(Saturday, 4-16-05) Oh! Two updates in under a week! Yeeeeeeeah, toast! I've got 385 reviews (I'm making a point of documenting this, for future reference, if you were wondering)... I had 354by the last chapter... 314 the chapter before that... 282 before that...So I'm averaging 35 reviews a chapter. That's pretty good.
Thank you reviewers!
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Cheese and a Rat
After a bit of conflict at the food court (conflict mainly between a certain two girls and Yusuke), they settled it by Kurama and Keiko ingeniously declaring that just since they were there on a group date didn't mean they all had to go to the same place for food. Shadow, seeing the reasoning in this, decked Yusuke for daring to argue with her, and practically dragged Hiei to her preferred food distributor.
When they reconvened, there was only ten minutes left before the movie, so they resolved to go and sit in the theater to wait. After all, Shadow reminded them, she was sure they could all find something to amuse themselves for ten minutes. Yusuke glared. Keiko wouldn't be 'amusing' him in the way he was sure Shadow and Hiei would amuse themselves. However, Shadow, not caring for his predicament, simply stuck out her tongue and led the way into the theater.
Though Kurama wasn't as cruel as to separate the two fire demons, he did make a point of leading Eclipse over to sit right next to them, while Yusuke and Keiko sat a few rows behind them. Probably, Hiei reasoned, for a better view should he and Shadow get bored with the movie. The theater wasn't very crowded, so nobody sat in the rows separating the groups.
It was a fighting movie, since five of the six had decided that that would best hold their interest, but Hiei and Kurama found the movie worthy of self-mutilation (it was one of those movies that is so bad you wanna gouge out your own eyes because of. Sucky graphics, cheesy storyline, something like that). While Kurama settled himself to sleep through the rest after only twenty minutes, Hiei had other plans. Shadow seemed oddly fascinated, however, staring at the screen with her head tilted to the side and a quizzical look on her face.
"What is it?" Hiei whispered. She blinked and looked to him.
"I was wondering why that ninja had strings holding him up," she said. Hiei chuckled quietly. And here he thought she was interested in the movie. Typical Shadow for you.
"I don't know, Shadow. Maybe because it's a really low-quality movie and probably won't even be accepted by that Sci-Fi channel you so dearly love to watch."
"I think it was a waste of money, myself," Kurama muttered from next to Hiei. He scooted up in his seat to peer back at Yusuke and Keiko. Keiko looked so bored he wondered if perhaps she would gouge out her own eyes. No, he reasoned. She'd gouge out Yusuke's. Why harm yourself when you can harm others?
Yusuke was occasionally glancing at the screen, but he had more attention on the group a few rows ahead of him. He popped a piece of popcorn into his mouth and waved cheerily at Kurama, then pointed at Hiei and Shadow and mouthed, "Tell them to make out." Kurama rolled his eyes and flicked a piece of popcorn back at the boy.
"Yusuke wants you two to make out," he muttered as he turned to face forward.
"Make sure he knows that if we do, it's not because he wants us to," Hiei instructed.
"I'm not your messenger! You tell him!" With that, he turned to Eclipse. "Enjoying the-- She's asleep!"
Hiei and Shadow leaned forward to look at their friend.
"Wow. She is."
"I was gonna sleep," Kurama admitted.
"I think Keiko's gonna sleep," Shadow said. She gazed around the theater. Not only wasn't it crowded, she realized, but they were the only ones there. Everybody else seemed to realize this at the exact same instant as Shadow.
"I think we were set up!" she announced, slamming her fist into her palm. "It's a government set up! To capture us! I'm too young to die! I still have so many things to experience! Like hang gliding! Sky diving! Flying an airplane! Living through an avalanche! Causing an avalanche! Destroying a small town! Destroying a large town! Enslaving humanity! Meet Americans! Germans! Get my name in the world records book!" She'd stood up with the horror of her announcement, spinning on Hiei and grabbing his coat as she started to list her un-experiences. She'd gotten continually closer to him with each one, whether it was her leaning over more or pulling him closer by the front of his coat, and now their noses nearly touched. "So many things! What have I forgotten!"
"Sex," Hiei stated.
"Sex!" she wailed, sounding very horrified by that, and 'fell' onto his lap, 'sobbing' with her arms around him.
"I'd have thought sex would be at the top of that list," Yusuke muttered. Keiko glared. "What! You see the way they're all over each other! You know that's all they think about!"
Now Shadow was shaking Hiei back and forth by his shoulders, still wailing. "But the government's coming and we're trapped and I'll never have sex, all because I didn't pay my speeding ticket when I wrecked my unlicensed stolen American war tank into that senior citizen's center on bingo night!" She was now fake-sobbing uncontrollably, and poor Hiei just sat there.
"Oh my God Shadow, did you see that!" Yusuke asked. The girl sat bolt upright.
"What!"
"I think I saw something move down there!"
She barely muffled a shriek (she was having fun! She could attract any theater security NOW!) and looked around, eyes wide in terror.
