SURVIVAL OF THE MISFITS
Chapter Eight
Pizzazz sat in the front seat next to my brother. Somehow Roxy, Jetta, Clash, and I forced our bodies to fit in the backseat.
Our car ride was pretty quiet. I don't think any of us wanted to make small talk or discuss what had happened. We seemed to cling to Jem's idea of getting some sleep and talking it all through later on. We were all pretty exhausted anyway. Besides, it was an awkward bunch to have in the car – Craig has never liked my bandmates, and obviously things were strained with us and Clash as well.
And those of us in the backseat could hardly breathe! Roxy was practically sitting on my lap. Once my head had stopped swimming and I began to accept the notion that I really was free, I became ever more acutely aware of my proximity to Roxy. Her body was pressing into mine. My mind went on a journey during the silent car ride.
You know, back when I first started to realize that I was different, one of the ways that I began to make that realization was because of the feelings I had for my bandmates. They were the women I spent almost all of my waking hours with so it made sense that I'd feel an attraction, I guess. I was attracted to other women, like those I saw in movies or those businesswomen I interacted with, but most of my time was spent with Roxy, Pizzazz, and later Jetta.
I think I've always been attracted to Roxy, ever since I first met her. I didn't want it to ever mess with our friendship though. And that night in the car I realized that I'm so used to either ignoring my feelings or pushing them aside, especially when it comes to a taboo area like sexuality. So ignoring how I felt about Roxy was pretty standard for me. That night though, it was harder to ignore with Roxy's warm body against mine. I was actually aroused, as bad as it might sound to say that.
I guess I have to admit that I do feel an attraction to all of my bandmates. But it has always been strongest towards Roxy. And as tough and fortress-like as she's always been, she's never shied away from making physical contact with me. She's always putting her hand on my shoulder or touching my arm and stuff like that.
Well, there was nothing I could do about my attraction, I decided. Roxy was obviously straight and incapable of returning my feelings in the same way. I was pretty sure she was oblivious to it all and had no idea how attracted to her I really was. I think I hid it decently well. No matter what, I was going to make sure we kept our friendship, and telling her how I felt wasn't going to help the friendship in any way or somehow turn her into a lesbian, so keeping my mouth shut would still be the best plan. I was already used to yearning and hiding, and I guessed I'd just have to stay used to it.
Besides, I knew I was one of the few people Roxy trusted. It takes her forever to open up and offer that trust, and I sure was not about to risk throwing it away.
"Can you drop me off first?" Clash asked, her nasal voice breaking my stream of thought. "It's on the way to the Gabor mansion – if we went to the mansion first you'd have to double back to drop me off."
"Where do you live?" Craig asked. He had never met Clash before but was taking it all in stride, apparently.
Clash gave the address and then added, "It's actually where my, uh friend Gwen lives."
Her words brought me back to the surprising news I'd learned from Clash earlier that day. She had a lover! So maybe it wasn't impossible. Maybe someday I could find someone too, someone who could return my feelings.
"Is this the place?" Craig asked after a while, pulling over next to an apartment complex. It was a smallish, older building made of brick.
"Yeah," Clash answered.
"You want us to wait here, in case Gwen's not home?" I offered. I half-expected to hear my bandmates moan and groan and complain, but they didn't. "You said you didn't know where she was."
"Actually I can kinda just sense that she's here right now," Clash said. For the first time in ages, I saw a smile on her face. She used to look devilish when she smiled but now she looked like a happy pixie. "I know it. Besides, that window on the second floor's hers, and the light is on."
Craning my head around, I could see the window slowly open. At this late hour, there weren't too many lights on but I saw a young woman approach the open window and look down at us.
Clash opened the door and leaped out of the car. She waved frantically at the woman. Obviously Gwen was up and waiting, and Clash understandably looked like she was about to sprint to the apartment to be with her.
But before she left, Clash turned towards us sitting in the car. "Thanks, you guys. I don't know how you did it, but thanks for getting me outta there."
Pizzazz shrugged and, without looking at Clash, said, "Yeah, yeah forget about it."
And then I realized that I didn't want to just let Clash go without giving her a proper farewell. She didn't know it, but she and I had our sexuality in common with each other. And even though we'd never really been friends – and never would be – I knew that I might not ever see her again and felt a strong urge to do something, so that I didn't spend the rest of my life regretting it. I asked Roxy to excuse me, and managed to hoist myself out of the car.
"Goodbye, Clash," I said, extending a hand. "Farewell to you, and I wish you all the best. Stay safe."
"Same here," Clash said. She grasped my hand and shook it. "Hey, I think I still have some old scrapbooks and stuff with you guys in it. I'll send 'em to you when I get a chance."
I thought I heard Pizzazz snort, probably regarding Clash's desire to rid herself of Misfits' memorabilia as an affront. No more pleasantries were exchanged and I got back into the backseat.
Clash went off, apparently into the arms of her lover and probably without any further thoughts of the band she once idolized. Thinking about her and Gwen, I felt a painful surge of jealousy well up inside of me.
But then again, I told myself, I do have three sisters and that is worth gold too. And you can't have it all anyway.
"Ah, I can breathe again now!" Jetta sighed. The backseat was not roomy by any stretch of the imagination but it felt that way with only three bodies occupying it now.
"So, um….who was that?" Craig asked.
"Oh Clash?" I replied. "She's someone…who used to hang out with us. A fan."
Craig left it at that, and before we knew it, we were at the Gabor mansion.
Craig hugged his sister tightly before releasing her. "I'm so glad you're safe," he whispered.
"Me too," Stormer answered. She returned the hug and then let go, seeing that the others had already ascended the stairs to the main entrance and were waiting for her.
"Let's make sure we talk tomorrow," he said. "I, uh, gotta work tomorrow morning but I'll call you as soon as I can."
