(6-1-05) We finally hit 600 reviews officially a couple days ago... I would have had this chapter posted yesterday but lo and behold, the site wouldn't let me log in, the bastard. So you get the chapter today.

AlchemistKosane- I must not have a "real happin' love life" huh? I can have a love life and write stories at the same time... I hope you were being sarcastic, cuz I take offense at you making judgements about my personal life. I'm being partly sarcastic myself, cuz I actually think it's kinda funny, but that still wasn't very nice unless you were joking. You're gonna make me cry. I'm a very sensitive person. I don't even know how to spell the word, but that's what I am. Sensetive. Sensitive? Who cares.

Thank you for helping me reach 600! Next step: 1,000!
The chapter title may not make sense right now, but read the chapter and surely it'll make more sense... I just kinda pulled things from the chapter and made a doctor's diagnosis out of it.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Physically Mental, With ANasty Computer Virus

Sometime around midday on Saturday, Hiei got up and grabbed his clothes (according to Shadow, he'd been wearing less and less clothes to bed as the weeks went on. Before she knew it, she said, he'd be sleeping nude. He assured her he would never do that, and that he'd been wearing the same amount of clothes lately as he had any other time, but she didn't believe him). Shadow was awake when he returned to the room after taking a shower, and he sat down on the bed next to her. After all, no matter how important his errand was, it could wait until he'd spent a bit of time with Shadow.

"Sleep well?" she asked.

"Well enough."

"Going somewhere?"

"Reikai. We went over this when I got home this morning."

"Did we?"

He nodded. "Yes, Shadow."

"I was probably too distracted with your sexiness to pay attention."

"You were pretty damn distracted, but you heard everything I said."

"Can I come with you?"

"I don't care."

"Excellent," she said.

"Get dressed."

"I am dressed."

"Yeah, right. You're gonna go to Reikai in your pajamas?"

Shadow sighed. "Fine, Mr. Bossy." She grabbed some clothes from various places around the room and came back a few minutes later in jeans and a t-shirt several sizes too big that kept slipping off her shoulder and revealing her bra strap and a little too much of her skin to insure safety around anybody with sex on his mind.

"Let's go," Hiei said.

"Not eating breakfast?" she asked. "Breakfast is the most essential meal."

"It's almost one o'clock."

"So?"

"I can do without."

"You'll be hungry."

"So?"

"Who knows how long that little twit will make us wait. We could be there until six."

Hiei rolled his eyes and got up. "If you're going to make breakfast, do it. I'll eat it, okay?"

"Great!" She ran from the room. Hiei sighed. He didn't know how, but something told him one day that girl would be his downfall. However, he didn't care. He loved her, after all.

Koenma was at his usual task of stamping papers when an ogre came running into his office.

"I asked you not to disturb me unless it was a life or death situation!" he snapped at the oni. It cowered but managed to say, "Well, it is, sir."

"Whose life or death?"

"Yours, sir. You have a visitor."

"Mine? Who the hell is it?"

"It's... Shadow."

Koenma yelped. "What? What does she want? I'm not here! Tell her I'm not here!"

"I did! She threatened to kill me!"

"So it's really your life or death, not mine! Why did you disturb me for something so trivial?"

"Now what kind of way is that to talk to your loyal servants?" Hiei asked from the doorway.

"Hiei?" Koenma looked relieved, but peered around nervously. "Where is she?"

"Who?"

"Your... girlfriend."

Hiei blinked and glanced around. "You know, I'm not real sure..."

Koenma poofed into his teenage form and climbed off his desk. "Well... How can I help you, Hiei?"

"I need you to screw with Ningenkai files again."

"Hiei... I can only do that so many times without it being suspicious."

"Uh-huh. Well do it agian. After my one-year contract with Kyouken runs out, I'm going back to Makai and you won't have to worry about it."

"You are?"

"Yeah."

"I still can't do anything more with Ningenkai files. Why don't you stage your own death now and return to Makai this instant?"

Hiei bristled. "Stage my own death? Then I'd never be able to go back to Ningenkai! You're retarded. Just change the files! It's not that hard! You just need to fill out these papers and do something so it looks like a real doctor signed them, then do whatever the hell needs done with computers so it looks like I really had a physical done."

Koenma tilted his head. "A physical?"

"Kyouken's requiring it," Hiei said, finally leaving the doorway to approach Koenma. He held out the forms he was to have filled out. "I need these filled out and signed by a doctor."

Koenma leafed through them. "Jeez... Extensive drug tests. Why does he need so many drug tests?"

"He thinks everybody does drugs... He blames everything on drugs... He has to double check all tests twice, so really he puts us through the same drug tests three times."

"Paranoid, isn't he? Well, I suppose one of the Reikai doctors could examine you..."

"What? You're actually going to make me go through a physical?"

"It's not going to hurt you any. Besides, it won't hurt me to know your physical condition either."

"My physical condition is fine, you moron! You don't put Yusuke or Kuwabara or Kurama through physicals, do you?"

"Well, Hiei, look at it this way: I've made it possible for you to lead a life in Ningenkai with your precious stupid Shadow, and what have you done for me in return?"

"Damnit, I knew you'd want something in return. What do you want?"

"You could be my lackey for a week. George went on vacation again."

Hiei growled. "I'm going to kill you."

"I told you it was a life or death situation, sir!" the ogre, who was still standing by Koenma's desk, said.

"Shut up, ogre!"

"I'm not going to be your lackey," Hiei said.

"Well what will happen if you don't get your physical? What would have happened if I hadn't put you in Ningenkai's database? What would have happened if I hadn't--"

"Okay, okay, I get the idea!"

"What would have happened all those years ago when you were beat by Yusuke and got put in prison, what would have happened if I hadn't let you out?"

"I'd still be in there, obviously, with no friends, no mate, no life. Okay. So I owe you for everything I have. You know I already have two jobs and I'm only free from four in the afternoon until ten at night."

"It's only for a week. You're free all day tomorrow."

Hiei sighed. "Whatever sick, twisted being is in charge of my fate must really hate me... Would you just fill out the forms?"

"Know where the infirmary is?"

"Yes," Hiei sighed, taking back the forms from Koenma. "I'll go, and I'll get a freakin' physical from your freakin' weirdo doctors, but if they feel me up or something--"

"My doctors aren't going to feel you up, you idiot!"

"Yeah, whatever," the little demon muttered, rolling the forms up and stuffing them in his back pocket as he stalked out of the room. Koenma sighed and went back to his desk, reverting to his child form and sitting in his chair, beginning to look around for his stamp.

"Where'd my stamp go? Ogre, what did you do with my stamp!"

