(4-12-05) Finally! Another chapter! Sorry I didn't update. I have excuses, though.
Thursday, 4-7: I remembered, then I forgot.
Friday, 4-8: I wasn't home from 4:00 to 8:00 after school. Then, I forgot. Then, I remembered and fell asleep in front of the computer.
Saturday, 4-9: I wasn't home from 11:00 AM to 9:30 PM. Then, I was so tired I felt sick. So I didn't even stay up to watch Inuyasha.
Sunday, 4-10: I had homework.
Monday, 4-11: I came home from school, watched most of The Last Samurai, then I went to the mall in the middle of it, got home around 8:30, called Eclipse, didn't get on the computer until about 9:00, that gave me an hour and I spent part of that dancing to reggae on some music channel on TV.
And today, I'm home sick from school and manage to get it posted. Yay. Be grateful! I choked up my lung and died! And I still got this posted! I have 354 reviews now, I think... Yay! But look! I've been trying to post this, so I haven't WRITTEN anything to this story in four days!
Oh, just to warn you, Arisa says something icky in this chapter...
And, I got more Gravitation manga! Yay!Shuichi dressed up in a schoolgirl uniform... Creepy.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Bets
Hiei awoke to sunlight on his face. He opened his eyes and squinted at the window, then rolled over grumpily, calculating the time by the sun. When he opened his eyes to check with the ningen clock (even though he knew he was correct), he nodded mentally but didn't react to that.
Precisely 11:46 AM.
Shadow was snoozing quietly beside him, probably in the throes of some crazy dream. He could hear people downstairs. Everyone else was already up.
Wait, 11:46?
He was out of bed in a second, and downstairs ten seconds later. Everyone looked up from their jolly conversation and only Kurama supressed laughter. Hiei quirked an eyebrow.
"What's so funny?" he snapped.
"We were just wondering where you were," Yusuke choked.
"Yeah... What kept you in bed so long, Hiei?" Eclipse taunted.
"Where's Shadow? Or is she more exhausted than you?" the boy asked. Hiei's eyebrow twitched, he turned around, and left the room.
"No, Hiei, come back! We're kidding!"
"Yeah! You're exhausted from all this stress from two jobs," Yusuke consoled, getting up and putting his arm around Hiei's shoulder. "I can understand and sympathize with that... Your bosses are idiots and you have to obey them to fit into ningen society, to keep out of prison, and to keep yourself out of government experiments."
"I'd almost believe you sort of cared, Yusuke, if it weren't for the look on Kurama's face," Hiei snapped. "You don't give to shits if I have to obey inferior ningens or have a crapload of stress building up on me. You wouldn't care if I was abducted by aliens and had things shoved up my ass."
Yusuke started to say something, but just burst into hysterical laughing fits again, leaning on Hiei heavily to keep from falling. The little demon growled and moved out from under his teammate, letting the boy fall to the floor with a thud.
"Let me guess, you were discussing my sexual orientation, too?" he snapped, looking around at the others as they laughed.
"I'm a victim here too, Hiei," Kurama said. "I tried to defend you."
"Fine. I'm going to go change and I expect you all to be acting like halfway civilized idiots when I come back," the fire demon snapped. He went upstairs. Yusuke rolled over and looked up at the ceiling, working on regaining his composure.
"We're really too cruel to that guy," he said, a huge smile on his face. "Now what do you want to bet that when he comes back down, Shadow's with him?"
"And they're holding hands, or they kiss in the first five minutes they're down here," Eclipse added. Yusuke dug in his pockets.
"I'll give you... a pack of gum and some tic-tacs if they are."
The girl regarded him with a frown.
"What? It's all I got on me!"
"Well then think of something better."
"I'll... um... I'll get you a free meal at the Yukimura's Ramen House, how's that?"
"Alright! And if they aren't, well, we'll discuss that later, since they will be, and they will kiss, and so I get a free meal at the ramen house! Woohoo!" She did a happy dance. Kurama sighed heavily. Poor Hiei.
Meanwhile, upstairs, Hiei returned to his and Shadow's bedroom. He gathered some clothes off the floor and started to leave the room when Shadow herself came rocketting out of the bed and landed on his back.
"Oh, God, Shadow!" he cried. His voice reached the people downstairs and instantly all ears (even Kurama's, despite how he tried to hide it) were strained to hear any more.
"You can't wear those clothes, they're dirty," she said, her arms wrapped around his neck, her lips next to his ear.
"They're not dirty, I wore them once."
"They're dirty. Just because you don't want to make an extra trip up some stairs doesn't make them any cleaner. Your clean clothes are in the closet."
"What?"
"I moved them from your room."
"When?"
"Last night, when I was on a creepy cleaning spree. Now go get clean clothes and get dressed." She lowered her voice. "Want to pull a prank on the guys downstairs?"
He turned his head and she spoke directly in his ear.
"They heard you when I jumped on you. They're all listening. Let's do something to make their imaginations go so that they'll give us those stupid looks when we go downstairs acting like nothing happened. They'll leave us alone."
"Like what?"
"Oh, you know." She spun him around and kissed him. "Just something."
"Something sounds fine," he said. She grinned.
Downstairs, this is all they heard:
The trigger. "Oh, God, Shadow!"
They all strained their ears. There was some normal-pitched conversation, incomprehensible to them. Yusuke slunk over to sit on the bottom step, and Eclipse was already a couple steps up. A short, very short silence, then, "Oh, GOD! Hiei! Stop!"
Eclipse and Yusuke looked at each other and listened to Hiei's response.
"No, koishii. You know you don't want me to."
"Oh, God, stop it, stop it!" A cry of what was apparently pleasure, followed by more cries for Hiei to stop whatever torture he was inflicting on the girl. Yusuke and Eclipse had wide eyes already, but when Shadow's tone changed, the eyes threatened to pop from their sockets.
"Oh, God, yes... Right there... Mmmm..."
Eclipse let out a strangled, gargling noise that would have been interpreted as utter horror had anyone heard it over Shadow's sudden squeal of... pleasure? Surprise?
Kurama, meanwhile, was trying desperately to fascinate himself with a picture that hung on the wall, and had hung on the wall for the past year and a half, and would probably continue hanging on the wall even though nobody ever came in the house and the only people who would ever see it had looked at it fifty thousand times. He was fairly sure the couple was joking, but there was no way to be sure. Well, there was one way. Ignoring everything that told him not to, he got up.
"Shadow, what are you doing?" came Hiei's startled voice from upstairs. Kurama slipped past the pair on the steps and slunk upstairs silently, using skills only a master thief like him could have. Pausing outside the bedroom door, the very open bedroom door, he listened to a whisper which even he could barely make out.
"The fox knows," Hiei whispered to Shadow. His eyes darted to the door.
"Oh? Oh..."
Kurama, with a grin, backtracked a smidgen and walked down the hall more normally, coming to their door and peering in curiously. He let out a startled cry.
"Oh my GOD!"
In truth, the couple was merely lying on the bed, side by side, barely even touching each other, and still fully clothed (minus Hiei's shirt, and if Shadow's pajamas could be considered clothes... The fox still couldn't believe she trusted Hiei enough to sleep in the same bed as him with that outfit on. Good thing Hiei truly wasn't anything like Youko, or Shadow would have long ago been robbed of her virginity).
Having heard the fox on his second approach, Shadow knew exactly what she was gonna do if he played along, and therefore there was no startled pause to give them away to the audience downstairs. She let out a scream and an "OH MY GOD, KURAMA!"
Downstairs, Eclipse had had enough. She let out another gargle-choke-scream noise and covered her ears.
