(5-1-05) First things first: 447 reviews so far.
Second things following first: I finally saw the episodes about Hiei's past... :sniffle: Hiei's such a sad and miserable person... He needs many many hugs indeed... :sigh: I have only let my precious Hiei plushie out of my sight a few times since I clung to him like my life depended on it while watching those episodes... I'm glad I have Shadow as an intermediary so she can comfort him for his miserable past since I can't.
Third things as the thing in direct procession after the second: I might write some one-shots here and there, since I've been writing this story for EIGHT MONTHS and I've been getting random ideas for things that won't quite incorporate into this story... Eight. Freaking. Months. On ONE story! I'll be done soon. Don't worry. I'll be done soon. They're into April. Only a few more events... Only a few more... Then... I get to start another story, which will have NOTHING to do with school and will therefore safely be wrapped up in ten or so chapters. :heavy sigh of relief: School truly does suck. Even writing about it is tiresome.
Fourth things are those which make me like sandwiches, and follow the third: I hope you read the update to my bio. Really, I'm sorry, but I don't want my characters borrowed and I don't want to borrow yours.
Fifth things... just... they're just the fifth things... god, it's 10:51 on a Sunday night... what do you want, a stroke of brilliance? Jeesus...:Uh... Now I forget what the fifth things are. Oh yeah! I'm thinking of doing an OC index. I'll draw pictures or write upprofiles or at least list all the OCs I've had in my stories... I really should make up a website dedicated to my stories... But I have no patience for HTML... That's why there isn't a "Hiei Worshipping Site" out there with my name on it...
Sixth things... You're getting sick of this, aren't you? Last one for now, I promise: I FOUND A KARASU SHRINE! I love Karasu.He's pretty.:D They spiked my ice cream at the mall yesterday. I love Hiei, too. And Kurama. Kurama is pretty. Youko is pretty also. I love Youko.
Thank you reviewers! I know I said I'd have this posted on Friday or something, but school interfered with my life, so... You get it at 10:55 PM on Sunday, the First day of Mayin the Two Thousand and Fifth year After the Death of Christ.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Thou Shalt Not Properly Punish a Smart Person
The return to school was not exactly an event any of them were looking forward to. With the girls and the occurances at the mall, there were going to be rumors out the wazoo. Hiei was fairly sure that, up to that point, nobody in the school but his three friends and perhaps Yamashita had any idea about his second job. But now, if those girls had been paying attention and had half a brain, there would also be that rumor going around.
Shadow seemed to be a little more concerned with things like a certain social studies project she'd totally forgotten about.
"Hiei!"
"What?"
"I have to go to work with you tonight!"
"What the hell for?"
"Social studies project! I totally forgot about it! Kurama's gonna kill me!"
"Why?"
"Because we're working together and I said I'd go to the prison and film the prison to show how our prison system is and I didn't and so, I'm dead!"
"He won't kill you. I'll kill him if he kills you."
"Yeah, then Eclipse will kill you and we'll be together in Hell!"
"Hell? Well you're sure confident in your purity, aren't you?"
"I'm very pure, but if you're going to hell, I'm not letting Koenma separate us for eternity."
"Oh. Makes sense."
"Anyways, so, I'm going to work with you."
"Alright, but stay out of Kyouken's way. He's been threatening to 'fuck up my life' for a few days... Something about you... Kidnap, rape, murder, something like that."
"Pah! That idiot couldn't kidnap me if he tried!"
"That's what I told him."
"Hey, you idiots are gonna be late for school if you don't get moving," Eclipse snapped from the next room.
"WE'RE HAVING A LIFE-OR-DEATH HEART-TO-HEART DISCUSSION HERE, ASSHOLE! SHUT UP!" Shadow retorted angrily. "What were you saying, Hiei?"
"Nothing..."
Arriving at school, the group was indeed mobbed with people--asking questions, calling names and pleading autographs. Shadow and Eclipse let out shrieks of utter horror, silencing the entire city for a second.
"Good. Now pardon us," they said in simultaneous, identical robot voices, and pushed through the crowd.
First period was the joyful class in which they had to write about their New Years celebrations, in English. Shadow had fun with that.
Between English and Science, there was another slutty-fangirl encounter. Shadow, being in a painfully good mood, grinned at the girls as they surrounded her at her locker.
"What have you been doing over the holiday, Bitch?" Arisa asked.
"Fucking Shuuichi, of course," Shadow replied. "A couple times a day."
"You were NOT!"
"Yes I did. And he loved every second of it. Said it was the best sex he ever had."
Arisa seethed, her teeth clenched and her heavily make-upped eyes narrowed with fury. She pulled her hand back, and slapped Shadow across the face.
"SELF DEFENSE!" Shadow shouted, and punched Arisa. Instantly, the twenty or so girls surrounding her piled on op of her, and everybody within thirty feet gathered to watch.
Surprisingly for the guys watching, Shadow managed to dig her way out from under the girls, and before they could get up, she had jumped on Arisa and was in the process of pulling out her hair when a startled voice stopped her.
"SHADOW, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!"
Okay... Not quite startled. More like furious.
She looked up at Kurama, a halo appearing over her head.
"I'm screwed, aren't I?"
"What are you doing?"
"Ripping this girl's hair out. She slapped me first. I shouted self defense. They can't punish me."
"Yeah they can."
Arisa pushed Shadow away and got up, stalking over to Kurama.
"YOU'RE HAVING SEX WITH HER?"
Shadow's halo fell past her head and settled around her neck.
"What?"
"HOW COULD YOU HAVE SEX WITH SUCH A DISGUSTING PERSON? I'M WHAT YOU REALLY WANT!"
She grabbed Kurama and tried to kiss him, but he pulled back. She grabbed him again, and Shadow grabbed a handful of the girl's hair and pulled her backwards and down, flinging her onto her back on the ground. The girl let out an angry shout and got up. Shadow had lost her joyous smile but was still wearing a superiority smirk.
"I'LL KILL YOU!" the girl shrieked.
She jumped at Shadow again. Shadow sidestepped... right into the grip of a rather pissed off looking Tayama-sensei. She looked up at him and squeaked.
"Ew! Let go of me, creepazoid!" She pulled out of his grip.
"What are you girls doing?"
Arisa jumped at Shadow again and managed another slap, but Shadow spun and punched her again, knocking her to the floor.
"She's losing, I'm winning," Shadow replied. "What are you doing, Tayama-sensei?"
The science teacher glared furiously. "Office. Now. All three of you."
"Three?"
"Minamino!" he snarled. Kurama jumped.
"Me?"
"Your name's Minamino, isn't it!"
"He didn't do anything!" Shadow snapped. "This girl tried to sexually molest him!"
"OFFICE. NOW!"
