TITLE: Starting Over
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: What started out as a trip to the hatch to check up on those who wanted to blow it up, becomes much more of an adventure for Shannon and Sayid, which brings them closer together.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then there would be more Shayid moments.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story started out as a random throw away idea that only got developed because of mrstater's encouragement and constant support. Thanks so much!
Shannon took her time getting dressed. She was so relieved that the danger seemed to be over. The threat of the Others was gone, that crazy French woman had been behind it all. She had started the smoke, and planed it so she could separate the castaways to get the baby. But that was over now. More importantly, Shannon had begun to fix things with Sayid. The relief she felt now was nothing compared with the relief she had felt last night when she had seen Sayid standing by the waterfall. He was safe, and her fears that he would be captured or worse, by the Others had disappeared as she wrapped her arms around him. He had stayed by her side all night, leaving only when she mentioned she had to get dressed.
She decided to find Sayid so they could have breakfast together – or lunch, she wasn't sure how late it was. She hadn't been away from Sayid for long since his return from rescuing Aaron and she needed to make sure he was still okay. She needed to know that sleeping in his arms last night hadn't been a dream. She hadn't slept that well since the night her dad had taken her to Disney World, where for the first time she had thought they were going to be okay after her mom died. Unfortunately, that peace she had felt was temporary. The next day Sabrina and Boone arrived, and things were never the same.
But she didn't want to think about that anymore. There was no reason to dwell in the past; she had been doing that since Boone's death, and was tired of feeling miserable. She had thrown herself into her grief, hoping that it would ease her guilt, but it had only made it worse. Last night, she had revealed her guilt to Sayid, that she felt it was her fault Boone was on the island. Sayid hadn't pushed her to tell him what she meant – which she appreciated, because she wasn't ready to go there yet. Instead he had gotten this look of understanding on his face. So softly he had told her that he knew what she meant, and he had thanked her for sharing her feelings with him. He had then held her until she fell asleep. When the morning light woke her, she was still in his arms. She could get used to sleeping with him.
She walked slowly through the caves, surprised to see so many people just lounging around. It made sense; they were all exhausted from thinking that someone was going to kill them last night. She shuddered at the thought and pushed it away. Instead she was going to focus solely on Sayid and feeling happy again. She didn't expect it to happen all at once, but last night had been a big step.
She spotted Sayid standing on the fringe of the caves with his back to her. She smiled, excited to spend the day with him. Her smile faded as she got closer and found him packing his backpack.
"Where are you going?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest.
He had just come back from the jungle. Why did he have to go again? Did he not really want her?
Startled, he dropped his bag. "I was not going to leave without telling you."
"That wasn't the question."
"I am going to the hatch. They should have been back by now." He reached out to caress her face. "I want to make sure nothing has happened."
She rolled her eyes as she leaned into his touch. Why did he have to care so much about everyone on the island? She only wanted him to care about her.
"Why, are you worried they might have blown themselves up?"
"That is a possibility. Or there was something unexpected in the hatch."
"So you want to go and check up on them. What if they have blown up or eaten by the jungle monster, why do you have to go after them?"
"No one else knows where to go," he said wearily.
She had forgotten that not many of the castaways had been let in on that little secret. Why did Sayid have to be the one who knew? She wasn't ready for him to go off into the jungle again. She wanted him to stay with her.
She needed to know that he was safe, that he was going to come back to her. She was still healing over the loss of her brother, and she knew that losing Sayid would destroy her. If he was so adamant about going out to the jungle, then she would make sure that he took care of himself as well.
"Can I go with you?"
Sayid looked surprised. "You want go out into the jungle?"
She crossed her arms over her chest defensively. "I went that other time. Remember, Sawyer shot a bear and I translated the message. I was useful then."
"You are always useful, Shannon." He began to finger her hair. "I do not know what to expect when we get to the hatch. I do not want you to be in any danger."