"What are you doing?" Kurama continued in his baffled, horrified voice. In addition to being a thief, he was a good actor. Apparently, so were both Shadow and Hiei... except Shadow was an actress but that's beside my point.
"What are you doing!" Hiei snapped.
"I was walking! In the hall! Last time I checked, you didn't forbid that!"
"Well surely you could tell we wanted some privacy!" Shadow snapped.
"IF YOU WANTED PRIVACY, WHY WAS YOUR DOOR HANGING OPEN LIKE THAT?"
"This is our house! We should be able to have privacy with an open door!" Shadow yelled. Everybody paused, and even Eclipse reflected on how stupid that sounded.
"Well when you invite people into your house, shutting the door would be the best solution," Kurama advised. "Now... Make yourselves presentable and get downstairs. I can't believe I have to babysit you to keep you from acting up when you have company." He turned to leave, flashing a grin at them over his shoulder before vanishing down the hall. Shadow rolled over, grinning at Hiei. His eyes darted around to her arms on either side of him and her knees on either side of him, and then he relaxed a bit and looked up at her.
"Yes, koi?"
"Happy New Year. Again."
Bet you can't guess what they did then? We'll leave them alone for a bit. :D
When Kurama returned downstairs, Yusuke was on him in a second.
"What were they doing? I want all the details!"
Kurama chuckled. "You're like a schoolgirl, Yusuke."
"Were they naked?"
"Yes, Yusuke, they were naked."
"OH MY GOD, YOU SAW HIEI NAKED!"
And back in the bedroom, Hiei nearly choked. Shadow sat back and stared at the door.
"You're not naked, are you?" she asked, looking at him and grabbing the cloth of his pants to make sure it was real.
"No, and neither are you."
"Then..."
"Kurama must've said something," Hiei muttered. "Now they're gonna think we were having sex."
"Kuwabara will accuse me of being a pansy who can't uphold my New Year's resolution for more than eleven hours."
"Who gives a shit what Kuwabara thinks?"
"Who gives a shit what any of them think?"
"Good point," Hiei muttered. He pulled off some tricky move that landed Shadow on her back on the bed and him straddling her, pinning her hands above her head.
"Oh my," she said with fake concern. "However shall I get out of this turrible predicament?"
God... They're just... Ugh. Perverts.
"I can't believe Shadow couldn't even wait twelve hours to break her New Year's resolution!" Kuwabara was whining. "I can't believe Shorty was gonna have sex with her!"
"While we're here," Kurama reminded dryly. After thirty seconds, he'd given up on convincing them he was joking. They were dead set on the idea he'd sarcastically and accidentally put in their minds.
"While we're HERE! With their bedroom DOOR open!" the human continued.
"You know I was joking, right?" Kurama tried again.
"So who was on top?" Yusuke asked. The redhead groaned. This was hopeless.
Around twelve thirty, when a certain demon couple appeared downstairs, showered and presentable and not holding hands, everybody was indeed giving them funny looks. They all stared at each other for a while, Kurama staring at the ground rather than looking around awkwardly, until finally Shadow broke the silence.
"Hi guys. You're looking at us like we're some kind of radioactive hamster hybrid crossed with a six-toed sloth."
"Now that would make for an interesting science project," Kurama said, getting up and leaving.
"I'm gonna make breakfast. Anybody hungry?" Shadow said.
"Breakfast is a morning meal," Yusuke said flatly. "You guys didn't drag yourselves up after whatever the hell you were doing up there until afternoon. So make lunch."
"You bossy fish turd! Get out of my house!" Shadow yelled, pointing at the door.
"No way! We can't leave you alone! God knows what you'll do! God knows what you've already done! You did go to bed before the rest of us... Shadow falling asleep on Hiei like that... It was cute at the time, but now I'm suspicious."
"You would be, Yusuke," Hiei said flatly. "You know we were just joking with all that yelling and stuff, right?"
"Suuuure you were."
"We were," Shadow said.
"They were," Kurama added.
"Stay out of this, fox-boy! You're on their side!"
Kurama silenced, his shoulders slouching a bit.
"You know there's only one way to settle this, right?" Yusuke snapped.
"Pregnancy test!" Shadow cheered.
"No, and that wouldn't prove anything anyway," the boy said. "No, I was talking about a man's way to settle this."
Hiei and Kurama both looked a bit startled, but Kuwabara nodded.
"I like my way better," Shadow muttered. "Oh, but do continue, Yusuke."
"As I was saying, there's only one way to settle this. Through a trial of blood and sweat and grit... A true test of manhood!"
Shadow gagged to keep from laughing.
"You want to fight me to prove whether I had sex with Shadow or not?" Hiei asked incredulously.
"No way, man! I'd whip you! I'm talking about paintball! Which I'll also whip you at."
Everyone in the room but Yusuke and Kuwabara fell over and lay there twitching for a good half a minute.
"Paintball?" Kurama finally questioned, dragging himself to his feet with the couch's assistance. "How is paintball going to settle this? What is there to settle?"
"Whether or not I can whip Hiei's ass at paintball!"
"And how is this going to benefit anybody?" Hiei asked.
"Well, if I can whip your ass, that just goes to show I am better than you. If you win, however, it goes to show that you're better than all of us because you can even kick ass at a ningen game you have next-to-no experience with!"
Hiei nodded. "Okay. And why are we doing this again?"
"I just told you! It's the man's way to settle our little dispute without actually killing each other!"
"And... what was our dispute?"
"Whether or not you and Shadow deserve to be together!" Yusuke grabbed Shadow and held her by her arm. "She's my hostage!"
"What the fuck, Yusuke!" Shadow snapped. "You're gonna hold me 'hostage' for a game of paintball?"
"Yes!"
"I think the only reason you aren't challenging me to a good old fashioned fistfight is because you know I'm better than you," Hiei snapped. "Get your hands off Shadow."
"I think the only reason you're so stuck on a fistfight is because you know I'll whip you at paintball!"
"And what if you do?" Hiei asked. "You're holding Shadow 'hostage.' What good is that doing you? If you win, what, are you going to screw her?"
"Hell no, man! I got a girlfriend!"
"Then why don't you just tell me to play paintball and pretend you never did something as stupid as... 'holding her hostage'..."
"You worried about her?" Yusuke taunted. "You seem like it! You're fretting! Nobody can tell, but you are! Inside, you're just writhing and screaming and wanting to beat the hell out of me, aren't you! I dared to touch your beloved girlfriend! You will whip my ass at this stupid ningen game called paintball!"
Hiei groaned. "Fine! I'll play your stupid paintball! Are you going to drag Shadow around until you lose now?"
"Maybe. Will it make you more determined to whip my ass at paintball?"
"Yusuke, if you haul her around like she's really your hostage, I won't wait until paintball to whip your ass. I have a sword and you have several very vulnerable places. Hell, I could even hit them with a kitchen knife!"
Yusuke laughed. "Sure you could! Paintball! Tomorrow! Or you'll never see Shadow again! MUWAHAHAHA!" He made as if to drag her off, and she spun and kneed him in the crotch. He bit his lip to keep silent, and she made her dignified return to Hiei, at which time they did not kiss.
"C'mon, Kuwabara," Yusuke gagged. "We've got planning." He grabbed his big stupid friend's collar and dragged him off with as much dignity as a man in his condition could muster.
The other four watched them go. There was silence for a minute.
"Is that offer on breakfast still open?" Eclipse asked.
"Well, before all that, weren't you on their side?"
"You didn't have sex, did you?"
"No, we'd still be up there if we were having sex," Hiei said. "Believe me."