"Yes sir," Kurama sighed, grabbing Shadow's arm as he passed her. Arisa stood there seething again, seeing how he touched her. She screamed and made a running leap onto Kurama's back, knocking him forwards.
"ME! HOW CAN YOU EVEN ASSOCIATE WITH THAT BITCH! YOU WANT ME! YOU WANT ME, NOT HER!"
"Get off me," Kurama growled.
"NO! KISS ME!"
"No!"
Shadow was staring, slack-jawed. The only thought in her head was Now I'm gonna be suspended and lose the bet with Yusuke.
Arisa was now pulling at his shirt angrily, hitting his chest, screaming for him to kiss her.
Oddly enough, who would show up at this point but Hiei?
"What the hell's going on here!" he cried, pushing past his stupified girlfriend and grabbing Arisa, pulling her away from Kurama and pushing her up against the wall with her wrists behind her back.
"Care to explain this?" he asked, looking at his friends.
"Don't you have a class this period?" Shadow asked stupidly.
"What. The. Fuck. Hap.Pened. Here?" Hiei enunciated each syllable angrily.
"She slapped me," Shadow said. "So I punched her. Then she tried to rape ol' pretty-boy here."
"Let go of me!" Arisa had been snarling and wailing the entire time Hiei had her pinned. No matter how much she thrashed, Hiei kept her quite securely motionless.
"I can handle this, Jaganshi!" Tayama said angrily.
"Apparently you can't, or they wouldn't have been where they were when I got here. Now, Shadow, kindly lead the way to the office."
"Indeed," she said, and obeyed.
Yamashita was quite displeased when she entered the office, but then a look of surprise came over his face as Kurama followed her in, then a girl he didn't really know, who was being restrained by Hiei.
"What is this?" he asked.
"Fight, sir," Shadow said. "And attempted rape."
"Shadow," Hiei hissed, "she wasn't raping him!"
"Let me go! Let me go! Bastard! Shuuichi is mine!" Arisa was wailing. Shadow nodded.
"Uh-huh."
"You're all suspended for a week. Secretary, fill out the--"
"Wait, you moron! You can't just do that!" Hiei snapped. "You have to know what happened and who was involved, and question witnesses. I'm not stupid, alright? And neither are they."
"Really. So here's what happened," Shadow said. "I was at my locker when about twenty girls surround me, and I was talking to ringleader biatch here about some stuff, and she got mad about something I said, and she slapped me. I yelled 'self defense' and punched her, everyone else piled on me, I got out, we wrestled around, pretty-boy showed up, that girl tried to kiss him--"
"Wait. What were you talking about?" Kurama asked. "Was it me?"
"Yes it was, dear. Now shut your trap and let me finish my story."
She finished her story and Yamashita frowned.
"What did you say to make her slap you?"
"Let me think..." She quoted off the whole conversation, and everyone looked appalled.
"Did not!" Kurama finally said.
Arisa stopped struggling at this. "What? You didn't?"
"No we didn't, you moron!" Shadow snapped. "I was being sarcastic!"
"Shut up, you slutbag hoe!" Arisa retorted. Shadow looked in an appalled sort of way at Hiei, who looked rather annoyed.
"Did you hear what she just called me!"
"Yes," Hiei replied.
"She called me a slutbad hoe!"
"I heard her."
Yamashita frowned. "Now explain to me why I can't suspend all of them, Jaganshi."
"Shadow declared Self Defense before attacking. You can't punish her if anyone else heard it. And Minamino didn't do anything. He was a victim. Shadow was a victim as well, and she called self defense before she did anything. So really, only the assaulter can be punished."
"You're full of shit, Jaganshi."
"I know what I'm talking about, you idiot! I--" He bit his lip.
"What?"
"I know what I'm talking about," he repeated, calmer and more quietly.
"What were you going to say, Jaganshi?"
Rolling his eyes, Hiei pulled out his wallet and showed Yamashita his police badge. "Happy?"
"Is that real?"
"Yes, it's real, you idiot!"
"Stop calling me an idiot, Jaganshi, or I'll fire you. It's not like you need this job anyways."
Hiei bristled. I hate you, I hate you, Oh GODS how I hate you... "Fine. But you can't suspend Shadow or Minamino."
"You're just showing favoritism, and if you think that little badge will make me listen to you any more than I already do, you're pretty confused."
"I don't give a shit what you think of my badge," Hiei replied. "You--"
"Wait," Kurama said. They all looked to him. "In the handbook--Yes, I read all the rules--it said that every student has the right to bring up an arguable case such as this in front of a school court."
"A school court?" Shadow questioned. "What's that?"
"Quiet and I'll explain. It's exactly what it sounds like. It's just like a real court, with lawyers and money and prison sentences involved, except the jury would be students chosen by the defense and prosecution, the judge would be you, Yamashita-sensei, and the defense and prosecution would be... Whoever we choose."
"What would your case be, then?" Yamashita sneered. Kurama thought for a moment.
"Miss..." He looked to Arisa for a name.
"Okawa Arisa," she said, put off even more that he didn't even know her name.
"Miss Okawa--" And then he didn't even address her by her first name, she huffed. "--would be the plaintiff, trying to get us suspension as well, and we would be the defendants, trying to get out of suspension. I read the handbook cover to cover, Yamashita. You can't deny us this if we all agree to it."
"I agree to it! Ooh, yes I do, yes I do!" Shadow said excitedly, clapping quietly.
"Miss Okawa?"
"Fine," she snobbed (there's that snobbing again...).
"Very good. Now all we need to do is find our defense, our jury, and Miss Okawa needs her prosecution, and we'll be ready to go."
"Very well. Leave. Now. Have your people by tomorrow. The hearing will be directly after school in the gym."
Kurama nodded. "Thank you."
Hiei released Arisa and waited until she'd snotted her way out of the office before he and his friends left.
"Got somebody in mind, Kurama?" Hiei asked.
"Yes."
"Can we have teachers on the jury?" Shadow asked.
"Didn't you read the rules?" Kurama taunted. Not waiting for an answer, he continued, "Yes, so Hiei can be on the jury."
"Alright!"
"What do you think Yamashita's gonna do now that he knows you're a cop, Hiei?" Shadow asked. "He might think you're undercover here and you're spying on him or something."
"I could report him," he said, shrugging. "I'm not going to, though."
"Where are we going?" Shadow asked.
"Room 214," Kurama answered.
"Okay." Short pause. "Why?"
"Because, if we're lucky, that's where our defense attorney is at the moment."
"Can't you be your own defense?" Hiei asked.
"Me? I could be," he replied, turning into the stairwell and starting up. "However, I think that would be a bit too presumptuous, don't you?"
"Um... Sure."