"And I don't want you to be in any either. We can keep each other safe. How does that sound?"
He looked down at the ground defeated, "You will need to change."
She glanced at her short skirt and sandals and knew he was right. She knew exactly what she should wear.
"Okay, I'll be right back."
Shannon knew that if she took too long dressing, Sayid would leave without her. She changed into pants and tennis shoes as quickly as she ever had. She grabbed a bag to take with her and added some necessary things, such as extra clothes and a bathing suit, just in case.
Then she found Vincent wondering along the edge of the caves. It always amazed her how he knew when she wanted him. She knelt in from of him and scratched behind his ears, as she told him what she needed him to do. Shannon then grabbed a hold of his leash and walked the dog over to Sun. Shannon knew that Sun needed him more than she did at the moment. While she was there, Shannon restocked her supply of eucalyptus, just in case she had an asthma attack.
She found Sayid standing where she'd left him, and they made their way into the jungle in silence.
Shannon knew that she needed to stay close to him. She didn't want to get lost, or more importantly, she didn't want to find any booby traps, boars, or polar bears, or the French Chick. She took the opportunity to watch him as they walked. He seemed annoyed, the way his shoulders were tense and the expression in his eyes. She hoped it wasn't because of her. She had just wanted to spend time with him.
Suddenly, the realization hit Shannon that she didn't really know anything about him. Though she was hesitant to admit it, he had already captured her heart. How could she love someone she hardly knew? But then she realized that she didn't really need to know him more than she already did. She was connected to him somehow. That had been proven last night when they hadn't needed many words to describe what they were thinking, they just understood. She wondered if they would have gotten together under normal circumstances. An ache settled in her chest as she thought about the possibility of never knowing him. Instead, she decided to focus on learning more about him.
"What's your favorite color?"
Sayid jumped at her voice. "What?" he asked, perplexed.
"Your favorite color," she repeated slowly, "What is it?"
He stopped walking. "I do not know."
"You don't know your favorite color?"
"What is yours?"
"Gray."
"Why gray?"
Reluctantly she answered, "It used to match the way I was feeling, when I was younger."
She didn't want to explain to him why gray had matched her insides, didn't want to explain how miserable she was or had been. Instead she decided to change the topic.
"What about a favorite food?"
They resumed walking as he thought about his answer.
"Um Ali."
"Um Ali?"
"A pastry my mother used to make."
"Will you make it for me when we get rescued?" she asked, flirtatiously.
He visibly relaxed as she asked, and she was relieved. He had seemed so tense during the walk so far that she needed to ease his concerns. She also liked the idea of him cooking for her.
"Only if you make me your favorite."
She bit her lip. "I don't really have a favorite. Food and I don't have a great relationship, although I would love some pasta. This island is an Atkins dieter's dream."
"Atkin's?"
"A diet where you don't eat carbs, just proteins."
"How do you know so much about dieting? You do not need it."
She reached for his hand. "That's a story for another time. Let's just say that it helped me survive and leave it at that, please."
She hadn't meant to reveal that to him. She didn't want him to know about her past, and her relationship with food. She didn't think he would understand, and she couldn't stand the idea of him looking at her differently. How was it that her questions were revealing more information about herself than they were about him?
"You do not need to tell me anything. Just remember that I think you are beautiful."
She squeezed his hand. She wished she could believe his words, but they rang hollow in her ears. She had heard them so many times from people who had just wanted to get her into bed that she no longer believed it.
"What would be the first thing you did when we get rescued?" Shannon asked, once again finding the need to change the topic.
"Shower, then sleep in a real bed."
She smiled. "Sounds perfect. Then shopping. I'll have to bring you with me."
Sayid dropped her hand, and she realized that she may have made a mistake. She was assuming that they would still be together, that Sayid would want to maintain their relationship, however fragile it was now, once they got off the island. She didn't have the chance to explain herself. They stepped through the brush and found themselves in front of the hatch.
TBC…