"I didn't do anything with it, sir!"

Koenma started pulling drawers out of his desk, frustrated. When he got to the last one, it was stuck.

"OGRE!"

"Yes, Koenma sir?"

"OPEN THIS DRAWER!"

The ogre went to the drawer and pulled with all his might, but it didn't budge. Finally, annoyed, Koenma pushed him aside and tried again himself. The drawer flew open and, like a jack-in-the-box, Shadow came flying out screaming.

"I'M A MAGICAL AND RARE 'GIRL-IN-THE-DRAWER!' I WILL GRANT YOU THREE WISHES ON ONE CONDITION! YOU MUST WORSHIP ME AND HIEI FOR THE REST OF ETERNITY!"

Koenma screamed like a girl. It was a minute before he managed to form words, and in that minute, Shadow bobbed and swayed around like a jack-in-the-box, or a drunk.

"SHADOW JAGANSHI, YOU SICK LITTLE PYSCHO! GET OUT OF MY OFFICE!"

Shadow snickered and jumped up on his desk. "Here's your stamp, Koenma-sama!" she chirped, tossing his rubber stamp back at him. It hit him in the head and she jumped off the desk, jogging to the door where Hiei was waiting for her, grinning. He kissed her cheek when she reached him while Koenma stood there fuming and looking indignant.

"C'mon, you heard him," Hiei said, taking her hand and leading her out of the office.

"So you're actually gonna do it?"

"What, the physical? I don't really have much choice, do I?"

"Well, I guess not. What about being his lackey?"

Hiei shrugged. "I really hope not, but if it's only for a week..."

"And what was that you said about going back to Makai?"

Hiei shrugged. "Nothing."

"Do you really want to?"

"I dunno. Not if you won't come with me."

Shadow didn't say anything. Hiei didn't press her about it and they continued on to the infirmary in silence.

Entering the fairly quiet and empty infirmary, Hiei glanced around, then lifted an eyebrow and headed pointedly towards a certain man. The guy was bent over some tubes of liquid, wearing a white coat and safety goggles. He straightened up to look at the measurement marks on the tube, and noticed a dark figure standing next to him.

"SWEET JESUS!" the guy yelped, dropping his test tubes. Hiei caught them both without spilling a drop.

"Be a little more careful, moron," he snapped. "What is this? Poison?"

The man popped caps on the tubes and grabbed them out of Hiei's hands. "Urine samples."

Hiei gagged and looked at his hands in disgust, then looked suspiciously at the tubes in the man's breast pocket. "Urine isn't blue."

The man shrugged. "Shows how much you know." He looked at Shadow as if noticing her for the first time. "Who's this?"

"This is Shadow."

"What's she, your sister?"

"His girlfriend," Shadow corrected defensively, a bit irritated. The guy laughed, holding up his hands.

"Okay, okay! Jeesh... So you finally snagged yourself a girl, Hiei?"

"Yeah, and she's quite a catch."

Shadow tilted her head a bit, knitting her brow in confusion. Hiei was acting... chummy... Which was odd, since, though he had friends and acted friendly towards them, he never acted... chummy.

"Looks like it," the stranger said, a sarcastic edge to his voice as he took in Shadow's confused expression. "What's with that look?"

"She doesn't know you. What do you expect her to do, jump into your arms and kiss you?"

The guy didn't say anything, and Hiei paused, then shook his head. "Bad example." The guy chuckled.

"Yeah." He held out his hand to Shadow. "Come here, I don't bite." Hiei shot him a 'Yeah right!' look and he revised it, "Well, I won't bite you. Not with Hiei around."

Shadow slowly approached the guy with Hiei's permission, and he took her hand and pulled her closer.

"Your name is Shadow, right?"

"Yeah."

"I'm Katokage," he said, shaking her hand. "It means fire lizard, I suppose, but you can call me Kage for short. That means that my nickname means your name. How odd. Anyway I'm an old friend of Hiei's. Partner in crime, drinking, and-- er, well, not bed, I never slept with him..."

Shadow jerked her hand away from Kage like he'd just told her he didn't use toilet paper to wipe.

"Oh, you both might want to wash your hands now. These urine samples were being tested for diseases... Both were positive, so, get to washing." He pointed to the nearest sink, where Shadow and Hiei quickly went and washed their hands, and he did as well.

"How did you know it was me, anyways?" Kage asked, looking questioningly at Hiei. "Last time you saw me, I was being hauled off to Reikai prison cuz you ditched me when I was hurt."

Hiei shrugged. "I just could."

"What the hell are you doing in Reikai with a half-breed, anyways? You get caught too? Or did you just revert to their side?"

"'Their side'? You're working in Reikai, in Koenma's castle infirmary of all places, and you're referring to it as 'their side?'"

Shadow coughed. "Aren't you here for a reason, Hiei?"

"Oh. Yeah. Get me a real doctor, Tokage."

"What? I resent that! I'm a real doctor and you know it!"

"Yeah, but you're not trustworthy. Get me somebody else."

Kage rolled his eyes. "Yes, Your High Royal Crabbiness."

In the course of the physical, Hiei ended up removing everything but his underwear. Shadow had quickly vacated the room when the 'Real Doctor' had told Hiei to take off his pants. (wouldn't you like to see THAT...)

"What's that? She never seen you naked before?" Kage asked.

"We're not to that point yet."

"What, you just meet?"

"No."

"Well then why haven't you screwed her?"

Hiei rolled his eyes as the doctor looked at him. "There'll be plenty of time for that, moron. I've made a fuckin' ningen out of myself. She's too young."

Kage rolled his eyes at Hiei. "You're a fuckin' imbecile, Hiei. I should gouge out your eye."

"Which one? I've got three."

"The important one!" Kage snapped.

"They're all--"

"The JAGAN, you retarded asshole!"

"Shh!" the 'Real Doctor' snapped. He was trying to listen to Hiei's heartbeat. "Young man, you don't have a heartbeat. You must be dead."

"Told you he was a bit crazy," Kage muttered.

"I wouldn't be out of place if I was, would I?" Hiei pointed out to the Real Doctor. "But I'm not. I'm a demon."

"Oh, yes! You're the demon I'm supposed to be examining for STDs, aren't you? Very well, bend over!"

Hiei squeaked. "No! Kage, get him away!"

"Alright, old man! Move aside and watch the young knowledgeable guy do it!" Katokage said, grabbing the stethoscope from around the Real Doctor's neck. He placed it on Hiei's chest and started talking faster than normal, barely giving Hiei time to respond and barely giving himself time to breathe. He continued talking like this for the entire examination.

