(Tuesday, 2-22-05) Thank you reviewers. And special thanks to those who actually read and obeyed my author's note on the last chapter. :) If you missed it, GO READ HCOLLEEN'S NEW FIC CALLED "ELEMENTAL EDUCATION." I'll pelt you with poisonous blueberries if you don't.
Some quick notes, I believe here... Just to tell you, I'm currently writing chapter fifteen, and this chapter was written around Halloween. I only know that because the Rokurokubi was something I learned about in Japanese class around Halloween when we were learning about obake. Rokurokubi are women with stretchy necks. They look like normal women by day, but at night they have stretchy necks and lure men to them to drain their life energy. Mmmm... Tasty indeed.
Anyways, I personally think people are gonna get ticked at me for making this story so long, and making it go off topic majorly at points, for whole chapters at a time, even. They're gonna be like, "I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS STORY WAS ABOUT THIS AND THAT AND THAT AND THIS!" And I'll be like, "IT IS! I'M GETTING TO THAT!" Anyway... Just read the story please. (Why do I put these notes here if I'm just gonna tell you to read the story at the end of them? I dunno.)
CHAPTER SIX
Rokurokubi
The loudspeaker crackled. Everyone stared at it expectantly.
"Could I have your attention, please?"
"You have it!" Shadow said, staring raptly at the speaker in the ceiling. "Please, tell me what you know, divine voice from the sky!"
The whole of her math class stared, but the voice on the speaker continued.
"Some of you may know Miyoshi-sensei. He was our Driver's Ed teacher as well as the girl's soccer coach. I'm sorry to say he's in the hospital. He suffered a heart attack earlier today when some rude individual played a prank on him... They don't know if he'll survive."
Shadow turned blue and screamed in horror, got up, and ran out of the room, down the hall, down the stairs, and into the gym.
"HIEIHIEIHIEIHIEIHIEIHIEIHIEIHIEI!" she screamed, running across the room to him. She tackled him. "I GAVE SOME OLD MAN A HEART ATTACK! IT'S ALL MY FAULT!"
"What!" the fire demon yelped.
"That Miyoshi whatever guy they just had an announcement about! I gave him a heart attack! I rigged his classroom door! I KILLED HIM!"
"First off, he's not dead. Second, get off me. Third, look around you at all the people who just heard that nonsense."
There were at least thirty people in the gym. They were all staring.
"But that's beside the point. Know who the new girls' soccer coach is?"
"They already have one?"
"Yamashita just came down and talked to me. As a matter of fact, you passed him on your way here, cuz he's coming back."
"What!" She spun, and there was the principal, crossing the gym towards her.
"What are you doing here, girl? Not only were you running in the hall, I get to the office and Shuuichi Minamino is standing there asking the secretary to make an announcement for you to report to the office."
"I didn't hear any announcement."
"That's because she didn't make it, foolish girl! I came down here to deal with you in person!"
"Where's Shuuichi?"
"Back in his math class, where you should have stayed. Now you have detention."
"I already have detention tonight, sir."
"You have double detention, then!"
"What! Can you do that?"
"You should have triple detention! Why aren't you wearing the uniform?"
"Don't have one."
"You-"
"So where am I going after my literature detention?"
"You'll serve that detention tomorrow. Tonight you're going to be scrubbing graffiti off the bathroom walls. If you aren't in the office at the last bell, you'll be in serious trouble."
"Yes ma'am."
"WHAT?"
"Sir. Sorry sir. I'll never do it again, sir." She bowed repeatedly.
"That's it! Your detention is from the last bell until every bathroom in the school is clean!"
Shadow blinked. "Even the boys'?"
"Yes!"
"I've never been in a boy's bathroom before... I don't think that's acceptable ladylike behavior... Should I be allowed to see that kind of stuff?"
"It doesn't matter! Nobody will be in them! If you dare say another word in defiance you will be scrubbing bathrooms every day for the rest of the year!"
"Then I'll be quite suited for a future as a janitor, won't I!"
"Shadow!" Hiei snapped.
"But hey, what if I clean them tonight and nobody else graffitis them?"
"THERE'S ALWAYS MORE GRAFFITI! AND IF THERE ISN'T, I'LL PUT IT THERE MYSELF FOR YOU TO CLEAN!"
Shadow blinked. "That was loud and rude and uncalled for."
"That's it! The rest of this week and all next week, after school, report to the office at the last bell! You've got detention!"
Shadow blinked. "N'ka." (variation on 'okay')
Yamashita fumed. "AND WHY ARE YOU DOWN HERE, ANYWAY! GET UP TO YOUR CLASS!"
"YES MA'AM!" Shadow retorted in a voice equal in volume. She stomped out, letting the door slam closed behind her.
She reached her math class with a grin on her face. Everybody stared as she walked back to her seat with the grin still plastered on her face, sat down calmly, and looked attentively at the blackboard. After a minute, Baisotei-sensei continued and Shadow abruptly grabbed her notebook and tore it in half. Eclipse and Kurama jumped, surprised at the apparently unprovoked show of aggression.
"I have detention for a WEEK AND A HALF!" she growled, slamming her fist on the desk. "Can you BELIEVE that!"
Baisotei stared. She quieted down again and looked at him sweetly, smiling.
"Shadow, maybe you should step out in the hall until you calm down."
"That won't help me."
"Go to guidance, then."
"Guidance! What can they do? They're part of the school government which has pitted itself against me! THEY ALL HATE ME!" She panted for breath for a minute, seeming calm, then grabbed what was left of her notebook and ripped the halves in half, again and again until there was nothing left but confetti-sized squares, which she started throwing up in the air by the handful.
"Celebrate!" she said hysterically. "Shadow's got detention! For a week and a half! A WEEK AND A HALF! I HAVE TO SCRUB BATHROOMS! AAARRRGGGHHH!" She gathered up every single shred of paper she'd thrown, tossed the heap into the garbage can, set fire to it, and left the room again. Once no one could see her, she burst into fits of hysterical laughter (which echoed in the empty halls and everybody opened doors to stare).
