This is pretty much how snappy this fic is gonna come out as I work 6 days a week (By choice!) and can't seem to write when in full work mode, unless I get one fucking strong inspiration from a random comment or smattering of music. (Bows deeply in apology…) I probably shoulda put a warning up first thing that this is NOT a cutsie fic! It is basically me delving into Satoshi's mind as I see it. I have no plot solid in my mind nor am I gonna do a lovey dovey Satoshi/Daisuke fluff fest. Though I do love them together, don't get me wrong but in this fic? I don't think so. I'm guessing I just lost a bunch of readers right there… though I AM toying with the idea of a solo fantasy chapter, involving a shower and some VERY hot thoughts! But… that's a bit later. So, again, this fic is pure experimentation for me.

For those who know/want to know the series, male/male love is alluded to/mentioned in this fic & also the series itself, if you don't like that, DON'T READ THIS! (You poor people you….) snicker

This fic is taken from both the anime series & the manga that have been released. This chapter is told primarily from Satoshi's point of view, as if you were viewing his thoughts & seeing through his eyes.

(This fic is unedited/beta-ed!)

eeeeeeeeeeevil cackle

I own nothing… such a pity…

.—

Chapter 5: Longing

The night deepens in silence as shadows play across my naked skin and I sit, sprawled, in the fractured chair of angel's wings. I feel utterly alone though Risa watches my every move.

I want—love. To never be hurt or afraid, lost or alone. To be at peace with myself and the world, though it always seems so unattainable… How do we reach that? How do we become who we want to be? Who we should be? Why should we bother to change at all? We have so many paths in life, how do we choose the right one?

Choices… such dangerous things

We so often make the wrong ones and regret them later, sometimes we make the right ones—and they hurt us and then there's not making any at all and that can be worse still. All we need to do is choose—

Sweat cools slowly on my heated skin, and I find a headache growing behind my eyes.

Sex… interesting word and its many accompaniments: make love, give, take, lust, submit, dominate, rape, fuck and destroy, all in the bottom of a glass. Perhaps in that women have it harder than us. While we can fuck around all we like, all it takes for them is one mistake. Just one… And a life is forever changed. Not a fair flip of the coin but whoever said life was fair?

Our lives, but dust in the span of time, yet we sometimes manage to live with such passion that seemingly defies eternity; to love with such abandon that when it is broken we are asunder; to love so deeply that we brush heaven; to love—

So simple, yet so complex, goddamn it—

To be enfolded in the arms of another, to be wrapped in warmth that is not artificial or even my own: to feel safe, loved. God, it's so hard to trust another, to let yourself be vulnerable: surrender all barriers and bare yourself to the scrutiny of someone else, all the good and the bad. To wish and hope—pray that they accept you. All of you

That is… difficult

I'm not used to doing that; I don't feel safe. I don't trust that simply, I can't. I hate that but I can't help it! I—

A tear runs down my cheek and I wipe it away with careless fingers. A sigh escapes my lips as my hand falls once more onto my thigh, my eyes drifting shut against the shifting night.

I feel so alone

Daisuke—I want your arms around me, hair of fire soft against my skin, burning flesh. I want to take you, hold you fast, rake my nails down your back and watch you writhe in pleasure. I want to be twined around you, limbs tangled in sweaty sheets, palm to palm with fingers laced. I want—I want to fall asleep still deep inside you, fallen moonlight our only shroud, your scent and warmth enveloping. At final peace

That is all I want and yet—

It is still too much.

TBC…

Flame me,

Fuck me.

Kiss me,

Hug me!

Send 'em up,

I'll eat it up!

AN) Once again! Gotta wait for a bit, as the sixth chapter needs to formulate in my muddled mind! Gonna be out though!

Do send me your comments, thoughts and suggestions. Everything helps us authors better our writing.

Snicker

(I love doing this…)