They were all fully aware it was a game, but it was funny to see Shadow do this. She was a good actor. Kurama absently wondered when the next school play was. Perhaps he could get her to audition. Then he mentally slapped himself. What the hell! Shadow in a school play. That very plainly spelled disaster... Well, if you changed the letters around, take some out and substitute different ones... add a couple... He shook his head and returned his attention back to Shadow, who was now trying to hide herself in Hiei's coat.
Glancing at Eclipse again, he considered waking her, but looking at Shadow, curled up in a ball with Hiei's trench coat hiding her face, he decided that would be utterly retarded. The last thing he needed was both of them being stupid. Perhaps Eclipse would try to burrow into his coat. That wouldn't work. He wasn't wearing one.
"Shadow," Hiei said, poking her back. She rolled over and fell off his lap, cracking her head off the chair in front of his and letting out a yelp.
"Yes sir?" she asked, gazing up at him from the floor.
"First, get off the floor, it's dirty."
She obeyed, returning to her seat next to him.
"Second, calm down."
"Yes sir, I'll try my hardest if you please." She bowed as best she could in her sitting position. Yusuke frowned and jumped over the two rows separating them.
"Hey, you spoiled it, you twit," he said. "That was amusing, and now I'm bored again."
"Cry me a river," Hiei replied. Yusuke frowned.
"Well now I'm bored. There's no way this movie will entertain me, so you know what?"
"You're gonna go make out with Keiko and leave us alone?" Shadow said hopefully.
"No. You two are gonna make out and I'm gonna watch."
"You know you're nearly seventeen, right?" Kurama asked.
"Yeah, so?"
The fox sighed. "Never mind."
"So?" Yusuke prompted the couple, instantly ignoring the redhead for more interesting prey.
"So what? You seemed pretty disgusted every other time we make out in front of you," Shadow said. "Are you gonna sit here and say 'EEEWWWWW' if we kiss now? Since you told us to?"
"No."
"Right," Hiei muttered.
"I promise!"
"Sure ya do," Shadow said.
"I do! I swear. Cross my heart."
"What good is that gonna do anyone?" Hiei asked.
"I won't 'ew' if you make out," he promised, saying each word slowly. Then he brightened a bit and added, "I want to examine your technique!"
"You what?" the couple, and Kurama, cried in unison.
"Your technique. Surely that's not too big a word for you to understand if I know it."
"I know what technique means," Hiei said coldly.
"Why do you want to 'examine our technique' as you say, Yusuke?" Shadow asked.
"Well, I've never closely watched a demon and a nutjob make out before, and I just wonder if it's any different than how we normal people do it."
Hiei snorted. "You're a nutjob, Yusuke. Get away from me."
"But I wanna watch!"
"We're not gonna make out when you're sitting with your face about six inches away!"
"Fine!" he declared, leaning back. "I'll stay back here. You won't even notice me. Just be natural about it. Don't try to impress me."
The couple stared at each other for a second, silently debating as Yusuke watched hopefully, then Shadow shrugged.
"Anything's better than the movie. Who cares if he's watching?"
"True enough," Hiei replied, putting his arms around her.
Keiko, still two rows back, had heard the entire exchange between her boyfriend and the relatively new couple, and she was appalled. She got up and stalked down the isle, entering the row where Yusuke sat. He was so fascinated by the kiss he was witnessing that he didn't notice her until she was on top of him.
"YUSUKE! You are such a jerk!" she yelled, slapping him.
"OW! What was that for!"
"You want to examine the way they kiss! It's none of your business!"
"They don't mind!"
"It doesn't matter! It was rude of you to ask!"
Having considered and rejected the notion of helping out Yusuke in the space of five seconds, both Hiei and Shadow were now watching with amusement apparent on their faces. Kurama was as well, no matter how much he tried to hide the amusement.
"But they really don't care! I'm serious! They said so themselves! You heard everything I said but you didn't hear what they said? Didn't you see them KISSING?"
"Of course I did! But I still can't believe you'd do that! It's not your business how they kiss! How many other people have you said that to? I can't believe you're such a pig!"
"Keiko," Hiei said gently, grinning. She looked at him, as did the cowering boy in front of her. "It's okay. Really. You're getting a little carried away."
"But... but... How could you let him persuade you to--"
"He didn't persuade anything," Kurama informed her. "They just let him think he had. Relax. If they cared, he'd know."
"Yeah! We're all friends here! They don't mind! It's loveable old Yusuke! Who could resist this face?" the boy said nervously. Hiei snorted, but Keiko seemed to relax a bit under the puppy dog eyes Yusuke was giving her.
Currently on the movie screen, there was some kind of major city-under-attack scene, and God only knows how you could fit a scene of city-wide terror into a ninja movie, but these people apparently could. There were also some fake-looking things flying around in the air shooting holes in buildings. All the bad acting and screaming of terror woke Eclipse, and she stirred and looked around.
