow stopped instantly, a childish innocence coming onto her face, before she grinned devilishly and burst out laughing.
"I love you guys, you're so easy to torment." Then she added in her lower, seductive voice, "Especially you, Hiei... Sexy beast."
"Eep..." came the frightened squeak from behind Kurama. Shadow exploded into loud and uncontrollable laughter, and they knew they would never shut her up, so they just steered her into the cafeteria and hoped she would act as a ward to keep people away. It worked. Except for one persistantly stupid son of a bitch who went by the name of Hiroshi Nakada.
This kid walked right over to the table and looked down at them all: Hiei, still traumatized. Kurama, who looked back with indifference. Eclipse, who was chewing determinedly at some odd bit of school food that was probably made of rubber. Then at Shadow, who continued laughing even though she knew he was staring, that everybody in a ten-foot vicinity had moved, that whatever was so funny had happened five or ten minutes ago, and that she would soon run out of oxygen if she didn't breathe normal breaths like human lungs are meant to.
"Well look, it's the Loser Squad. How's it goin' losers?"
Shadow continued laughing; Hiei's fear had dissolved into hatred which he quickly took out on Hiroshi.
"If you don't shut the fuck up and go away right now I will beat the living shit out of you before you can blink, and that's an on-my-honor promise."
"You'd really be best off leaving, Hiroshi," Kurama told him kindly.
"Yeah, beat it," Eclipse said, spitting a few grains of rice out as she talked. Hiroshi glared, but the three pairs of abnormally vibrant eyes glaring back at him sent him striding away with his tail between his legs (but he still walked like he owned the world. I hate people who walk like that). Shadow stopped laughing as he walked past her and she stuck out her leg. He tripped and hit the floor face-first.
"D'ja have a nice trip? See ya next fall!" she sang, then burst into fits of laughter at her own joke.
"That's it! I'll see you after school!" Nakada snarled.
"Yeah, you probably will. We live in the same city, after all..." Shadow said. Her laughter had stopped, but she was still grinning and her voice was nothing but amused arroganc (if there is such a thing, but this is Shadow we're talking about).
"You know what I mean, stupid girl!"
"Oh? Was there some hidden meaning that I didn't quite catch?"
"I'll make it nice and clear, then," Nakada growled. "After school today, I want you to meet me in the parking lot out back. We'll settle this, and after I beat you, I'll beat your precious Hiei into dust!"
Shadow laughed. "Oh, THAT'S what you meant! You're a funny guy, Hiroshi! I'll be there, don't fret. Now if you'd pardon me, I believe you interrupted something..." She thought for a second, then chirped, "Oh yeah!" and burst into fits of hysterical laughter once more. Hiroshi glared and pushed his way through the crowd that had gathered (mostly people from Shadow's literature class and Hiroshi's gym class, but various others were mixed in too).
"Wow, he just challenged Jaganshi-sensei to a fight!"
"Indirectly."
"And he threatened a girl! What a coward!"
"That girl needs threatened."
"So what are you gonna do, Jaganshi-sensei?"
"He's gonna beat him up, of course! You saw him yesterday!"
These questions and babbles and comments continued until Shadow finally cut off her hysterical laughter quite abruptly and stood up. Everyone silenced instantly and stared.
"Uh-oh."
"I would like to address you, my fellow students! I have just been challenged to a battle with one of the biggest bullies in Mieou High! Let me tell you something, though! Bullies are almost always weak little pansies who will run home to their mommies when somebody stands up to them! Nakada doesn't expect me to show up in the PARKING LOT OF DEATH,but I will, because I, rather than being a bully, am a liberator of the weak! A soldier of love! A simple peasant trying to find her way in the world! I defend those who cannot defend themselves! I chase the elusive mayfly known as love! This world is made of love and peace!" She jumped up on the chair and made a peace sign. "Repeat after me! This world is made of love and peace! Love and peace! Love and peace!" She continued chanting until Hiei clamped his hand over her mouth and Kurama helped him tote her away. They carried her out and stuffed her into a janitor's closet, locked it, and hurried away, ignoring her pounding and shouting.
Later...
"Hey, what's that...?" Ryu questioned suddenly.
"What's what?" Kurama replied, looking around.
"That noise."
Kurama blinked. Oh yes. That noise.
"I don't know. C'mon, we'll be late for Health."
"You go on, I'm gonna check it out.When you're a prankster and somebody's been locked in a janitor's closet by somebody other than you, you wanna investigate." With a devilish grin, Ryu turned away from Kurama and Eclipse and walked towards closet door. Kurama led Eclipse along by her arm, practically running.
"Come along, Eclipse..." he muttered.
"Why didn't a janitor notice her yet?"
"I don't know!"
They slipped into the Health room just as Ryu Obake opened the door and a psychotic rabid half-demon girl came toppling out into his arms.