They reached the top of the stairs and Kurama strode down the hall with the air of confidence he had when a plan had hit him and was so far going well. Hiei and Shadow trailed behind, a bit confused.
Stopping outside Room 214, Kurama knocked, then opened the door.
"Sorry to interrupt, sensei... Could I speak to Yuu Kaito for a moment?"
"Kaito!" Hiei hissed.
The teacher nodded and gestured for the summoned boy to go to Kurama. He did, and Kurama shut the door behind him. Looking at Shadow and Hiei, then at the redhead next to him, Kaito got a bit of a suspcious, puzzled look on his face.
(Before we go any further, I just want to tell you that I don't like Kaito. That said, on with the story!)
"What is this about, Shuuichi?"
"Well, you see... Shadow and I got into a spot of trouble..."
"What kind of trouble?"
"A fight," Kurama admitted. "I didn't have anything to do with it."
"Yes you did! You started the whole thing! Every time she comes near me, she harasses me about you," Shadow said. "So, whether you were near or not, you started it."
"Quiet, Shadow," Kurama scolded. "Now, Kaito, you've read the school rulebook, haven't you?"
"Naturally."
"Remember the part about the school courts?"
"Yes..."
"Well, Yamashita seemed to have forgotten about that... in fact he seemed to forget everything except how to say 'you're suspended.' But I reminded him, so we've got a chance to keep our records fairly clean."
"Let me guess," Kaito stated dryly. "You want me to be your defense?"
"Will you? If you can't, I'll have to defend myself and Shadow, and that's too presumptuous, I think."
Kaito pushed his glasses up on his nose. "I'll think about it, Shuuichi."
"I need to know by tomorrow morning."
"Then we'll talk after school."
"Okay," Kurama agreed.
"Now, if you don't mind, I have to get back to my class... The room suffered an extreme I.Q. drop when I left."
Kurama moved aside and Kaito returned to class. Hiei stared at him for a moment before forming words.
"You're going to have that guy defend you."
"If he'll agree to it."
"Do you have any idea--"
"Nothing you say can change it. You just hate him because he sucked out your soul," Kurama reminded. "Which was, if you recall, entirely your fault for being arrogant." Hiei frowned, but said nothing.
"So... do you have a class this period?" Shadow asked.
"Yes, I do," Hiei replied. "Ja mata. Don't be stupid any more. Either of you." He left.
"What now?" Shadow asked.
"Now, we recruit a jury. We'll think of who we want and approach them at lunch."
"Very good. Very good indeed. You are admirable."
"Yeah... Thanks..."
Neither Kurama nor Shadow attended any classes for the rest of the morning. After a bit of wandering halls (They had planning to do. How would going to class benefit them?), they went to the one place they knew they would be permitted: the gym.
It was the beginning of third period when they wandered in, and Hiei barely glanced up as they stood by the door waiting for him to finish his instructing. The class was far more fascinated, however, and started whispering amongst each other instantly. Hiei frowned.
"Shut up and listen to me, you lazy assholes!"
Everyone shut up instantly. However, people continued to glance at the two 'psycho rulebreakers' by the door. Rumors had started flying the second the trio had vanished down the stairs from the fight scene, and already, barely an hour later, they'd grown out of proportion.
"Hey, did you hear about the fight before second period?" some kids said.
"No," their friend would answer. "There was a fight?"
"Yeah! Shuuichi Minamino and some of his fanatic girlfriends and that Shadow girl were going at it! I heard Arisa Okawa tried to rape him in the hallway!"
"Oh my god!" their friend would say. "I missed that?"
"And Shadow tried to claw the girl's eyes out. I heard it was because Arisa found out Shadow and Shuuichi were having sex."
"Ew, are they!"
"That's what I heard. I bet they are."
"But I thought she was with Jaganshi-sensei?"
"Maybe she's cheating on him. Or maybe he knows and doesn't care. Maybe Shadow's a prostitute."
"Ew."
And so, rumors were flying all around the school. There were some even worse like this. Ones that had Shuuichi Minamino flipping out and punching some girl, some people said that the fight started because somebody caught Shuuichi and Shadow making out in the hall... It was all very terrible. See what happens when you put Shadow in a school? DOOM wreaks its havoc.
When Hiei let the students go to whatever task he'd set them to, he crossed the gym to his friends.
"What?" he asked.
"Can we hang around here until lunch?" Kurama asked.
"You? Both of you?"
"Yes. I'm skipping classes, Hiei," the fox said. "Very unlike me, I know. But, judging by your studends' reaction, how do you think we would fare, going to class?"
"Good point."
"Besides, we need to plan."
"Plan?"
"Our jury."
Hiei snorted. "What do you need to plan that for?"
"Moron! Jeez! How many people in this school are gonna vote in favor of us? Of me?" Shadow asked overdramatically. "Jeez! Stupid! What's wrong with you, man?"
"Okay, okay, jeesh... Go plan... You can stay here, as long as you don't get caught."
"What if a teacher sees us here, though?" Kurama asked, glancing around. "And your class will know we were here..."
"I know!" Shadow said cheerfully. She grabbed Kurama's sleeve and dragged him out of the gym. Hiei blinked questioningly, but didn't follow. He had some idea what she was doing. Kurama didn't.
"Where are we going!"
"You'll see, fox-boy."
She led him to the hallway around the back of the gym and stopped in front of a door. Kneeling down and pulling something out of her pocket, she went to work picking the lock on the door.
"What are you doing, Shadow!"
"Picking the lock. Shut up," she said distractedly. After a second, she heard the click and turned the doorknob, smiling at her success.
"Okay... Where did you learn that?" Kurama asked.
"The pits of Hell. C'mon." She grabbed his sleeve and pulled him through the door. He looked around, eyes slightly widened.
"Wait... Is this the girl's locker room?"
"Yep!"
"I shouldn't be in here! This isn't right!"
"It's just as right as me being in the guy's locker room when they're changing!"
"You never have been! ...Have you?"
"Yes."
Kurama shook his head. "Good lord, Shadow... Really..."
"Never when you were in there, though. Don't worry."
"But that's not the point! This is-- Do you have any idea how they'll react if they see me in here?"
"Hm... Well, it won't be like the screaming and running away like how girls react in movies." She paused, thoughtful. "Are any of Arisa's slut fangirls in this class? Cuz they'll probably be waving their boobs all around in your face if they see you."
Kurama sighed, wincing with disgust. "Please, Shadow. Couldn't we find someplace else?"
"No. I'm allowed in here, nobody will mind you being in here... As long as Hiei doesn't find out... Then we're good."
"Hiei will find out, you moron."
Shadow nodded. "Most likely. Oh well."
"I don't want to be in here when the girls come in to change."
"Pansy... You don't have to look, moron."
Kurama sighed and allowed Shadow to drag him into the office (whose locked door had to be picked as well).