"The world end yet?" she asked groggily. Then she realized where she was and sat up, staring at the movie screen. "Oh. Oh my God, look out! That pink bubbly ninjaien's gonna get you! Good lord! He'll disintegrate you with his ray gun! Oh! OH MY GOD, PINK GOO! Look at that, it's splattered everywhere!"
Everyone stared at her, but she didn't notice, so caught up she was in doing commentary on a movie she'd already missed the majority of. Finally, Yusuke returned their minds to the matter at hand, climbing over the seat in front of him to sit next to Shadow.
"Hey..." he hissed. "Kiss again. I didn't get to watch." He went over the next row and sat backwards in the chairs to face them, his arms resting on the backs of the chairs. "Hiei. Kiss her."
Kurama groaned. "You guys have something wrong with you." He stood up.
"Where're you going?" Eclipse gasped, staring up at him in horror.
"The bathroom?"
"Oh. Can I come?"
Kurama didn't dignify it with a response. His eyes widened a bit, but that was it, before he hurried off.
Keiko sighed and tried to find something to divert her attention from Yusuke's current fascination. She could kiss like that, she thought with a bit of jealousy. Maybe, if her boyfriend wasn't such a jerk.
"GO, NINJA STORM!" Eclipse was cheering, flinging popcorn up in the air like confetti.
"I would hate to work here," Keiko mused to herself as she watched the hyper girl. She sat down behind the couple who had now disentangled their tongues and were listening to Yusuke's rundown of their kissing technique. He made it sound like an art. Hiei pointed this out when he was done.
"You make it sound like an art."
"Pleasure is an art, Hiei, my friend. Ask any good, appreciative, caring boyfriend. Ask Kurama."
"Kurama's in the bathroom!" Eclipse informed them cheerfully. They ignored her and she looked dejected.
"Kurama's not-- Never mind," Shadow said. "I was gonna say he's not a boyfriend, but Youko knows all about pleasure... His own, at least."
"Hey, that's part of the art. You don't want to just please your partner, you want to please yourself, too," Yusuke said.
"Just shut up, Yusuke," Hiei said. "I think I know what I'm doing, and I doubt there's anything you could teach me. You are a virgin half-ningen sixteen-year-old, you know."
"Who looks at porn and probably has since he was ten..." Shadow added.
"Honestly, Shadow. What can you learn from porn?"
"Lots!" Yusuke answered for her. "I learned more from porno than I have from school."
"Idiot," Hiei muttered.
"Look! Here comes Kurama! Why don't you ask him about the art of pleasure?"
Kurama resumed his seat next to Hiei. Yusuke was looking pointedly at the fire demon couple, who were looking curiously at Kurama. He raised an eyebrow.
"Um... What?"
"Is pleasure an art?" Hiei asked. "Yusuke says it is."
Kurama looked thoughtful. "Well... Yeah. I guess you could say it is."
"How do you figure that?" Shadow questioned.
"It depends on your views, I suppose," Kurama muttered. "I mean, some people... there's a technique... everybody has a technique... their own style..." Abruptly, his hand slammed down on his leg. Everyone jumped and Eclipse yelped.
"Owie..." she muttered, pulling her hand out from under his. "You crusheded my handy-poo."
"Why was your hand on his thigh?" Hiei asked curiously.
"Because..." Eclipse muttered, cradling her 'injured' hand. "I dunno."
"As I was saying..." Kurama muttered, getting up and going over the seats in front of him to sit next to Yusuke. "You know. Why do you guys ask me? You're the ones with the intimate relationship."
"You're the one with a history of hundreds of intimate relationships," Shadow countered. "And besides, don't you want to educate us young lovers on... whatever the hell you're trying to educate us on?"
"Pleasure as an art," Yusuke reminded her.
"Ah yes. That. Please, do inform, Kurama."
Kurama rolled his eyes. "You guys are smart individuals. Learn yourself. Just get yourselves a nice technique that you both like and perfect it. Voila. The art of pleasure."
"Sure, Kurama. Whatever," Hiei muttered. "You're full of it."
"Yusuke's the one with brown eyes," Shadow reminded him. He looked at the boy and nodded.
"True enough."
Some double-digit number of minutes later, the horrid movie was over, and the group emerged from the dark theater high in spirits. Shadow was jumping up and down pleading to go wander around for the next few hours. It turned out that the three males of the group truly were whipped by their female companions, and all three, saviors of humankind who'd battled against nearly impossible opposition multiple times, were forced to wander around the mall and go in every store the girls wanted to. To make it easier on the boys, they stayed in the group of six, meaning that Keiko had to suffer through Hot Topic and Shadow and Eclipse had to go in some cosmetics store. When Yusuke wanted to go in Victoria's Secret, Keiko cracked him in the head with some heavy dangerous thing Shadow had bought, and Kurama had to literally drag the teen around for about ten minutes.
Upon entering a large bookstore, Hiei found himself the only one with nothing of interest to do. Kurama and Keiko had vanished, and Shadow, Eclipse, and Yusuke were looking at manga. Of course, Yusuke had different interests than the girls, but they were in the same general area, leaving Hiei standing there holding a Hot Topic bag and looking kinda out-of-place.