"Then I'm on your side. Can you fix me breakfast now?"
Kurama didn't even bother pointing out that he'd fixed breakfast, that she'd already eaten. One thing he'd learned about this girl was that her appetite was insatiable... Unless you tried to feed her asparagus (or similar creepy food) or she ate until she was at the bursting point.
"Fine," Shadow sighed. "What do you want?"
"FOOD!"
The black-haired girl looked to Hiei. He shrugged.
"Whatever you wanna make."
"Kurama, do you want anything, and please be more helpful!" Shadow pleaded.
"I already ate breakfast. But you could make me lunch if you want?"
The girl groaned. "Fine, since you're such a nice person and all, I guess I can."
"Thank you," the fox said sweetly. Shadow left. Kurama looked at Hiei, grinning.
"She's something alright. Lucky you."
"Yeah, lucky me," Hiei said, not sounding too happy.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing... Nothing at all."
"Yusuke?"
"Yusuke's stupid."
"Hm. Relationship problems?"
"I don't have any relationship problems. Not with Shadow."
"Then that's your problem! When's the last time you really got mad at Shadow?"
"What's wrong with you, fox!"
"Answer the question."
"I don't remember!"
"Okay, and when's the last time we sparred?"
"Ha! It's been months. Stupid fox."
"And have you had any good vent for your anger at all over the past few months?"
"Ningen criminals."
Kurama smirked. "We're sparring after lunch."
"Breakfast."
"Lunch. It's nearly 1:00. It's lunch. Just because you're having--" He sniffed the air. "--eggs and bacon doesn't make it breakfast. Speaking of ningen criminals, how's that job going?"
"Same as my other one. I'm having problems not killing my stupid ningen 'boss.' And most of the female officers are always hitting on me."
Kurama snorted. "It's understandable. Do you tell them you're taken?"
"No, I glare, and if they persist, I tell them to go get hit by a bus."
"Do you really!"
"Yes I do."
The fox shook his head. "Poor ladies. You really do have a way with women, don't you?"
Hiei didn't even bother with a response.
"Well, we'll spar here shortly. It'll do us both good."
"Except that you'll be in terrible condition for paintball tomorrow," Shadow said, appearing next to Hiei and Kurama with a skillet in her hand. "Your breakfast's ready, koishii."
Eclipse gasped. "I just remembered my bet with Yusuke! I lost!"
"What bet?" two voices snapped at once. The girl's eyes widened and she rather abruptly vanished to her favorite refuge: under the couch.
"What bet?" Hiei and Shadow repeated, turning on Kurama.
"Why, I have no earthly clue!" the fox lied innocently.
"Neither of you get any food. Yours is on the table, Hiei."
"No food!" Eclipse squeaked, peering out from under the couch at them. "I... um... I bet Yusuke that you'd come downstairs holding hands and kiss in the first ten minutes you were down here, but that was before you did the whole... mock sex shouts thing."
"Ah! Well that's not an entirely unreasonable bet," Shadow chirped. "We did that upstairs, though. Kissed, I mean."
"Ah. Can I have food now?"
"Sure!"
"Yes!" Eclipse was out in the open a second later, and Shadow slammed her across the head with the frying pan.
"YOU BASTARD! YOU MAKE BETS ON ME AND HIEI! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT! YOU BASTARD!" She knocked her over the head a couple more times before sighing with relief. "I feel better now!"
"Well we all know where Shadow's anger is going to," Hiei muttered.
"What anger? I don't get angry and you know it," she replied cheerfully. "Your breakfast's getting cold."
"Right." Hiei made his way to the dining room, where his breakfast awaited him.
About an hour later, out in the middle of the woods, Hiei and Kurama stood across from each other, preparing to attack.
"The first move is yours, Hiei."
"Your first mistake." Hiei attacked. He didn't have some pansy wooden sword, either. He and Kurama were using their customary battle weapons. The round was over when one had the other in checkmate (to use chess terms, since my brain doesn't work for... normal terms).
Shadow and Eclipse were perched in spectator seats in a nearby tree. The former held her trusty camera, the latter, a first aid kit.
"Now, which one of us cares more about our friends?" Eclipse asked accusingly.
"Neither. That kit was Kurama's insistance. Recall all your whining about simply carrying the thing?" Shadow asked.
"Why'd you bring your camera?"
"Fickle subject-changing monkey-brained... It's for my social studies project."
"Oh. I haven't started that. How is this going to help you?"
"I'm doing healthcare and prison systems."
"Healthcare? How is this helping you with either of those?"
"The prisons will be taken care of tomorrow. This is healthcare slash economy."
"Economy? You know, Shadow, you were supposed to pick only one."
"Who cares." Looking down into the clearing just in time to see Hiei win the first round, she let out a whoop. "AND YOU'RE ONLY A LITTLE BLEEDY!"
"Ready for round two?" Hiei asked.
"Whenever you are, Hiei."
They repositioned themselves to start. Kurama made the first move this time, lashing his whip out at Hiei. By the time the snap echoed in the air, Hiei was no longer there. Kurama spun around in time to dodge and block an assault from his right.
Some time later, the two exhausted demons called it quits, both of them looking satisfied. Hiei sat on the ground, then flopped back and lay spread-eagle in the grass. Shadow jumped out of her tree and bounced over to him, camera in hand.
"Wow, you look pretty crappy, Hiei," she said. "How is your healthcare gonna cover this?"
"Healthcare? What are you talking a-- Hey! Hey, turn that damned thing off!"
"Can't! It's for social studies!"
"What's this got to do with social studies?" he snapped, jumping up.
"It's healthcare! You're injured! How is your healthcare going to cover this?"
"I don't have healthcare. I don't need it, anyways."
"I don't know how it works, but you probably have to pay money for it, and god forbid we do that, right?" Shadow pointed out. "We're broke as it is."
"Hey Shadow!" Eclipse came running over to her. "You probably shouldn't film him shirtless if you're going to show this to the entire social studies class."
"What?"
"You know what I'm talking about."
"Oh! You mean his stunning sexiness! I never thought of that. Yeah, that might pose a problem."
"So turn off the damned camera," Hiei pointed out.
"Your foul mouth might pose a problem too."
"Then turn off the stupid camera!"
"But I need to film it for social studies!"
"Turn it off! Or film someone else!" He gestured to his left. Shadow turned the camera, then yelped and returned its focus to the fire demon.
"Him? God, no, Hiei! If I film the great Shuuichi Minamino in that condition, why, I'm bound to be accused of kidnapping and beating and raping him!"
"I don't look that bad, do I?" Kurama asked. Shadow turned the camera and focused it on him, panned over him, then shook her head.
"No, you don't look like you've been kidnapped. You do look incredibly sexy, though."
"Doesn't he always, though?" Eclipse pointed out.
"Ah. Yes. True enough. Isn't that true, Hiei?" Shadow returned the camera to him.
"YOU'RE NOT DOING SOCIAL STUDIES ANYMORE!" he snapped.
"Yes I am. What else would I be doing?"
"You're showing off that you can be around two attractive shirtless men without swooning and passing out, like most girls would be doing right now," Kurama said.
"WRONG! I'm showing off that I have the privelege to be around two hot half-naked guys and nobody else does."
"I do," Eclipse said.
"You don't count."
"You know Okibi-sensei might drop my grade some for showing up on your tape in... less-than-decent condition," Kurama noted suddenly.
"Nah. He'll drop mine because I forced you to be on my tape like this. Then again, since we're in a group, I guess it's yours too. Now, what are you going to do about the healthcare after your horrible injuries?"
"I don't need healthcare for this, Shadow. These are nothing home remedies can't fix."
