TITLE: Starting Over
RATING: PG
SUMMARY: What started out as a trip to the hatch to check up on those who wanted to blow it up, becomes much more of an adventure for Shannon and Sayid, which brings them closer together.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then there would be more Shayid moments.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This story started out as a random throw away idea that only got developed because of mrstater's encouragement and constant support. Thanks so much!
Shannon and Sayid began their trip back to the caves without the sense of urgency that had accompanied them to the hatch. As soon as they had entered the jungle Sayid had dropped her hand. She thought of taking it back, but could tell by how was he was walking that he was frustrated by what had happened at the hatch. She thought that it would be best to leave him alone for the time being. She'll have time later to talk him into going to the beach with her.
She understood why he was upset. If Jack and Locke had listened to him, then Arzt would still be alive. Personally, she didn't understand why anyone would want to stay near that hatch. It freaked her out. They were also much stupider then she had previously thought. Who still used dynamite when one of your own had already blown up? None of it made sense to her. She thought Jack was smarter than that, but she wondered if Locke had gotten to him. She didn't trust Locke, and was glad that Sayid didn't either. She knew that Sayid would be a much better leader for the group than Locke was.
Shannon stopped walking, and waited for Sayid to slow down.
"Why don't you take over from Jack? I know that everyone would feel safe if you were the leader."
"That is not a job I want," Sayid answered harshly.
Shannon felt hurt by his tone. He had never spoken to her like that before. Even though she tried to pretend that it didn't matter, her eyes filled with tears. She was used to people talking to her like that, but never Sayid. She had never thought he would use that tone, and it hurt more than she wanted to admit. She wanted to tell him all the reasons why he should be in charge, but the words died on her lips.
Sayid stopped walking and turned to face her. He ran his fingers across her check to wipe away the tear that had fallen.
"I apologize. You did nothing to deserve that," he said gently.
She shrugged. "It's fine."
He sighed deeply. "I was in a position of power once." He hesitated. "I lost myself, and I do not what it to happen again. I do not want you to see me like that."
His eyes were filled with so much pain as he spoke that Shannon wanted to comfort him, she just didn't know how. She was surprised that he felt that he hadn't been a good person before. But the guilt she could see in his eyes revealed that he had done some horrible things. She knew exactly what he was talking about. She felt that she had changed since the day they had crashed on the island, but there were still times when she felt herself slipping. She wondered if she would have the same willpower to keep herself out of a position that could cause her to become more of that bitch again.
"It won't happen."
"How do you know?" Sayid asked.
She didn't know, it was just a feeling that she had. She couldn't explain to him that she didn't think he needed any help staying the man he was now. But she had her own fears about sliding back into bitchdom. Would she be able to help him stay changed, while doing the same for herself? She realized that all she could do was support him, the way he did her, and maybe then they would both turn out just fine.
"I won't let it," she stated with a smile.
"I will hold you to that promise," he said seriously, his eyes penetrating hers.
They continued walking back to the caves, however, Sayid now held her hand again. She felt safer when he held it, and she also felt loved, like she mattered. She thought about the promise she had made to Sayid and she knew that she had every intention of keeping it. However, she didn't really think it would be necessary.
As they entered the caves, Shannon realized that she wasn't ready to let Sayid go yet.
"Would you like to spend the day at the beach with me?" She asked.
"Doing what?"
"Swimming, lying out in the sun, talking, whatever. You deserve a break."
"I do not swim," he stated.
"You can watch me swim, and then you can watch me tan. Sounds like a great plan to me."
He smiled as he tucked a stray hair behind her ear. "I like any plan which involves watching you."
Her eyes dipped down to the ground as her face flushed pink. She didn't know how to respond to his comment. Instead, she told him that she would meet him at the beach after she changed.
Shannon took her time deciding which bathing suit she should wear, as Sayid's comment played on loop in her head. She wanted to pick one that he hadn't seen before, but she couldn't remember which ones he hadn't. She also had to make sure that the bathing suit wasn't too revealing. She couldn't let Sayid think she was dressing for him, or misread her and think she was ready to have sex with him. She wanted it to be subtle. Finally, she decided on her floral bikini that was only slightly more conservative than what she would normally wear. Yet she still knew that Sayid would like it.