"Can I help you?"
He looked up over his shoulder at the young lady who'd spoken. She smiled kindly. Mentally, he smirked, deciding to try something.
"No. I don't need help. Why would you ask that?"
"I work here. It's my job."
"To ask total strangers if they need help?" He turned to face her now, leaning slightly on a shelf behind him.
"Yes. Also to ring up purchases at the counter," she answered after a second of hesitation.
"I see. That sounds kind of boring."
"It's not bad. I'm just out of high school. It's a job. It pays money."
"I would suspect it would."
"What?"
"Pay money."
"Oh. Well... I want to get in a good college and I don't want my parents to pay for it, so..."
"What're you going to college for?"
"I want to be a nurse."
Hiei nodded. "Well that's a good job, I suppose."
"Yeah... I like helping people."
"Is that so?"
"Yes."
"I don't. Most of humanity gets on my nerves."
"Oh. Do I?"
"Not until you do something stupid."
"Like what?"
Hiei shrugged. "Annoy me."
The girl thought for a second. "So... People annoy you by doing stupid things... and annoying you is stupid?"
Hiei nodded. "Yeah."
"Can I ask where the logic is in that?"
"You can ask. I don't have to answer, though. I don't really see the logic myself, but it's how I operate."
"Oh." Confused by this, the girl changed the subject. "Were you looking for anything in particular in here?"
"I wasn't looking for anything at all."
"Oh. Then... why are you here?"
Hiei shrugged. "I'm stalking somebody."
"Really?"
"No."
The girl looked confused.
"Am I confusing you?" Hiei asked.
"A little."
He nodded. "That's good to know."
"Why?"
"Why not?"
"So why are you really in here?"
"I'm with friends. They read, I don't."
Meanwhile, not far away, Shadow was looking at manga, oblivious to Hiei's activities. Yusuke was drooling over some... adult manga... and Eclipse was looking back and forth between volumes of two different series, trying to decide which to buy. Keiko was looking at romance novels, and Kurama was just wandering around, looking at anything that caught his interest, occasionally ducking around shelves to hide from the fangirls he eternally encountered anytime he set foot in public.
They weren't as stupid as they seemed. The occasional times he'd come to the mall, the girls who'd seen him had followed him to scope out his favorite stores. They had spread the word. Now, whenever he went to the mall and spent any extended amount of time in one store (more than five minutes), he had to deal with at least one fangirl encounter. He knew they went in some stores just to check if he was in there. This, he felt, was the case in the bookstore. Either that or they were there for cheap romance novels. Or perhaps both.
"Oh! Shuuichi-kun!"
He jumped. He'd been spotted! His eyes quickly discovered his assailants. Only two. That was good. They hurried over to him, already blushing just at the pure thought of speaking to him.
"Hi, Shuuichi-kun," they said.
"Hello," he said politely. He knew them. They were at the mall every time he'd gone. They might as well live there. "It seems every time I'm here I see you."
They giggled. "We come here a lot," one answered.
Either that or you're stalking me... Both are pretty likely. "Really."
He caught one girl looking at the section he was in. Rather abruptly, he realized he didn't know what section he was in, after dodging into it to avoid being caught by one of his less tolerable fanatic stalkers. He, too, looked at the books around him and at the tag on the shelves. Fantasy. Good. Not romance. That would have been hell.
See, when these girls caught him in the mall, they always paid attention to what store he was in and what he was looking at, so they could get more of an idea of what appealed to the quiet boy. Thus, when Valentine's Day came around, they wouldn't shower him with gifts that he wouldn't like (give him crap and he won't like you any more than he did before, they reasoned). So, being in the fantasy section was good, since, had he been in the romance section, he would have ended up with several dozen more romance novels to stick in a box in the back of his closet. He had to have at least two copies of every book he owned. Hell, over the years, the girls had practically bought him an entire book store, he thought.
"What has you here so late, Shuuichi-kun?"
"I'm with my friends," he said.
"Really?" They peered around the store and one jumped and covered her mouth to suppress a squeal. "There's Jaganshi-sensei!"
Really? And where is he? He looked to where they were pointing and a questioning look came to his face.
"What is he doing? Excuse me." He slipped past them and headed towards the front of the store, where Hiei was still leaning on the bookshelf talking to the employee girl.
"Sure. I'll keep that in mind, Hanako-san," Hiei was saying, his hands in his pockets. The girl, Hanako, gasped a bit when Kurama stopped next to Hiei, a little "Oh..." escaping her.
"What are you doing, Hiei?" he asked his friend quietly. Hiei smirked.
"Just having a conversation. What are you doing?"
Kurama looked at Hanako. What was Hiei doing? Having a conversation with a total stranger--an attractive young girl, at that--in a bookstore, obviously, but why?
"Um... Can I help you find anything, sir?" Hanako asked Kurama.