"HOW DARE Y- Oh. Hey Ryu!"
"Shadow!"
"Shadow is my name, revenge is my game. Where am I supposed to be right now?"
"On your way to Health..."
"Thanks a billion." She kissed him on the cheek and took off running down the hall. He was dazed, then...
"Hey, wait up, Shadow!" He went after her, pushing people aside as he went, and he still only just got into the classroom before the bell. When he came running in the door, he was met with an interesting sight.
Shadow had Kurama (Shuuichi, in Ryu's mind) pinned to the ground, holding his wrists to the ground above his head, straddling his waist. Everyone in the class was staring. Luckily, the teacher wasn't in the room yet. The abnormal girl was growling like an angry dog at the cowering redhead.
"You locked me in a janitor's closet," she snarled.
"I'm sorry!" Kurama squeaked.
"You had better hope you're sorry, fox, because it'd be really terrible if you weren't. I'm afraid I'd have to hurt you. And Hiei had better hope he's sorry too, because I will hurt him."
Ryu didn't notice Etsuko-sensei enter the room behind him. He was too busy staring, one eye twitching. He knew Shuuichi Minamino had changed over the past two years, but he thought surely everybody in the entire school respected the boy enough not to do... this. Especially girls. Those who had the guts to go near him went that close to try to get a date, or just to hear his voice speak their name, but never to tackle him to the floor and threaten him... And... Even if they did, he'd regard them with anything but fear.
Then again, that girl is something different... The way she stood up to Hiroshi Nakada at lunch... And how she openly defies the uniform rule... She's different, that's for sure.
"As much as I enjoy your open display of sexual attraction in my class," Etsuko-sensei said in an honest voice, making everyone jump, "perhaps you should save it for when we're learning about reproduction. We have to learn about proper relationships first, and that's what we'll start today."
"Aw, but Etsuko-sensei, I want to make mad passionate love to Shuuichi on the floor of your classroom with twenty other people watching!" Shadow whined. The sarcasm was obvious but Etsuko didn't get it.
"That's understandable, young lady. At your age, hormones are raging and your lust for sex is strong! I remember when I was your age! Oh, teenage years are wonderful! You're at the prime of your maturity with so many possibilities to explore!"
Shadow gagged and let Kurama up. He pulled her to her feet and they went to their seats and sat through the teacher's five-minute rant about love before class started.
"So today we'll be starting our short chapter on abusive relationships! Does anybody want to tell me what they think an abusive relationship is?"
One girl raised her hand and Etsuko nodded at her. "It's when your boyfriend forces you to do things you don't want to because if you don't he says he won't love you anymore."
"Okay... Any other ideas?" Nobody raised their hands. "Does anybody in here know anyone who has been in an abusive relationship, or has anyone here been in one?"
Shadow's hand flew up. "I was!"
Kurama, Eclipse, and Ryu all stared at her.
"You was?" Eclipse said cluelessly.
"With Jaganshi-sensei?" another kid said at the same time.
"With Shuuichi?" a third said (also simultaneously).
Shadow blinked. "Nooo... I'm not gonna say who with, but it sucked."
"Would you like to tell us the characteristics?" Etsuko asked. "Or, is it too hard for you to talk about it?"
"It'd only be hard if the dude came back from the dead. When I eventually ran away from him, I think he killed himself."
"Oh, dear!"
"Yes, absolutely heartrending," Shadow said dryly, standing next to her seat with her arms crossed. "Anyways, see, when you're in a abusive relationship, the guy, though it could be the girl, forces you to do things you don't wanna do, and he says that if you don't, he won't love you or take care of you anymore or whatever. He won't let you hang out with friends because he's worried you'll cheat on him or run away and tell the authorities he's been beating you into submission. And, like, when you make him mad, he'll hit you and fling you down the stairs and then he'll be like, 'Oh my god I'm so sorry, tell the doctor you tripped!' And you have to agree and be all like, 'Of course, dear beloved Lord and Master, I'll tell them that stupid little clumsy pansy me tripped for the third time this week and broke yet another rib and got this suspicious black eye and cut on my face from the carpet on those rabid man-eating stairs, let me tell you about it!' Only if you were that sarcastic he'd probably give you a good wallop upside the head again and then you'd be unconscious or bawling uncontrollably and he'd be like, 'Oh, I'm so sorry, now you've probably got a concussion, and now I'll have to lie to the doctor, oh well at least I won't have to worry about you being honest. Perhaps you won't remember anything and I can tell you you're my loving little pet who happily fucks me passionately any time of the day and since you don't remember otherwise, you'll believe me!' And then, when you wake up and remember everything, he gets pissed again and rapes you. Then you're not a virgin anymore and don't have to worry about vampires and dragons." She nodded matter-of-factly and sat down again.
"Oh dear... Did all that really happen to you?" Etsuko asked finally.