After changing, she made her way quickly to the beach. She paused as she found Sayid lounging on a towel waiting for her. His eyes were closed as he enjoyed the sun hitting him in the face. She couldn't remember a time when he had looked so relaxed, and at peace.
"I thought I would need to send a search party to find you," Sayid said, his eyes still closed.
Shannon crossed her arms over her chest. "I was not gone that long."
He opened his eyes and looked up at her. "I was teasing. It was well worth the wait. You look beautiful."
Shannon sank down to the sand beside him.
"How is it that you still have clothes to wear that I have not seen yet?" he asked.
"I always over pack. I guess it went in my favor this time."
"Do you have anything else that I haven't seen?"
She leaned forward, and whispered, "You'll just have to wait to see."
"I look forward to it."
She smiled as she lay down next to him. Shannon had wanted to go swimming in the ocean to get rid of the grossness she felt from walking through the jungle, but she wanted to stay beside Sayid. He had been teasing her, and she enjoyed it. She wasn't used to people teasing her in a positive way about her packing skills. Normally, Boone would be annoyed that she had three times as many bags as him, or he would complain about how long it was taking her to pack. When Sayid was teasing her it was different. It seemed like it was doing more than teasing, but could she classify it as flirting? She hoped so.
Unfortunately, Shannon could hear Charlie calling Sayid's name as he ran over to where they sat. She wanted to tell him to go away, but when Sayid sat up, she knew she had to as well.
"How long do you think we should stay in the caves?" Charlie asked, kneeling besides them.
"I believe it may be safe to return to the beach now, but I think it would be best to stay at the caves a little longer."
"What should we do? Should we get some more fruit, or firewood? What can I do?"
Sayid rested his hand on Charlie's shoulder as if to calm him. "You should stay with Claire for now. If anyone else is looking for something to do, tell them to take the day off. Everyone deserves a break."
"Thanks Sayid. We were all going a little crazy without you here," Charlie said as he dashed off again.
Sayid looked troubled by Charlie's statement. He was staring off into the ocean as his chest heaved with a sigh. Shannon knew that he didn't want to be in charge, but he may not have a choice. No one else could handle it the way he could, and she knew she would never trust anyone the way she trusted him.
"I think you may have to get used to the idea that they see you as their leader," she said softly. "I know you don't want it, but they seem to think it fits, and I agree."
"I do not want to talk about that."
Shannon bit her lip. She wasn't used to Sayid shutting down on her like that, but she knew that whatever happened in his past had left him with deep scars. She wondered briefly if this was how he felt after she had pushed him away after Boone's death, but she forced the thought away. Instead, she hoped that she would be able to help him. She knew that she could now anyway.
"We don't have to talk. How about we go swimming instead?"
"I believe I already told you I do not swim."
"And I had said you could watch me. At least come to the edge of the water with me."
"As long as we do not go too far."
Sayid stood and reached out to help her up as well. She tried to ignore the butterflies in her stomach as Sayid swept his eyes over her. He had this way of looking at her as if she was the most beautiful person he had ever seen. She almost believed him.
She tugged on his hand to pull him towards the ocean. She was going to take his mind off all the issues of the hatch, and being a leader. She was going to make sure that he had fun and enjoyed himself. A bonus for her was that she would get to spend her time with him, and there was nothing that she liked more.
The ocean waves splashed around their feet as they walked into the water. Shannon enjoyed the coldness on her body. She shivered slightly, which caused Sayid to pull her into his arms. Her back to the waves, she rested her head against him. She was content to simply stay there, when Sayid suddenly broke away, and rushed further into the ocean.
"I thought you didn't want to swim?" she called after him.
She saw something bobbing up and down, but couldn't tell what it was.
Sayid bent to haul the object out of the water. Shannon's mouth dropped open as she saw an arm splash into the water. Her heart started beating faster as Sayid made his way to shore with a body. The head fell back as Sayid continued dragging the body ashore.
Her heart stopped as she realized that it was Sawyer, and he wasn't moving.TBC…