Craig wanted to hear the full story – the circumstances of the Misfits' arrest, their conditions in the jail. But he wanted to hear it unfiltered and he guessed that his sister would censor herself, at least slightly, around her bandmates. Besides, she looked exhausted and he wanted to let her get some sleep.
As Craig drove away, Pizzazz threw open the door and the Misfits re-entered the Gabor mansion.
"Ah, home!" Pizzazz exclaimed.
Roxy got a strange look on her face, listening to the uncharacteristic proclamation from Pizzazz. But then again, returning to the comforts of a home after the dingy prison would be enough to make anyone smile. Roxy looked around the foyer, seeing it with new eyes and thankful for her return.
"How 'bout a slumber party tonight!" Pizzazz suggested.
Roxy saw, out of the corner of her eye, Stormer and Jetta exchange a look.
"Pizzazz, I just wanna get outta these icky uniforms, take a shower, and get some damn sleep. I ain't up to another party in front of the TV," Roxy responded as she rubbed her sore neck.
No sooner were the words out than did Roxy regret them. In an instant she recalled the events at the prison, the fact that Pizzazz had referred to that strange woman as "Mom". She vividly recalled what Pizzazz had said about her mother that day, weeks ago, when the four of them had opened up inside Roxy's own room and talked about their childhoods. Pizzazz's desire for a slumber perhaps meant more than Roxy had initially thought.
"But on second thought, maybe it ain't such a bad idea," Roxy admitted. "But can we do more actual sleeping during the slumber party and less partyin'?"
"You said it," Jetta said, looking at Roxy.
"Sure!" Pizzazz replied.
The Misfits headed for their individual rooms to shower and dress. Once they were rejuvenated and a few frozen pizzas were baking in the oven, they reassembled in the rec room. After their meal, they fell asleep in sleeping bags that were arranged in a circle on the floor, with Pizzazz for once forsaking the sofa bed in favor of a sleeping bag herself.
Danse pulled up to Starlight House with Jem and the Holograms. "Are you going to be alright?" she asked the group.
"We'll be fine, Danse. I know you're itching to get back to Haven House. Thanks again," Jem smiled.
"You're an angel, Danse," Shana added. "Thank you."
Once the others had conveyed their gratitude and hugged Danse, she drove away to return to Haven House.
The five women walked through the door of the great mansion. They were nearly surprised to see that nothing had changed; the foyer and living room looked the same, even though their last twenty-four hours had been overwhelming.
"I wonder what Clash was doing there," Jem mused.
"Clash was there?" Kimber asked, sounding a bit dazed.
Shana did not have Clash foremost on her mind right then. "Well, I'm going to shower and get ready to head for the airport," she said. "By the time I get there, Anthony's plane will have landed."
"Do you need some company?" Raya asked. "I'll go with you – just as soon as I call my parents and let them know I'm alright."
"Raya, it's past midnight! You should get your sleep. I'll be fine by myself."
"No, I insist. You'll need some company to keep you awake during the ride to the airport. I don't want you falling asleep in the car."
Shana smiled. "Thanks, then. I'd really appreciate your company."
Jem observed them and added, "For once I'm glad Rio's not coming in till later. I better check in with Synergy and find out what she did, how she got us out of there. And I gotta go through Jerrica's messages too. Goodnight, everyone." Jem then left the room.
Aja reached for the telephone. "I'm going to call Craig. If he's still up, I'm going to visit him."
"Tonight?" Kimber asked. She had a surprised and excited look on her face.
Aja smiled. "Tonight. I, um…thinking of him when we were in there was helping to keep me from losing my mind." Her cheeks were red. "I have to be with him," she admitted, knowing her voice had a hint of desperation.
Shana impulsively gave her friend a hug. She understood. She then whispered in her ear, "I want a full report in the morning."
Aja drove the car with determination. Unlike a car ride not long ago with Craig, this time her resolve remained strong. Her appearance was not glamorous – after her quick shower, she had left her face without make-up. The jeans and blouse she'd selected had been among the first items in her closet within reach. She did, however, don sensual satin undergarments that she had purchased just a couple days ago. And she ensured that the top few buttons on her blouse were left undone. Aja felt nearly delirious with freedom.
Their phone conversation had been brief. Craig had sounded both delighted and unsurprised to hear her voice.
"Of course you can come over," he had said. "I'm dying to see you."
"Me too!" Aja admitted. "But…you sure it'll be okay? By the time I get there, it'll be almost one in the morning. Aren't you working tomorrow at the shipping company?"
"Yeah, I've gotta be there at nine. But so what? I'll get through the day on cups of coffee," he smiled. "I just want to be with you."
His voice had filled Aja's body with warmth and excitement. She practically tingled. Her heart beat with joy, anticipation, and only a small measure of nervousness.
When Craig opened the door, Aja didn't even wait for it to close before she threw her arms around him and reached for his lips. Craig's response was equally as passionate. Gripping her tightly he returned the kiss with vigor. Aja felt her rational side pleasantly melt away as she drowned in the kiss. The touches of his tongue against hers were electric.
"Oh Craig," Aja gasped with delight.
Somehow, the couple made their way to the cozy sofa, Aja refusing Craig's hasty offer of something to drink. Snuggled against each other, they continued to kiss though this time at a more leisurely pace. Aja leaned into Craig as their lips slowly danced together. She allowed her hands to wander over Craig's chest and shoulders, spending time caressing his muscular arms. She had always loved his arms. She wondered, as she had so many times, what he looked like without clothing and was nearly heady at the thought that tonight she would find out.
As enraptured as he was by his feelings for Aja and their intense kisses, Craig managed to break away for a breather. "I am so glad you're back," he murmured. "I was worried about you."
"I meant what I said in the parking lot," Aja breathed. "When I had to lie down on the cot in that awful cell, I thought of you. The cell was freezing and I just had this blanket with a huge hole in it. But I kept thinking of you and I felt better. I felt warm all over."
Aja took a breath and then said, "I think I love you, Craig."