"Heartbeat is excellent, reflexes are excellent, muscle structure is extraordinary, lungs are healthy, eyesight is top notch, endurance is great... Open your mouth... Teeth are in fine condition, considering the variables... Stick out your tongue... Tongue is fine... Gums..."

"Ow!" Hiei yelped, snapping his mouth shut. "Where the hell do you get off stabbing me?"

"I didn't. Open your mouth."

"No!"

Kage pried open Hiei's mouth and shined a light inside. "Good, good... All good..." He examined Hiei's lips. "Your lips are very nice, Hiei. Not chapped or anything. Courtesy of your girlfriend?"

"Yeah, whatever," the little demon replied. Kage nodded.

"Tell me if you can hear this." He dropped a pin. Hiei nodded. "Excellent. Hearing is... Hell, I'm running out of adjectives... Hearing is marvelous. That's a good one." He snatched Hiei's hand and looked at his fingernails. "Beautiful nails... No, not really... Do you bite these? You should stop that."

"I don't!"

Kage dropped his hand and started examining his hair. "You don't have lice or anything, do you?"

"No!"

"Dandruff?"

"No."

"Dry scalp?"

"Isn't that the same thing?"

"No."

"Oh."

"Do you?"

"I don't think so."

"Okay. What about split ends? You've got to have split ends with hair like that."

"If I do, I don't care."

"Do you cut your own hair, Hiei?"

"What?"

"I was just wondering. Have you ever cut your hair? If you just let it keep growing, do you reckon it'll grow all long like mine?"

"Sure, man. Whatever," Hiei sighed.

"Let's see, your skin is nice, if a little pale, but nice... Soft and smooth like a baby's."

"Stop it! Freak! Get your hands off me!"

"Sorry." Kage pulled out a needle from somewhere in his coat and stuck it in Hiei's arm, drawing a tube full of blood.

"Ow!"

"Stop complaining." He pulled the needle out of Hiei's arm and took the tube off, shook it, and held it up to the light. "You're not a shapeshifter, that's good."

"What?"

"Well if you were, your blood wouldn't be able to hold the illusion once it was separate."

"Maybe my blood is really mine and the rest of me is an illusion."

"Shut up. I'm saving myself and yourself some trouble here. If I don't test this, we can just say you don't have AIDS and you probably do."

"Do I? I don't want Shadow to get it if I do."

"Did you know homosexual males are at a higher risk of getting STDs than anyone else?"

"No, I didn't know that," Hiei siad dryly. "I'll humor you: How come?"

"Beats the hell out of me, but they are."

"Well I don't have to worry about that."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"You were pretty friendly with that one guy at that bar that one time..."

"You asshole, you're never gonna let me live that down, are you? How many times have I told you: I was drunk, and you chased him off before he could do anything to me anyways."

"Good thing, too. Turns out he had a fatal STD and died that very same night, blood splattered everywhere and his guts exploded through the air..."

"You're a healer, you're not supposed to kill."

"I told you, it was an STD. You never did thank me for that."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now... How is your sex life?"

"What?"

"Well, I'm supposed to be giving you a physical, that requires me to understand your mind, too."

"It does not, you idiot! It's a physical and physicals deal with the body and have nothing to do with the mind."

"You could have a perfectly healthy man, strongest man alive, and he'd be a total nutcase and thus he'd be pretty damn unhealthy. How is your sex life? Do you still suppress emotions? Emotional stress can build up and cause a lot of psychological problems, you know. I knew this one girl once who loved this guy and she had for a long time and had an emotional breakdown and threw herself out a window because she didn't think he loved her, and it turned out he did, and he threw himself out a window too, only he had a superiority complex and always had to be better than her, so while she threw herself out a third-story window, he went to the top of a mountain, jumped off a cliff, broke all the bones in his body but his neck and spine and skull while rolling down the mountainside, then ended up choking to death on brocolli."

"What do you know about brocolli?"

"It can give you gas, and you can choke to death on it, apparently."

"That story made no sense. You said he threw himself out a window, then you said he threw himself over a cliff, then he choked on broccoli."

"Shut up! It's my story, I can change my mind halfway through if I want to!"

"Yeah, but people will think you're a bad storyteller."

"I am. I'm only a good storyteller when I'm drunk and those stories aren't fit for the ears of youth like you."

"Shut up, you moron. I heard those when I was even younger than I am now. Aren't you supposed to be doing something?"

"Oh yeah." Kage handed the tube of blood to the 'Real Doctor,' who'd been taking notes on a piece of paper the entire time. "Test that for STDs."

"What is your obsession with STDs?" Hiei asked.

"I'd rather test your semen for STDs but you've got a girlfriend now."

"Are you hitting on me again?"

"Sure, why not? I hit on everyone else. I even hit on Koenma once or twice a week."

Hiei shuddered. "Just don't hit on Shadow. She won't take it."

"Sure she will. Who can resist these eyes?"

"Me," Hiei said flatly. "Your eyes remind me of lemons. They're too yellow."

"Lemon, huh? I like lemons. I think I'm happy with my yellow eyes."

"Whatever, you're supposed to be giving me a physical."

"We have to wait for the blood tests to come back."

At that precise moment, the old Real Doctor came hobbling back into the room and handed Kage a sheet of paper.

"Excellent, excellent, no traces of STDs whatsoever. I guess you really aren't gay."

"No. I'm not. Would I have a girlfriend if I was gay?"

"Why not? Maybe you don't want people to know."

"Maybe I am and I just haven't contracted STDs from any of my partners yet."

"Are you?"

"No."

"Damn."

"Are you?"

"Yes."

"Obviously."

"Actually I'm more on the bisexual side, because I think your girlfriend is really hot and I've had to go after a few girls when I'd screwed every guy in the town I was staying in."

"You're sick."

"Yeah, but you still love me, right?"

"I don't love you, and I never did."

"Cruel bastard. You're supposed to agree so I can feel good about myself."

"I don't want you to feel good about yourself."

"You're cruel."

"If you don't feel good about yourself, maybe you won't get any more virgins pregnant and maybe you'll shrivel up and die."

"Parts of me might shrivel up from lack of attention up here in the Monastery... I should start screwing the prisoners. They'd like it."

"They have STDs."

"Do they really?"

"Hell yeah. In abundance."

"How do you know?"

"They told me."

"I haven't had sex in three months. Can you believe that? No wonder I'm hitting on Koenma. Maybe I should hit on his father. What's his father like?"

"About two hundred feet tall and one hundred feet wide, no exaggeration."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"How do you know?"

"I saw him."

"I wonder what Koenma's mother was like."

"You're sick."

"How could Koenma be so small if his parents were hundreds of feet tall?"