"Oh, no. I'm still a virgin, what with my raging hormones and all, you know. My sexual desires are yet to be fulfilled and all that jazz."
"I know somebody who could fulfill them," Eclipse whispered, snickering. Shadow looked at her with a raised eyebrow.
"Hint: He just walked down the hall," Kurama said, "so it's not Youko."
Disregarding rules, like she oh-so-much enjoys to do (Etsuko was too upset to notice anyway), Shadow jumped out of her seat and ran to the door, flung it open, and leaned out just in time to see a certain demon friend of hers vanish around the corner.
"Ew, Fox!" the girl shouted, spinning around and throwing the pencil sharpener cover at Kurama (it was on the wall, so it was the nearest relatively-harmless-yet-dangerous-in-the-hands-of-Shadow object). He ducked and pencil shavings went all over everything in the room. Hiei, who'd heard her yell and came back around the corner, peeked into the room past Shadow.
"Having fun?" he asked her as the class went ballistic to get the pencil shavings out of their eyes.
"Kurama and Eclipse just told me you can fulfill my sexual desires. Would you like to?" she asked curiously.
"Maybe later," Hiei replied with dry sarcasm that made him sound serious to anyone who didn't know better.
"Oh, goodie!" She clapped her hands together (sarcastically). "What fun!"
"Yes, I'm sure it will be. Look, I need to get back to my class and it seems yours is having some personal issues to work out, so I'll be going."
"G'bye, Hiei." He left and she shut the door, skipped back over to her seat, and sat down. Kurama didn't say anything, but Eclipse stared.
"What's got you so cheerful?"
"Hiei said he would fulfill my sexual desires later tonight! Isn't that marvelous?"
Eclipse gagged and Shadow laughed.
"I wish I could have the past ten minutes of my life back," Kurama sighed. "Just ten minutes, that's all I ask."
Shadow pulled a folded envelope out of her pocket, still chuckling, and ripped a piece of lined paper into ten pieces. She wrote 'minute' on each one, stuffed them into the envelope, addressed it to Kurama, and handed it to him. He sighed and stuffed it in a folder.
"Thanks, Shadow. You've made a difference in my life," he said dryly.
"You're welcome, and I'm glad I so greatly impacted your very important life, Master Fox," she said, jumping to her feet and bowing low. Kurama snorted.
"I was being sarcastic."
"I knew that," she said coldly. "You spoil my fun, you dumb child."
Now the redhead snorted with laughter. "I'm being called a child by YOU?"
"Yes you are."
But finally, Etsuko-sensei had gotten ahold of her emotions and was called the class's attention. When they'd all settled down, she spoke to Shadow.
"I'm very sorry to hear about such a terrible relationship in your past..."
"I lived through it, didn't I? And my mind and soul and heart and body are all still pure, right? And I've moved on with my life and am not dwelling on it, true? SO! Don't waste your pity on Shadow, 'cause from what I understand her heart shriveled up and she sneezed it out one day." She rapped her knuckles on her chest and it made a hollow sound.
"You know you just referred to yourself in third person, right?" Kurama muttered, leaning over to her.
"Did I? Sheet. Now they're gonna suspect that I suffered more mental damage from that relationship than I let on."
"When was this 'relationship' anyway? With who?"
"This is neither the time nor place to discuss it," she replied. "And you are not the person to discuss it with." Kurama sighed.
"So in other words it's none of my business, is that what you're saying?"
"In more words, yes."
"Okay."
"Maybe you can discuss it with Hiei while he's fulfilling your sexual desire tonight," Eclipse said.
"Desi-ers, and that is neither the time nor place to discuss it either," Shadow replied easily. Eclipse made a face.
"Are you really gonna do that stuff?"
"Oh, yes! Of course! Did you think I was joking?" she replied matter-of-factly.
"Y- Um, well, not really. But that's just nasty, and I'm having horrid IMAGES! EW! GET THEM OUT!" She proceeded to beat herself over the head with a book.
See the advantages of sitting in the very back of the room? Extraneous conversations leading to your good friends knocking themselves senseless over a joke. Ryu, who was sitting only one row in front of them, heard every word of it. He turned around.
"Isn't Hiei the phys ed teacher?" he asked.
Shadow nodded. Ryu raised an eyebrow.
"I see... And you and him are lovers?"
"Oh, no, I'm just saying that to freak these guys out," Shadow chirped, gesturing to the two next to her.
"Is that so..."
"Hai, it is so."
"I'll have to ask him about it, then."
"Him? Who him? Hiei? Feel free. Wanna know why I wasn't in literature class?"
"You weren't? I'm not in that class with you."
"Oh, that's right. Well, I wasn't, because I got detention, took the slip to the office, and made a side trip to the gym, where I sat on the bleachers talking to Hiei the entire rest of the class period."