"Oh, Aja," he whispered. "I love you too."
Aja reached for him again, wanting him badly this time. But before she could touch her lips against his once more, he pulled away.
"What is it?" Aja whispered.
His eyes met hers before looking downwards. "Aja, it's just that when I think of how much I love you…I have a hard time with how much I worry about you. You and your band…you have all these secrets. And I don't know what they all mean but I think you might continue to be in danger. I wish I knew more so maybe I could help, and not feel so useless during a crisis like this one."
"Trust me, Craig. You weren't useless. We'll be alright."
"But Aja, you spent the entire day in jail," he insisted. "What if next time we can't get you released so quickly? And speaking of that -- who's Cynthia Madrigal?"
"Who?" Aja asked.
"She said she was a friend of the band's, an attorney. She appeared out of nowhere – literally – at Starlight House today when I was there with Danse. She said she would help you. Then she disappeared."
Aja broke off his questioning gaze. She didn't know the details of how Synergy had rescued them and silently berated herself for not investigating before tearing off for Craig. She surmised the truth but could not share it with Craig.
Upon seeing that Aja's eyes were hiding something, Craig continued, "And making things even more strange was the fact that Jerrica Benton was nowhere to be found today. We couldn't get a hold of her. It was almost like she vanished. She didn't even come to pick you up today." Craig shook his head. "I know she's a busy woman but what could possibly take precedence over getting her band -- her sister and her foster-sisters -- out of jail? But no one's seen or heard from her at all today."
Aja could not think of a reply. The passion and excitement she had felt was slowly, achingly, retreating from her body and mind. She felt a mild headache beginning to form as she moved slightly away from Craig.
"Is Jerrica…is she somehow that Cynthia Madrigal?" Craig asked, his voice just above a whisper. The possibility had just now hit him. "But that's impossible," he said, more to himself than Aja. "The attorney was a middle-aged woman. But then…she seemed kind of like her." He gasped as another thought crept up upon him. "Or is Jerrica really Jem? Is that why she wasn't here today?"
Aja's eyes continued to evade Craig's as she blushed down to the roots of her hair. He continued, "I mean, I think I've seen them together but when you add it all up, it seems like that has to be it."
Aja bit her lip as her heart continued to sink towards her gut.
Craig reached for her hand and held it tightly. "I want to know, Aja. I want to know all the secrets you've been keeping from me. I know you love me and you know that you can trust me."
Aja took a breath. Her insides hurt as she said, "Craig, I can't tell you. I just can't."
"But why not?" he asked, trying to fight the rising irritation and frustration. "Does Anthony know all this? Or Rio?"
Some of Craig's irritation was shared by Aja. "Anthony actually asked about this once, years ago. Shana told him that she can't reveal this information and that he would just need to trust her. He's never asked her again," she said firmly. She paused for emphasis and then added, "He left it at that, and Craig, that is what I need you to do now. If Anthony can leave it alone, then you need to do the same." She took a breath and added, "Rio's been with the band for years and he doesn't know the secrets."
Craig released Aja's hand. "And so I just need to sit here and live in fear over you getting arrested again? I just need to hope that a Cynthia will pop up again and save the day?"
Aja was silent for a few moments. She then said, despising the bite in her voice, "Yes. That's what you need to do."
Craig dejectedly released Aja's hand. "Do you not trust me?"
"Do you trust me?" Aja asked. "I told you that we can handle things. It worked out this time."
"But how do we know that everything will work out next time? And what on earth is so secret that you can't tell me, anyway?"
Aja was quiet, ensuring that the tears remained inside of her. She then said, "I can't answer that. And Craig, I really really do want to tell you, and I just cannot. Like I said before, it's not my secret to reveal anyway." She paused and then asked, "But I do wonder….can there really be love without trust?" The question tore at her heart.
"I could ask the same question myself," Craig said softly.
Aja slowly rose from the sofa. She felt that they would spend the rest of the evening talking in circles. "I guess I'd better go home now," she said.
Craig nodded. "I think that would be best."
Craig remained seated as Aja let herself out. Only when her car had hit the road did she allow the tears to flow freely and copiously.
Craig called me early the next morning. I hadn't slept well that night, though it wasn't due to anxiety and fear. Actually it was because I was so thrilled to be back home and loving the way things were with my band. I kept waking up and looking at the circle of sleeping bags that contained Pizzazz, Roxy, and Jetta. In the moonlight that strained through the window, I looked at their unruly mops of hair and grinned. It was wonderful to be home and to be free, with the people I cared about. And I kept thinking of Clash and her girlfriend too – for some reason it totally warmed my heart.
But I should say that I knew Jetta hadn't slept well. She did a lot of tossing and turning, and she got up a few times. I contemplated going after her but I was kinda halfway between sleep and consciousness and I thought she maybe wouldn't want to talk either.
When I talked to Craig before his shift at the shipping company the next morning, his voice was weary and a bit slow.
"I met Techrat," Craig told me.
"Really?" I asked. "How'd you ever find him?"
"Jetta's address book. I paid him a visit and told him what had happened. He did some research and found out that Pizzazz's mother was one of the big wigs at the Morality Office, and that she'd gone to the prison."
"He's good with tapping into computer files," I murmured. I got the idea that there was more there; that Craig wanted to talk about this visit with Techrat and what it meant. But maybe he thought now was not the time.
I then asked, "Craig, are you alright? You sound like you didn't get much sleep last night."
"No, I'm fine. Well, other than the fact that my girlfriend and my sister got arrested and I have no idea how they managed to get released!"
"I wish I knew. I do think Pizzazz's mom had to have been behind it. She's the one who escorted us out and signed the papers. But something was off too. She looked….I can't describe it, but she looked like she was zoned out. Under a spell or something." I sighed and added, "I still don't know how I passed the blood test either."
I could tell that Craig wasn't happy with all this ambiguity. We talked some more and then I asked, "We're probably going to be having a meeting today with Jem and the Holograms to discuss what happened. Jem suggested it before we left. Are you gonna be there?"