"Shut up, Kage."

"You're mean."

"I take pride in it."

"Here's your damned physical forms. Watch your back, Hiei. I can find out where you live after I fuck Koenma senseless and get him to tell me. I might come down to your house and rape you too."

"I'd like to see you try. And don't fuck Koenma, that's really disgusting."

"I don't really want to, but it's either him, the STD-ridden prisoners, or this old doctor guy here. He doesn't have any teeth."

The Real Doctor cackled. Hiei looked at him funny and grabbed his clothes, dressing quickly and heading for the door.

"Nice talking to you again, Hiei."

"You too, Freak. See ya."

Shadow was waiting outside the door for him. He led her back to Koenma's office.

"I have to talk to you two," Koenma said, sitting behind his desk in his teenage form. They sighed.

"Figures, that's why we came back here. What is it now? Us? Them? You? Him? You and Yusuke?" Hiei asked. Shadow looked at him funny. "Sorry."

"No. It's about you and Shadow, Hiei. I've been watching you, and--"

"You've been WHAT?" Hiei asked.

"And I saw what you did on Valentine's Day..."

"You mean us almost having sex?" Shadow asked. "Me ending up almost naked? Him ending up almost naked? Did you get some kind of pleasure from seeing that? I almost got his pants off, did you see that?"

"No you didn't," Hiei said. "I was on top of you, you idiot. You were too busy clinging to me for dear life like I was doing something weird to you."

"You were, man! You were taking off my clothes! Nutjob!"

"It's not like I haven't seen you in your little bikinis..."

"Don't I look great?"

"Good enough to eat."

"Yeah, you'd like to."

Koenma cleared his throat. "You two are being sick perverted individuals."

"Yeah, what else is new?" Hiei asked. "What else have you watched? Did you watch me feeding her the other night? Did you see her wandering hands last night?"

"And the night before, and the night before that," Shadow reminded quietly.

"They've never quite made it there yet, have they," Hiei muttered.

"Not quite. They'll get there one of these days. I think we should start making out passionately in front of Koenma here."

""NO! I have something else to reprimand you about, too," Koenma said.

"What?"

"Arisa Okawa."

"What about her?"

"She's pregnant."

Shadow snickered and gave Hiei a high five. "Plan worked. Let's see... What was it we were gonna do next?"

"Beats me," Hiei sighed.

"THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE!" Koenma squawked. "You are my Reikai Tantei! You're supposed to be some kind of decent individuals! How could you sink so low?"

"I'm not youre Reikai tantei," Shadow pointed out. "You don't love me enough to make me anything more than a simple... assistant. Though I don't mind assisting Hiei..."

"YOU'RE DESPICABLE!"

"Yeah. Well we're not gonna stop because you said so. You see, I'm supposed to be acting like a normal teenager and in that case, I was never here and I don't know you and I didnt't explode out of your desk drawer and what is Reikai? Isn't that only a myth? Demons? What are they? I don't believe in demons and Satan and--"

"I GET THE IDEA! BUT--"

"Oh, wonderful! I'm going home then! Come, Hiei!"

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!"

They froze.

"As punishment for what you're doing and also because you have to pay me back for all the times I've helped you, I'm ordering you to take the place of George for this week, Hiei," Koenma declared.

"What about when I have to work in Ningenkai?"

"I guess you'll have to go, but the second you're off, you're up here."

"Asshole slavedriver pacifier-breath diaper boy," Hiei muttered as he left.

"I HEARD THAT!"

"BITE ME!" Shadow shouted back at him.

"HIEI, YOU START IMMEDIATELY!"

"What!"

"Now! Go fetch me coffee!"

"You're a toddler! Toddlers aren't allowed to have coffee, it's not healthy," Hiei said.

"DID YOU NOT HEAR ME?"

"All that caffeine... It'll be the death of you, I'm telling you... Don't come crying to me when you die..." Hiei said, shrugging. He left and came back a moment later with a mug of coffee, handing it to Koenma.

"Do you really trust me, though?" he asked as Koenma put the cup to his lips. "I could poison you and take over Reikai. It wouldn't be difficult."

Koenma hesitated.

"I am a demon, after all. I have no loyalties, right?"

"Except to me," Shadow said.

"Except to Shadow," Hiei amended. "Why should you trust me?"

Koenma put the mug down. "OGRE!"

Hiei snickered. "Go on home, Shadow. I'll be fine here."

The ogre took away the coffee and brought back a new mug full. Shadow kissed Hiei goodbye and left, grinning at the irritated look Koenma was shooting her for her unneccessarily intimate kiss.

"What now, pacifier face?" Hiei asked, hovering a bit to Koenma's right and peering at all the papers as he stamped them.

"Now you stand there and be quiet and wait for me to give you further orders!"

"Mm-hm," the fire demon agreed, picking up a few papers off Koenma's stack and leafing through them. "Well then," he said, tossing the papers carelessly back onto Koenma's desk, "since I didn't get a whole lot of sleep yet, wake me up if you need me." He went to the corner and sat down, making himself comfortable and falling asleep before Koenma could get his thoughts together to think of a feasible excuse for Hiei not to sleep.

Well then, the centuries-old toddler thought, I guess I'll just have to think up all kinds of unimportant errands for him to make sure he can't sleep. If he's gonna be an ass to me, I can play at that game too.

"Hey Hiei, wake up!"

One blood-red eye opened. "Hn?"

"I need you to go to the library and look for a book on the right of ascention."

"The wha...?"

"The right of ascention. It's some human belief about the afterlife, and we've been having a problem with a group who have taken it into practice. Their souls can't reach Reikai because they believe there has to be some grand ritual done, and--"

"Sounds like you know a hell of a lot about it. Why do you need a book on it?"

"Because I don't know ENOUGH about it! We need to get their souls from Ningenkai or there will be an overflow of--"

"Yeah, whatever, I don't care about your overflowing souls..." He got up. "You know libraries are very awkward for me, right? I might get frustrated and rearrange all your bookshelves or just burn the whole place down to make it easier."

"You do and I'm putting you in prison. Just find the book. You have as long as you need."

Hiei didn't miss the dishonesty the toddler was exuding, and therefore, when he reached the library, he took refuge on top of one of the shelves (after cleaning several centuries-worth of dust off it) and slept there until he woke up on his own, then started browsing the books. Libraries were frustrating places to him if he was looking for something specific, but he was just wandering around looking at anything that caught his interest. When he found that almost nothing did, he started harassing the ogres who were wandering around the library.

"Hi," he said to a particularly ugly orange ogre.

"Hello," it replied.

"Looking for anything in particular?"

"Koenma-sama told me to find a book that interested me, and read it."