Ryu raised his eyebrow again. "Your teacher let you do that?"
"No."
"Hiei let you do that?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
"He has no respect for authority, and if I wanna get in trouble, it's my problem. See his reasoning? Isn't it marvelous?"
"I guess so..."
Shadow grinned, and continued grinning for the remainder of the period, deaf to Etsuko's voice. And when the bell rang, she literally vanished. The door banged against the wall as she flung it open and tore down the hall. Kurama sighed.
The girl was in the gym ten seconds later (traffic in the hall), and she ran across the floor and vaulted up onto the bleachers without any effort at all. Only, Hiei wasn't there. Blinking, she spun around and surveyed the entire gym. No Hiei.
"Hiiiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiii!" she called.
"Look up."
She obeyed The Voice From Above! and saw Hiei sitting on a pipe in the high ceiling. Such pipes crossed this way and that, ventilation and water and there were lights and such up there, and he was barely noticeable. He put one finger on his lips in the universal 'be quiet' sign and pointed to the gym floor. She grinned and jumped off the bleachers, sat dead center in the middle of the floor, closed her eyes, and mocked meditation.
When kids started coming into the gym in their little groups, they all carefully avoided Shadow, until Kurama, Eclipse, and Ryu came in. They walked straight over to her and Kurama clubbed her upside the head.
"Ow!" she yelped, falling over and staring up into the bright lights. "OH! I'VE SEEN THE LIGHT!"
"Where's Hiei?" the fox asked. Shadow shrugged.
"He goes where he pleases... He's probably... Someplace. Not in the bleachers, though. That'd be too easy. Never in the same place two days in a row. Never. Nope... Find him on your own. My assistance is never required. I'm a pansy incompetant girl. Find Hiei. THAT IS YOUR MISSION FROM GOD!"
Then she got up and went skipping away.
"Where are you going!"
"Weight room!" And she vanished. Kurama sighed and cast his eyes around for Hiei. Of course, if he was in the gym, he wouldn't be in plain sight. If he was in the gym.
"So how are we supposed to find him?" Ryu asked.
"Magic!" Shadow sang, appearing in the doorway of the weight room for just long enough to shout that, then she vanished again. Kurama blinked. She was wearing something totally different from what she'd been wearing two seconds ago. Then he remembered her random abilities of doom or whatever she called them, and went to the door of the weight room.
"Shadow, stop showing off."
"I'm not showing off," she said, running on a treadmill in a tight tank top and short shorts.
"Where's Hiei?"
"Find him yourself."
"He better not be anywhere conspicuous."
"Depends on your definition."
"Anywhere a normal human couldn't reach easily."
"He's not normal."
"He's supposed to be."
"He's a martial artist."
"They're still human."
"He's a master of swordplay."
"That's got nothing to do with it."
"Sure it does."
"How?"
"Dunno."
"Where is he?"
"Right behind you." She grinned. Kurama spun.
"Hey, fox," Hiei said, also grinning.
"Where were you!"
"Nobody saw me but Shadow, so it doesn't matter where I was. Far as they know, I was out in the hall."
"But you weren't."
"No."
"Where were you?"
"Up."
"Up?"
"Yes."
Kurama stepped back into the main gym and stared up. "You were up..."
"Up there. Yes."
"You're human, Hiei. From the time you leave your house in the morning to the time you walk back in the door at night, you're human."
"Yes, Your Majesty."
"That's 'Master Fox' to you, young man," Shadow said. Hiei snorted.
"Hey, why do you call him 'fox'?" Ryu was now standing behind the other two with Eclipse.
"Pet name," Shadow said. "Long story."
"Okay. And why don't you wear the school uniform?"
"Because I refuse to conform to the accepted normality."
"I see. What would you do if I tripped you right now?"
"Die."
"Really?" Eclipse piped up excitedly. "Honestly?"
"Uh-huh."
The other girl tried to run forward, but Hiei threw his arm out and stopped her.
"No murder in my class, please. I don't want to have to clean it up."
"I'll clean it up! Honest!" Eclipse chirped. Hiei thought for a second, then shrugged and dropped his arm.
"Okay."
"Alright!" Eclipse ran over to Shadow and tried to trip her, but the black-haired girl hit the emergency stop button on her machine and jumped off.
"Hey, wanna race?"
"Race?"
"Yes. Get on that machine, I'll be on this one, see how fast you can go before falling on your face and being sucked into the mechanics and having your body flatted and cut and torn apart!"
"Okay! You're on, slowpoke!" Eclipse jumped on the machine next to Shadow's and both started theirs and took off running.
Hiei groaned. "Slow."
"That's not slow!" Ryu objected. "That's like, marathon runner pace!"
"Faster, probably," Kurama noted, kicking Hiei subtly in the back of the leg.
"Ow, shit... Fine, so they're fast. Shadow will win."