"No thank you, miss." He looked pointedly at Hiei. The little demon smiled at Hanako.
"Well... Looks like I'm leaving."
"Come back sometime," Hanako suggested. "There's a sale next week."
"If I have time," he promised. "Ja mata."
Kurama was looking at Hiei, eyes wide, his mouth hanging open a bit. His two followers stood forgotten a few feet behind him. Grabbing Hiei's arm, the fox all but dragged him out of the store as Hanako waved and he smiled over his shoulder at her.
"What were you doing?" he hissed. Hiei let out a groan and sat on a nearby bench.
"Gods. Ningen are so strange. I was just testing myself... I can't believe what I had to say just to get that girl's phone number and home address." He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and showed it to Kurama. The redhead snatched it and stared at the neat handwriting on the paper.
"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!"
"I just wanted to see if I could," Hiei said, brushing it off as he took the paper back. "I've adapted to most of your freakish ningen things, I can lie and cover up all inconsistencies in my past, I can work at a ningen job, use all your stupid ningen devices... most of them, anyways... That's something I hadn't tried."
Kurama snatched the paper from Hiei, who'd been looking at it curiously, and crinkled it up. He threw it in the nearest garbage can.
"Don't do it again."
"Yes sir," Hiei retorted. "Jeez. It's not that big a deal, is it?"
"Yes!"
"Alright! Okay! It's not like I'm gonna tell Shadow. It's not like I'm cheating on her! It wasn't anything!"
"You were hitting on somebody!"
"No I wasn't. I was manipulating her mind without my Jagan. I also found out she wants to be a nurse, she likes cats, and has a hamster named Jioruji. Her sister goes to Yusuke's school."
"You found all that out in such a short amount of time?"
"Yep."
"God, Hiei... Yusuke would be proud."
"You have no idea how much bullshit I told her about myself to get that information."
"A lot, I imagine. Guys are usually good at making up bullshit to get laid," Yusuke said, appearing out of nowhere. "Congratulations, Hiei."
"Don't encourage him!" Kurama snapped.
"Did you get your books, Yusuke?" Hiei asked, gesturing to the bag in his hand.
"You bet!"
Hiei smirked and stood up. "Gotta fetch Shadow."
Kurama frowned.
"Hey, get Keiko while you're-- Never mind, here she comes."
Keiko passed Hiei with a bag in her hand, looking pleased. She stopped him with a hand on his arm.
"Shadow was just buying her books as I left."
"Oh. Alright." He turned around to walk back with Keiko.
"Hiei..."
"Hm?"
"What did Yusuke buy?"
Hiei snorted. "What do you think?"
She frowned. Hiei smirked.
"Hey Yusuke. Why don't you tell your girlfriend what you bought?"
"I bought some very scientifically educational books," he lied. Keiko continued to frown.
"He bought porn!" Shadow cheered from behind them. "On to the next shop!" She started walking away. Hiei followed, smirking at Kurama as he passed him, and caught Shadow's hand, kissing her cheek. She smiled and squeezed his hand, then headed into the next store. The other four followed hurriedly (well, not so much. Eclipse ran with her arms out like an airplane, and they wanted to make sure everyone knew they'd never met that girl in their lives, so while she hurried after the couple, the others hung way back).
Hiei, again, had no interest in much of anything in this store. He didn't have any musical preferences, he didn't have any favorite movies, and he didn't play video games very often. When he did, he wasn't really good at it. Most of Shadow's games were fighting games, and they annoyed him. The moves were so limited... slow... He did kind of like Crazy Taxi, though... Something was appealing about getting paid to be a reckless driver.
Eclipse ran over to where Shadow was looking at anime soundtracks. Kurama went to the side of the store away from where he saw a conglomeration of fan girls, but one had spotted him, and pretty soon, he felt six pairs of eyes on his back and heard them giggling and whispering. He couldn't go anywhere without that! Except Shadow's house. Maybe that's why he went there so often. Seeing his problem, Hiei joined him.
"Hey," he said. "You've got a mob pointing at you and giggling like idiots. I think they're staring at your ass."
"Most likely," he sighed. "Or my hair." He was flipping through some used DVDs, not really looking at them, but doing anything to keep from looking at his fan club.
"And you're just going to stand here?"
"It's not like they're hurting me," he muttered. "Maybe if they stare enough, they'll go away after a bit."
"I really doubt it. Just look at them. Maybe a couple will pass out and their friends will feel the need to leave."
Kurama sighed.
"Well you can't just stand there looking at used DVDs until Shadow's satisfied that she's read every title of every CD in the place! And she will, too! That'll take a while."
Again, the redhead sighed. "Go with me. That way, if they swarm to me, maybe they'll kindly leave me some oxygen."
"Alright. Fine."
Kurama turned around and started wandering around with Hiei at his side, like a guard dog. Hiei the pit bull.
Just when he was nearing the fan girls, a voice rose above all noise in the store.