"I don't think so. I gotta work today and then I got a gig with the band tonight. A graduation party," he said, sounding hesitant. He paused and then said, "But let me know what happens, okay? Will you call me after you meet?"
"Of course I will. And Craig…thank you for everything."
Jerrica was beginning to have serious second thoughts about Jem's suggestion the previous night. Jem had told Pizzazz that their two bands should get together to discuss what had happened to them. It had seemed like a very logical idea at the time. The more she thought about it now however, the more she realized how that type of discussion put Synergy at grave risk, and she questioned Jem's sanity for making the suggestion.
'How can we discuss what happened without discussing how we were released?' Jerrica wondered. Synergy had, of course, given her the full story including the mention of Pizzazz's mother and the Misfits' associate who was a computer genius. 'We sure can't tell them Synergy used a new hypnosis program she developed to put Pizzazz's mother – and a few guards -- in a trance! But they have to know something's up, that something was done to Pizzazz's mother to make her want to release everyone.'
Jerrica remembered what Harvey Gabor had told her band years ago, the fact that Pizzazz's mother had walked out on the family when Pizzazz was only a child. Obviously they were estranged; Pizzazz had to know at some level that it could not have been due to any sentimental feelings that her mother released her from the jail.
Jerrica believed that one of the best antidotes to any sort of stress or uncertainty was work. She had a mountain of projects to catch up on at Starlight Music, so she found herself rising before 7:00, after only a few hours of sleep, and heading over to the office to catch up. She consoled herself with the idea that perhaps the Misfits would forget Jem's idea.
Her hopes were deflated early that afternoon when Kimber called.
"Stormer just called. She said her group wants to meet with us to talk about what happened, like Jem suggested," Kimber said. "I told her I'd talk to you and Jem and get back to her about when we could meet."
Jerrica sighed. "I'm really thinking that it's not such a good idea to meet with them. They – " Jerrica broke off as Joanie entered the office. "Thanks, Joanie. Just set those down there." When the secretary had left the room, she told Kimber her reasons for not wanting to meet with the other band.
"Sometimes having secrets is a real drag," Kimber concluded. The weight of carrying them around was nearly overpowering.
"It may be, but it's the hand we've been dealt."
"So what do I say? That we changed our minds and we don't care why we were arrested or what we can do to make sure it doesn't happen again?"
As usual, Kimber didn't hide her feelings and her frustration was evident. Jerrica didn't care for the touch of sarcasm she heard either.
"Let me think about this some more," she replied, keeping her tone businesslike. "If you feel you have to call Stormer back today, tell her that I'm tied up. I do have a ton of stuff to do here." She originally had planned to pick Rio up from the airport, but she had spoken to him this morning and urged him to cancel his plans given that the band was now safe. Rio had grudgingly agreed. "Let's put them off for a little while and think about this some more."
"Alright," Kimber consented.
Several hours later, the Holograms arrived at Jerrica's office personally. She blinked as she looked up from her computer screen. She wanted to rub her tired eyes but it would have smudged her eye make-up.
"It's 5:00 in the evening," Aja stated. "Jerrica, let's go. It's time for you to call it a day."
"You've done enough work for today," Shana continued. Lowering her voice, she added, "You spent the entire previous day in jail. And I'm betting you got in here before 8:00 and didn't eat any lunch today either. Let's go – we're taking you out for dinner."
"You guys are too sweet," Jerrica said with a smile. "But I have so much work to do. I can still make our practice session tonight."
"No excuses, sis. Remember what Doctor Murray said? I'm not going to let you die young like dad did," Kimber said, not caring if her words bordered on the melodramatic. She reached for her sister's arm and pulled her out of her chair. "We're going out to dinner and you're not spending anymore time at the office today."
"We love you, Jerrica," Shana said. "Listen to us on this one."
Jerrica smiled as she felt her insides warm. She looked around at the amiable faces of each of her sisters. "Okay," she agreed. "I love you too."
As she reached for her earring to change into Jem, Raya took her arm lightly and held it.
"We think that maybe Jerrica needs this break more than Jem does," Raya suggested.
Jerrica nodded and remained as herself for the group's dinner.
The previous two days had been awfully intense for us, in every sense of the word. So I didn't push the other Misfits to either talk about all that had happened, or to rehearse or compose music. I was kinda overwhelmed myself and didn't want to think about it much either, at least not during our first day of freedom.
And heck, maybe Jem and the Holograms felt the same way. I'd called Kimber about setting up a meeting with us and them, and she'd said that she'd have to call me back on it. Maybe they needed time to chill as well.
So we spent much of the day by the pool, sunbathing and blaring breezy pop music from the radio. Maybe the others all felt the way that I did – desperate to take in the outdoors, to breathe clean air and feel the hot sun. I had never appreciated it this much before.
We did, though, make a trip to a specialty store that Pizzazz loved. It had all sorts of expensive indulgences like furniture and high-tech equipment. Unbeknownst to us in advance, it was having a going-out-of-business sale. Such liquidation sales were very common, though Pizzazz didn't ever notice or care how much an item cost if she wanted it. At the store, we were recognized by a few people and signed some autographs. It was nothing like the old days, when we were mobbed by fans whenever we were in public. I did make a remark to the others about how nice it was that we still had fans, despite everything. They nodded at my words but no one replied.
So I didn't push it for the band, in terms of dealing with what had happened to us. But I soon became surprised to find out that I didn't need to.
"You guys wanna go out to Braxx for dinner?" Pizzazz asked, when we were finished shopping. She was smiling and looked pleased with her purchase.
"I've kinda had it with fancy restaurants for the time being," Jetta said. Maybe she was thinking of the romp through town that had preceded our arrest two days ago.
"Let's just get take out from the food court," I suggested. "We can take it and eat it at home."
"Let's eat it at the beach," Pizzazz suggested.