"STARE AT ME A LITTLE MORE, I MIGHT DO A TRICK!" she shouted. Then she took off running and went up to the roof. She perched on the roof of the elevator shaft and leapt from there to the flagpole, which she shimmied up and stood on the top of. With her luck, a few moments later, it was raining. Oh, yes, it had been cloudy all day, but it didn't decide to pour rain until the psychotic girl was at the highest point for a mile or two in every direction.
"Typical," she muttered. And yet she didn't move. A big grin suddenly curved her lips and she burst out laughing again, this time with amusement. She was laughing at herself and her temper tantrum.
"I HAVEN'T THROWN A TEMPER TANTRUM SINCE I WAS TWO!" she shouted.
"This'll be the last one you ever threw, then, if you don't get down from there!" Hiei called from below her. "You're gonna get struck by lightning!"
She looked down at him, grinning, her soaked hair and clothes sticking to her skin. "Hey, Hiei! What're you doin' up here?"
"Get down here, Shadow," he said, choosing to ignore the question.
She hopped down and landed lightly and gracefully in front of Hiei, and hugged him.
"You okay? How're you feeling?" he asked.
"Cold, wet, extremely amused, and... wet. It's raining, had you noticed?"
Hiei nodded. "It's raining hard. And I have a feeling my soccer coaching will have to be put off a day or two."
"You're the new coach?"
Hiei nodded, brushing a few soaked strands of hair away from Shadow's eyes.
"Why are we still standing on the roof in the middle of a thunderstorm?" he asked. Shadow shrugged.
"For the hell of it."
"I see."
"Maybe we can make mad passionate love up here and nobody will know."
"Until they find our electrocuted dead bodies lying up here in a couple days when the beating sun has rotted our corpses nicely..."
"You know, it is possible not to get hit by lightning during a storm."
"I'm very aware of that, Shadow, but my last experience outside a house during a thunderstorm had the tree I'd just been sitting under get hit and catch fire. I seem to be cursed."
"Maybe Koenma's trying to kill you so he can kidnap me without opposition."
"Why would he want to kidnap you!"
Shadow pouted. "I'm offended!"
"Why!"
"You have to ask why he'd want to kidnap me? Why would any sane man want to kidnap me?"
"Oh."
"Continue..."
Hiei sighed and rolled his eyes. "Because you're smart and beautiful."
"Thank you!"
"You're welcome."
"I know I am."
"Whatever."
"I've trained you well, young padawan."
"Young what?"
"Padawan. I am the famed Jedi Master Soba-kwan Osushi. I have taken you under my wing and trained you well, Padawan."
"Oh. Yeah. Okay then."
"Can I skip school, mommy? The only classes I'll be missing are yours and the traumatizing class in which the teacher talks about sex like it's a painting. Something to be examined. I wonder if she has any kids. If she walked in on her daughter being screwed, she'd probably examine the methods of pleasure and foreplay the boy was using..."
Hiei blanched. "What?"
"I'm serious! She encourages sex!" She told him about the little situation with Kurama at the beginning of class yesterday. "It was like she was giving us permission to clear off her desk and do a demonstration during class! Isn't that gross!"
"I think I'm gonna be sick."
"YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THE LADY EVERY DAY! What do you want to bet that when it gets around to it, she'll ask us if we want to demonstrate. Isn't that gross? She probably thinks I've had sex, that I'm some kind of slut or whore or something... How often do you see me standing on street corners wearing gross clothes and smoking cigarettes?"
"Can we get off this subject? I'm gonna be scarred for life."
"Okay, then, here's this topic: We've been standing on the roof for about ten minutes in the rain for absolutely no freaking reason."
Hiei blinked, looking up at the rainy sky. "Good point." He spun on his heel and walked towards the door leading to the staircase. Shadow followed. Once inside, the rain a mere sound effect to be observed from the safety of a warm, dry building, Hiei and Shadow looked down the stairs distastefully.
"I don't want to go to Health," she muttered.
"I don't want to go teach, but my classes probably went and murdered each other and now I'll go back into the gym to a scene of absolute carnage and bloodshed."
"Well that's cool."
"I guess so, but I'll get tossed in prison."
"Ningen prison. No problems breaking out of that one and running from the weak ningen law enforcement, right?"
"True enough." Hiei looked at the puddle of water gathering beneath the two of them. "Raise the temperature."
"What?"
The fire demon raised the temperature of the air around them and both started drying.
"Oh!" Shadow chirped. She helped him out, and in a few moments, both were dry enough to pass as only having been outside for a few moments. Hiei grabbed his cloak off the floor in the corner and handed it to Shadow.
"Wear that."
"Why?"
"Because I said so."
"M'kay, then..." She grabbed his cloak and slipped it on. "Perfect fit, don't you think?"
"Hn."
"Don't you 'hn' me!"
"Go to class."
"I'll be late. The bell rang."
"What class?"
"Health."
"Tell her you were exploring The Realms of Sex with your boyfriend."
"I don't have a boyfriend."
"And you weren't exploring The Realms of Sex, but she won't know that."
"Everyone else will. They'll suspect that we were screwing in a broom closet."
"That's nasty."
"They will!"
"But I guess there's no proof we weren't..."
"Hiei!"
"What?"
"I never would have guessed you'd say something like that!"
"I've been around you too long, apparently."
"Well... We live together... What do you expect?"
"Not much. Go to class."
"I don't want to... Can't I skip?"
"And miss Etsuko-sensei's scrutiny of sex? Why would you want to do that?"
"If I wanted to know about sex, I'd ask Youko."
Hiei snorted. "Well, he sure knows."
"Or I could always seduce you into teaching me... Hands on."
The little demon's eyes widened slightly. Shadow grinned.
"How much would it take for you to do that for me?"
"What!" he squeaked.
"I'm kidding! Sorry, sorry, didn't mean to traumatize you. I wouldn't pay you to have sex with me anyway. Then that'd be like you were a hooker or something... Male prostitute."
"Why are we having this conversation?" Hiei cried. "This is very bad for the maintenance of my sanity!"
"Sorry, I'll go to class and learn about pleasure-giving methods." She turned, then paused and kissed Hiei on the cheek. "I have detention today so you'll be home all by yourself. Think you can manage?"