"You know, you're kinda rejecting your class," Kurama muttered.
"Oh well. Tell them they have free time. That's what all my other classes did."
"Alright..."
Eventually, Eclipse stumbled and had to hit emergency stop and Shadow just kept on truckin (I hate that term) until the bell rang. She slammed her hand down on the stop button and looked at the stats.
"I just ran over ten miles in slightly under an hour," she said, panting and covered in sweat.
"Poor."
"Shut up, shrimp! I'm only human, remember?"
"Oh, yes. A pansy human girl. Forgot."
Shadow ran across the room as if to tackle him and found herself pinned to the ground before she realized it.
"Have mercy," Kurama advised, grinning. Then he left. Eclipse continued standing there. Kurama looked back.
"What are you doing, Eclipse?"
"Making sure they don't start making out or something."
"They won't."
Hiei sighed. "You people spoil my fun. I just wanted to torture her and you have to start thinking like a couple perverts..." He got up and Shadow followed suit. Ryu came back and looked at them curiously.
"So... I have a question, Hiei."
Hiei raised his eyebrow at the boy's improper respect. "From what I understand, you don't address teachers by their first name. However, I really don't care, and besides, it's technically after school, so go ahead."
"Are you and Shadow um..."
"Lovers? No."
"She said you were."
"I was joking!"
"Didn't sound like it."
"I have a very twisted sense of humor."
"Okay..."
"Is that answer satisfactory?" Hiei asked. "Or would you prefer that we were lovers? Wouldn't that make for some interesting rumors."
"Oh, rumors are already gonna be flying as soon as a single girl with something against either of you sees any display of affection," Kurama assured him.
"Really? You mean like your fan club, who hates me oh-so-much?" Shadow said excitedly.
"Yes."
"Isn't that something common on TV, though? A student having an affair with her teacher?" Eclipse asked.
"Actually, yes," Shadow replied. "But we aren't on TV. Or are we?" Her eyes flicked around them as somewhere, a suspenseful chord was struck.
"I don't think so." Resume school sounds, no more creepy suspense.
"But that doesn't mean it doesn't happen in the real world. Or does it?" Suspenseful chord again.
"What are you trying to get at?" Ryu asked.
"I have a plan!" Shadow said cheerfully. "It will work! Or wi-"
"Shut the fuck up already!" Eclipse snapped. Shadow pouted.
"I don't like you."
"What's your plan?" Hiei asked.
"I want to ruin our reputation! Let's make the entire school think we're lovers!"
Hiei's eye twitched. "Why in the hell would I want the entire school to think I'm in love with something like you?"
"Because it's true?"
Hiei snorted. Shadow glared.
"Because it's better than somebody spreading rumors that you and Kurama are lovers!"
"Where the hell would they get that idea!" Hiei yelped.
"Ummmmmm... Eclipse!"
"What about me?" the girl said cluelessly. She hadn't been listening, obviously.
"You! How dare you spread rumors that Hiei and Kurama are gay together!"
"Who's Kurama?" Ryu asked. He was ignored.
"I did not!"
"Well that's what everybody else is gonna say when ther rumors start flying."
Hiei reached out and grabbed both Eclipse and Shadow by the collars of their shirts and pulled them towards him. "If either of you spreads any sort of rumor that has anything to do with me loving anyone, I will kill you both." He let go and they fell over.
"That's cruel and unusual, Hiei, it really is."
"Who's Kurama?" Ryu repeated.
"Nobody, kid," Hiei said. "Absolutely nobody. C'mon Shadow, we're going home."
"No! You want to kill me!"
"Only if you spread rumors. Are you gonna spread rumors?"
"Uhhh..."
"Are you?" He glared at her and she knelt and bowed down until her forehead touched the floor.
"No, of course not, dear beloved Lord and Master!"
Ryu blinked. "Y'know, something about this reminds me of the abusive relationship description you gave in Health, Shadow."
"What about it?" she asked quickly, turning her head around to look up at him.
"You're bowing and calling him 'dear beloved lord and master' and he's threatening you and-"
"Well I suppose it would be an abusive relationship, then... If we were in a relationship!" Hiei snapped.
"Right! That's the one little problem with it," Shadow said. She suddenly jumped up and wrapped her arms and legs around Hiei's right leg and nuzzled her head against him. "But if we ever were in a real relationship, he would never hurt me intentionally! Because he's a really a little sweetheart!"
Hiei turned slightly pink and tried to get her off, but it didn't work very well, and he ended up falling over as he tried to walk away. The second his back hit the floor, Shadow scurried up and straddled him, looking down at him with a grin.
"Hello," she said.
"Erm..."
"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?"
Shadow's entire body tensed up and she looked over her shoulder at...