"DON'T MOVE AND YOU WON'T BE HARMED! THIS IS A ROBBERY! PUT ALL THE MONEY IN THIS!" He tossed a bag to the cashier, who, with shaking hands, began to obey him.
Instantly, the fan girls screeched and swarmed to Kurama and Hiei. The robber by the cash register pointed his gun at them and all six managed to vanish completely behind the two boys' lean forms. Hiei was kind of surprised by this. However, he knew he could settle this without a problem. The boring ningen way, with no bloodshed. He reached in his coat pocket for his wallet, which held his I.D. and police badge.
"You! Put your hands in the air!" the criminal shouted, aiming his gun at Hiei. The girls behind him squealed and ducked. He sighed, but Kurama elbowed him and he obeyed. However, his girlfriend was, as always, a disobedient little psycho, and he heard her movement from the back corner. She barreled past him, rolled, and ended up on one knee with her arm extended upwards and the corner of a CD case held to the robber's throat.
"Put the gun down or I'm gonna be mopping up your face as community service after I kill you!" she threatened.
"Boy, she sure knows how to threaten people, doesn't she?" Kurama muttered. Hiei sighed and dropped his hands.
"Stupid girl."
"What are you gonna do? Slit my throat with a CD case?" the man scoffed.
"No, I'm going to embed it in your neck and bathe in your blood. Do you have any blood diseases, STDs, anything like that I should know about first?"
CRACK.
The guy smacked her in the head with his gun. She went cross-eyed and slumped to the floor with a stupid grin on her face. Eclipse, with a yell, leapt up on a shelf and started flinging CD cases like oversized shuriken. She managed to hit the cashier in the eye and nearly break Shadow's nose, but, as she said, "Holy Jesus! He's like an anti-CD case barrier!"
"Eclipse! Get down, you idiot!" Kurama snapped. But before the cashier's eye had met the corner of a CD case, he'd managed to get most of the money in the bag the robber had given him. So the robber simply snatched the bag off the counter and darted. Shadow shook herself into the real world and, grabbing some of the CD shuriken Eclipse had failed to hit the man with, she ran after him. From the doorway, she flung the few she was holding, then started grabbing and flinging in rapid succession some CDs from a large bin of used and returned CDs.
"GET BACK HERE, YOU THIEVING SON OF A BITCH!" she screaming, flinging one extra hard. This one hit its mark, and the guy found a CD case embedded in the back of his knee. He faltered, and boom, Shadow hit him three more times in the legs. Of course, now he was in considerable pain and fell. The girl, saviour of the CD Store's money, ran to his fallen form with Hiei and the others close behind.
"Did you learn your lesson?" she asked, jerking the common household weapons out of the guy's legs. He was unconscious.
"Where's the money?" Kurama asked suddenly, looking all around. Shadow blinked.
"Money? He had money? I don't know."
Hiei, meanwhile, was on his cell phone.
"Jesus Christ, no need to be such a bitch," he said, first thing. Kurama spared him a puzzled glance. "I'm off work, you know. But whatever. Point is, I'm at the mall, and my friends and I were just in a store that got robbed. We caught the guy. What do you want me to do?"
Ah, Kurama thought. Talking to that stupid son of a bitch Kyouken...
People were gathering. Yusuke reached in Hiei's coat and grabbed his badge, showing it to the people around, nodding and looking important. Hiei snatched it back as he returned his phone to his pocket.
"Idiot."
Shadow was on the ground staring at her reflection in the blood pooling around her victim's legs. She had a big old grin on her face, utterly fascinated by the liquid from his wounds.
"I didn't think you could hurt a person that badly with CD cases," Kurama muttered.
"Hey fox, find those girls. They're witnesses," Hiei said, doing crowd control until the mall security showed up. "Kyouken sent some people, they'll be here soon." The fox darted off.
Hiei was quickly discovering that being in civilian clothing and flashing a badge didn't work as well as being in uniform. People were automatically intimidated by a man in uniform. A little shiny piece of metal in the hands of a vertically challenged man in a black trench coat didn't seem to have the same effect. But he knew something that would.
"Shadow," he said, barely managing to keep the people from bending over and poking the body. She looked up. "Crowd control, if you would."
She jumped up. "ALRIGHT EVERYONE, BACK UP, BACK UP, GIVE THIS MAN SOME AIR! HE'S DYING HERE, YOU KNOW!" She bent back to Hiei. "You might want to do something about that. He's bleeding all over the place." Returning to the crowd, she continued. "BACK UP! NOW!" She snarled and gnashed her teeth and jumped around like a rabid bunny, even doing the bunny nibble thing with her teeth. People backed up in fear of her.
When the security finally arrived, Hiei had bandaged up the guy's bloody legs (with the guy's own bloody pants I may add). The crowd was about ten feet away on all sides due to Shadow jumping around on her hands and feet like a rabbit or a frog, snarling and gnashing and hissing like a rabid animal of some odd sort. Kurama was standing with Eclipse and the six fan girls from the CD store, with Yusuke and Keiko nearby, but even Keiko didn't want to be all that close to Shadow at the moment.