"Yeah, I think I can do okay on my own, Shadow."
"Okay. Ja mata." She jumped on the stair railing and ground down it like a skateboarder, jumping off when she came to a turn and running down the rest with her arms out to her sides like airplane wings.
-
When the health room door flew open and banged against the wall, everyone stared. But nobody came in the door.
"Shuuichi-kun, would you be a sweetheart and shut the door, since you're closest?" Etsuko-sensei said. Kurama flinched at being called 'sweetheart' by this lady, but got up and went to shut the door. His hand was on the knob when his eyes flew wide and Shadow came running down the hall with her arms out to her sides like wings, making airplane noises and swerving this way and that over the hall. He hurriedly pushed the door shut, but Shadow reached it before he'd closed it all the way and she threw her shoulder against it, sending him toppling back. An unnecessarily complex series of gymnastic moves later, and Shadow was standing on her desk doing a series of completely different dances that somehow meshed into one another and seemed oddly... fitting. The entire time, she was singing a song to fit each dance.
"Shadow-san..." Etsuko said after a minute. Shadow continued dancing. Kurama grabbed her left leg and pulled, knocking her to the ground (her head hit off the desk, a chair seat, and the leg of Kurama's chair on the way down, but she was no worse for the wear when the day was over). Class continued.
-
At the end of the day, Shadow was in an agonizingly cheerful mood and found herself dancing to the office. She went inside and straight to Yamashita's office.
"Yamashita-sensei!" she sang in the open doorway. His head snapped up from a few papers he'd been looking at and he glared. She continued in a cheerful voice (at least she wasn't singing, though). "I'm here to serve my terrible detention, sir."
"Good. I assume that, as a girl, you've cleaned before?"
"That's sexist, but yes, I've had my fair share of cleaning." UNDERSTATEMENT!
"I expect you to scrub every bathroom in this school to my approval. If you're here until midnight, so be it. You don't have anything more important to be doing, do you?"
"Well, I could think of more productive things to be doing, but they aren't really more important. Not for the good of the people, I'm afraid. They'd actually be for.. Well, we won't go there. You don't need to hear my world domination plots."
Yamashita just glared at her, clearly not amused by her attitude. "Start in the girls' bathroom down the hall. Your supplies are in the janitor's closet next to it. Go. Now."
"Yes, Yamashita-sensei, sir!" She salluted and marched out of the office, down the hall through the throng of students (oddly, they cleared the way for the marching, psychotic girl and she wasn't jostled in the least, and completed her ruler-straight line down the hall with ease), and stopped with a big grin on her face in front of the janitor's closet. Looking down the hall towards the office, she saw Yamashita was watching her. She waved and then opened the closet door, pulled out the supplies, and darted into the girls' bathroom, singing the tune to 'Flight of the Bumblebees.'
"One bucket of warm water! A squirt of very strong soap! A sponge! A girl! A bathroom! A graffiti! All ingredients for proper detention are present! Ready set go!" She lunged at the nearest stall, sponge ready, and attacked the graffiti, singing all the while.
"Ready Steady can't hold me back, Ready steady give me good luck, ready steady never look back, let's get steady ready steady gooooo!" ("Ready Steady Go" by L'arc En Ciel-beginning theme of Fullmetal Alchemist. Love that show, love that song, but I have no affiliation with either.)
Twenty minutes later: "Girls' bathroom number one, first floor near room number 110, complete to Yamashita-sensei's approval!" Shadow cheered to the empty room. She ran to the doorway and slid out into the hall, stopping dead and standing at attention, her face dead serious and emotionless. After a second, after the water in her bucket had stopped sloshing everywhere, she got a stupid smile on her face and started skipping down the hall like a little child.
Reaching the boys' bathroom down the hall, she slipped inside with a bit more caution (this may surprise you, but she'd never been in a public boys' bathroom before) and looked around.
"Kitanai, kitanai, tisk tisk tisk..." she muttered in a singsong voice, looking around. "Graffiti everywhere... No time to waste!" She shot to the nearest graffiti and stuck her sponge in the bucket. It came out just as dry as it had been when she'd put it in. Blinking, she stepped over to the door and peeked out. There was soapy water splashed all over the hall from the girls' bathroom to where she was now.
"Ewps," she said, grinning. "Moppy, moppyyyyyy!" She dropped her bucket and ran to the janitor's closet, grabbed a mop, and started mopping up the water she'd spilled, humming 'Rush' from Cowboy Bebop (which I do not have any affiliation with, either). She continued in this pattern for some time, singing a different song in each bathroom and travelling between the bathrooms a different way every time (running, crawling, penguin-walking...). It was in the second boys bathroom on the first floor than she discovered something of interest.
"'Shadow Jaganshi is hot.'"
She blinked, looking at the writing (what, you think she cleaned it all off without reading it!), shrugged, and looked at the writing below it.
"'I want to fuck her.' Too bad, Mister Anonymous. I probably don't like you anyway..." Then, below that: "'Eclipse Shinomori is hot.' Yuck."
Shadow scrubbed it all away, turned to dip the sponge in the bucket, and yelped with surprise. Hiei was standing right next to her, reading over her shoulder.
"What are you doing here!" On second inspection, she noticed he was drenched and covered in mud.
"I didn't cancel soccer practice. The rain had slowed by the end of the day so I dragged them out there and they played in the mud. Eclipse had a blast. The others weren't as happy."
"Pansies."
"Exactly." He leaned against the wall. "So are you having fun?"
"Actually, yes." Hiei's eyebrows rose. Shadow grinned. "Anything can be fun, as long as you have the right attitude!"
"I guess that's true."
"You don't have the right attitude, Hiei. But I do!"
"I know. You think staring at a blank wall is fun."
"It is! But this isn't blank! See, you can read stuff people wrote about you!"
"Was there anything about me?"
"Not yet, but I just washed something off that said I was hot and some other dude wants to fuck me. Isn't that amusing? And I found something in the the girls bathroom down the hall, actually a lot of somethings, about Kurama... 'Shuuichi Minamino is sexy.' 'Shuuichi is a total hottie.' 'I love Shuuichi Minamino.' 'Shuuichi Minamino is mine.' 'Ayame + Shuuichi many children' and the like..."