"Y'know," he mused, "I never noticed there wasn't a female gym teacher. Poor Hiei's all on his own, isn't he?"
"Yeah... You're supposed to be smart and you never noticed that? What an idiot. You're so stupid. What's wrong with you, man?"
"What's wrong with you?"
"Many things. Want me to list them? Okay! First off, when I was only a few days old, I was dropped on my head. Wait, first I should probably start with being born in the basement of my house and my father trying to kill me before I could even open my eyes. THEN--"
"No, Shadow. I did not ask for a detailed timeline of all the unhappy events of your life."
"Bullshit. Then, after my mother managed to defend me, my father set out to--"
"SHUT UP! We've got more important things to discuss!"
"What? More important than me? My life? My dysfunctionalities? If there's anything more important than my dysfunctionalities around, I want it caught and killed right now."
"Our jury, Shadow. To keep us from being suspended. It's important."
"So am I!"
"Okay! Fine! You're important! I'll listen to your autobiography once all this crap is settled!" She won't remember then.
"Okay!" she agreed cheerfully, sitting behind the desk and folding her hands on the top and looking at him expectantly. "Well?"
Now that they were actually going to discuss it, Kurama realized that he actually hadn't thought too much about who should be on their jury.
"Well..." he stuttered, "Well, Hiei, of course... and Eclipse... And..." He stopped there. Instead of stuttering stupidly, he thought for a moment. He could come up with no one else. "I'm sure every girl in this school would be willing to be on the jury and get me out of suspension. But... I mean... If I just pick a couple girls, everyone else will be jealous... and besides, I'm sure that if anyone decides to attend our trial, and they see the jury is all girls--"
"And Hiei."
"--and Hiei--" He glared at her for interrupting. "--then they'll accuse me of choosing just girls because of that; because I know they'll vote my innocence."
"Ah, very clever, Kurama... So how about that one girl that sits in front of you in math? Or the one who sits next to her? Or... or..."
"Didn't you hear me! I said I don't want to pick a bunch of girls I barely know!"
"Indeed, I heard you. But who else are we gonna pick? Ryu?"
"Perhaps. He's a good enough person... He's been hanging around us for a while..."
"Very well. We'll ask Ryu at lunch," Shadow said. "Two more, right? What about Miller?"
"Miller? From our English class?"
She nodded.
"Have you ever noticed the way she looks at you?"
"No. Is she a lesbian!"
"NO! Shadow!"
"What? How does she look at me, then?"
"She's jealous of you."
"Isn't everyone?"
Kurama let out an exasperated sigh. "No."
"YES THEY ARE!"
Her shout echoed in the locker room and Kurama winced. Out in the gym, Hiei glanced at the door and sighed, shaking his head.
"Be quiet, please. Fine, everyone's jealous of you. But she's really jealous, because up until you showed up, she was the smartest person in that class and got all the attention from the teacher. Now we have a new teacher, and you're in the class, and you get more attention than her. Plus, your grades are almost as good as hers. The only think keeping you from being better than her is that your pronounciation is still a little off."
"Oh, like yours is any better, asshole."
"It's not. That's why your grades are above mine."
Shadow grinned. "I'm better than you!"
"No you aren't. Just in English, since you had nothing better to do with your time before school."
"Sure I did. But I--"
"ANYWAYS!" Kurama interrupted loudly. Shadow leaned back a bit, giving him an innocent look.
"And you told me not to yell," she muttered.
"Cut me a break," Kurama groaned. "Let's continue our discussion from before, please?"
"You mean the one about my unfortunate life? Well, after--"
"No! I'm gonna do this all on my own and send you back to class if you don't straighten up, Shadow."
Shadow sat up straighter and folded her hands on the desk. "Yes sir."
"Now..."
Just then, they heard the door open. Kurama glanced at Shadow.
"We came in here so we wouldn't be seen, right?"
"Yeah."
"So people would think we'd gone back to class, right?"
Shadow now saw what he meant. "Oops. Oh well, so they'll know we're skipping. Just ask them not to tell."
The first girl came around the corner from the short hallway and into the main locker room. Since the office was right next to the doorway into the short hall out into the gym, she glanced at it, startled the lights were on since it was usually locked up and dark. The glass front was, of course, very easily seen through, and she gasped.
More girls followed, and since they weren't really paying attention, a couple pushed past her, not noticing Shuuichi Minamino was in the girls' locker room, and started changing.
"Don't look," Shadow hissed at him. "There's half-naked girls out there!"
Now, you know when somebody tells you not to look, you always do. It's like you're hanging off a 5,000 foot sheer drop and they say, "DON'T LOOK DOWN!" and you do, and you die, and you only have yourself to blame. Well... Kurama, though he had many demon instincts, also had the stupid human instincts, and he looked.
"I told you not to look, moron!" Shadow snapped, as at the exact same second, the half-naked girls looked at him and let out a startled cry.
"Shuuichi Minamino! Why's he in here?"
"I'll go ask!"
"Don't do that, stupid!"
But too late. The girl bounced over to the office door and opened it. "Shuuichi! What are you doing in here?"
Kurama kept his face nuetral and his eyes on the girl's face. "I'm having a discussion... and I don't want anyone to know I'm not in class. You don't mind me being in here, do you?"
The girl turned bright red.
"And do me a favor, please. You and your classmates have to promise not to tell anyone you saw me in here. Me or Shadow. We're not supposed to be here."
The girl nodded, still bright red. How was she supposed to answer when Shuuichi Minamino practically asks if she minds him seeing her half naked! She backed out of the doorway and shut the door.
"What'd he say?" the girl's friends asked instantly, rushing over to her. "Did he check you out?"
In the office, Kurama sighed and covered his eyes with his hand.
"How did you convince me to stay in here?"
"My feminine charm. I dunno. How did I?"
"I don't know... Let's continue our discussion about the jury, not about your past, or about your English grades."
"Yes ma'am!"
"What?"
"Well you're in the girl's locker room, are you not? So you're a girl, right?"
"I'm not a girl and you know it."
"Oh. Oh, yes, I do."
"Idiot... So, we've got Hiei, Eclipse, and possibly Ryu and Miller... We need one or two more, in case we can't get one of them."
"And, as a last resort, you'll just ask a random girl in the hallway, right?"
Kurama sighed, glaring a bit. "Probably."
"Since we're allowed to have teachers, why don't we just ask like, Black-sensei? He's awesome!"
"Teachers probably aren't the best choice though... Since it is their job to uphold and enforce the rules, then they might just vote me guilty..."
"And me, you selfish asshole! You're forgetting that I'm in this too! On your side! Jeez! What's wrong with you, man!"
"Would you stop asking me that?"