Hiei raised an eyebrow. "Do you know how to read?"

"No."

"Well that, my friend, is one thing a book can't teach you. Good luck learning." He wandered off.

After he managed to clear the library of people, he went to the main computer and played around for a few hours, hacking into various things and then, finally, satisfied with himself, he returned to Koenma's office.

"Hey, toddler, I didn't find a thing," he said. "I spent a whole day in there."

"Yes you did... I've been getting some odd reports from the library, too."

"What has it been telling you?"

"What?"

"The library. You said it's been giving you odd reports."

"Are you high, Hiei?"

"High? Me? What the hell would I get high on?"

"Freaky Makai Plants," Shadow said, appearing on the big screen. "Hey, Koenma, could you do me a favor?"

"GO AWAY, SHADOW!"

"Close this channel with me. That's the favor."

"Gladly!" Koenma hit the power button on his remote. The screen went black, but it didn't turn off. "What the...?"

Hiei looked curiously at the screen as a chibi version of Yusuke ran out from the edge and squeaked, "SUCK THIS, KOENMA!" and flipped him off, then ran away again. Then the screen blew up. The fire demon had to hide his satisfaction with this development as Koenma screamed and squawked.

"HIEI, YOU'RE GOING TO NINGENKAI AND ARRESTING THAT BOY! I DON'T KNOW WHAT HE DID, BUT HE'S IN HUGE TROUBLE FOR IT! GO!" He tossed him some handcuffs of the spirity worldy sort and the next thing Hiei knew, he appeared in Yusuke's bedroom.

"HOLY SHIT!" he and Yusuke screamed in unison. The latter boy, who'd been drying his hair with the towel he'd previously had wrapped around his waist, quickly re-wrapped the towel around his waist and clubbed Hiei in the head.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO PULL YOU MORON?"

"Ow! Bastard! Koenma sent me! I had no say! I just appeared!"

"Well that toddler has some timing, doesn't he? I'm going up to Reikai and giving him a piece of my mind!"

"I wouldn't do that. You see, he sent me to arrest you."

"WHAT? You can't do that, I'm in charge of you losers!"

"Well, right now I'm his part-time lackey, and I was really bored so I gave his computer a virus, and he thinks it was you."

"Why would he think that?"

"Because I made it seem that way."

"WELL WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU DO THAT?"

Hiei shrugged. "To see Koenma flip."

Yusuke blew up and started attacking Hiei with an insane flurry of punches. He only stopped when the towel fell down again.

And, at that precise moment, Kuwabara chose to drop by.

"Oh my God! Urameshi! Shrimp! What's going on here?"

"Yusuke tried to rape me, you moron. What does it look like?" Hiei snapped. He was nursing a bleeding lip and a black eye, plus several scratches on his face, neck, and chest, sitting on the floor against the wall. His shirt was tattered from the pure force of Yusuke's punches, even though most of them missed.

Kuwabara's beady black eyes grew several times their normal size. Yusuke snatched the towel up and covered himself again.

"Yeah, right," Yusuke said. "The day I rape you is the day butt-breath over here says something intelligent."

"Bad example, stupid. He's done that before," Hiei said. "So I guess you've raped me before? Oh, incidentally, I don't want to arrest you, so how about you knock me unconscious, tie me up, and ship me home in a box."

"Okay!" Yusuke said all to eagerly. Hiei managed an 'Eep!' before Yusuke clubbed him real good upside the head.

"God, Urameshi!" Kuwabara yelped. "You killed him!"

"He asked for it... Little asshole."

"I'm not even unconscious," Hiei managed. "This'll do, though," he added hastily as Yusuke turned and readied another punch. He dragged himself up and jumped out the window.

There was a short silence, then Kuwabara looked at Yusuke and frowned. "Put on some pants, man, you're making me nervous."

It didn't take long for Koenma to get his screen replaced, as Hiei had expected, and he never found out that the mischevious little fire demon was really the true culprit in the incident of the exploding screen. Hiei's days that week were taken up--all twenty-four hours. The only time he wasn't either being harassed or doing something active or in charge of something was the hour-long lunch period at school. Shadow made sure he took that time to sleep, or at least relax. But still, by the end of the week, he was rather exhausted. And then, to top it all off, the second he left the police station on Saturday morning, he received a messenger from Mukuro.

"She says it's very important," the demon had told him. He went home and changed, explained to Shadow, then left again. Some threat to the borders again.

"That lady picks the most inopportune times to have her borders threatened," he'd mumbled tiredly. "Wish me luck. In this condition, I'll be lucky to come back with all my appendages."

"Don't say that," Shadow said seriously. "I mean it."

Hiei looked a bit startled. "Sorry. I wasn't serious. I'll be fine."

"You'd better be," she warned, hugging him. "If you get killed, I'll personally drag your soul back from Reikai and cram it back in your body, if only so I can kill you again for getting killed."

"I won't get killed!" he promised. "Are you alright? You're acting kind of strange."

Shadow sniffled and burst into overdramatic tears. "I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU! IF YOU DIE I'LL KILL MYSELF! WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

Hiei sighed. "So much for a serious side... Look, Shadow, I've got to go. He said it was really important. Requiring my immediate attention. I swear to God that if I get crippled, I'll do whatever you want as an apology."

"Really? Whatever I want?"

Hiei nodded. "Now would you let go of me? I can't breathe."

Shadow quickly unlatched herself from him. He exited via window, wearing his black garb, sword in its proper place on his belt.

As it would turn out, Hiei did not die, and that was good. He did, however, end up with a fractured wrist that for some reason, Mukuro's healers did not attend to. She seemed kinda pissed at him for something. He realized he hadn't been to Makai since he and Shadow had officialized their relationship. Could Mukuro have found out about that? Was she... jealous? (oh the drama!)

As it would turn out, Hiei did die, and that was good. He did, however, end up with a fractured wrist that for some reason, Mukuro's healers did not attend to. She seemed kinda pissed at him for something. He realized he hadn't been to Makai since he and Shadow had officialized their relationship. Could Mukuro have found out about that? Was she... (oh the drama!)

Hiei ran this by Kurama while the boy tended his wrist back in Ningenkai, but the redhead was skeptical.

"Even if she were," he said, "it's not like she can do anything about it. If she kills Shadow, you'll go berserk, and if she somehow confines you to Makai, Shadow will come after you."

Hiei shrugged. "Whatever it is," he muttered, yawning, "it can wait until after I've slept. I don't much care about anything right now..." Another yawn, and the fire demon practically fell asleep standing up. Kurama picked him up. "Hey, you moron fox... put me down."