"That's amusing."
"Yes, it is."
"So when do you think you'll be done?"
"It's taken me two hours to do three and a half. So, I estimate another two hours should do it. This is honestly so much fun, I'm almost happy I get to do it for the rest of this week and next week. Except that some of these bathrooms smell bad and you find questionable things in the toilets... But I'm completely alone in this school! Except for you and Yamashita, who should be coming around any moment to inspect my work."
"Really? He's doing that?"
"Yep! I'm his little janitor slave girl!"
"Jaganshi!" came Yamashita's voice from the hall.
"Speak of the devil... Yes, sir!"
"Who are you talking to?" he asked, walking in. "Jaganshi! What are you doing here?"
"Isn't it a bit difficult to talk to two different people with the same last name who are in the same room but you're addressing them about different things?" Shadow asked. "Like, if you asked me what I was doing here, but called me 'Jaganshi' instead of 'Shadow' then I could say 'I'm scrubbing graffiti off bathroom walls, sir' but if you're talking to Hiei, then he could say 'I'm using the bathroom' and that would be two totally completely different things. See what I'm saying?"
"I see what you're doing. Or actually, not doing. Get back to work!"
"Yes ma'am." She started scrubbing cheerfully.
"Now, Jaganshi, what are you doing here? And why do you look like somebody just threw you in a mud puddle?"
"Because I was just thrown in a mud puddle," Hiei replied.
"Don't get smart with me!"
"I'm serious! You had me coaching girls' soccer, and they ganged up on me and tossed me in a mud puddle!"
"You got beat up by a bunch of girls?"
"Hardly!"
"I'm the only girl who can beat up Hiei," Shadow interjected, then continued humming.
"Well then-"
"They got mad because I blocked every goal so they all bombarded me with soccer balls until I tripped over one and fell in the mud. Happy? It's kinda muddy outside, I was already a mess. Besides, it's not like I mudded up the halls any. I'm just a bit unpresentable is all."
"You look perfectly presentable to me," Shadow muttered. "I think you look hot." Hiei smirked to himself as Yamashita glared at Shadow's back.
"He's unpresentable."
"It's not like he's anywhere where anyone but you cares, anyway! He'll get home unseen and nobody else will have to fret over his mess except me when I go home and have to wash his clothes and mop up the floor!"
"You know, you should watch it, Jaganshi. I could easily give you detention for the rest of the month," Yamashita threatened.
"Nuh-uh! It's after school hours! You can't punish me for after school misbehaviors."
"Well I notice you haven't been wearing the school uniform! Better start, because that means detention if you don't."
"Yay! Hiei, you'd best expect me to have detention every day for the rest of the year... Cuz I'm not gonna wear the stupid uniform."
"Jaganshi!"
"What?" both chorused.
"You!" He pointed at Hiei. "Get out of here. And you!" He pointed at Shadow. "Get back to work!"
"Yes ma'am!" Shadow chirped, then added quietly, "Even though I never really stopped working..."
Hiei smirked and walked past Yamashita to Shadow, easily pulling his cloak off her body. She yelped and spun.
"Ja mata," he said, grinning, and left, smirking up at the principal as he passed him with his cloak slung over his shoulder. As he went out the door, he wrapped the cloth about himself, concealing a majority of the mud on his clothes. Yamashita continued looking sourly at the door long after Hiei had left.
"You know frowning will give you wrinkles," Shadow said, one hand on her hip.
"Shut up and get back to work."
"I'm finished down here."
"Then go upstairs!"
"Yes SIR!" she snapped. "Jeesh, no need to get snippy with me... I'm just a sweet innocent girl, after all... My weak mind and emotions could be hurt by your cruelty." She continued muttering as she hopped down the hall on one foot with the bucket balanced on her head.
-
When Shadow finally got home, she found Hiei sitting on the porch in the dark, amusing himself by incinerating papers, toothpicks, and even catching marshmallows on fire.
"Hey," she said, sitting next to him.
"Hello," he replied, extinguishing the flames and turning to look at her.
"One detention served, only ten more to go."
"Ten?"
"He added a couple when I failed to clean up a bit of water I'd spilled and he slipped in it and looked like a fool as he stumbled around to get his balance... And I laughed at him instead of helping... It was funny, though."
"I can imagine. Sorry I missed it."
"I should have put it right at the top of the stairs so when he came stalking up to check on me, he fell down them... Broke his neck... Make it look like an accident."
They sat in silence for a while, until Shadow sighed and leaned against Hiei. "I'm tired. Being cruel is exhausting."
"I guess so."
"I think... I'll sleep... Right here..."
"Right here! On me? No, Shadow, you'll get up and go to bed."
"What's wrong with me using you as a pillow? You're comfy."
Hiei sighed and stood up. "That's beside the point."
"Well then what's the point?"
"I don't know, but it's not that. Go to bed if you're tired."
"...Are you embarrassed, Hiei Jaganshi? Hmmmmm? Is some little pansy girl showing odd affection towards you?"
"I'm not embarrassed by you, Shadow."
"Good to hear. I'm going to bed." She got up and, as she passed him, grabbed Hiei's hand and dragged him after her.
-
When the weekend came, finally, Yusuke and Kuwabara showed up at Shadow's house sometime around noon. The door was closed and a try of the knob showed it was also locked.
"Well that's odd. They never lock the door... With Hiei around it's like having a whole pack of rabid attack wolves. Door locks are kind of inadequate." Yusuke knocked sharply.
"Maybe they went somewhere," Kuwabara suggested.
"At noon on a Saturday! Go see if Shadow's motorcycle is around the back."
Kuwabara went, and when he came back, he nodded. "It's still there."
"Then..." Yusuke searched for the duo's ki and found it inside. "They're in there, all right! HEY SHADOW, OPEN THE DOOR!"
Kuwabara sighed and also looked for their ki. "They're asleep." (Yes, he can tell that from their ki. Leave me alone.)
"So what? OPEN THE DOOR!"
"Neither of them is used to waking up early, so maybe they're in a coma."