"Home remedies my ass," the girl muttered.
"Hey! And you were complaining about my language!" Hiei snapped.
"Shut up! Put on a shirt!"
"Turn off your camera, Shadow, before I break it."
"You wouldn't. Then you'd have to use up all your precious money to buy me a new one."
"But I wouldn't. Now turn it off."
"No."
"Shadow!" He wrestled it off her and turned it off. She grinned, taking it back and looking Hiei over.
"You really do look hot after you fight."
"Well, I appreciate the--mmph!" Oh, I definitely appreciate this a lot more. Shadow held him close, but gently due to his wounds, as she kissed him.
"My God, I think they went an hour without touching each other," Eclipse said.
"Yes, I think it's a record," Kurama added. "They're certainly making up for it now, though... Aren't you glad they're so open about their relationship around us?"
"Not really... I'm getting kind of sick of seeing that stuff... I'll never watch another romance movie in my life. Not that I ever have up to this point or anything."
"Of course not, Eclipse."
The fire demons broke for breath and Kurama managed to pry them apart.
"Can't you at least wait until Hiei's wounds are treated?"
"Ah, yes, his terrible bloody injuries... You didn't put any creepy stuff in them with your whip, did you?"
"What! Why would I? What would I put in him?"
"Aa... Something to sterelize him! So there will never be baby Hiei's!"
Kurama sighed, looking to Hiei. "You want Shadow to tend your wounds, I assume?"
"I want to go home," Hiei answered. And he turned and started home. With a sigh, Kurama followed, the two girls on his heels.
"You know... Just curious, but can't you and Shadow find other ways to show your affection for each other without kissing?"
Hiei looked up at him curiously. "Are you jealous, or disgusted?"
"Neither, Hiei. I said I was curious."
"I'm sure we can, but kissing is the preferred method."
"Ah. Well... Can't you like, hold hands, or hug or something?"
"Yeah, we can do that."
"Then why don't you?"
"We do."
"I've never seen it..." the fox muttered.
"Shadow," Hiei summoned. She was at his side in a second.
"Yes?"
Hiei took her hand. "See, fox? Holding hands. We're capable."
"Good! Now lay off the kissing!" Eclipse chirped.
"You'll understand if you get a boyfriend half as good as Hiei," Shadow retorted.
"I'll bet that you can't go two hours without kissing," Kurama challenged.
"Define kissing, Kurama. Would that be a kiss with lips on lips and tongues in mouths, or just a kiss on the cheek, or just a gentle little kiss on the lips..."
"I mean one of those really intimate, frantic kisses you were getting into a few minutes ago," he specified. "And anything involving tongues."
"Oh. Think we can do it, Hiei?" Shadow asked.
"Of course we can. But how will we benefit, Kurama?"
Kurama thought for a minute. "I'll get you reservations at that really romantic restaurant you went to on Shadow's birthday last year."
"What! Kurama, two hours?" Eclipse yelped. "You're going to get them reservations there and all you're asking is two hours of no tongues? I think that deserves at least six!"
"Six? Come on!" Shadow complained. "We go that long every day! Hiei goes to the police station and that leaves me either alone at home or there to sit and merely gaze at him so he doesn't get in trouble with Kyoukan's new no-touching law that only applies to us."
"Yes, Shadow, but aren't you usually asleep while he's at work?"
"Sometimes... Actually, rarely... You know very well I typically do that in school."
Kurama sighed. "Your grades are gonna start slipping, Shadow."
"Like I care. Now, are you going to revise your bet or what?"
"Four hours," Eclipse challenged. "If you can keep your tongues in your own mouths for four full hours under our surveilence, we'll get you guys a reservation at that place."
Hiei and Shadow looked at each other.
"Fine," Hiei agreed. Kurama smiled.
"Very good! It starts now!"
"So, what time is it now...?" Shadow asked. She looked at her wrist. "About three hairs past that freckle. Very good. So, at about six thirty or seven o'clock, then?"
"Fine. You'll be watched or apart from each other the entire time," Kurama said. "I bet you can't do it." But in truth, he knew very well that both of them could.
"Sure, whatever." The group left the forest, Hiei and Shadow hand-in-hand and in the lead, Hiei shirtless (he'd taken his shirt off voluntarily) and Kurama... shirtless as well. After Hiei's sword had ripped through the fabric multiple times, he'd also taken his shirt off voluntarily. It would be a lie to say that some of their fight hadn't been for show. It would also be a lie to say that their spectators had not realized it, but still enjoyed it anyways.
None of them paid much attention to the car parked across the road. Why should they? It was nothing unusual.
"Now... What to do to pass the time since we can't have our hands all over each other..." Shadow mused, looking around.
"Let's watch a mushy love movie!" Eclipse suggested. "That way, you guys's minds will be stuck on love and kissing and you'll have a majorly hard time resisting having your tongues down each others throats!"
"My tongue has never been down his throat," Shadow informed her. "I don't think it's long enough. Besides, I can think of better places for my tongue than his throat."
"Ew! Shadow!"
"What? I could have meant my mouth. You're the one who twisted it."
"That's how you meant it!"
"You'll never know."
"You meant his... Never mind."
"Oh, yes, that's certainly a good place for it. Haven't you been paying attention in health class at all this year?" Kurama asked with dry sarcasm. "Oral sex is the fastest and easiest way to pass STDs."
"To who? The giver or the receiver? And no, I haven't been paying attention."
Kurama sighed. "Obviously. You should start. You might need the knowledge later on. You will need the knowledge later on at the rate you're going."
"What's that supposed to mean? Are you saying we're going to have sex soon? Because my New Year's resolution--"
"Blah," Hiei muttered. Shadow smiled.
"Let's find something to do. You can't kiss so you're going to talk about your sex life. Well I don't want to hear about it," Eclipse said flatly. "Let's play poker or watch a movie or lock you two in seperate rooms so--"
"So you and Kurama can go have sex?"
"NO! I don't want to have sex with that freak! He has a fox in his head!"
"Hell of a reason to reject him, if you ask me," Shadow muttered. "That fox in his head is just as attractive as he is, if not more so. Of course, Hiei's better, but..."
Kurama snorted. "Hiei's got some black marks on his record with women."
"What? What kind of stupid expression is that?" Hiei asked.
"You scare almost every female you come near, Hiei, because you snap and snarl and cuss, and threaten them with death. Shadow only stayed around because she's too stupid to be scared, and because she had to."
"And we're all the more happier for it, aren't we?" Shadow asked accusingly.
"We're ecstatic," Kurama muttered.
"Hiei was never that bad, far as I know," Eclipse said.
"You forget he'd already been around Shadow for a year or so when you met him," the redhead reminded. "He'd already been whipped by then."
"He wasn't whipped," Shadow said. "He still isn't. He's just a little more companionable."
"A little? He's like a puppy dog compared to what he used to be!"
"Yes, but he hasn't lost any of his touch in battle, has he?"
"No..."
"So that's all that matters, right? As long as he's still in top form in battle, he could be a crossdresser and it wouldn't matter," Shadow reasoned.
"Hiei in a dress. Now that's something I'd like to see," Eclipse muttered.
"Keep on dreaming," Hiei snapped.
"A kimono?"
"No."
"A guy's kimono?"
"No."
"A schoolgirl outfit!"
"NO!"
"Okay, Eclipse, lay off," Kurama said. The girl sighed.
"Maaan, you suck, Kurama."
"No. Anyway... Let's find something to occupy our minds."
Sitting outside in his car, Ryu Obake sat watching the house. He'd seen them come out of the forest and wished he hadn't. Now he'd have something to tell Arisa.