So we drove to the beach, the one we had filmed the "Now" video on. I nearly grinned when I saw it looming in the background. Such heartening memories of a new era for our band. The breeze from the ocean was warm and fresh, and the sky multi-hued against the setting sun. My eyes smiled as I began to absorb it. We settled down on the comforting sand, with some sturdy but smooth rocks against our backs.
I once again felt grateful for my freedom. All of this gorgeousness had been denied to us when we were in that hellish prison at the mercy of the guards. And then I stiffened a bit, thinking that I may be out of jail but I didn't really have much freedom either.
"We shot the 'Now' video here," Roxy said, tearing open the cardboard container that held her first slice of pizza. "That was cool."
"It was bloody freezing that evening," Jetta said. "Unseasonably cold. But what a lovely video."
Jetta then opened her mouth as if to say more but ended up yawning loudly.
"We keepin' you awake?" Pizzazz joked as she shoved some fries into her mouth.
"Didn't sleep well last night," Jetta admitted.
"Or the last few nights," Roxy said. "Shit, bein' in jail was a f---ing nightmare. No wonder 'bout not sleepin'."
"A nightmare in every sense of the word," Jetta murmured. I looked at her and her eyes were staring at the ocean.
"So, uh," I began, "a lot happened to us during the last few days."
Pizzazz gripped onto my opening. And she could be as blunt as Roxy when she wanted to. "So what the hell happened that first night with you two and the guards?"
Roxy's reply was equally candid. "They wanted to rape us. We fought 'em off."
"Well, and some other guards came in and told them that they couldn't," Jetta added.
I glanced at her and thought I saw her hands shaking slightly. Somehow seeing Jetta look so unsettled was very disturbing.
"We gotta avoid getting arrested again. At all costs," Pizzazz said.
Jetta shook her head. She still looked in the direction of the water. "Sometimes I think it doesn't matter what we do. If they want to arrest us, they can." She turned to Pizzazz and said, "We need to find a good lawyer and find out what exactly are our rights and what we can do if we get arrested again."
I was proud of my bandmates. They were taking this seriously and not brushing it aside, thinking it could never happen again. I guess there's nothing like a few days in jail to sober you up. My own thoughts were still on the beauty of the outside -- I enviously watched a few seagulls sail by – and I contrasted it with the dingy prison cell and a jail sentence that could have lasted much longer.
Roxy then piped up, boldly, "So, Pizzazz what happened with that woman who freed us? You called her 'Mom'. So like…was she your mother?"
Pizzazz nodded. She had put her food to the side and seemed almost as if she'd lost interest in it.
"You must be having some feelings about seeing her again after all these years," I said softly.
"You know you could always be a school guidance counselor if you wanted, Stormer," Pizzazz quipped. But this time she did not condescend and I thought I even detected some amusement in her voice.
"So it looks like she's a higher-up at the Morality Office," Jetta said. "She had their uniform on and I saw several badges that looked like rank insignia."
"Yeah," Pizzazz agreed dully. She then turned to look at me and said, "But to answer your question, yeah it caused some feelings. It just feels really weird. My head's still kinda blown."
I was amazed, as I hadn't really expected her to open up especially given her break down in front of me in jail just the day before. But then I knew this was still the same old Pizzazz when she spoke again.
"But who needs her? I didn't need her then and I don't need her now."
Roxy then added, "Yeah, what good are mothers anyway?"
I couldn't blame her for her comment, or Jetta for nodding along. I couldn't blame any of them given what they'd been through. But I felt another stab of pain thinking of my mother, who had been gentle though distant, and who was now gone.
After a silence, Roxy asked Pizzazz, "So, then…you okay now?" Out of the corner of my eye I saw her place a hand on Pizzazz's shoulder.
"I'm probably as okay as the rest of us are now," Pizzazz muttered.
She was then silent, and the rest of us followed suit. It wasn't an awkward silence though. I felt comfortable with it.
"So how in the 'ell did we get out of there?" Jetta pondered. "Did she just decide to free us? But when she came to our cell, she looked almost like she was under a spell."
"Like she was zoned out or something," Roxy added.
"But she wasn't by the time she left our cell," I said. "She way sobered up, remember? We had to talk to her to get her to free us."
"Has she ever gone dolally before?" Jetta asked in Pizzazz's direction.
Pizzazz shook her head. "Not that I know of, but I can't say I know the bitch well 'casue I was a kid when she walked out. I don't know what happened at the jail or why she let us go. Or why she looked so spaced out at first. It was very weird."
We talked in circles for a bit longer. None of us could explain the events that evening. But as we were talking, I did have a strange flashback. The night of the benefit concert also had left us bewildered – as to how Jem and the Holograms had somehow convinced the guards that I had taken the test when, in fact, I hadn't. There seemed to be a strange synergy between that night and last night at the jail, but none of us knew what the link was.
Of course none of us could explain why I passed the blood test this time either. We talked about that a bit too. We decided we'd contact Techrat again.
"I ate like such a pig! I'm going to have to cut back tomorrow."
"You'll be fine, Jerrica. Don't stress over it."
Jerrica and Aja sat inside Jerrica's room a few hours after the group's dinner. With the Starlight Girls turned in for the evening and business at Starlight Music in some semblance of order, Aja had insisted on Jerrica spending some time relaxing. Aja nonchalantly strummed her guitar as Jerrica lay in her reclining chair, with cucumber slices over her eyes and a facial mask slathered on. She had spent too much of the day staring at a computer screen and her weary eyes enjoyed their cool rest.
"I suppose we're going to have to meet with the Misfits sometime to discuss what happened," Jerrica said.
Aja nodded, though her friend couldn't see it with the astringent cucumber slices covering her eyes. "I wonder if Jem might need to pay another visit to Riot," she added.