"That's it. Where's Kurama when you need him? Can you pick a lock, Kuwabara?"
"Uh..."
There was a burst of ki and Hiei was suddenly behind them, glaring.
"Why the hell are you here?"
"Hiei! What the hell are you doing!"
"What am I doing! You're the ones standing on my front porch screaming while I'm trying to sleep!" Hiei pulled the key out of his pants pocket and stuck it in the slot, turned it, and opened the door. "Go in. Watch TV or something until I get up of my own free will." He let them in past him, then stepped inside, closed the door, and walked out of the room.
"Fine! Greet your guests! Maybe we'll raid the kitchen!"
"There's nothing in there except bottled water and rice," Hiei replied. "Now if you don't mind-"
"You and your half-nakedness is going to go back to bed, yeah, okay, I get it," Yusuke interrupted.
"Those aren't the exact words I would have used, but it gets the point across." And he spun and left.
"School must be pretty hard on both of them," Kuwabara muttered. "Shadow didn't even wake up, and Hiei was acting like an ass..."
"And neither of those things is unusual, Kuwabara," Yusuke reminded him. "Wanna play pool?"
"Yeah, I guess." The boys went down into the basement to Shadow's pool table.
Hiei, meanwhile, was upstairs, resettling himself next to Shadow in her bed. She rolled over and clung to him.
"Good morning."
"Afternoon," he corrected.
"Who cares. What'd they want?"
"To wake us up and be assholes, I guess."
"Oh. I could've guessed. Where'd they go?"
"I dunno. I let them in. They're probably watching TV or something."
"Why'd you let them in, Hiei?"
"What was I supposed to do? If I tell them to go home, they'll get suspicious and call Kurama the lockpick. And they have no reason to be suspicious and they'd go suspecting we're having sex or something and-"
"-And that's not true so I guess it's better that you let them in. But what if they come up here?"
"Then they'll see a couple people asleep in a bed together."
"And speculate anyway."
"Who cares."
Shadow thought for a second. "Obviously you do, because you let them in so they wouldn't."
"Shut up and go back to sleep."
"Yes master."
-
Hiei got up a couple hours later, but Shadow proceeded to sleep right until dinner time. She came stumbling down the stairs dressed in some odd assortment of clothes that didn't really match, with a pair of shorts on her head like a hat. A string of drool hanging out of the corner of her mouth confirmed to them that she was still asleep and had simply smelled the meal Kurama had fixed, dressed herself in the first pieces of cloth that she managed to fit on her body, and come downstairs.
They looked at her curiously as she stumbled over to the table, grabbed her plate, and dumped it into her mouth. She chewed it, grinned stupidly, and fell over with a thud and started snoring. Hiei looked down at her and sighed, pulling the shorts off her head and stuffing them in her mouth. In her sleep, she mumbled and chewed on them, then spit them out with a cry of, "But I don't want spinach, mommy!" Then she rolled over and nuzzled her cheek against Hiei's foot.
"What exactly has she been doing to put make her this tired?" Kurama asked. "Were you trying to teach her more sword skills, Hiei?"
"No!" the fire demon said, pulling his foot away from the girl. "The only thing I can think of is that maybe getting up for school so early has drained her."
"Oh yeah! That's why we came in the first place!" Yusuke said suddenly. "To see how you two are coping with school life!"
Hiei looked at him with one raised eyebrow, and in that second, Shadow scootched up and wrapped herself around his leg.
"Hey! Get off!" He shook his leg and sent her flying into the next room yelping like a wounded dog.
"Well?" Yusuke prompted when Shadow quieted and didn't come back.
"Shadow's had detention since Wednesday, I believe, and she has it for the next week and a half," Hiei told him. "I'm the replacement soccer coach for Eclipse's team since Shadow gave the original coach a heart attack. She comes to gym class every day with new stories about what she learned in Health class that she either already knew, could have found out from Youko, or could have bribed me into teaching her."
"...Things like...?"
"We're going to be told about abusive relationships and reproduction," Kurama said. Then he added bitterly, "Youko likes that class. He has lots of stories about that."
Hiei snorted. "Yes, I can imagine."
"He also has some lewd suggestions," the redhead continued under his breath, "about what to do with certain girls sitting on either side of me." Hiei's eyes narrowed at this.
"He would."
"That's not fair," Yusuke muttered. "If we were learning about stuff like that in school, I might go more often."
"You're sick, Yusuke," Hiei told him (rather unneccessarily, really, as he and everyone else in the room knew it).
"Hey guys..." Shadow whined, returning to the room. She held up a sock. "My socks taste like moth balls."
"That's nice, Shadow," Hiei said in the silence that followed. "Why don't you go back to bed?"
"I'm thirsty."
"I would think you would be, after eating a sock," Yusuke muttered. He raised his voice a bit. "Would you like some laundry detergent to wash that down with?"
"It's tempting, but I'd better pass. I want sake."
"Sake! Ha!" Kurama laughed. "For your own safety, no."
"You can't keep me from it!" she said angrily. "I know where I keep it!" And she darted off down the hall. At the end, she spun clear around, came barreling back into the dining room, ran around to the back door, and went outside. The boys waited in silence for a moment for her to come back. The front door burst open, she ran in, hurdled over the dining room table, ran to the kitchen, and pulled open a cabinet.
"SAKE!"
"She keeps it in that obvious of a place!" Yusuke yelped. "How come I never found it before?"
"I want to know why she has it in the first place," Kurama said.
"It's for Hiei," Shadow replied quickly, defensively, hiding it behind her back. "I would never let such an impure substance taint my virgin lips."
Yusuke let out a short bark of laughter. "Virgin lips! That's funny!"
"Why? My lips have never done anything wrong. They're very pure!"
"You've kissed, haven't you?"
"Nope. Never!"
Yusuke laughed again. "Yes you have. You make out with this loveable little ball of impurity here on a daily basis." He dragged Hiei around in front of him. The little demon glared at him.
"I'll show you loveable you dirty son of a-"
"Now now, Hiei, we don't want to swear in the presence of this pure angelic girl here, do we?" Yusuke taunted. Shadow clasped her hands behind her back and grinned, a white glow surrounding her and feathery angel wings and a shiny gold halo appearing in their own appropriate places. Hiei glared.