"Shadow misses you. I'll take you home."

When Kurama came to Shadow's door in the middle of the night with Hiei in his arms, the girl let out a whimper and stared.

"Any particular reason why he's... not moving?"

Kurama gave her a confused look. "He's sleeping, Shadow. He hasn't slept for a week and a half."

"Oh." She let out a sigh of relief. "I thought maybe he was dead."

"Why...?"

"Well, y'know... He said he'd be lucky to come back alive."

"He's just got a broken wrist."

"Broken wrist? Didn't Mukuro's healers fix it?"

"Can I come in, or are you going to leave me standing here with this featherweight boyfriend of yours in my arms all night?"

"Sorry. Don't have to be such an ass about it..." She stood aside.

"To answer your question: No, her healers didn't fix any of his wounds. According to him, she sent him home instantly with barely a 'Good work'... What was it he said she told him... Oh yeah. 'I'm glad your soft life hasn't caused your strength to suffer. I'm sure you're eager to get back to your human friends. Dismissed.'"

"What a bitch. If I ever meet her, she'll be sorry to ever have invoked my wrath." Shadow took Hiei in her arms and paused. "I'm gonna take him upstairs. The flu will get him a few more days off from work, won't it?"

"Sure."

Hiei did not wake up the rest of that night, and Shadow went to school the following day (it was a Wednesday). As luck would have it, Yamashita decided he wanted to play nice. At the last bell of the day, he was in the gym. He put a companionable arm around Shadow's shoulder and pulled her rather forcefully off to the side.

"How is Hiei doing?" he asked.

"He's got the flu... How do you think he's doing?"

"Would he object to a visitor?"

"What? Who?"

"Me."

"You?"

"Yes, me."

"What, don't you believe he's sick?"

"I'm just worried is all."

"Uh-huh."

"I'll give you a ride home. You're exempt from detention. I'm sure you're very worried about him."

"I guess so. He's plenty capable of taking care of himself, though."

And so, Shadow was drug out to Yamashita's car, put into the passenger's seat, and they hit the road. Shadow gazed out the window.

"Hiei?" she called telepathically.

No response. Change of tactics.

"OI! ECLIPSE!"

Back at Shadow's house, louging in the living room, Eclipse yelped and fell off the couch. She'd been the only one willing and able to skip school and watch over Hiei without any dire consequences.

"WHAT?"

"How's Hiei?"

"Fine."

"Great. Is he awake?"

"Why?"

"I'm in Yamashita's car right now, headed home. He's -worried- about Hiei and wants to see that he's -okay-..."

"Uh-huh, sure. Well, he wasn't awake about twenty minutes ago when I went up to check on him..."

"Well, how about you high-tail it out of there and I'll handle it."

"Alright."

Eclipse jumped out the window and ran away.

Shadow had tried a few times to contact Hiei via telepathy, and just as Yamashita pulled up outside her house, she got a response.

"Shadow...?"

"Koi, listen: You have the flu. Play along. Raise your temperature a couple degrees."

"What?"

"Yamashita is visiting. He's here. Now."

"What...!"

"Just play along. Raise your temperature."

"Alright..."

"Just a few."

"Alright!"

"Now rest. Sorry to have bothered you, koishii."

"Mm-hm..."

"C'mon," Shadow said. "He's upstairs."

"This is quite a house."

"Yeah."

"Where the hell did you get the money for a house like this?"

"It's Hiei's." She cringed at having this lying stinking moron in her house, going to be in her bedroom, but obediently led him upstairs. Pushing open the bedroom door, she found it just as she'd left it -- curtains drawn, Hiei tucked under the covers, absolutely no sign of Eclipse's stay. There was a bottle of water on the table next to the bed, a nice lucky touch for the sick facade. Drink plenty of liquids!

"Hiei?" Shadow questioned, sitting on the bed next to him.

"Hm?" the little demon murmured tiredly.

"Yamashita's here."

Hiei's eye flickered open a bit and he looked at Yamashita, then closed his eye. "Why?"

"He wanted to check on you. How are you feeling?"

A slight shrug. "Tired."

Shadow touched his cheek. "Well... You've still got a fever... Think you can stomach anything yet?"

"Nnn..."

The girl nodded and got up. Hiei was already falling back asleep.

"Happy?" she snapped at Yamashita when they were back in the hallway.

"He certainly seems sick."

"He is. His fever was around 102 this morning." I love lying...

"Well then... I'll be going now."

"Yeah, you'd better. You might catch his disease!"

Yamashita left in a hurry and Shadow returned to Hiei. He was sleeping like a baby.

Kurama dropped by later that evening to talk to Shadow.

"How's Hiei?"

"Asleep," she replied. "How long do you think his wrist will take to heal?"

"Human bones typically take around six weeks with a cast. I'd say he'll take a week and a half, max."

"Hm. I guess he'll need my tender loving care for a while more, then?"

"Yeah," Kurama said. "Your care will certainly give his body a healthy boost..."

Shadow grinned.

"Look, I wanted to talk to you, Shadow."

"What about?"

"School. If I remember properly, part of your agreement with Yusuke was to keep an A average all year."

"Yeah, and?"

"Well, I've been keeping track of your grades, as well as mine and Eclipse's, and you're currently clinging to a B in all classes except for health, phys ed, social studies, and English."

Shadow snickered. "Typical for me to have an A in Health..."

"If you don't start attending classes... Your grade will not go up. A few more zeroes and you'll have a C in most classes, and you're going to have a hell of a time pulling that back up."

The girl shrugged. "I've still got a few weeks, don't I?"

"Yeah, but--"

"No problem, then." She went upstairs and found Hiei was awake.

"Hey koi," he said quietly.

"Hey. You're supposed to be asleep."

"I've been asleep for over eighteen hours."

"That's not enough to make up for seven nights without sleep."

He shrugged a bit. "I slept a little in Makai." There was a short pause during which Shadow just stood and watched him from the doorway.

"Come here," he said finally. Shadow obeyed. "Stay with me."

"Kurama's downstairs..."

"He can take care of himself."

The girl smiled and made herself comfortable next to him.

"I love you," he said, kissing her before she could reply. "Now I'll sleep," he whispered, cuddling close to her.

Downstairs, Kurama had discovered, a bit to his surprise, that Eclipse was hiding under the table.

"What the hell are you doing under there!" he yelped when she grabbed his ankle.

"Spying on you, stupid fox. You didn't notice me."

"I was preoccupied."

Eclipse crawled out from under the table and stood in front of him, looking up at him with her hands on her hips. He blinked, a bit confused by the look on her face, until she suddenly grabbed his shoulders and quickly kissed him.