"YAMASHITA-SENSEI! How nice to see you!" she squealed, jumping up. "Jaganshi-sensei and I were just doing a little martial arts demonstration, that's all!"
"Yeah, well you'd better quit it. I need to talk to you, Jaganshi."
"Me?" Hiei said. Yamashita glared. "Yes, of course me, stupid fool..." He followed the principal out of the gym.
"Oh God that was close!" Shadow said, her hand on her pounding heart.
"Why the hell would you want to spread rumors that would ruin your reputation?" Kurama asked incredulously.
"For the hell if it," she replied, shrugging. Then she blinked. "Oh, shoot! Hiei and I are both supposed to be in the parking lot. Ja mata." She took off running again and tore out the nearest door. She was only a little startled to see that a whole crapload of kids were gathered in the parking lot. Hiroshi was standing in the middle of the lot with his arms crossed.
"Never fear, I am here," she cried, stopping dead about three feet in front of Hiroshi. Kurama, Ryu, and Eclipse came up and joined the ring of students a moment later.
"Where's your stupid friend?"
"Talking to the principal. He is a teacher, after all."
"What took you so long?"
"I forgot. But now I'm here and I'm ready to kick your butt fair and square in front of all these people."
"Ha! That's funny, because I'm gonna be the one whose whoopin' you! Ready, little girl?"
"You go first."
Hiroshi smirked. "If you're eager to lose, fine." He lunged. She dodged and kicked him. The crowd "ooooh!"-ed.
"Aren't you concerned, even a little bit?" Ryu asked Kurama. He shook his head.
"Not in the least. Shadow beat him up a year or so ago, and she sure hasn't gotten any weaker since then. Not the way she is."
The crowd let out another 'ooooooh' as Shadow dodged a punch, spun, and flipped him over her shoulder by his arm. He landed with an 'oof' on the pavement. When he got up, he drew out a knife from his pocket.
"What? How fair is that!" Ryu shouted. "You coward! Not only are you fighting a girl-"
"And getting your ass whooped," Kurama muttered under his breath.
"-but now you're drawing a knife!"
"You know she's toying with him, right?" Eclipse said, rather loudly. "Had she wanted to, she could have beat him in two seconds flat. Literally. One hit. She's just waiting until Hiei gets here."
"She doesn't have to wait anymore," Hiei said from beside her, making her jump.
"Don't do that!"
"What? I've been standing here for two minutes."
"No you haven't!"
"Perhaps."
"You haven't."
"Whatever." Hiei stepped out of the ring and darted into the middle of the fight, catching Hiroshi's wrist just as Shadow dropped and swung her leg up... Right into the bully's groin.
"Hey, Hiei! Took you long enough to show," she said cheerfully, getting up as Hiei dropped Nakada's twitching body onto the pavement.
"Yamashita wanted to reprimand me on my offensive language earlier today. Apparently some pansy reported it."
"Pansy."
"That's what I just said."
"So what'd you tell him?"
"That I have no idea what he's talking about."
"Good show!"
"Show isn't over," Nakada growled. He dragged himself away as the rest of his little gang of bullies emerged from the ring of students.
"Idiots never know when to give up," Shadow sighed, taking a defensive stance.
"Violence is the last refuge for the incompetant," Hiei said with a 'what can you expect?' tone. He continued standing, totally relaxed and unconcerned.
"Oh? What room do you have to say that?"
"I have a lot of room, thank you!"
"Hey! Are you gonna fight us?" Hiroshi's thugs snapped.
"Yes, stupid! Nevermind that it's two unarmed people, one being a scrawny weak female, against seven armed punks twice our size. I call that fair, don't you, Hiei?"
"If you can scrounge up any more fat brainless thugs, Hiroshi, I suggest you do it," Hiei said. "Your guys are already overpowered."
"That's funny," Hiroshi snapped. "That's not how I see it."
"Well you don't know us very well, do you?" Shadow replied, sneering. "Sure you won't get more of your guys?"
"Fine! You want to take them all on? Go ahead!" And six more thugs stepped forward with their knives.
Unnoticed to Kurama, Eclipse, and Ryu, the circle of students had moved back a considerable distance to get themselves out of the line of danger, and now those three were inside the circle as well.
"Thirteen against two? That's more like it," Hiei said, grinning.
"You idiots!" Kurama snapped, walking up to Hiei and Shadow. "What are you doing? You're making a spectacle!"
"You just answered your own question. That's a sign of insanity," Shadow said. She put her hand on his forehead, turning her back on all thirteen thugs. "Are you feeling well?"
"I'm feeling fine, except that you're making a spectacle and- Hiei, you should be even more ashamed of yourself!"
"What? I'm just catering to his stupidity," Hiei replied, also turning his back.
Kurama sighed. Then he said dryly, "Look out behind you."
Without a second's hesitation, Hiei and Shadow spun in unison and punched the charging kid right in the eyes.