"Yeah, the angel girl who doesn't drink sake and has never kissed anyone before," Kurama scoffed.
"I haven't! I told you, the sake is Hiei's!" Shadow wailed, the angelic glow faltering. She poured the tiny cup full of sake and poured it down Hiei's throat before he could stop her. "See? Look at him go! Boy he loves sake!" And she took the bottle, tipped Hiei's head back, and poured the entire thing down his throat while the other three watched in horror.
"Um... Couldn't that kill him?" Kuwabara asked.
"I don't know," Yusuke muttered. Kurama just stared, slack-jawed and wide-eyed.
The entire bottle gone, Hiei let out a belch, hiccupped, and swayed. Yusuke supported him.
"You okay?"
"Of course I'm okay, baka detective, what's a little sake... Get your hands off me..." He pushed Yusuke away and the counter force caused him to sway and fall right over. The others looked at Shadow in horror.
The glow around her vanished, and in its absence they saw the feathery wings were really leathery, translucent crimson wings, and the halo was made of clay and supported by shiny black horns that poked out of her hair. In place of the angel glow, there was an explosion and she had an aura of fire.
"I am as pure as an angel," she said, grinning to reveal her fangs. "A fallen angel! Muwahahahaha!"
"No more sake for Shadow," Kurama said.
"I didn't have any! You mean people didn't let me!"
"Good!"
"You made me waste it all on Hiei!" She nudged the fire demon with her shoe and he grunted and rolled over.
"Good! He's less dangerous than you when he's drunk. He passes out," Kurama snapped. "You don't! You go and ravage the countryside looking for attractive men whose blood you can suck! Rokurokubi!"
"Now that's just very judgemental of you, Kurama," Shadow pouted, crossing her arms, all the demonic stuff vanishing. "Have you ever seen me ravaging the countryside?"
"Not exactly, but I-"
"See! You're not supposed to judge people, Kurama. You're supposed to be fair and kind to everyone. Anyway, I don't ravage the countryside for attractive men," she said, sitting on the floor. "Rokurokubi don't suck blood anyway."
"Well they also only reveal themselves after nightfall," the fox accused.
"They don't ravage the countryside, either. Not in the sense you meant. But as I said, I don't need to search and I don't need to ravage anything." She pulled Hiei into her lap. "Not unless he runs." A venomous grin spread over her face. "Mmmmm, life energy."
The other three gagged, Kuwabara turning his back with his hand over his mouth.
"I think you hit the nail right on the head or whatever the hell they say, Kurama," Yusuke muttered. "She's a rokurokubi."
"Hey! What am I missing!" Eclipse came darting down the hall and pushed everyone out of the way to look into the kitchen. "Ooh! Harvesting life energy! Can I have some?"
"No! This is my victim! Find your own! There's three perfectly healthy and alive men right behind you!" Shadow snapped, curling protectively around Hiei. She had politely skipped over any pleasantries you commonly exchange when a friend comes into your house. No 'Hey Eclipse, how are you? Enjoying his nice weather?' Not even a 'Hey, where'd you come from, why did you let yourself in, what the hell are you doing in my house you intruding snot!' None of that. No pleasantries.
Eclipse turned around. "Where?"
"Well, there were three healthy men right behind you, but I guess I scared them off. Want some sake?"
"You bet!"
Shadow got up, unceremoniously dumping Hiei back onto the floor, and got out another bottle of sake and two glasses. She handed them to Eclipse, picked up Hiei, and led the way to the living room, where two boys were found cowering behind or beneath odd bits of futniture. The third had turned into a silver fox and was sitting on the back of the couch primly. At the sight of the sake, he perked up a bit. Shadow put Hiei in her Sacred Fluffy Forbidden Reclining Chair and plopped herself down on the couch, snatching the bottle and one glass away from Eclipse.
"Cheers!" she chirped, pouring the little glass full. She drank it and poured another, and another, until Eclipse snatched it away and poured herself some.
"Hey!" she said suddenly. "Drinking contest!"
"NO!" Yusuke and Kuwabara screamed, lunging out from their hiding places. The girls hissed like cats and bared their fangs, sending both boys back into hiding. Youko, however, was sitting on the back of the couch smirking. That is, if foxes can smirk, which, if my dogs are any example, they can.
"Ready to go?" Eclipse asked.
"Keep in mind I already had three and you only had one! But I bet I can beat you even though!" Shadow retorted, slurring her words slightly. They sat on either side of the poker table still set up from a week or two ago and got ready.
"Ready?"
"Set?"
Youko barked and the girls instantly lunged for the bottle of sake. With a start, Eclipse realized she was still holding it and promptly tipped it back and drank as much as she could before Shadow snatched it away and finished it off.
"Why'd they have the glasses if that's what they were gonna do?" Yusuke asked.
"I dunno. I don't think that's what they'd planned," Kuwabara replied, watching them struggle over the bottle for the last few swallows. Eclipse managed to get it and chug the last bit.
"I win!" she proclaimed drunkenly before tipping over backwards. Shadow glared and stumbled away to the kitchen for more sake. Eclipse dragged herself along the floor after her and realized about halfway there she had a stow-away sitting on her back. Though he was small and fluffy and didn't weigh much, he was enough of a distraction to her that she tried to roll over and bat him away. He jumped straight up and when she got onto her back, he landed on her stomach. She 'oof'ed and he looked towards the kitchen before jumping up and slipping away.
Meanwhile, in the living room, Yusuke had snuck out of his hiding place to check on Hiei.
"I wonder if drunken rokurokubi are as dangerous as sober ones," he muttered, checking Hiei's pulse.
"I dunno, but I'd stay away from them both just in case."
"Good plan. Y'know, looking at Hiei like this, you'd never suspect he's probably dreaming of murdering somebody." Kuwabara peered over his shoulder.
"Yeah, he looks like a little kid."
"He's probably dreaming of murdering you."