"I can, but I am positive Aja that he had nothing to do with this. I mean, think about it. They said we were arrested for falsifying government tests the night of the benefit concert. The Morality Office would have had this on file. Maybe they're like any bureaucracy and didn't realize until later that Kimber's results showed up twice. That all could have happened without Riot doing a thing."
"I guess so," Aja replied, sounding decidedly unconvinced. "I still think he and his band will continue to be a thorn in our sides."
"Maybe." Jerrica then removed the cucumber and placed the slices on a plate. "Okay, I feel ridiculous with these on my face. My eyes feel a lot better now."
"It looked kind of cute actually," Aja smiled. "And it went so well with the facial mask you have on."
Jerrica shook her head. "Well, with or without cucumber over my eyes, I can tell that something's bothering you. You weren't yourself at dinner. What's going on?"
Aja took a breath. She removed her guitar from her lap and placed it inside its sturdy case. She had been wanting to talk to someone all day about the sorrow which had lodged itself in her gut since her last encounter with Craig. Keeping it bottled up all day and losing herself in work around the house had not helped.
"Craig and I had a falling out last night," she admitted. "I went to see him after Danse drove us home. We talked. He's really, really worried about us and he wants to know how we got out of jail, who that Cynthia character that Synergy created was….the whole deal."
Aja refrained from adding how they had told each other that they loved each other for the first time, and that she had come very close to losing her virginity that night. It had made their subsequent argument all the more painful and heartbreakingly disappointing.
"You told him nothing, I assume?" Jerrica replied, her tone having taken on that of the strict older sister and leader.
"No, I didn't tell him anything at all. But Jerrica…I think these secrets might tear us apart. Right now I don't even know if I can ever patch things up between us."
"If you love each other, you will."
"I hope so." Aja paused. She then began again, "Jerrica – can I tell him the truth? Please? Not everything, but can't I tell him some of it?" Aja detested how pleading her desperate voice sounded.
"No," Jerrica answered firmly. "I'm sorry, but there's no way. No one outside of the band knows. And his sister is a Misfit – one slip of the tongue, and he tells her…then she might slip and tell Pizzazz, and we'd be done for."
"Would we? They've stopped attacking us, and Eric is gone. Besides, we've got something on them. We know that Stormer is gay."
Jerrica shrugged. "Eric might return any time. I'm sure as soon as -- if -- the economy turns around he'll be back from whatever hole he's crawled into. And about Stormer…the social or political times might change someday too, and maybe being gay won't be such a big deal anymore. So then we'd have nothing on them, and they'd be able to destroy our careers." She took a breath and added, "Really, no matter what is happening economically or socially, knowledge of Synergy will always be a big deal. I'm sorry, Aja but there's no way I can approve of anyone outside of the band knowing. Rio doesn't know; neither does Anthony. You will need to convince Craig to stop asking."
"But I'm not sure he ever will," Aja said. "I mean, look at it from his point of view. He's really worried. He sees us getting hauled off to jail, he has no idea how we were able to be freed and I can't explain it to him. He's only concerned about the woman he loves." She leaned in towards her friend and suggested, "Maybe we don't need to tell him that you're Jem. But maybe we can tell him about Synergy….just say that we have a super-computer, built by your dad, it can project holograms, and that's how we were able to do what we did the night of the concert and get us out of jail."
Jerrica shook her head. Her voice was solid as brick. "No, Aja, I'm sorry. That's still way too much information for someone outside of the band to know. Please don't be stubborn here. Craig just needs to stop asking. Maybe in time he'll forget."
"He won't forget, Jerrica. I don't think he'll ever stop asking. So what do I do? Just let our relationship go down the tubes?" Aja lost the rein she normally kept on her feelings. Her voice broke and tears threatened to spill. "He's the only person I've ever felt this way about. I've never loved anyone else! The thought of not being with him…" Aja broke off, her voice trembling, knowing that if she said anything more she would begin to cry with either sorrow or anger, or both.
Jerrica rose from her chair and put an arm around her friend. Some of her facial mask rubbed against Aja's hair. "I know it's hard," she consoled, her voice barely above a whisper. "Things have been really hard for me and Rio ever since…this happened. But you and Shana and I took a vow to each other, to the group. We later had Kimber and Raya undergo the vow too. We promised never to let anything come between us – 'even boys'," she added, quoting the words of the vow that Jacqui bade them repeat.
"But it doesn't have to come between us, Jerrica," Aja said, fighting for control of her emotions. "If you'd just agree to let me tell him a little."
"Or if he'd agree to stop asking," Jerrica said, dislodging her arm from Aja's shoulders. "I'm sorry, Aja. You know I love you like a sister, but we can't put Synergy – or the band – at risk. If you tell him about her, how long before he guesses the rest? And then how long before Stormer and the rest of the Misfits find out? Our career would be finished, and we'd have no way to support the Starlight Girls."
Jerrica took a breath and then put a hand on Aja's shoulder. "You just need to be firm. Don't back down from letting him know that he won't ever get an answer on this. He'll stop asking eventually."
"Yeah, he'll stop asking because he'll feel he can't trust me and we'll have broken up!"
With that, Aja abruptly exited Jerrica's room.
Aja composed herself and crossed the hall to Shana's room. Anthony had flown back to New York mid-day; the film couldn't afford to lose even more money by being without its director for too long. So Aja knew her friend would likely be alone and trying to unwind.
Shana smiled when Aja entered the room. "I knew it didn't go well with Craig the minute I saw your face at breakfast," Shana said, as Aja seated herself on the bed. "I also knew you didn't want to talk about it but you'd come find me when you did."
"We may as well have a telepathic link-up," Aja muttered, affectionately rolling her eyes.
"So what happened last night?"
Aja relayed the entire story, including her fresh conversation with Jerrica.
Shana sighed. "This puts such a strain on all of us," she admitted. "If only Jerrica had told Rio from the start."