Security took over crowd control and whatever Hiei had been doing, so Hiei snatched Shadow up to her feet.
"Where's the money?"
"Money?" she asked, acting completely like a humanoid again.
"Yes, Shadow. He ran out of the store with the money, and he didn't have it when you caught up to him. The money." He held out his hand.
"I don't have it!"
"I know you, Shadow. I'll frisk you if I must, but--"
"Ooh! Yes! Frisk me, frisk me!"
Hiei sighed. "Really, Shadow... I'd really rather you just gave me the money. I'll frisk you at home. It's already got your fingerprints on it."
"No it doesn't!" She pulled rubber gloves out of her back pocket, grinning.
"You just admitted you took it! You know if you don't give it back you can be arrested."
"Find it."
"Shadow!"
She stuck out her tongue. The corner of Hiei's mouth curved downwards.
"Fine," he sighed.
"Yay!"
He put her arms out to her sides and pushed her feet apart. Thing was, this was Shadow he was frisking, and with Shadow, like with cartoons, there could be an elephant in her pocket and you wouldn't be able to tell no matter how much you searched.
Of course, right about when Hiei had his hands on her thigh, Kyouken himself pushed through the crowd.
"Jaganshi! What the hell are you doing!"
"Frisking her," he replied curtly.
"Why the hell would you do that!"
"She, um... Took the money."
"What money?"
"See! He doesn't know what you're talking about either!" Shadow snapped.
"You told me you did, stupid!" Hiei snapped, standing up.
"Oh yeah. Well then where is it? It's not in my pockets, is it?"
"Yes it is."
"Then take it out, Jaganshi!" Kyouken snapped.
"I can't," Hiei replied.
"Why the hell not?"
"Allow me to demonstrate," Shadow said cheerfully, reaching in her pocket. She pulled out a colored cloth strip and handed it to Hiei. It had a knot on the end, and a different colored cloth tied to it, leading into her pocket. "Pull on that."
He did. And there was no end to the cloth. No end. Ever. Shadow helped him pull it out, until they were knee deep in cloth strips (each one of which had a different design).
"My pockets are endless," Shadow said. "You never know what could come out of them."
Kyouken growled and pushed her arms up and frisked her, and she looked at Hiei in terror. Then the guy started searching her pockets.
"You won't find it," Hiei said. Kyouken jumped back as his searching hand pulled out a white rat from Shadow's pocket. She grabbed it and hugged it.
"Henri! I should have sicced Henri on that thief, shouldn't I have, Henri! Have you been eating well?"
The rat sat on her shoulder and she grinned. Hiei stared.
"D'you got a poodle in there anywhere?" he asked sarcastically. She looked thoughtful.
"You know, I just might..." She started searching her pockets, pulling out a wide variety of useless things. A paperclip, some gum wrappers, a canister of hermit crab food, a mousetrap, and a crumpled up ball of paper were a few examples. The paper she looked at curiously.
"Where'd this come from?" She uncrinkled it and looked at it. "Hiei... Who is Miki Hanako?"
His eyes widened and he snatched the paper from her hands, paling slightly. "How the hell did this get in your pocket!" he squeaked.
"Are you having an affair!"
"ENOUGH!" Kyouken yelled. "You're under arrest!" He pulled out handcuffs and went for Shadow's wrists.
"Wait, you stupid bastard! I still have a pocket to search!" She stuck her hand in an inside coat pocket and looked thoughtful. Kyouken looked furious. "Ah!" Withdrawing her hand, she tossed a bag to Kyouken and handed a small black dog to Hiei. He took it, not knowing what else to do with it. It barked in his face.
"It's a pikapoo. No poodles, sorry."
"How the hell did you..." Kyouken started.
"Now, now, if I told you how I did it, it wouldn't be secret anymore."
"No shit, you stupid girl! So tell me!"
"Can't. Even I don't know. It's just... a talent!"
"What am I supposed to do with this, Shadow?" Hiei asked, holding the pikapoo out in front of him and staring at it as it panted happily.
"Hold it, name it, feed it, love it," she cooed sweetly.
"I didn't really want a dog, you idiot! I was being sarcastic!"
"Oh. Well in that case... Come on, Kumori," she said, grabbing the dog and stuffing it back in her pocket. "Henri, you too." The white rat scurried off her shoulder and went into a different pocket. Kyouken watched this in horror.
By now, the thief had been carried off by paramedics, a janitor was mopping up the blood, and Kyouken's officers were questioning Kurama, Yusuke, and the girls.
"We'll need to ask you what happened," Kyouken managed to say. "Not like I trust the word of a freak like you, but it's procedure. Hideki, come here and get these freaks' accounts."
A young officer went to Hiei and Shadow, and Kyouken barely managed to keep from stumbling as he left the scene. What he'd just seen was outside all rules of Physics. He would have to go home, he decided, and run extensive self-examinations. Perhaps he was just dreaming.
When Hiei and Shadow were through recounting their experience to Hideki-san, he asked if they knew of any more witnesses.