"Bull's eye!" Shadow cheered.
"Literally," Hiei added, grinning. "Who's next?"
The other twelve all charged at once and the fire demons were startled when Eclipse launched herself over their heads and kicked one of the boys squarely in the face, sent him flying backwards, then landed easily, taking on the next person who came near.
Kurama's eye was twitching. Ryu came up next to him and his eye twitched in unison.
"Anything you wanna tell me, Shuuichi?"
"Tell you? Like what?"
"Like that maybe you and your friends are all undercover government agents or something and you've been trained by the best masters of martial arts alive?"
Kurama chuckled despite his annoyance at the others. "No, nothing like that."
"Then what's the deal with those three?"
"Hiei was trained, and the girls are his students. How's that?"
"I'll buy that, even though I feel like it's not the truth. At this point I don't really want to know the truth. But one more question: Are you some psycho martial arts genius too?"
"Do I look like-" Kurama dodged a punch from one of the stupid thugs. "What do you want? I'm not involved in this fight."
"Do you know how much people will respect me if I beat up the great Shuuichi Minamino?"
Ryu laughed. "Not much! People worship this guy for his brain, not his brawn! We're not even sure he has any brawn."
The thug laughed. "Whatever."
Kurama blocked the kid's punch, caught his right wrist as his hand came towards him with a knife, and pinched the tendon. The knife fell to the ground; Kurama pulled his fist back and punched the boy right in the face.
"Nice one, fox!" Shadow chirped, dancing over (literally) and jumping up onto the thug's fat stomach. She stood there lightly, and it seemed like she wasn't even there, then she abruptly jumped up and came down hard on the boy's gut. He gagged and she jumped away as he rolled over and threw up.
"You're a freaky martial arts guy too, aren't you," Ryu said. A statement, not a question. Kurama shook his head.
"No... Well... Yes... As much so as those other three, at least... And now the entire school will know we're all violent psychos by tomorrow morning and we'll have to skip..."
"Rumors will fly," Shadow sighed. "People will die... I'll make a pie." She paused, then smiled, dusting her hands together. "My work here is done. Come on, Hiei."
The ring of students suddenly pressed in closer and five of them were being cheered for.
"Yes, let's go!" Hiei yelped. He pushed through the people and Shadow, Kurama, Eclipse, and Ryu followed, running down the street away from the mob of cheering teens.
"Escape from the Cheering Teens! It can be a new SciFi channel movie! Do you think it'll make money, Hiei?" Shadow asked, speeding up a bit to run next to him.
"Ha! That'd be a laugh."
"Escape from the Undead Teens! How's that one?"
"How about Escape from Shadow and her Cheese?" Eclipse suggested.
"That would be good too! Hey, wait, no it wouldn't! That's mean!"
"No it's not."
"Shut up!"
Kurama slowed a bit and ran next to Ryu. "Are you actually intending to come to Shadow's house?"
"Why not? I've got no where else to go at the moment, and I want to know what you weird martial arts peoples' deals are!"
"I see."
"Is it really necessary we keep running? I think we left them behind. They aren't even following us."
"Yes they are! They're all around us! Closing in! Run faster!" Shadow wailed. She sped up until Hiei caught her shirt and stopped dead. She was choked and fell over backwards against him.
"There aren't any psychotic undead cheering teenagers chasing after us," he said. "I would have noticed."
"But you can't sense the undead! They're undead!"
Hiei groaned. "You're stupid. Write a book."
"Okay, I will! Hmph!" She crossed her arms.
"Let's go."
"Okay!" She skipped down the street. Hiei let her go.
When they finally arrived back at Shadow's house, they went inside and found an elaborate meal for five laid out: Ramen.
"Ramen, ramen, I like ramen!" Shadow, sitting at the table, was stirring the noodles in her bowl with her finger. "Swirly ramen, swirly ramen, swirl ramen swirl!"
"Dig in," Hiei said, sitting next to Shadow and gesturing for Ryu to sit across from him. He did, and started eating the noodles. Shadow stared at hers for a minute before picking up the bowl and tipping the entire thing into her mouth.
"MMmm, wahmen," she said. Then she swallowed it all and smiled. "So, Ryu, how do you like my humble abode?"
"It's... big," he muttered. "Just you two live here?"
"I own it, Hiei lives here, and there's four others who camp here for weeks at a time, pretty often... You're sitting between two of them. I should start charging admission."
"You wouldn't do that," Eclipse said, wiping broth off her chin. "You love us too much."
"I don't love. Well, perhaps I wouldn't charge Kurama, but you and Yusuke and Kuwabara... Give me money, now!"
"Wait... So you're Kurama!" Ryu said, pointing at the boy beside him. "Why do you have all these nicknames!"
"Because I'm weird."