"You've got mental issues!" She stood up angrily, slamming her hands on the desk. "You're out of your fuckin' MIND! YOU THINK YOU'RE GOD OR SOMETHING!"
The entire locker room silenced and stared. Kurama noticed this and turned a nice shade of red. Shadow blinked.
"You're cute when you blush."
Kurama frowned. "People are staring, Shadow."
She waved at the girls, then went to the door and opened it. "We're okay in here! Stop staring, everyone... And if you're intentionally procrastinating getting dressed with hopes that ol' beautiful in here will look at you, he's making a point of not looking at you, since--"
"Shadow!" Kurama snapped, turning. "Don't tell them that!" He grabbed the collar of her shirt and dragged her back into the office, slamming the door. Everyone continued staring. Luckily, the bell rang and half the girls scurried into an insane flurry to get dressed and fix their hair and get to class, Shuuichi Minamino forgotten.
"Now... Back to our discussion," Kurama insisted through clenched teeth.
"Right."
But before they could get back to their discussion, Hiei appeared in the doorway and entered the office.
"What the hell are you doing in here? I'm the only one with the key, you know."
Shadow held up the small metal thing she'd used to pick the lock and Hiei rolled his eyes.
"Typical. Why are you here, of all places?"
"Well... Cuz I'm allowed, and cuz Kurama here is a pretty-boy and everyone loves him, so they don't care if he sees them naked, and... they probably fantasized about the day he was in the locker room and they could seduce him and they probably have some really nasty wet fantasies about--"
"Oh, Gods, shut up!" Hiei and Kurama both cried at the same time. They glared at each other for daring to speak in unison with the other, and Shadow was frowning for being interrupted.
"You guys never let me finish my sentences..."
"We just did," Kurama said.
"I mean, my good sentences! Like the ones about sex and rape and masturbation and stuff!"
Hiei sighed. "Nobody cares about your sick mind."
"Shut up! You're mean! Why do I like you?"
"I don't know. You tell me."
Shadow stood there with her hand on her chin, looking thoughtful, and if she'd had a beard, she'd have been doing the creepy smart-person beard-stroking thing. "Well..."
Kurama cleared his throat. "Discuss this later, please, lovebirds."
"Hey! Shut up! We're having an important discussion about our relationship!" Shadow snapped.
"Okay, you know what? I know you two, and if you start listing off all Hiei's good attributes, you'll start getting either really mushy, or you'll start being a pervert, or you'll start making out. Or worse, all three."
"Why would I list just good attributes? I'd be listing why I like him."
Kurama rolled his eyes. "It's the same."
"Nuh-uh."
They suddenly became aware that there were eyes on them. The next class had started entering the locker room.
"You're not allowed to be in here, are you?" one girl asked, pointing to Hiei.
"Yes. I'm the only gym teacher, so if I suspect there's trouble in here, I can come in here."
"There was no one in here, though."
"Smartass," Shadow muttered.
"These two were, weren't they?" Hiei retorted, pointing at his friends. "Are they supposed to be? No. Therefore, they're trouble." He turned to them to reinforce his statement, hissing, "You two are in a shitload of trouble, you know. Go to my office."
Shadow shrugged and grabbed Kurama. "Come on, pretty boy. You heard the man."
"But... she's not allowed in the guy's locker room..." the girl muttered, pointing after Shadow.
Hiei shrugged. "They don't care. I don't care. Do you care? Didn't think so. Get dressed." He left, locking the office behind him. He went to the boy's locker room and found Shadow facing the same opposition there.
"Jaganshi! She's not allowed in here!" one kid said the second Hiei showed up.
"Shut the hell up, Toru. You don't care. She's been in here before."
"She has?"
"Couldn't we turn her in?" Nakada snobbed (look! he snobs too!). "Couldn't we turn you in?"
"Yeah, probably," Hiei said. "So we're all a bunch of criminals. You know you won't turn us in. Everyone in the school knows what an asshole you are, so if you went to the office and turned in Shadow and me, you'd be the laughingstock of the entire school. Now, you don't want to revert from... whatever the hell you were before, to being the pansy tattletale laughingstock of Mieou High, do you?"
Nakada glared. A voice interrupted them.
"Hey! Hiei, do you know where-- Nevermind."
Everyone looked as Eclipse entered the locker room.
"What the hell are you doing in here?" Shadow snapped. "You're not allowed in here, this is the guy's locker room!"
Eclipse glared. "Well you're not a guy either, and you're in here!" Her eyes widened. "You're not a guy... are you?" Her eyes darted to Shadow's crotch, and the next thing she knew, she was lying in a twitching crippled heap of pain on the floor.
"I'M NOT A GUY YOU ASSHOLE!"
Now every guy in the locker room was eyeing her suspiciously (everyone except Hiei and Kurama, of course). Shadow glared.
"What? You bastards questioning my sexuality too, you assholes? Do I LOOK like a guy! NO!"
"Well, with technology nowadays..." Toru said.
"You could be a he-she," Nakada said.
Hiroshi Nakada spent the rest of that week in the hosipital.
"Nope, she's definitely a girl," the guys agreed as they watched her flip out and whoop Nakada's ass.
"Yeah. No guy could have that major of a moodswing."
That kid was in the hospital afterwards for a couple days too.
"It wasn't a moodswing, either," Hiei pointed out before Shadow whipped the kid. "She's already pissed."
"Still..."
Then Shadow jumped on him and whipped his ass. After that, Hiei had to restrain her until she calmed down (which took a considerable amount of time, and eventually Hiei dismissed everyone from the locker room and said they didn't have to do anything if they didn't want to).
When Eclipse finally did wake up, she found Kurama sitting at Hiei's desk in the cushioned swivelling office chair with Shadow sitting on Hiei's desk in front of him. She blinked, staring at them.
"What's goin' on?" she asked stupidly.
"Kurama and I are having sex. Don't look," Shadow said, and then continued whatever sentence Eclipse had interrupted. For their jury, they'd settled on asking Ryu, Miller, Black-sensei, and Baisotei-sensei. Those decisions had been made about five minutes after Hiei had gone to keep an eye on his class. Now they were sitting there discussing something and effectively skipping literature class.
"Oh... Okay. Hey, where were you assholes in Science? And what are these rumors about a fight and rape and making out in the hallways? I heard one that involved stripping and fucking against lockers, too."
Kurama stared in utter horror. Shadow stared at him, cocked her head to the side, pushed him, and he fell right out of the chair.
"Weebles wobble but they don't fall down!" Shadow sang happily. She looked at Eclipse sadly and shook her head, eyes downcast. "Kurama-sama isn't a Weeble..."
The redhead climbed to his feet and stared at Eclipse, absentmindedly dusting off his shirt. He'd taken off his uniform jacket and was wearing a t-shirt underneath. Shadow had informed him he looked hot in the tight white shirt. But now it was dirty since Hiei didn't seem to highly prize a clean office.