He had to find a way to get those pictures off of her. If Shuuichi or Shadow or, God forbid, Hiei ever traced all these new rumors back to him, he'd never see the light of day again. But he couldn't let her post those pictures all over the internet and the school and show them to his mother... But how could he get those pictures away? She never told him where she kept them, and he'd never been to her house... All business dealings were typically done in his car. He had to get the negatives...
So deep in his contemplating was he that it scared the b'jesus out of him when his cell phone rang. He dug it out of his pocket and looked at the display. It was Arisa, of course, calling to check on him during his watch. Grudgingly, he answered it.
"Anything?" she asked, disregarding any polite comments.
"Nothing for a while... But then they came out of the woods."
"The woods! So what?"
"Well... Shadow-san and Jaganshi-sensei were holding hands, and Shuuichi and Jaganshi-sensei were both missing their shirts and looking pretty messy from here." Yes, let her think Shuuichi was having sex with Eclipse. Maybe then she'd quit.
"They didn't have their shirts and they came out of the woods."
"Looking pretty messy."
"Are you trying to tell me that little snot Jaganshi was having a threesome with her fuck friend and my Shuuichi?"
Threesome? Oh, God. I didn't mention Eclipse. Maybe I just won't.
"I don't know... It's a possibility, I suppose."
Maybe she'll start thinking he's gay. Then maybe she'll lay off all of us and the world will be a happier place.
"Listen to yourself! Shuuichi Minamino is not gay. He's a fucking hot straight guy and as soon as we get rid of Jaganshi, I'll have him, and he'll be screaming my name in my bed. Keep watching." She hung up. Ryu sighed and hung up as well, continuing to gaze at the house.
"God, Shadow! Shadow, God, stop it!"
"Tell me."
"Stop! Aaaugh!"
"Not until you tell me, fox."
"Let go of my hair! Get off me!"
"No!"
Shadow had the boy pinned to the floor and was yanking on his hair, pinching and poking him, and Hiei and Eclipse were just sitting off to the side watching.
"It's none of your business!"
"We'll find out eventually, if Youko gets his way. Who's the lucky girl?"
"It's nobody! Youko's full of crap! Get off me!"
"Should I, Hiei?"
The fire demon shrugged slightly. "I think this is pretty funny, but if you want to..."
"I don't."
"Oh. Then feel free."
"Hiei! You unloyal--Ow!" Kurama cried.
"Who is it?"
"I'm not telling you! It's not important!"
"I know. I'm just curious. Gonna tell me? It won't hurt anyone. Now you're the one in denial. Hiei and I refused to acknowledge our feelings and skittered around love like it was a disease, and you tried to get us to admit it and we refused! It's the same thing here!"
"Not really. I've never kissed, slept with, or lived with her. You two were just being ridiculous. I don't care how confined you kept your emotions for two years despite all you did, you both knew damn well you loved each other."
"Yes, well you see, we did everything we do now, only minus passion. It's so much better now."
"Isn't that what I kept telling you? What Eclipse and Yusuke and even Kuwabara told you?"
"I don't know if Kuwabara ever did... And you're the only one who ever actually did... You kinda egged us on. The others just said 'You love each other and you're keeping it secret from us but not from each other and you screw every night!' and now that we actually are a couple they're like, 'You guys are disgusting, I can't believe Hiei actually is in a relationship, he's kissing her and enjoys being close to her! It's so unlike him it's just disgusting!' And that ticks me off!"
"Understandable. But you are excessive."
"Who do you have a crush on, dear Kurama? When I find out, you'll never hear the end of it. It's Eclipse, and we all know it."
"Well if you have your mind all set on that, why bother asking!"
"Because I want to hear you admit it."
"Well you won't hear it, because it's not true. I don't 'have a crush' on anyone and even if I did, I can't be in a relationship."
"Because of Youko? Oh, come on, Eclipse doesn't mind him as much as she says."
"Shadow!" Kurama groaned. "You're hopeless. Get off me."
"No. Admit I'm right and I'll consider it."
Just then, Kurama's savior came, in the form of a phone ring. Hiei reached over and grabbed the infernal device and greeted whoever was on the other side with his bored, "Moshi moshi."
"Moshi moshi... Jaganshi-sensei?"
"Yes, and who are you?"
"It's Ayame, from school."
Hiei cast around in his mind, drawing a blank. "Do you have a last name, Ayame-san?"
Kurama and Shadow both froze and stared at the phone with wide eyes.
"Yes, I'm Ayame Aihana..."
"Ah, yes. You. Why are you calling my house?"
"I was told I'd find Shuuichi there...?"
"Who told you that?"
"His mother, when I called his house."
"Yeah, he's here. Why?"
"Well, I need help on my English paper..."
"He's not a personal tutor."
"Could I talk to him, please, sir?"
"Hold on." He covered the receiver. "It's--" He mocked a girl's voice. "--Ayame Aihana, from school." Returning to his normal deep tone, he continued. "She wants help on some English paper. Are you available?"
"Not if she wants me to go to her house. I'll help her over the phone, but I doubt she really needs it. Ask her."
Hiei nodded and spoke into the receiver, "Do you really need help, or are you just trying to talk to him?"
"Hiei! That's not what I meant! Get off me, Shadow!" Kurama snapped, trying to get up. Sitting in her bedroom, Ayame's eyes widened a bit.
"Jaganshi-sensei...?"
"Hold on, he's pissed now."
"Give me that!" Kurama snapped, snatching the phone out of Hiei's hand. "Ayame-san?"
"Oh, Shuuichi!" He spoke my name! I'm talking to Shuuichi Minamino on the phone!
"What do you need help with?"
Oh... Oh, he's willing to help me... Oh my God, oh, God... "I, um... Well, I don't know what to do."
"At all?"
"No... I know we're supposed to write a paper." Oh, talk more, talk more...
"On an American holiday. It has to be one page long." He glanced at Shadow, who was next to him with a devilish grin on her face. "Is that all?"
"Well... What do we write about, Shuuichi-san?"
Shadow's finger was trailing up his arm oh-so-lightly, making him twitch. "The holiday. When it is, what the customs are..." He mouthed a desperate "STOP IT!" to Shadow, eyes wide, but she, of course, persisted.
"Thank you so much, Shuuichi-san."
"No problem."
"S-Shuuichi-san...?"
Here it comes. "Yes?"
"A-are... are you doing anything tonight?"
"Um... Yes, I am. I'm sorry."
"Oh. It's okay. What're you doing?"
"I'm..." His eyes cast around as he batted Shadow's hands away. "Dinner. And a movie."
"Oh. With who?"
NOSY little thing, aren't you! "My friends. Double date. Sorry."
Hiei was snickering at the redhead. The boy was twitching and batting away Shadow's hands as he lied to get out of flatly denying a date with this girl.
"Oh. Well... Thanks again."
"No problem."
"Ja--"
Shadow snatched the phone. "Hey Ayame, I want you to do me a favor. Sorry to cut off your goodbyes, but anyway, I want you to forget this phone number and never, ever call it again. Can you do that?"
Sitting on her bed in her bedroom, Ayame huffed angrily and slammed the phone down on the receiver.
"She hung up on me," Shadow declared with mock hurt as she hung up the phone. Then she turned to Kurama with a grin. "Double date, huh? Really?"
"You want to? We can't make a liar out of me, can we?"
"You mean want to go on a double date? Who would you be going with?"
"Well, we wouldn't be going as a couple, but Eclipse would have to come along, and if anyone asked..."
"I see. So Eclipse really is your crush!"