"Sometimes I think it all comes back to that. She doesn't want him to know, and she worries that the more people who do find out, the riskier it gets for them. Sometimes I think our career wouldn't be over if people knew. Heck, it might even ramp up more interest in us! I love her - -I'm not trying to speak badly of her…" Aja let her voice trail off. She and Shana had held this conversation more than once before, over the years.
"Anthony stopped asking when I put my foot down," Shana recalled. "But he knows something's going on. I think he suspects the truth about Jem and Jerrica."
Aja nodded. "I think a lot of people do. I'd be surprised if Danse isn't onto it."
"Yeah, did you notice the way she never asked about Jerrica? I bet Video suspects too, and probably half the Starlight Girls! I don't think anyone knows the full story but I bet a lot of them have figured out bits and pieces."
Shana got up and sat next to Aja on the bed. She reached for her hand. "I do suspect that Craig is just more…inquisitive than Anthony. Anthony and I have both always been so busy…he's just used to me going off and doing whatever, and he supports me no matter what. I bet Craig, on the other hand, is more used to functioning as a protective big brother. He maybe can't just leave it all alone."
"So where does that leave him and me as a couple?" Aja pondered, glumly.
Techrat called the next morning. He spoke to Pizzazz and she later filled us in on their conversation. He had completed some research and was calling with the results. As we'd requested of him a while ago, he examined the blood test used by the Morality Office. The Office's own scientists were starting to believe that certain drugs could mask a test result, and many of those drugs are found in over-the-counter medicines. "Such as cold medicine," Pizzazz said, looking at me.
So at least we had our answer as to how I had managed to pass the test a few days ago. I shuddered. It was just blind luck that stress had made my defenses go down and I had gotten a cold. What if I hadn't been taking that medication when we'd been arrested?
I made a run to three different drug stores and, paying cash, cleaned out their supplies of cold medicine containing the ingredients Techrat had relayed to Pizzazz. I then packaged up several boxes of the pills with a typed up note that said, "If blood tests leave you cold, try this." I drove to the place where we had dropped off Clash on the night we were released from jail and left this by their door.
I called Kimber later that day. This time I was more forceful about wanting our bands to meet and she seemed more committed as well. She called back within the hour and suggested 7:00 that evening at Starlight Music.
The day somehow flew by. We spent most of the afternoon at Stinger Sound, working on our music. We played "Ain't Changin' Me" (formerly "Fast and Furious") with Pizzazz singing my new lyrics. The song was powerful, convincing, and electric. I hoped we could release it when we were able to put out another album. Our session totally rocked! For a moment I lost all thoughts of blood tests and prisons.
But as the four of us walked across the street to Starlight Music, my hopes began to sink. Sure, it was a major victory that Pizzazz now liked the lyrics – Roxy and Jetta had too – and that the song sounded better than ever. But given what we knew about censoring of rock music lyrics, what was the likelihood that that track would make it past the censors? Heck, what was the chance that any of the stuff we were working on would? And with the economy in shambles, what was the likelihood that we could even release another album? Our last one had been one of the top selling records during the entire year but Jetta told us it had barely broken even. Like our tour. Besides, who knew even how long we could stay out of jail?
By the time we entered Jerrica Benton's office, my mood was back on the floor. The whole situation seemed so hopeless.
With all the negative thoughts swimming around my head, I didn't pay that much attention during the meeting. I thought of our last meeting with Jem and the Holograms, when our two bands had met so that we could ask Jem to talk to Riot. I was stunned to realize that that meeting had occurred just a week ago but in a way it felt like ages ago. So much had changed.
Just as with that earlier meeting, Jerrica sat behind her desk, typing on her computer and not saying anything. I thought that it was a bit unlike her. When I worked with her during "Back 2 Back", she tended to take command in group settings, usually leading the discussion and setting the direction. I guessed that maybe she clammed up when Jem was around. The mysterious singer did have that effect on people. I wondered if she was jealous of Jem, especially since everyone knew that Jem went out with Rio anytime there was a snazzy affair.
So we talked about what happened. Jem said that they had a really good lawyer who had pleaded for our release. They weren't very forthcoming beyond that. And neither were we; none of us mentioned that the woman who unlocked our cells was Pizzazz's mother. I wondered if Jem and the Holograms knew that. If Pizzazz's mother had kept the Gabor name after the divorce, Jem's hotshot lawyer may have had access to her name and the other band may have figured out the connection.
I do remember at one point Jetta asked Jem for the name of their lawyer who had helped. Jem stuttered, said that the woman's first name was Cynthia and that she didn't recall her last name. I thought maybe Jerrica would speak up and supply the information but she didn't even look up from the stack of papers she was studying.
I felt as if it was a meeting of deception and half-truths, and I was so depressed from thoughts about the miserable state of the music industry, the government, and the economy. (I used to never give even a thought to the last two). I think I said almost nothing during the meeting. I did look up at Aja once and saw my glum looks reflected on her face too. I realized that I hadn't spoken to Craig since yesterday morning, the morning after our release from jail. I made a mental note to call him. His girlfriend looked like misery.
Kimber caught my eye once and gave me an awkward half-smile, and I did the best I could to return it. The other times I looked at her during the meeting she looked frustrated and almost as if she was forcing herself to keep from piping up. I can easily recognize that look on Kimber's face, when she's like a teakettle ready to whistle. Keeping thoughts to herself is not Kimber's strong point and you can recognize when she's making herself do it.
Mercifully no one brought up my blood test or asked how I had passed it. I really wasn't up to discussing it front of the entire group; in fact, the thought made me cringe.
Pizzazz asked at one point if there was a possibility that Riot was behind the arrests. (And when she mentioned his name, Pizzazz did not sound the least bit lovesick as she had in the past. That was a rare bright spot that day -- she is so over him!) Jem said that she had spoken to Riot earlier today and was certain that he had nothing to do with it. I could believe that, actually. I mean Riot sure didn't cause our wild behavior the night we were arrested. It was tempting to think that he could have caused the arrest but it seemed to me like you could get arrested just for behaving "indecorously", as we had.