"Because he's an undercover FBI agent! He's come to steal my rameny secrets!" Shadow grabbed her empty bowl and clutched it to her chest. "He will not get you, my precious... We will not lets him..." She hissed like a cat and ran out of the room with an odd slow galloping gait. Ryu stared.
"Ignore her, she's weird," Hiei said. "None of us are undercover FBI agents come to steal any secret ramen whatever the hell she said. We're just..."
"Normal people living normal lives in normal houses with normal families in normal Japan!" Eclipse finished. "Lots of normality in there, you note."
"Shadow said she owns the house... How is that?"
"She's lying. The house is mine," Hiei lied. "Shadow is well known for her lies."
"Yes," Kurama agreed. "She lies a lot."
"Oh yeah. Very many lies come from her," Eclipse added, nodding.
"So... Where's you learn to fight like that?" Ryu asked.
"School," Hiei lied. "Martial arts dojo. Since I was barely able to stand."
"How old are you now?"
"Not very."
"He's thirty," Kurama said. "Be sure not to tell anyone any of this stuff, Ryu. Rumors can only get us in trouble."
"I know. So where did you and Eclipse and Shadow learn to fight like that?"
The other two pointed at Hiei.
"He had a martial arts school. It burned down. He contacted his top students and offered to continue their lessons."
"Any more questions?" the fire demon asked.
"No, none at the moment... Except... Are you sure you aren't in love with Shadow?"
"YOU CAN'T HAVE MY RAMENY SECRETS!" Shadow howled, flinging her bowl into the room like a frisby. It crashed into the back of Hiei's head fell to the floor, breaking into a thousand pieces. Hiei's eyes narrowed.
"If I did before, I don't now," he said. "Clean that up, fox. I'm gonna go kill her."
"What? I'm not cleaning up your stupid house!"
"Fine, leave it there and step on it! I don't care." He jumped over it and and tore out of the room. There was a startled 'EEP!' from the next room and Shadow squeezed out from under the couch and took off running out the front door. Hiei went after her.
"They do that all the time. She's in no real danger," Kurama said, standing over Eclipse as she swept up the floor (amazing what threats and bribes can do). "How long are you gonna stay, Ryu?"
"I think I should probably be going home." There was a shriek from outside and the door burst open. Shadow came flying into the room and lunged under Ryu's chair. Hiei followed and poked at her with a sword sheath. She snarled like a caged animal and bit the end of it.
"Ha!" He pulled back and Shadow came out from under the chair, clinging to the sheath with her fangs. When the light hit her, she screeched in pain and fell into a crippled heap on the floor.
"The light! Oh, the light! I'm melting! Help! Help!" She twitched. Hiei whacked her back with the sheath and she yelped, jumped up, and latched onto his leg again.
"I'm sorry, great lord and master! Must I live in your garbage can?"
"Not the garbage can thing again," Kurama sighed. "Ryu, you probably should go. They aren't safe right now. 'Turn around and run if you value your life.' That kind of thing."
Ryu nodded and got up, walking past Hiei and Shadow, who were struggling with each other.
"And remember not to tell anyone about us," Kurama said.
"Right," Ryu muttered, walking out the door. As soon as he was gone, Hiei relaxed his death grip on Shadow's wrists and she hugged him.
"Yay!"
"What's so 'yay'?" Kurama asked nervously, surprised by the sudden change.
"We're alone!"
"Alone? But Eclipse and I-"
"Yes, well, we're still alone."
"Um... Okay. Eclipse, we should probably beat it. They're gonna do things they do when they're alone."
"Like what!" Eclipse asked.
"STUFF," Shadow yelled. She narrowed her eyes and lowered her voice. "Stuff and... things."
"Oh, dear God," Eclipse said, looking horrified. She turned and ran out the door. Kurama raised an eyebrow and followed. Shadow burst out laughing.
"Okay, I'm gonna clean up after these people. What're you gonna do?"
"Sleep."
"Okay. Have fun with that."
Hiei went upstairs and Shadow went about doing whatever little trivial duties her housewifely position told her to do.
"Then you're not a virgin anymore and don't have to worry about vampires and dragons." -Now, when I originally wrote this chapter, I left myself a note after this line saying that I got the idea of the vampires from Shaman King (when did they ever say anything about vamps liking virgins?) and the dragon thing I got from Dragonheart, which is a wonderful movie. Now, onto the real reason I posted early.
My good friend hColleen is a wonderful author and she has started a great new fic called "Elemental Education." She only got three reviews on the first chapter and it definitely deserves more, so I'm out to advertise her fic to get you all to at least go over to her page and check it out. It's a really good story. She needs people to appreciate what her muse is making her do, and having me bouncing off the walls in a review after every chapter I fear is probably not enough to make her feel that appreciation... So! You! Now! hColleen's page! Elemental Education! Read it! Review it! Please.
-Shadow Jaganshi-