"What! Shadow! And why were you tickling my arm like that while I was trying to talk on the phone?"
"I was trying to get you to yell something at me so Ayame knew I had my hands all over you. I love it when people are jealous of little old me. It's so great!"
Kurama groaned. "Go sit on the couch and keep your hands to yourself."
"Yes, Your Royal Highness Lord Fox, Sir!" She bowed deeply and went to the couch, where she sat down next to Hiei and folded her hands in her lap. "So where're we going for dinner? And what movie? And who's paying for it?"
Kurama shrugged, but looked at Hiei. "I have some money, but I believe Hiei has enough to pay for whatever you'll be wanting to do."
Shadow grinned. "Hiei spoils me."
"Yes, I'd noticed... He did pay for that swimming pool, and the most part of a motorcycle... Not to mention most of everything else that I didn't pay for," Kurama sighed.
"Thank you kindly, Kurama," she said, getting up and hugging him. "And thank you very kindly to Hiei, but he's gotten enough thanks for it to last for quite some time."
"I can imagine," Eclipse said dryly.
"Now... What to do for the next few hours... Harass Kurama... Watch TV... Play poker..."
"Youko's pleading an appearance," Kurama sighed.
"What?"
"And, of course, if Youko shows up..."
"Maybe I can worm information out of Youko!" Shadow said excitedly. "You know, it sucks that you two can't both be around at the same time... But you have to make sacrifices, though, right?"
"Sure, fine... Whatever. Just don't complain if he harasses you..."
And with that, Youko surfaced. He surveyed them with his golden eyes, his face serious, then grinned.
"You two can't touch each other for the next three and a half hours!" he taunted.
"We can touch," Shadow corrected. "Just no tongues." She stuck hers out to emphasize. The fox grinned.
"Isn't this difficult for you, Hiei?"
"Not really."
"Are you sure? Doesn't thinking about it make you just want to... leap on her and tear off all her clothes?"
"We aren't at that point yet, fox."
"But just think about it... How it feels... Her lips... Her mouth... Her tongue... Her hands on your body..."
"What would you know about her, fox?"
"Nothing about her specifically, but I know what a good kiss is like, and if Shadow's as good a kisser as you seem to think, I can infer."
Hiei rolled his eyes. "You're nuts."
"But... Can't you feel it? You know you just feel like kissing her."
"I will. In three and a half hours."
Youko smirked, not in the least discouraged. Or, if he was, he didn't show it. "Why not now?"
"You know why."
"True enough." He sat down next to Hiei, and they were quiet for a minute before Youko stuck out his tongue and wiggled it at Shadow. She sank back into the couch to hide behind Hiei. Not discouraged, Youko smirked at Hiei and slowly licked his own lips.
"What is WRONG with you!" Hiei snapped.
"I'm trying to do Shuuichi a favor. He went through a lot of trouble last year to get you guys that place at that restaurant. Of course if he gets one this time, you guys will probably go nuts surrounded by the atmosphere of romance and all that, and, in public, unless you want to get kicked out and looked down upon by countless rich snobby couples from all around this blasted city, you will be unable to relieve the stress that will build up from being alone together in such a place. So, you'll just go there for a free meal and since Shadow's planning on holding to her resolution, Hiei will have to come home and--"
"DON'T finish that sentence!" Shadow snapped.
"Why not?" the kitsune asked innocently, flicking his ears curiously.
"Because it's not true."
"Ah. I see."
"Now... Are you going to shut up about our relationship?"
"I can't. At the moment, it's the most interesting topic of conversation in my boring life."
"Uh-oh, is the kitsune spirit bored?" Shadow said, appalled. "We'd better send him off to Makai so he can seduce a different person to his bed each night for a week and have sex twenty times."
"Would you really? I'd be delighted."
"Well, we can't."
Youko sighed. "Guess I'll just have to nail Eclipse." He lowered his voice seductively and leaned forward slightly. "Come here, Eclipse, you sexy thing... I want your body."
The girl uttered a squeak and hid behind a chair.
"I'm not used to this. Both these two half-breed girls can resist me. Nobody's ever able to resist me."
"You aren't trying hard enough, fox, because you know that if you did manage to seduce and bed one of these two, Koenma would have your head."
"And he'd like it, too."
Hiei growled. "That's not what I meant. Pervert lecher creepazoid..."
"I wonder how long it would take to turn them into jell-o if I really was trying," Youko mused to himself. "I bet once I got my hands on you, Shadow, you'd never want me to let go."
"Good thing you're never getting your hands on me, then," she said. "Go for Eclipse. She's the one your alter-ego's after, isn't she?"
"Now, Shadow... Trying to trick me into giving out information... You should know I believe in equivalent exchange. What'll I get out of it?"
"Absolutely nothing."
"Very good, then. You get absolutely nothing from me."
"Damn. Hiei, koishii, find something to give the fox in exchange for information."
"He doesn't want anything from me... I don't think he does, at least..." Hiei said cautiously, looking up at the fox.
"I don't want anything like that from you, Hiei. Jeez... Why does everybody think I'm gay?"
"Dunno," Hiei said. "Must be one of the great mysteries of life, right Shadow?"
"Yeah. Exactly."
"Well if you're going to call me gay, I'm going to try to shatter your resolve again." He smirked, knowing that if he did this a whole lot longer, Hiei would deck him. But he persisted anyway, leaning close to Hiei and whispering, "So how does it feel, Hiei?"
"Get away from me, fox," the fire demon said.
"What's she taste like?"
"Shut up."
"It's been so long since I had sex... and so long before that since I'd gotten a virgin... She is still a virgin, isn't she?"
"Yes! She's still a virgin!"
"Wouldn't you like to change that, though?"
"I can't."
"You CAN'T!" The fox's eyes darted to Hiei's crotch. "A eunich now, Hiei?"
"That's NOT what he MEANT!" Shadow snapped. Youko grinned. Kitsune are playful, and he was one of the best. However, he played for his own amusement, and ticking off little fire demon couples just happened to amuse him.
"You sure? Have you confirmed that he's not?"
Shadow let out a low animalistic growl. "I. Don't. Like. You."
"You haven't!"
"No, fox. My hands have never physically made contact with any part of his body that would be missing, were he a eunich."
"Well that's a letdown. I was gonna grill you on the experience, but you guys have to be going and being pansies and having your relationship go nowhere fast."
"Get back here, Eclipse," Shadow said flatly. Behind the couch, Eclipse froze. After a second, she jumped up.
"Oh, dearie me, I wasn't going anywhere! How did I get here, I wonder? Must've been the magic of the deities! Yes! That's it! How about we watch a movie? A nice, good, violent movie that's just plotless gore and has no sex in it! Yes, how about it? Sounds marvelous, why don't you pick one out, Eclipse! Oh, dearie me, looks like I already have! Let's watch this!"
She stuck in some American movie. The trio on the couch stared, a bit surprised.
"Um... Okay. If you say so."
Hiei and Shadow relocated to Shadow's sacred fluffy recliner, where Hiei sat with Shadow curled up on his lap. Youko and Eclipse sat at opposite ends of the couch, but the end of the movie found them whispering to each other and shooting looks at Hiei and Shadow, who were cuddled close and had somehow changed positions, so Hiei was sleeping on Shadow's lap. Shadow wasn't really paying attention to the pair on the couch, since if they hadn't been whispering, she would have been surprised. It didn't matter.
"One hour left of the bet," she said as the credits rolled. "If Hiei keeps sleeping, then we'll have no problems. You know, Youko, that your counterpart promised a double date, and we're going out to dinner, thus you'll have to transform here sometime within the next hour."