"People are saying such things?"
"Yes. So where were you?"
And so Shadow and Kurama recalled their story to Eclipse. When they were done, she stared. And stared. And the she exploded into laughter.
"THAT'S THE FUNNIEST THING IN THE WORLD!"
"No it's not!" Kurama whined.
"Really! I could lose my bet with Yusuke!" Shadow added.
"Bet? He probably doesn't even remember that," Kurama said.
"Yes he does. He asked me about it just the other day."
Eclipse, meanwhile, was still rolling on the floor laughing. Shadow went to her and kicked her.
"Hey! You're on our jury, you know, asshole!"
"Ow! I am?"
"Hell ya! Asshole!"
"Stop cussing, Shadow," Kurama sighed.
"Shut up, fox."
When the bell rang, the group left the locker room and grabbed Hiei on their way to the cafeteria.
"What are you--"
"We've got to round up a jury," Kurama said. "You're our escort."
"You need an escort!"
"No, but you'd best be there in case any other assholes try to cause problems," the redhead sighed.
"Or in case slut-face comes back and tries to rape him," Shadow reminded. Kurama glared.
"Oh." Hiei glanced at Eclipse, who was still chuckling. "What's her problem?"
"She thinks it's the funniest thing in the world that we got in a fight and could possibly get suspended."
"Idiot," Hiei sighed. "So who's your jury?"
"You, the idiot over here, and we're gonna ask Ryu, Black-sensei, Baisotei-sensei, and what's-her-face Miller from our English class," Shadow said.
"Her name is Erika," Kurama said.
"You're asking two teachers?" Hiei asked. They nodded.
"Slut-face is gonna get a bunch of her icky slut friends, I'm sure, so at least we'll have a respectable group of people on our jury. At least, that's what Kurama said."
"She's paraphrasing," Kurama said when Hiei looked at him funny.
"Let's see who's our first victim," Shadow said as they walked into the cafeteria. She looked around, rubbing her hands together, and spied Ryu. "R-- Wait, is he talking to Slut-face?"
"Huh?" Kurama stared.
"Ew. He's talking to Slut-face," Hiei observed. "I always did think there was something unfavorable about him."
"Oh, you did not," Shadow snapped. "C'mon." She strode over to Ryu despite Kurama's stuttering protest.
Before she reached them, Arisa noticed her coming and pushed Ryu out of the way. "What the hell do you want, you whore?"
"Ryu, why are you socializing with Slut-face here?"
"Don't answer her, Ryu. Look here, whore," Arisa snapped, "I don't see why the hell I should go through with this court thing. The way I see it, I get suspended either way."
"Who told you that?"
"Akita-sensei."
"Ha! I knew you were too stupid to have realized that on your own. Yeah, so you'll get suspended, but you shouldn't care, right? That'll give you more time to fuck your boyfriend. You do have a boyfriend, don't you?"
"Of course I do, you whore!"
"Anyways, I want Ryu on the jury for our trial."
"Well too bad," Arisa snotted, putting her nose in the air and looking at Shadow. "He's already agreed to be my lawyer."
"WHAT?" Shadow said, rounding on the boy. Ryu was staring at the ground. Arisa laughed.
"Who's your lawyer? It can't be Minamino, so I bet you couldn't get anyone good enough to compete with Ryu."
"Yuu Kaito," Kurama answered from nearby. "He has the second-highest cumulative grade in Mieou High School."
"That loser is your--"
"He's not a loser," Shadow said. Hiei snorted at this. "Anyways, then, do you have anyone for the jury? Because we're going to go round up our five right now. Trial's after school tomorrow, don't forget. Ryu, I'm disappointed in you. G'bye, Slut-face." She turned, leaving the girl standing there seething.
"You just wait, Whore! Soon, I'll know all I need to to get rid of you!" Arisa shouted after her. Shadow flipped her off over her shoulder without even looking back, smirking at the stupid indignant noise the girl made.
"So Ryu's her prosecution?" Kurama asked as they sought out Erika Miller. Shadow nodded.
"Apparently. That backstabbing son of a bitch," she replied without seeming to really care. "I think I shall ban him from my friendship."
"No great loss for him," Hiei said. Shadow hit him. "Ow!"
When they found Erika, she was with a group of friends. When Shadow offered to go speak to her, Kurama laughed in her face.
"Let me," he said.
"Why! Bastard!"
"Oh, come on, Shadow. She hates you." Considering that enough explanation, the fox turned and went to Erika. Shadow watched as he spoke quietly for a second (all Erika's friends were blushing even though he was merely standing near them). Then he led her away from her friends and they spoke in the corner, away from everyone. Reading facial expressions, Hiei and the two girls could easily tell what he was saying. When there was a nod from Erika and a smile and an "Arigatou" from Kurama, Shadow clapped happily.
"Three jury members down, two more to fetch. The scary teachers... Cue Twilight Zone music." She began humming the Twilight Zone theme.
Kurama returned to them. "We have Baisotei's class next, so we'll go talk to Black-sensei now."
Shadow nodded and led the way out of the cafeteria. Luckily, though Black had a class this period, he was giving a test and could spare time to talk in the hallway when Shadow asked.
"Now, how can I help you?" he asked. "Wait, is this about that... dispute earlier today?"
"Dispute. Yes. I like that word. Anyways, yes it is, in a way," Shadow said. Kurama had agreed to let her do the talking for this one and for Baisotei, since both teachers liked her and she did the convincing thing so much better than he, Kurama, did, when it came to stricter, older men (take that how you will).
"How can I help?"
"Well, I assume you know the rules, correct?"
"Which rules are we referring to?"
"The part about the school court."
"Oh... Yes... From what I understand, that's never been done."
"Because a smart person never got in trouble. Troublemakers never read the rules," Shadow pointed out.
"Then how come you know about them?" Black taunted. The girl grinned and pointed at Kurama.
"Smart person told me. Anyway, Sl-- er... Whatever-her-name-is--"
"Arisa," Kurama informed her.
"Whatever-her-name-is," Shadow insisted, "is the plaintiff. She gets detention no matter what, since she started it. Pretty-boy and I are the defendants, and we have the second most intelligent person in Mieou High as our defense: Yuu Kaito."
"Ah, yes. His grades in English are exceptional."
"He's a bookworm. Anyways, so as you know, even with the best defense, if we have a prejudiced jury, we're gonna be suspended too, and I can't miss school, and pretty-boy can't have the bad mark on his record, so we need a good jury, and that's why we need you, Black-sensei. Because you have to be fair. It's your job."
Black laughed a bit. "Yes, true. So you want me on the jury?"