"Is our relationship like what Hiei's and Shadow's was before they became all touchy kissy?" she asked.

"What would that be?"

"Friends with benefits."

"... I don't know," the fox said. "Do you want that to be our relationship?"

"If you don't object. And if you don't have momentary lapses into Foxy Land and start feeling me up."

Kurama smiled. "Alright. I promise he won't." A pause. "You know, I hardly believe those two nutjobs upstairs had a conversation to decide to be touchy feely without being lovers. It was just a mutual thing."

Eclipse shrugged. "So we do things differently. I swear to God, though, if your stupid fox side gets out and thinks that just cuz I let you hug and kiss me that I'm gonna let him screw me, he's confused. And he'll end up missing his most prized bodily possession."

Kurama cringed a bit at the thought of Eclipse ripping off Youko's balls and swore up and down to every God he knew that Youko would not harass her if she did not want him to.

"Very good!" she chirped. There was a short pause. "What does 'friends with benefits' entail, exactly?"

Kurama let out something between and sigh and a growl. "Whatever we want it to, just as friends and not lovers. Typically, if friends with benefits go all the way, it's because they want to get off, not because they love each other. We're still free to pursue any love interests we have prior to this."

"Unless you want to go after Hiei or Shadow," Eclipse said, "because Hiei isn't gay and Shadow would rip off your balls."

"The same goes for you. Shadow's not gay and Hiei will tear out your throat," Kurama taunted. The girl glared and he dodged her punch.

Hiei was pretty much up and about by Thursday, and on Friday morning, once Shadow had gone to school, the doorbell rang. The little demon trudged to the door and opened it.

"Holy SHIT!"

"Feeling better, Jaganshi?" Kyouken asked.

"Well, I was, a bit, until I saw you, and now I feel nauseous again," Hiei muttered. "What are you..."

"I came by to check on you, you lying little twit."

"I wasn't lying," Hiei said. "I still felt like shit last night, fever and everything, you know?"

"Uh-huh," Kyouken said, reaching out and touching Hiei's cheek. The little demon had been smart to raise his temperature a few degrees as a precaution the second he'd gotten over the shock of seeing Kyouken. "Huh. I guess you do seem to have a fever."

Hiei rolled his eyes. "Is it that you hate me, that you're a biased distrusting bastard, or do I really seem that untrustworthy?"

"All three."

"Could I go back to bed now? Before I puke on your shoes?"

Kyouken frowned. "You'll be at work tonight, I assume."

"Sure. Why not. Don't yell at me if I throw up."

The police captain looked Hiei over skeptically. "What's with the bandages?"

"What? These?" He held up his right arm. "I always wear these."

"Then I'm talking about the other ones, aren't I?"

"Oh." Hiei glanced at his broken wrist. "It's broken."

The man gave him a dark look. "Did you see a doctor?"

"Yes."

"Then why isn't it in a cast?"

"It's not a bad break. It'll be healed in no time. Go away if you don't mind, please," Hiei said coldly, and shut the door. He returned to bed and stayed there until Shadow got home.

When Hiei returned to his teaching job the following week, he got an odd message.

A pretty young woman came into the gym at the beginning of second period and stopped in front of him, bowing.

"My name is Anita... I'm supposed to be your replacement while you're in a meeting this period."

Hiei tilted his head. "I wasn't aware of any meeting."

"Yamashita-san sent me to tell you. You're to go to the conference room."

The fire demon continued scrutinizing her, then rather abruptly shrugged and handed her his clipboard. "Alright, but if you're lying, you'll regret it."

He reported to the conference room as told, and found Yamashita and several teachers sitting there waiting for him.

"Okay... What's all this about?" he asked suspiciously, stopping in the doorway.

"Have a seat, Jaganshi," Yamashita said. He was sitting at the head of the table, so Hiei sat opposite him, clear on the other end of the long conference table. "Feeling better, I assume?"

"What do you care. What's going on?"

"This is a meeting I've called about your... um... Shadow Jaganshi's grades."

My 'um' Shadow? Stupid ningen and their social taboos. "What about them?"

"Over the past few weeks, her grades in science, math, and literature--the three most important subjects, mind you--have dropped from high A's to low B's."

"So?"

"So? So that's bad!" Baisotei-sensei said. He was the only one there who really cared about Shadow's grades.

"Can't she just do extra work and get them back to A's?"

"She hasn't been doing extra work," the math teacher continued. "She always turned in a lot of extra work that she'd done in detention, but she hasn't been lately."

Hiei glanced at Yamashita. "Perhaps she's not had the chance to do extra work. Have you had her cleaning bathrooms?"

"No," Yamashita said flatly. "Now, it's our duty to try to pinpoint the sudden lapse in her studies. Do you know of anything that could have triggered this?"

"Boredom."

"Perhaps skipping class has something to do with it," Sato snapped.

Hiei shrugged. "Could."

"How can you be so calm about it? She's skipping my class to come see you. You never say anything! You let her!"

Again, he shrugged. "So?"

"Perhaps something about you has caused her sudden grade drop," Yamashita theorized. "Have you done something?"

"Me? What would I do?"

"Interfere with her studies," the man continued coldly.

"Wait a second..." Hiei muttered. "Are you saying what I think you are?"

"I don't know. What do you think I am?"

"Are you trying to accuse me of having sex with her? Is that what you think made her grades drop all of a sudden?"

"I don't know. Have you?"

"NO, you sick man! She's only sixteen!"

"So?"

Hiei bristled. "Is there no other reason you could think of, or did you just call me here to dig into my personal life?"

"We need to find the root of the problem," Tayama said.

"Like you actually care," the fire demon said. "You hate her. So do you, Sato, and you, Asshole Principal."

"Can you think of nothing that may have caused her grades to suffer?" Baisotei asked. "She was one of my top students."

"Well I'm glad to hear that," Hiei said, "but I have no idea what could have done it."

"There hasn't been any family losses or anything, as there?"

"No. She doesn't exactly associate with her family, anyways."

"Do you have any idea how we could get her grades back up?"

"Give her an A."

"It's not that simple."

"Sure it is. She's always in your class, isn't she?"

"Yeah..."

"Does she do her work in class?"

"Yes."

"Does she do her homework?"

"In detention, I believe, yes."

"Has she done it lately?"

"Yes."

"What about her tests?"

"She's bombed them all."

"Bombed, eh?"

"She slept through the last one."

"Oh. Well that's nice. Do you want me to talk to her? I'll talk to her." He stood up.

"SIT. DOWN," Yamashita snapped. Hiei shrugged and resumed his seat. "We're going to have a meeting with her next period. All we need from you is any ideas you may have on improving her learning habits."