"Of course," Youko said. He rolled onto his side and curled up on the couch, and he was also shortly asleep.
"You know... Your boyfriend looks like a child when he sleeps," Eclipse pointed out.
"I know. He's adorable. Who needs a puppy when you have Hiei?"
"If he's adorable and he looks like a child, then wouldn't that make children adorable?"
"Children? You mean those wretched little creatures they pull out of fat ladies nine months after they have sex?"
"Um... Yeah, those things."
"Oh, Gods no! Children are wretched, horrible little things! If I ever have children, kill them and get my reproductive organs removed and burned along with the corpses of the wretched pests."
"Oh, lordy me. Does Hiei know you talk like that about kids?"
"You think he wants kids any more than me? We're still in the 'new and happy young love exploring what their partner has to offer' stage. Once we get into the 'trying new things at night' stage, ask again."
Eclipse gagged. "And... When will that be?"
"Ask again in a year."
"But your resolution..."
"Yes, so next year at this time, we'll probably have spent New Year's alone together."
Eclipse twitched. "Boy... You, uh... Sure have this planned out, haven't you?"
"Not in the least. I'm just making this up as you ask. Haven't said a word of it to Hiei."
"Oh. So, um... Who, exactly, is in charge in this relationship of yours?"
"Neither. We're equal."
"Oh, are you?"
"Hiei's in charge of some things, I'm in charge of others."
"And who's in charge of your nightly activities?"
"We don't have any nightly activities."
"You mean you don't kiss or lay in bed whispering lewd things to each other or bathe together or go skinny dipping by moonlight or--"
"Now, you didn't think all that up on your own, did you!"
"Um..."
"I thought not." She held Hiei a little closer. In his sleep, he nuzzled against her, but did not wake. "So, it's Kurama, isn't it?"
"What?"
"You've got a crush and he's got a crush, you put two and two together, you get three. You have a crush on him, he has a crush on you. You guys aren't gonna have to do the whole dating thing before you admit love, will you, since you were raised by ningen parents?"
"I don't love!"
"Bull! Neither do I, but what's this? Oh, I'm holding Hiei on my lap as he sleeps like a child in my arms! I guess I really don't love, you know?"
Eclipse glared. "Harass me all you want, I'm not going to admit it."
"But it's true, isn't it?"
"I don't know."
"But you love Kurama, don't you?"
"I don't know."
"Ah! So that's like a maybe!"
"Maybe."
"Ah! So you love Kurama!"
"Well... Ah, damn, I can't use that comeback anymore! I hate you!"
"What? For what? What comeback?"
"When you say I love Kurama, I can't retort back that you love Hiei and have you deny it."
"Oh. Yeah, okay."
"So... You want... No! Damn you, I can't use any comebacks about Hiei! You! Curse you! You and your love has taken a giant chunk out of my comeback treasury!"
Shadow grinned evilly. "You're welcome. Wanna put in another movie? Cuz I certainly don't want to spend the next hour talking to you."
Eclipse narrowed her eyes. "Thanks. Some best friend you are." But she got up and put in another movie a few minutes later. The end of that movie found it about 7:00, with Shadow and Hiei and Youko all asleep, and Eclipse using the fox's leg as a pillow as she watched TV and ate several boxes of crackers and cereal she'd found while raiding the kitchen during a boring part of the movie. As the credits rolled, she contemplated how exactly to go about waking these three. Something cruel? Startle them? Or perhaps something... like a feather.. Tickle them... She snickered. Maybe she should try to see what she could get them to say in their sleep. Then again, maybe she wouldn't be so wise to try that. It was most likely, considering who they were and what they'd done or where planning on doing, that they'd say something she didn't want to hear.
Taking her box of crackers with her, she moved and sat in front of the couch, watching Youko's sleeping face for a moment before she threw a cheese cracker at him. His ear twitched. She threw another one and hit him in the face. His eyes squeezed shut tightly, then opened tiredly. He looked around through half-lidded eyes, then opened his eyes fully and sat up, scratching his head.
"Odd... This is the first time in a long time that I have fallen asleep AND woke up at Shadow's house, still in my good old sexy form," he muttered. "Usually Shuuichi takes advantage of my sleep to overcome me again." His ears twitched and he looked at Eclipse. Then up at Hiei and Shadow, who were still sleeping together in the recliner. With an evil glint in his gold eyes and a grin on his face, he got up and went to the couple. Eclipse stood next to him.
"Whatcha gonna do?" she whispered. He held a finger to his lips and leaned closer to Shadow. Thanking his luck that Hiei wasn't in the way, he gently kissed Shadow's lips. No response. Okay... Daring to go a bit further, he flicked his tongue across her lips, keeping all senses on guard in case Hiei should wake up, or even move. Eclipse was watching nervously, dead still and silent. Shadow's lips parted slightly and he kissed her more intimately. But only for a second.
Her eyes snapped open and she cursed, pulling back and nearly tipping the chair clear over, as, with a loud shout of, "HOLY JESUS!" she flung herself away, over the back of the chair to hide behind it. Hiei snapped to consciousness, looking startled, gripping the arm rests and laying halfway on the floor where he ended up when he fell off Shadow's lap. He looked up at Youko with a mixture of confused emotions in his wide crimson eyes.
"Did you rest well, little Hiei?" the fox asked, grinning. Hiei's eyes narrowed and he glared.
"What did you do?"
"Do? Not a thing. Not to you. And nothing that harmed your lover."
"Yes, but what did you do?"
"He kissed me, Hiei!" Shadow called. "Take off his head! I want it on a platter! I'll make soup out of it!"
"It was a harmless joke!" Youko yelped, as he was instantly pinned to the ground in a position of helpless submission. "You don't need to kill me! I wouldn't ever force her to kiss me, I'd never rape her. It was just fun!"
"I'm not so sure I like your definition of fun, kitsune," Hiei snapped, relaxing a bit and pinching the fox's skin between his fingers and twisting.
"Ow! Man, that's gonna leave a bruise..."
"Would you prefer a black eye?"
Then, before the fox could answer, there was a shout.
"Oh my GOD!"
The group's heads snapped up to stare at the new voice. Yusuke and Keiko stood in the doorway, staring.
"Man, get off me, Hiei! I'm not a chair, so unless you're going to fuck me, you have no reason to straddle me like that," Youko said, pushing the little demon. Hiei got up.
"Don't touch my mate again and we can avoid these awkward little encounters," he retorted. Both of them had instantly leapt on the chance to torment Yusuke.
"Mate? Mate, huh? So you've moved past the 'we're not at that stage yet' stage? So when're you planning on sealing it?"
"HEY!" Yusuke shouted. "Keiko doesn't need to hear about this crap!"
"Keiko?" Shadow appeared from behind the chair that had been hiding her. "Ah! Look at that, it's Keiko! She hasn't been here in months! Years! Ages and eras and milliniums!"
"Good evening, Shadow-san," Keiko stammered politely.
"What brings you happy lovebirds here to my humble abode of purity?"
"I brought us with the intention of asking if you and Hiei wanted to go on a double date, but now I'm starting to think I should just leave," Yusuke said.
"You? Double date? Fine, leave, but I'm already going on a double date, and we'll probably run into each other anywho!" Shadow snapped.
"Who would you go on a double date with? Kurama and Eclipse?"
"As a matter of fact, yes."
Yusuke hit his fist into his palm. "Ahha! So you two admitted you love each other too! It's just the year of love, isn't it! Now all we need is for Yukina to wise up and--"
"All we need is for Kuwabara to leave Yukina alone and my life will have one less worry in it," Hiei snapped. "Yukina can stay ignorant. It's not hurting her."