"Yeah, and I need to know by the end of school today, if you please. Yamashita wants to know tomorrow morning. The trial's after school tomorrow."
Black knew very well about her standing with Yamashita and did not point out her lack of respect. Yamashita was an asshole. "Well then, I'm in. Who else have you got?"
Shadow pointed at Hiei and Eclipse. "We have the Loser and the Freak, plus we have Erika Miller, and now you."
"Who was who in that?" Eclipse asked cluelessly.
"You're the loser," Shadow clarified.
"Oh! Okay!" She grinned stupidly. Black chuckled.
"That's only four. Don't you need twelve?"
"We're doing this a bit differently than any official courts. We only need ten, and Arisa is going to choose five, so we only need one more," Kurama explained.
"I see. Well, if that's all, I've got to get back to class."
"Thank you oh-so-much," Shadow said, bowing deeply. Black returned the bow and went into the classroom. As they walked away, Shadow grinned and pushed Kurama a bit. "See, what'd I say? Piece of cake."
Baisotei was also a 'piece of cake.' He even confided in Shadow that he was happy she'd punched Arisa, since he didn't like her anyways, and congratulated her for getting in a good fight, not a cat fight/girl scuffle.
"Well, we have our jury," Shadow said happily as they spent the remainder of the lunch period on the roof. "Now all we have to do is talk to Kaito and see what his plan is for defending us."
"We'll do that after school," Kurama said.
"There's no way we can get suspended."
"Well, there is, but it's very unlikely."
"Shut up, partypooper." She went over and looked up at Hiei. He was balanced on the top of the flagpole, staring out across the city. He made balancing on a tiny sphere at the top of a tall pole on the roof of a multi-floor school look easy. Then again, Shadow had done it, so she knew it was really just a matter of concentration, and a small distraction could cause him to lose that precious balance.
Grabbing a stone, she flung it up at Hiei. He hadn't been expecting it, so he botched his dodge and landed in a roll, which Shadow instantly took advantage of and bodyslammed him.
"AUGH!" Hiei cried as her elbow slammed into his stomach.
Eclispe winced. "I think I preferred the kissing."
Kurama's eyes were wide with horror.
"That was uncalled for," Hiei moaned, pushing himself up to his knees and holding his stomach.
"Asserting my superiority."
"What superiority?"
"My superiority," she gloated, standing over him. Without warning, his hand shot out and grabbed her ankle, pulling it out from under her and landing her on her back with an "OOF!" He pinned her.
"No more superiority."
"Kurama! Help!" Shadow whined. "I'm going to be tormented mercilessly! Help me!"
Hiei grinned evilly and started tickling her.
"Noooooo!" she wailed, squirming and laughing and twitching uncontrollably.
"These two are psychotic," Kurama sighed. Eclipse nodded.
"Yes." A short pause. "Are you ticklish, Kurama?"
"What!"
"Ticklish." She tickled his side and giggled when he shied away. "Yes!"
"No!"
"Yes you are!" She advanced on him and he made a break for the stairs. "Get back here!" Eclipse gave chase, leaving Hiei and Shadow alone up on the roof. Hiei stopped tickling Shadow and let her catch her breath. The bell rang, but neither seemed to care.
"Bell rang," Shadow panted.
"So?"
"Class?"
"Yeah, I do, and you do, but I don't care. We missed our lunch together."
"Oh yes. We did, didn't we?" She looked around. "You're sitting on me."
"Mm-hm."
"Reason?"
"I want to."
"Very good." She poked his stomach. "What do you want for dinner tonight?"
And so, they made their plans for dinner, they made their plans for after-dinner activities, and then they made out. Yes, on the roof of the school. While Hiei should have been teaching and Shadow should have been in class.
Neither cared.
"Heck of a first day back, isn't it?" Hiei mused, hugging his girlfriend. She grinned.
"It was a blast. But hey, one good thing is, with this fight to talk about, everyone has totally forgotten about the incidents at the mall on New Year's. Maybe nobody will remember to think that you're a cop. That's if they made that connection in the first place, which I doubt."
"But I showed Yamashita my badge."
"Yamashita doesn't contribute his knowledge to the rumor mill, Hiei."
The fire demon blinked. "You're right."
"No surprise there."
"Oh, shut up."
For Shadow, the rest of the day was spent in the gymnasium. Kurama and Eclipse actually went to classes, and Kurama lost count of how many times he had to dodge people who were seeking his version of that morning's events.
At the end of the day, Kurama and his friends met up with Kaito at his locker.
"Well, have you thought about it sufficiently?" Kurama asked.
"Yes, I have. I'll do it, Shuuichi," the boy said, shutting the locker and adjusting his glasses. (did you ever notice how often this kid adjusts his glasses? Pushes them up on his nose, fixes something, does something... I wanted to break them and gouge out his eyes with the shattered pieces!)
"Excellent."
"YAY!" Shadow cheered, severely less intelligently than Kurama. Kaito regarded her with a frown, but she didn't notice, since she was too caught up in singing.
"We'll need to discuss your case, of course, and since your trial is directly after school tomorrow, we'll have to do that today."
"Naturally."
"I wanna go to a coffee shop," Shadow said excitedly. "Can we go to a coffee shop? Coffee coffee coffee!"
Kurama sighed, looking to Kaito. Body language said he didn't care, so the redhead agreed, sounding unnecessarily exasperated. "Yes, Shadow, we can go to a coffee shop."
"YAY!" She jumped to the side, facing where she had just been and spoke in a more calm, professional tone (undoubtedly mocking Kurama and Kaito), "Which coffee shop shall we go to, Shadow-san?" She jumped back to her original position and clapped excitedly, speaking in her normal voice. "I know exactly where!" Change position and voice, "Well, do tell, Shadow-san."
"Is she always like this...?" Kaito asked quietly.
"Not always," Kurama muttered. Shadow continued her skit and he added, "Ninety percent of the time."
"Lead the way, then, Shadow-san!" Shadow was saying in her professional tone. She jumped back to her original position. "I will! And you damn well can't stop me, so don't even try!" With that, she ran erratically down the hall with her arms out as airplane wings.
"Where are we going, then? I wasn't listening," Kurama asked. Hiei shrugged.
"Wherever the hell you want. She named some dry cleaner's place on the other side of the city."
"Dry cleaner's..." Kurama repeated, shaking his head. "Well... Come along, then..."
When they arrived at the coffee shop a couple blocks away, Kurama held the door for Eclipse, and when he started to follow, Shadow appeared out of nowhere and pushed past him.
"Ladies first!" she snapped, fake-angrily glaring at him before following Eclipse in.
"You heard her," Hiei said, pushing the two startled teens into the shop before he entered. Both chose to ignore that he'd just called them ladies.