"She doesn't learn here anyways."

"Everyone learns here. Nobody knows everything."

"I never said anyone did. I just said she doesn't learn here. That could mean any multitude of things. However, in this case, it did mean that you're all pretty lousy when it comes to teaching."

"Jaganshi, you are a physical education teacher. I do not expect you to understand the skill needed to effectively get information through the skulls of stubborn teenagers. Until you fully appreciate what our teachers here do, do not insult them."

"I know what a few of your teachers here do..." Hiei said, looking pointedly at Tayama. "Shadow's told me a few stories about you." He didn't stop there. "She's also told me Sato won't let her creatively express herself... I agree murder plots are unecessary for a simple essay, but if that's how she expresses herself, you can't fail her. Maybe she's mentally unstable."

Yamashita looked curious. "Is she? That would explain a lot."

"She's not mentally unstable, but she's certainly out of the ordinary, and you people are--"

"Cramping my style, man!" Shadow finished for him from the doorway. Everyone looked up, everyone but Hiei looking furious. Baisotei quickly calmed down and merely looked confused. Shadow's attire had changed from that morning: Now she was wearing clothes so baggy there was no telling whether she was a boy or a girl, along with sunglasses, a backwards hat, and so much jewelry it wouldn't be strange to suspect she'd robbed a jewelry store and had probably gained 50 pounds in the process.

Hiei, being most used to her antics, recovered from the surprise first and crossed his arms. "Why aren't you in class, young lady?"

"I had to ask Tayama something."

"GO BACK TO CLASS, JAGANSHI!" Yamashita screamed. The force of his shout blew the rapper disguise right off Shadow and left her standing in the clothes she'd put on that morning, plus a hat. She merely winced, then looked around at the gathering.

"Hey, you guys weren't talking about me, were you? Cuz my ears have been burning since the beginning of second period."

Yamashita fumed. "Go. Back. To. CLASS, Jaganshi!"

"Jesis Criminy, who peed in YOUR Cheerios?" Shadow asked, putting her hands on her hips. Hiei smiled a bit as the principal started changing from red to purple.

"Shadow," he said, grabbing her chin and turning her head towards him.

"Uh?" she questioned.

"Go back to class, koishii," he said. Yeah, you stuffy old bags, I addressed her as koishii in front of my 'coworkers' and she's sixteen. Make a deal out of it.

"Can I PDA?" she asked.

"NO!" Yamashita snapped. "GO BACK TO YOUR CLASS!"

"But--"

Hiei sealed his lips over hers before she could finish the protest. However, he turned them both in such a way that nobody could actually witness their lips touching. They just knew they were.

"JAGANSHI!"

Hiei pulled back and Shadow grabbed his shirt. "I need to talk to you," she said, dragging him out the door and shutting it. "What was that?"

He was laughing a bit, and leaned against the wall. "I'm being an ass today. I just felt like antagonizing them. They're blaming me for your grades."

"My grades? Is that what this is about?"

"Yeah. They think I fucked you and now you're distracted from your schoolwork with unceasing thoughts of my body."

Shadow chuckled and leaned against him, their faces mere centimeters apart. "You mean of your hot sexy naked body?"

Somebody cleared their throat from a few feet away and the pair glanced up from each other to look at none other than errand boy Kurama, come to fetch Shadow back to class.

"What's this about his naked body?" the fox asked. "Or do I want to know?"

"Yamashita thinks my grades dropped because I'm thinking of how great Hiei looks with no clothes on."

"Oh." Kurama tilted his head. "So why have your grades dropped?"

"Because I want to see if I can be failing the class then make a super comeback and get the highest grade in the class with FOUR THOUSAND POUNDS OF EXTRA CREDIT! WOOHOOO!" She kissed Hiei and ran away. Kurama sighed and followed at a slower pace.

"Well?" Yamashita prompted when Hiei returned to the conference room.

"Her grades dropped because she's extremely bored. Having a conference with her will result in nothing but your own insanity and her joy, so I advise against it. Can I go back to my job now? It's what I'm getting paid for. I'm not getting paid to worry about that lunatic's grades."

"Jaganshi," Yamashita growled.

"Ta!" Hiei said, way too cheerfully, with a wave and a smile to match. The second he was out in the hall, he replaced the smile with a glowering, evil, sulking frown of doom. He stayed that way until his lunch period, when Shadow came to visit him in the gym.

"HIEI-KOISHII!" she squealed, running across the gym and tackling him. He hit the ground on his back, nearly knocking the wind out of his lungs.

"Oh, jeez..." he muttered, already in a better mood despite being attacked and pinned to the dirty gym floor.

"How're you?" Shadow asked. Hiei pulled her closer and kissed her.

"Now I'm fine," he said, smiling. After a second he asked, "Have you lost weight?"

Shadow tilted her head, not sure whether to be offended or happy. "Yeah... I haven't been eating enough since school started."

"Well if that's the reason, it's not a good thing. Not like you needed to lose weight in the first place, you've got a great body..."

"Oh, thank you," she said, smiling. "Glad you think so. It's not like I was trying to lose it, anyways."

He pulled up her shirt and looked at her stomach.

"Hey!" she yipped.

"You're not to the unhealthy point, but you'd better start eating more, koi."

Again, Shadow wasn't sure how to react. "Um... okay."

"Can I get up off the floor now?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Well yeah. I'm still trying to figure out if you were complimenting me on losing weight or making fun of me."

"I wasn't doing either! I was just saying you have, and if you keep losing weight, you'll get sick. You were perfect before."

"So what am I now? Imperfect?"

"No, it's not that, you're still perfect, but you're skinnier now."

"I'm nothin' but muscle now!" she said proudly, and hit herself in the stomach. "Check that out! Muscle!"

Hiei smiled, amused. "I love you."

"Huh? Why?"

"Why?"

"I mean, why did you just randomly say that?"

"I don't know. Because I do. Am I only allowed to say it at certain times?"

"No, but I was just... Oh, never mind. I love you too."

In a considerably better mood, Hiei spent the remainder of that hour in his office with Shadow, trying to puzzle out why she wouldn't just do her work in class and have detentions to sleep through. It was because, she said, she slept in classes and did her work in detention and it was easier that way. He eventually gave up and told her she made no sense, then spent the rest of the time under her tender loving care while she examined his wrist.

The chapter title makes more sense now, I assume?I hope? It doesn't matter. Anyways, I've got ONE DAY and TWO HOURS of school left. Why do they make us go to school for two hours? What a waste of resources... and we getso much extra pollution just cuz they gotta transport a couple kids to school... Nobody GOES on the last day, except if they're forced to or something...