(We are magically INSIDE HIEI'S DREAM)
The sky was pastel blue with fluffy clouds; little birdies fluttered and played in the shallows of a nearby stream full of clear, cool water. Little fishies darted to and fro in the water. A field of delicate little pink and yellow flowers stretched as far as the eye could see. In the midst of this sat Hiei, wearing a loose white shirt and pants, throwing bread crumbs to a twittery little songbird while multi-colored butterflies fluttered all around him.
Following the appearance of a snickering Chibi Devil Hiei, who'd vanished as quick as he'd come, a girl wearing a black cloak came towards Hiei, leaving a trail of DOom behind her that melted everything in sight. She stopped abruptly right in front of him and he looked up at her with wide, childishly innocent ruby eyes.
"I crush your dreams of peace!" the girl proclaimed, and stomped a circle all around him. Everything died and the poor little Hiei was hurled into an abyss of blood, death, and horrible things.
It froze and a chibi Hiei with a halo came marching out and declared, "Back off, Devil Hiei! This dream sucks! I like it better the way it was before that girl came!" and it rewinded to that point. The girl never came. But an unhappy little Cupid Hiei came fluttering out and said, "But that's quite uneventful and boring... Suppose that girl came along with a bit of a different disposition, though!"
And along came Shadow, skipping through the field in a skimpy white outfit. She spotted Hiei, ran to him, lunged, and they both vanished into the tall grass and flowers in the field, their location only marked by the rustling grass and occasional questionable noises... and articles of clothing flying up in the air a couple times.
But, alas, along came an unhappy Chibi Devil Hiei, and he set fire to the entire dream and it vanished like a piece of paper, catching at one corner and just exploding into nothingness.
"You dumb bastard! If you're gonna start dreaming about this stuff, and letting that psycho cupid take over your mind, why don't you just do it so that baka cupid will be happy and go away! Then you can get on with life properly! Die, love! Die!"
The Chibi Devil Hiei went running out of that particular line of sight and came running back chasing the Cupid Hiei and flinging fireballs at him.
"Help me!"
Chibi Devil Hiei lunged and attacked Chibi Cupid Hiei and a battle between love and evil ensued, which was brushed aside when Chibi Angel Hiei came along and tranquilized the both of them. And yet another chibi came along. The Chibi Jagan Eye! And it told Hiei, "Hey, Kuwabara's looking at you, and Yusuke's touching you." And all drunkenness and sleepiness vanished.
(In the Real World)
"STOP TOUCHING ME! GO AWAY!"
Yusuke and Kuwabara both were sent tumbling across the room and shortly had black eyes and bloody noses and were unconscious in the corner.
Meanwhile, Youko was standing in the doorway of the kitchen, peering inside at Shadow as she rummaged around for a third bottle of sake. Finding it, the girl turned and stumbled out. Youko followed her as she went into the living room, grabbed her cup, poured it full, and set it on the floor.
"Here, Lord Fox," she said. Youko smirked and trotted merrily to the small cup. He drank what was in it, then hopped up on Shadow's lap and licked up any dribbles of sake that ran down her chin as she chugged the bottle.
Hiei staggered over and snagged the bottle out of her hand. Both Shadow and Youko yelped with surprise.
"Hey!" Shadow whined. Hiei glared, then tipped back the bottle and drank what was left in it.
Oh, Inari... For a minute I thought he was going to get angry at her... But he's just as drunk as Shadow. Good, the fox thought. Shadow started stroking his fur and he grinned. Shadow's so drunk she doesn't even realize who I am.
Hiei sat down (or rather, practically fell) on the couch next to Shadow. A grin appeared on her face and she leaned over and kissed him.
No! Get out of here, Hiei! Go away! This is so convenient and you're gonna spoil it!
Youko snarled, then rolled his eyes and hopped off Shadow's lap onto the floor. He transformed into his humanoid form and grabbed Hiei by his collar.
"Back off," he said, dropping the little demon back into the reclining chair.
"Hey!"
But Youko ignored him as he sat down next to Shadow and leaned over. Their lips nearly touched when he felt a tug on his hair. He spun, snarling, and saw Hiei staring at him.
"Sake?" the little demon asked.
"Oh, for the... Hiei, you live here. Go get it yourself!"
And, quite unexpectedly, the fire demon's eyes welled up with tears and he started crying. Youko gawked. He looks kinda cute when he's crying, though.
Shadow reached up and grabbed Hiei's shirt, pulling him down to her level. He stopped crying and sniffled. She kissed him again and Youko let out an annoyed cry.
"Come on!" he said, putting his arms between them and pushing them apart. Hiei sniffled and started crying again. The fox got up and left the room. He came back a few seconds later and shoved a bottle of sake into Hiei's hands. "Go drink yourself into oblivion!"
And Hiei stumbled off, grinning, to obey the fox's order. Youko settled back on the couch to make out with Shadow, Shuuichi screaming in the back of his head the entire time.
"YOUKO KURAMA! STOP IT!"
"Shut up, Shuuichi."
"Shadow is quite obviously very close to Hiei. Don't you think she'd rather wake up in bed with him after drinking herself into oblivion, instead of you
"I don't care. And who said she would wake up in bed? Did I ever seriously consider raping her? Because it would be rape, mind you. Just because she's drunk doesn't mean she wants to have sex with me."
"I'm glad you realize that, pervert fox."
"I'm glad you think so highly of me, Shuuichi. I'm only the source of a majority of your knowledge and all of your abilities, after all. Without me, you'd just be another pretty face. Hell, you might not even be that. My beauty might have influenced your human body's formation before you were even born!"
"I'm glad you keep reminding me of that, Youko."
"I'm under-appreciated, dear Shuuichi. If I don't keep reminding you, you might start taking everything for granted and where would you be then?"
There was silence from his human half.
"See? And it's not just you who doesn't appreciate me, it's all of them. Except perhaps Hiei, because he understands. Now shut up and let me have some fun. It's not hurting her any."
"You're annoying, you know that, Youko? Selfish, sex-obsessed, and you don't care. You see nothing wrong with that. But I do, and I'm left to deal with any guilt that comes from your actions. Like what you're doing now! Get your hands away from there!"