They gathered at a table in the farthest corner. A pretty waitress came over almost instantly and took their orders, her eyes lingering on Hiei and Kurama before she turned and left with a smile.
"Well, Shuuichi, let's hear it," Kaito said. "I've heard my share of rumors. What's the truth?"
And so, with Shadow's help, Kurama recalled the story of that morning to Kaito. When they started talking "smart law talk," the other three instantly lost interest and Hiei settled back to go to sleep. Shadow found other ways to amuse herself, which quickly ended in disaster when she sent a spoon flying and hit some businessman in the back of the head. When he looked, she vanished under the table and he was puzzled by the absence of anyone looking remotely guilty. The second he looked away, Kurama dragged Shadow out from under the table and glared at her.
"Would you stop it? You're acting like a two year old!"
"I'm sorry!" she said, hugging him.
"Get off me, Shadow," he pleaded. "Go home."
Shadow let go of him and her eyes darted to Eclipse, then Kaito, then Hiei, and then back to Kurama.
"If I leave, are you three gonna gang up on Eclipse?"
Kurama practically threw Shadow out the door, then tossed Hiei out on top of her. He turned to go back to his table and Eclipse came running, then flung herself out the door by the collar of her own shirt and landed on Hiei just as he was getting up off Shadow. All three abruptly realized they were in the middle of the road and, while Hiei bolted, Shadow and Eclipse were flattened by an ice cream truck and the stampede of kids and small dogs following it.
"Ow..." Shadow groaned as Hiei watched indifferently from the safety of the sidewalk. She sat up, holding her head, and looked around curiously. "Hey! Ice cream!" She took off after the truck.
"Ice cream!" Eclipse sat up and looked around. Spotting her friend plowing over the mob of little kids, she tore after her. Hiei sighed and started home.
"I think we're about done here, Shuuichi," Kaito said as the redhead stood in the doorway shaking his head.
"We had better be. I have to go." He jogged to catch up to Hiei and grabbed his arm. "Go get your girlfriend and Eclipse away from that truck before somebody gets hurt."
"They got run over by a truck!"
"They don't count! I mean civilians! Go get them before they kill civilians."
"So they aren't civilians?"
"Of course not! They're psychos! Go get them and stop procrastinating."
"Did you and four-eyes work out your defense?"
"Hiei..."
Hiei let out something between a sigh and a growl and jumped up to the roof of the coffee shop, darting after the two girls far above everybody's heads.
Two hours later, Shadow and Eclipse were returned to the House of Doom, bound and gagged and hanging from the ceiling.
"That's not really what I meant," Kurama muttered.
"They're back, aren't they? No harm done."
Shadow went up in flames and dropped out of the bindingsm spitting out a mouthful of ashes from her gag. "Guess this blows our dinner plans, no?"
"That is entirely your fault," Hiei said.
"Ice cream is Satan's tool of torture. So are flowers. And chocolate. Say, did you know that chocolate and sex have the same effect on your brain?"
Hiei's eye twitched. "How would you know?"
"Read it online. Something about dolphins."
"It's endorphines," Kurama interrupted, "but that's not the point. We have another problem."
"Another one? What now? Is Youko in heat?"
Kurama frowned. "Males don't go into heat, Shadow."
"They don't?"
Hiei whispered something in her ear. She got a look of realization on her face.
"Oh yeah! Guys don't, do they? I guess that is the same, isn't it!"
"Yes, Shadow. Now, you were saying, Kurama?"
"Our social studies project," Kurama said, directing a glare towards Shadow, "which you so kindly neglected to do, is due next week."
"Oh! Good thing you reminded me!" She grabbed Hiei's shoulders. "I'm going to work with you today, koi!"
"Yeah... You told me this morning and I totally forgot."
"REMEMBER!" she commanded in a deep voice.
"I already did."
"Damn you, you're not supposed to until I tell you! Asshole! I don't like you!" She turned away and crossed her arms.
"Whatever," Hiei said, starting to leave the room. Eclipse let out a shriek past her gag (recall she's been hanging off the ceiling this whole time), paralyzing them all as they covered their ears. Finally, Shadow got up and ripped the gag out of her friend's mouth, smacking her across the face with it.
"WHAT?"
"How the hell can you two treat each other like that? You're acting all weird today! You attacked him earlier, and now you're just all like, 'I don't like you' 'Fine, I hate you too' and you just ignore each other and THAT'S NOT RIGHT!"
Kurama and Hiei blinked, gazing at the girl in awe.
"What's not right about it?"
"When you love somebody, you hug and kiss and do sweet, kind things for each other. Not 'I hate you, asshole' 'whatever, bitch.'"
"I never called her a bitch," Hiei said. Eclipse glared. "I'm just sayin'..."
"Well don't! This is like an abusive relationship or something, man!"
"It's not abusive," the fire demon replied. "You guys just flipped out whenever we kissed, so what else are we supposed to do?"
"Not insult each other, you morons! Hold hands, sit next to each other and whisper sweet nothings in each others' ears or something! But not insult each other and ignore each other and say you hate each other! That could make an unstable relationship!"
"I never said I hated him, and look at the way you insult Kurama! You call that a stable relationship!"
"We're not in a relationship!"
"You wish you were, though," Shadow said smugly, crossing her arms and smirking as Eclipse turned slightly pink.
"No I don't! With that... girly man?"
"I take offense at that statement, Eclipse," Kurama said.
"I'm sorry," she apologized automatically. "Wait! No I'm not! What have I got to be sorry about? Look at you!"
Shadow looked at him. "I don't see anything wrong with him." She untied her friend and tossed her at Kurama.
"Hey!" the redhead yelped, as he had no choice but to catch her in his arms.
"Let's leave them alone, Hiei," Shadow suggested, grinning as she grabbed the demon and ran upstairs.
"Hey!" Eclipse shouted, jumping out of Kurama's arms. "What now? You guys gonna go upstairs and kill each other!"
"They're going upstairs to get away from you, goofball," Kurama said. "I'm going home, if you don't mind."
"What, and leaving me with them?"
"Go home."
"What, and be alone with my gay pervert 11-year-old loser of a brother?"
"Then stay here."
"And be with those two confused lovers?"
"Go... I don't know." They stood there in silence for a minute, looking at each other, before Kurama sighed. "Fine, come to my house..."
"Yay!"
I read this chapter and laughed at it a lot... Was it really that funny? Hm. I was gonna say something else... Probably something specific to some specific reviewer... Oh. Yeah. Here:
I've been told my stories are the only good ones on this site. I find that hard to believe, though it is flattering... I know of a lot of good stories here. Check out my favorites list... Which is a mess of old stories that I needto go through and clean that up cuz some of them I haven't bothered reading updates to and therefore they must not be my favorites, no? But you might find something of interest on there. If not, then you wasted your time. But oh well.
-SJ