Disclaimer : I disclaim characters and title.
I thought I would die.
The blade pressed against my wrist.
I thought I wouldn't make it out alive…to see him.
I knew what led me here. We got into a fight. I professed my love and he scoffed at me like I was some unworthy child. Maybe he thought the Yoko in me had me professing my desire everyday like it was nothing. In truth, he was the only one. I never even told my mother those three words. She knew it when she looked into my eyes. She knew it when she woke up from near-death and I was there. She knew it from the moment I was old enough to ignore her and I chose not to. But Hiei couldn't read my signs. Maybe he was scared to. But it was only him I said 'I love you' to.
The blade was still there.
Still pressed against my wrist.
Wanting it to push harder and make a deep slice.
I remember this blade. I remember it because Hiei touched it once with his flames. I loved watching the fire, glistening in reds and golds, and even black…I guess a little bit of Hiei went through. The flames danced. At one moment I would see a man and woman dancing, and in another moment, two doves flying. I loved watching that fire. The one that Hiei had made. The one that the blade threatening my life had been immersed in. I love things that Hiei has touched.
I wondered when the blade would move.
It was getting frustrating waiting. I never liked to wait for death. I'd rather rush into it.
I almost wanted to will it to happen. Then I wouldn't have to think. I watched a movie once where a man died and the first thing that left his body was all feeling. So that when he was lying on the autopsy table, he saw what was happening but couldn't feel it. I don't want that to happen. I don't want to be conscious when I'm dead. It would hurt too much seeing others in pain around me. It's no matter that I know all about the Spirit Realm and its rules. You see…when you're staring death in the face, your mind doesn't think too rationally. All it wants to do is justify your death. So reality gets a little twisted.
I wonder if Hiei will be mad. I wonder if he will scoff at my body and blame its lifelessness on Yoko. He likes to blame my faults on something I can't control. I think it's because he doesn't want the real me to be this way.
He'll probably be mad that I took his blade. Maybe I should return it.
Entering this room, I thought I would die. Blade pressed up against my wrist.
Entering this room, I was wrong.
And when Hiei opened the door, not realizing that I was there of course, I saw the look in his eyes. My supposed death wasn't the first thing I had been wrong about. So maybe Hiei knew. Just like my mother could always tell without a word spoken to her, Hiei could tell as well. He knew my purpose for being here.
Blade pressed against my wrist.
Hiei's eyes transfixed.
His hand moving of its own accord.
The blade pushed away.
"Hn stupid fox. Stealing my blade. Stop letting Yoko control you."
Then again…some things I'm right about.