Yusuke snorted. "Sure. So where were you going on your date?"
"Dinner and a movie. And only cuz Kurama lied to some girl and decided that he doesn't want to take the heat for lying to her or whatever," Shadow informed him.
"Um... Okay. Where are you going, though?"
"Dunno," Shadow said. "Where are you going?"
"The mall. They got food and a theatre there..." Yusuke said.
"And shops galore!" Shadow cheered. "We can go shopping, Hiei! Isn't that exciting?"
The little demon groaned and plopped back in the recliner. "No."
"No matter how much he denies it, Hiei is just like most ningen boyfriends..." Yusuke said. "Hates shopping, already sick of commitment, he's whipped by his girlfriend..."
"Wait, sick of commitment?" Shadow queried. "Sick of commitment to me? Are you already tired of me, Hiei? I feel very unloved."
"I'm not tired of you, Shadow," Hiei said. "I'll never be tired of you. You're not a boring person. I don't think you could be if you tried."
"Thank you." She bowed. Yusuke leaned over to Keiko.
"What'd I tell you? They're lovebirds now."
"I'm so happy for you, Hiei," Keiko gushed. Hiei snorted.
"Why? Because I have a nut job for a mate?"
Keiko stuttered to answer, but Shadow sat on Hiei's lap and put her arms around him.
"You have a nut job who loves you and whom you love."
"It's not bad that she's insane, as long as she's hot and good in bed," Youko declared. Hiei glared. The fox hurriedly continued. "Of course, in Shadow's case, I wouldn't know a thing about the latter... She's just got a great body and by everything I've seen, I can infer..."
"You infer too much, fox," Shadow said. "Now... Why don't you just infer your way back into Shuuichi's brain so we can have ol' green-eyes back?"
"'Old green-eyes?'"
"The human kid you take residence in and who happens to be a much more respectable person than you."
The fox sighed. "You really hate me, don't you."
"It's not--"
"That's okay!" he continued overdramatically. "I understand. I have committed many a heinous crime against you, and I suppose I deserve your hatred for that. Alas, I shall depart. You will be blessed ever to see my stunning beauty again." And with that, he was gone, returned to the depths of Shuuichi Minamino's mind to do whatever he did in there and had done for 99 of his past seventeen years.
The redhead grinned sheepishly at them all. "Sorry about him. Good evening, Keiko-san."
"Yes, good evening Kurama."
"Let's go! I wanna go to the mall!" Shadow whined, shaking Hiei's hand up and down.
"Fine... We'll go to the mall... Jeez."
"Oh, and Kurama, I believe we won that bet."
"Bet? What bet?" Yusuke asked.
"We bet that Shadow and Hiei couldn't go four hours without kissing," Kurama explained. "They won. I've got to get them reservations at that restaurant I got them into last year."
"They went four hours without kissing!"
"We slept," Shadow answered.
"I forgot to take that into consideration," Kurama muttered, seeming a bit embarrassed.
"And here I thought you were smart!" Yusuke accused.
"I would have kept them awake if I'd been able, Yusuke, but Youko decided he wanted to make an attempt at driving them nuts, so I was incapacitated."
"Guys, the movie starts at 8:00!" Shadow announced, bounding down the stairs. Everyone stared at her.
"When did you go upstairs?" Yusuke finally asked.
"When you weren't paying attention, apparently. You're losing your touch, Yusuke. I could have been a psycho evil demon and attacked you and you wouldn't have noticed. I could have killed you, and you wouldn't have noticed."
"I wouldn't notice if I died?"
"No. Do you like my outfit?"
"Outfit? Oh!" Yusuke looked her over. "Nice skirt. It's a bit long, though."
"Yusuke!" Keiko slapped him. Hiei appeared at the bottom of the stairs, stuffing a wad of money in his coat pocket. He stopped and stared as Yusuke fell to the floor, a slightly surprised expression on his face.
"What'd he do?" he asked, stuffing the money in his pocket and strolling over to Yusuke. He poked him with the tip of his boot. "I think you killed him." He shook Keiko's hand. "Congratulations."
"Um..."
"Hey! You got your own girlfriend! Lay off!" Yusuke leapt to his feet and grabbed Hiei's wrist.
"Please remove your hand from me before I kill you," the little demon said in a threatening polite tone.
"Good lord... Shadow, put your boyfriend on a leash," Yusuke said, letting go of Hiei's wrist and sticking his hands in his pockets.
"Okay! Sounds kinda kinky." She started towards Hiei with her hand in her pocket, coming out with a spiked collar and chain, which she buckled around Hiei's neck before he could react.
"Oh... Hey, nice skirt, Shadow," Hiei said, looking the girl over.
"What's wrong with my skirt?"
"You know very well you're just wearing that for show. You never wear skirts in public."
"No, I don't. Not unless it's short and skanky and leather and I'm doing pole dances to get more victims for my shrunken head garden in the back yard."
Hiei twitched a bit. "Get this chain off me and change your clothes."
"But..."
"Please."
Shadow sighed. "You're no fun."
"Now, you know that's not true," Eclipse snapped. "You have fun with him all the time!"
"Oh, Gods yes I do. So, what should I wear?" She tied her end of Hiei's leash around a chair and spun around, her skirt billowing out. But after one full 360 degree circle, she slammed her foot down to stop herself and faced them all, wearing ragged jeans, cowboy boots, and a flannel vest. She snatched a straw hat out of Hiei's hand (how'd it get there? Who knows), put it on her head, and stuck a piece of hay in her mouth.
"Ready to go now?" she asked. Yusuke burst out laughing.
"Change," Hiei ordered. "Something black."
"Yes, sir!" She spun around again and this time when she stopped, she was wearing form-fitting black covered by a high-collared Dracula cape. "I want to drink your blood."
"Something normal," Kurama specified.
"Black," Hiei added.
"Sexy," Yusuke finished. Keiko hit him.
After another few tries, Shadow eventually ended up in a tight black sleeveless shirt, black jeans, and black boots. She wore, of course, excessive jewelry, but nobody complained about that. At least it wasn't a cowboy redneck outfit.
"Now take this collar and leash off me," Hiei said flatly, pointing. Shadow bowed deeply.
"Yes, My Lord." In the process of removing the collar, she put her arms around him, and, with a grin, she kissed him. Yusuke sighed.
"How many times have they kissed since the four hours were up?" he asked, looking to Kurama for an answer.
"Actually, I think that's the first..."
Shadow stuck the collar and chain in her pocket and grabbed her coat off the back of the couch. "Ready to go?"
"I guess," Hiei sighed. She handed him a black trench coat and led the way out the door. On the porch, she locked the door behind the others and paused.
"Okay... Car arrangement. Who's going in whose car?"
"You guys are not going in my car," Yusuke said flatly.
"Fine. We can go on my motorcycle, can't we?" Shadow asked.
"You guys can go in my car," Kurama sighed.
With that settled, they got in their own respective vehicles and headed to the mall. Ryu Obake, still sitting grudgingly and tiredly in his car across the street, called Arisa for instructions.
Oh, I intended to do this at the beginning...
DuoJagan- PLEASE stop telling me to "switch back to humor" because I'm TRYING to make this story funny and I don't see what your problem is that you can't stand a little romance... Hiei and Shadow may as well have guns on my head and be telling me what to write, okay?
Were there any Japanese terms in this chapter? I forgot to pay attention to that little detail... It's hard to do when you're sick and have reggae drilling into your head. It makes me wanna dance, but I'm too sick to dance. I'll cough up my other lung and die again.
Shadow Jaganshi