"I don't," Shadow said.
"There wasn't anybody else," Hiei said.
"Hey! I like, so totally saw the like, whole thing, dude."
Shadow and Hiei spun to stare at none other than Random Surfer Dude.
"Hey, Dude!"
"Hey, Hiei, dude, I like, totally heard about your like, relationship deal, dude. I think that's like, totally tubular. I totally dig it. Shadow's a totally hot chick."
"...Thanks, Dude," Hiei said, one eyebrow raised. Shadow squealed and hugged RSD.
"It's good to see you again, Dude!" she cheered.
"Like, you too, Shadow."
"Um... You said you saw the whole thing?" Hideki interrupted hesitantly.
"Yeah, like, all of it. Pretty radical, dude."
"Um... I'll need your name..."
"Like, Random Surfer Dude, like, at your service, dude."
"...That's your name?"
"No, but isn't it a like, awesome title?"
Hideki's eye twitched.
"So like, here's what happened, dude. The dude went in the, like, store. And, like, he had a gun, y'know? And he was like, 'DON'T MOVE OR I'LL KILL YOU!' and everyone was like, 'OH MY GOD!' except Shadow, but she got, like, cracked in the head with a gun and like, fell over. So Eclipse went, like, ninja on the dude, dude. It was radical. But she missed. Like, every time. So the dude, like, bolted, dude, and Shadow totally woke up and like, went whoop-ass ninja on his like, hiney. It was tubular. Radical. Awesome."
Hideki was standing there, his eye twitching uncontrollably. Hiei clapped him on the shoulder.
"He said the exact same thing as me, only in less words. Don't worry."
"Uh-huh..." the officer squeaked.
"Like, dude and dudette, totally kudos on your like, relationship. I think it's like, radical. You two, dude and dudette, make a tubular couple. Well, gotta fly, dudes."
And as fast and randomly he'd come, he was gone. Poof. Shadow, however, waved as if he were walking away slowly. Hiei hit her hand.
"Can we go home now?" he asked Hideki.
"Of course," he muttered.
The rest of their group, plus six fan girls, were found in the food court. Hiei and Shadow crossed to them.
"Ready to get out of here?" Hiei asked.
"Please," Kurama replied, standing.
"Where's Eclipse?"
"In my car, curled up and shuddering in dread terror of these girls," he muttered. He raised his voice. "Let's go, Yusuke. Keiko."
The group piled back in their cars, stuffing their purchases in the trunks, and headed home. Or, in Kurama and Eclipse's case, the Jaganshi residence.
By the time they arrived home, it was past midnight. Kurama practically fell onto the couch.
"I'm so tired," he muttered.
"Then go to bed," Shadow advised intelligently.
"I can't believe you did that," he said, sitting up and opening his eyes.
"What?"
"Crippled that guy! In front of all those people! You're lucky you weren't arrested for that, or for the way you were acting afterwards! You know there's gonna be dozens of rumors flying around by the time we get back to school."
Shadow shrugged. "So the whole world will know I crippled some guy with CD cases in a mall. Big whoop."
"Did you see the look on Kyouken's face when you were pulling all that stuff out of your pockets? He doesn't believe in anything out of the ordinary, and that was clearly out of the ordinary. He'd call it magic, and he thinks magic is bullshit," Hiei chuckled. "He lectured me on it once."
"You'd better rest up, Hiei. Remember you have to play paintball with Yusuke tomorrow," Kurama reminded, dragging himself to his feet and heading for the stairs.
"Oh. Yeah."
"And by rest, he means sleep, not lay in bed making out," Eclipse clarified.
"That's restful," Shadow protested.
"Not the way you two do it, I'm sure," Kurama murmured, halfway up the stairs.
"Fine," Hiei said. "We'll lay on the couch and make out."
"Whatever," the redhead sighed. "It's your life."
"Thank you, Kurama!" Shadow said, bowing. "You're the first one to realize that!"
"G'night, Shadow."
Eclipse glanced at them, then at the stairs, and bolted for the latter. Hand-in-hand, the fire demons followed. Oh, what joy it brought them to freak out their friends.
SEKAH- No, I have not seen the uncut version of the Kurama vs. Karasu fight, though I deeply want to since I'm some kind of sick sadist. I like pain and blood and perverted comments (Karasu makes me shudder with disgust. I think that's why I like him). And I guess I'll ignore Duo, since he's the only one who's been pleading with me to "switch back to humor" (thought I still wonder, if I've got to switch back to humor, what is this story? Romance and horror? He makes it sound like it's not humorous at all... AND WE ALL KNOW MY BIG FAT EGO CAN'T HANDLE THAT!)
I was asked by a certain reviewer, "R U GOING TO HAVE HIEI AND SHADOW HAVE SEX AT OR NEAR THE END OF THIS STORY?" I know the answer, but just out of curiousity, what is your opinion on this? Do you think they should or shouldn't? And if you have a reason, feel free to share.
-Shadow Jaganshi