So basically the conclusion for our two groups was that we weren't sure exactly how we'd gotten free or what to do now and we had to pin our hopes on Jem's great lawyer. Real encouraging, huh? Jem had said that she would have Cynthia do some research and try to determine what exactly is legal and illegal so we could try to avoid another arrest. Even as she said the words, I was thinking that we should just have Techrat do some more research along those lines too, and I surmised that my bandmates were thinking the same thing. The two bands did agree to share whatever information we discovered. But I sensed we hadn't done such a hot job of sharing during the meeting itself so I wasn't that optimistic on that front either.
Jem and the Holograms rode in the Rock n Roadster on their way back to Starlight House. The night air whipped passed them, caressing their long hair.
Jem said, "Well, I think that went well. I don't think they suspect about Synergy."
"You know, the Misfits aren't totally stupid," Kimber countered. "You gotta believe they think something's up, given how Pizzazz's mom was in such a trance when she opened our cells."
Synergy had discovered that the mysterious officer at the prison was Pizzazz's mother and had shared that information with Jem and the Holograms.
Jem shrugged, "Well they didn't say anything about it, thankfully."
Shana, sitting next to Aja in the front seat, turned to her friend and asked gently, "How are you doing, Aja? You've barely spoken at all today." Shana was both concerned for Aja and eager to change the subject, sensing another storm brewing between Kimber and her sister.
As Aja kept her eyes on the road, Raya piped up, "Yeah, we're worried about you." Her voice turned even more tender as she asked, "Have you spoken to Craig today?"
By now, the entire band knew that Aja and Craig had quarreled the night of their return from prison and that their relationship was on ice. The group of friends had no secrets from each other.
"No," Aja sighed. "He hasn't called and I'm not about to call him." She refrained from adding that she had jumped every time the phone had rang that day and she so fervently hoped that there would be a message from him upon their return. She pushed the gas pedal a smidgeon harder.
"Maybe you should," Kimber said. "Call him."
Even as she made the suggestion, Kimber knew it was unlikely that Aja would carry it out. She was stubborn as a mule and from what Kimber knew of Craig, so was he. If they ever did reunite they would need to find a way to work that personality conflict out, Kimber decided.
When the band returned home, there was no message for Aja.
After our meeting with Jem and the Holograms, we packed inside the van and headed back for the mansion. I slouched in one of the back seats.
"Well that was a damn waste of time," Roxy muttered, as she backed the van up and pulled out of the parking garage. "We got more info out of Techrat than from those twerps."
"Hey, don't call them twerps," I said, softly but insistently. "We know they had something to do with our release, even if they won't tell us what."
"Yeah," Pizzazz agreed with Roxy. "They've always been hiding something. I wish I knew what. I think it's got to do with a lot more than just Jem's identity."
"And wasn't it bloody convenient that they couldn't recall the last name of their lawyer?" Jetta wondered. "I can't believe Jerrica 'Rolodex' Benton didn't know it. I wanted to find this lawyer but I haven't got a baldy how I can do that unless I know her last name."
"We could ask Techrat to search for lawyers with the first name Cynthia. How many can there be in LA?" Roxy said. I thought she had a good point.
"You know what else is buggin' me?" Pizzazz began. She normally has a lot of things bothering her so I wondered what she'd pick now. "We work for Riot. He owns our damn music label. I don't care if he really didn't have anything to do with our arrest. He still's not on our side at all."
"He's such a tosser. We need our own record label," Jetta said. "One that belongs to us and that we run. We can do it."
I gazed at Jetta. None of us knew anything about business. I was the only one who'd even finished high school and I'm smart enough to realize that you need some business acumen to keep from running an enterprise into the ground. There are finance and marketing skills that you'd need a minimum of, if you wanted a business to survive.
On the other hand, Jetta was about as crafty and sharp as it gets and, on a good day, Pizzazz wasn't a slouch in those departments either. And heck Riot managed to run Stinger Sound – albeit with a good staff beneath him, most of them holdovers from the Misfits Music days – and he sure didn't have an MBA either. If we hired the right people and were willing to work harder than we usually do, we could do it.
"But how can we afford it?" I asked, thinking of the biggest obstacle.
"That's the hard part," Pizzazz said. "I'm gonna talk to Daddy when he gets back from his trip. I can ask him to get with the accountants and figure out how much my inheritance is."
The rest of the group continued to discuss the idea. Pizzazz and Jetta really liked it. (Roxy too, but less so. It's not an area she's got a huge amount of interest in herself, but I could tell she liked the idea of getting out of Riot's clutches). As they talked, I started to tune them out because the nervous anxiety feelings had overtaken me again. Once more I felt fear and dread at thinking about the future. Once more my stomach took a plunge and got that unsettled, nothing-can-make-me-feel-better sensation.
At one point Pizzazz was talking about what we could do once the economy got better and the Morality Office was no more. I nearly wanted to shake her….we keep saying "when" but I thought it was more of an "if". Right now it sure didn't seem like things were going to get better anytime soon.
How long before I was arrested again? Whether Riot went after us or not we were still at risk. Obviously our files would show a previous arrest. We were rock stars anyway which had to cast a negative light on us in the first place. How long before I'm forced to take the damn blood test again? Next time I likely wouldn't be strung out on cold pills. And if I were, how long before the Morality Office figures out a way to get around that too? What if Jem and the Holograms aren't around next time to do whatever they did to bail us out the last two times?
The trepidation continued to eat away at my insides. No matter how much money Pizzazz had or how much computer smarts Techrat possessed, I was at risk. No matter how much my bandmates cared about me, I was at risk.
So at some point during the sleepless night that followed our car ride, I reached my decision. As much as I hated the idea, I knew what I had to do.
TO BE CONTINUED
This is the penultimate chapter. Coming next – the conclusion! Stay tuned, and don't forget to leave some feedback.