"Quiet, Shuuichi. Didn't I tell you to shut up?"
Shuuichi fumed and kicked some dirt in his little prison in Youko's mind. His bit of mind was really quite clean compared to the rest of Youko's mind. Dirty, dirty, dirty. Kitanai. Stupid fox. "Your mind is in need of a bit of housecleaning."
"Then get to work."
"I'm not touching it! Who knows what kind of things I'll find if I start digging through the trash in your brain! And get your hands off Shadow! Kissing is one thing, groping is another!"
"Shut up, Shuuichi, before I get really mad."
"Argh! Fine!"
And he sat down and pouted, doing his best to ignore the fox's actions.
-
The next morning, Hiei woke up at the sound of his alarm, surprised to find himself in his own bed, clinging to an empty sake bottle like it was a teddy bear. He hit the alarm and stood up, trying to remember why he'd set his alarm. But that was pushed out of his mind by the realization that he had a splitting headache. It hurt. Really. Really. Bad. He snarled obsenities and went to the bathroom for pain relievers. While he was in there swallowing a bit more than proper dosage, he decided to take a shower. Maybe it would help get rid of his headache, help him remember why he'd set his alarm, and... Whatever the third reason was, he couldn't remember, but it didn't matter, cuz he suddenly realized he smelled strongly of sake and that was reason enough.
Downstairs, Yusuke and Kuwabara had woken up after Hiei's pummeling the night before and found a shirtless Youko asleep on the couch with Shadow curled in his arms.
"Uh-oh," they'd said.
"Wonder if Hiei's seen this?"
"Of course not, stupid, or they wouldn't still be like this!"
Youko's ear flicked and both of them froze and stared in silence with baited breath. One gold eye opened.
"What time is it?" he asked. No 'oops you weren't supposed to see this' or 'don't tell Hiei or I'll kill you.' Nope. Just... 'What time is it?'
"It's, uh, a little past nine. In the morning," Yusuke answered hastily.
"Hm." The fox closed his eye and held Shadow close for a minute before yawning and sitting up.
"Where's your shirt?" Yusuke asked hesitantly.
"Beats me. Do me a favor and look for it, will you?"
Remembering the last time they'd accidentally walked in on something like this, the two boys obeyed. Last time, Hiei had been with them and all anger had been between him and the fox. Shadow had woken up only when an oversized fanged, bloodthirsty plant had flung Hiei onto the bed on top of her. Then he'd been mad at her and Youko both and had sat on the roof for the next four hours, ignoring all and any attempts to console him. Then, when Shuuichi had dared to show his face, Hiei had flipped out on him, too, for letting the fox get the better of him and show up in the first place.
"Here it is," Yusuke said, picking up the fox's shirt and handing it to him. Youko was rather amused to see they were a bit scared of him now. Perhaps he wasn't as under-appreciated as he'd thought. He grinned and pulled on his shirt.
"Eclipse is lying around here somewhere too. Somewhere between here and the kitchen, I'd say. I was too busy to see where she got off to, exactly. But she's not my concern." He looked fondly at Shadow.
"Er... Not to be nosy, but what exactly-"
Yusuke's question was cut off as down the stairs came Hiei.
"Where is Eclipse?" he asked, not waiting for an answer as he looked around for the girl on his own.
"We were just getting to that," Youko said pleasantly. "We aren't real sure."
"Well FIND HER! She's got soccer practice in twenty minutes and a game half an hour after that, and she's-" He found her. "LYING DRUNK ON THE FLOOR! For the love of God, Eclipse, get up!" He nudged the girl and she groaned, rolled over, and then was sent flying by a kick to the ribs. "I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!"
"Wha's goin on..." Shadow mumbled, opening her eyes.
"Hiei's having a stress attack, Shadow," Youko murmured sweetly. "He'll be okay. He's taking it out on Eclipse."
"OWWWWWWW..." Eclipse whined.
"Oh," Shadow mumbled. "I have a really bad headache."
"Go back to sleep."
"-AND YOU HAVE A STUPID GAME IN FIFTY MINUTES!" Hiei was shouting. He rounded on Youko. "And WHY the hell did Shadow sleep with you? No, never mind, I don't really care. If she wants to get drunk and have sex with you, that's her problem. Of course, I'll be pissed later when I actually think about it, but that's beside the point for right now. Eclipse!"
"Yes coach sir!" The girl stood at attention.
"Get ready for soccer."
"Yes, coach sir!" She darted off. Hiei took a deep breath to compose himself, then looked at Youko.
"Do you have anything for a headache, fox?"
"So I'm your personal medic now?"
"You always have been. Do you?"
"Yes, I suppose so. Want it?"
"That would probably be why I asked."
"There's a price."
"Do NOT mess with me right now, Youko, I am NOT in the mood."
"You're no fun, Hiei. C'mon, it'll take a minute." He got up and walked away. Hiei followed.
Right before Hiei and Eclipse were about to walk out the door, Shadow came bounding over the back of the couch and latched onto the fire demon.
"I WANNA COME!"
"Fine, fine, let go, you can go, come on, whatever," Hiei said, prying Shadow off him and waving his hand in her face as he went out the door. Youko trailed after them dejectedly.
"I told you Shadow's close to Hiei, not you. She's drunk, you stupid fox."
"Shut up, Shuuichi, before I drill a hole in my head and take you out."
"...Erm..."
"SHUT UP!"
"Well ex-cuse me, Mister Bossy Fox! Can I come out now?"
"Fine! Crybaby prissy mommy's boy..."
And a happy red-headed Kurama came running out the door and leapt into Eclipse's convertible next to Shadow in the last second before she pulled out.
"Fox!" Hiei yelped.
"Youko's sulking in the back of my mind," he said, smiling. "You don't need to worry about him."
"Good. Hopefully I'll forget all about it on the way to the soccer field, what with the way Eclipse DRIVES! Oh God!" On 'drives,' Eclipse had pulled out into the road and was very shortly speeding away at about 90 mph.
Ptht. Please avoid criticizing my sotyr... story... what the hell is a sotyr? Like, a typo of story, ma- ACK! I JUST HAD... OH... I LOVE YOU GUYS!