(6-29-05) Did you get the memo? I'm done writing this story! DONE! I finished it at 4:12 this morning. Of course, I still have to finish posting it, and I wanna read over the last chapter, but I'm done writing! DONE! DONE! I could cry! I'm so happy! I think I'll take a little break... and not write anything for a while... Like, until Eclipse gets back from vacation and I've had a party for finishing this story. I'VE BEEN WRITING THIS DAMN THING FOR TEN MONTHS! DOCUMENT CREATED AUGUST 25! TEN! MONTHS!
The site says I have 799 reviews, but I just got another one in my email, so I'm saying I've got 800. WOOT! 800! Think we can reach 1,000? I think we can. I have FAITH! There's 32 chapters, this is 26, I average around 30 reviews per chapter, so that's another 210 if I get 30 on every chapter, and that'd boot me up to 1,010! YAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAY!
Warning: Shadow harassing Hiei about his past sex life. So, if you don't want to read Shadow being a pervert and accusing Hiei of being a skank or an easy target at bars, um... It's not THAT big a part of the story, just read it, dammit!
CHAPTER TWENTY SIX
Giggles!
The Monday following the first play rehearsal, Kurama, Eclipse, and Shadow all went to Tashiro's office first thing when they arrived to school. He looked up when they entered and smiled.
"Shut the door, would you?"
Kurama pushed the door shut and all three took seats at the new principal's suggestion.
"You probably assumed as much, but I just want to tell you that you're not in trouble."
"We had indeed assumed as much," Shadow assured him.
"Good. Now, to move on to why you are here." He leaned forward a bit. "Have any of you ever considered enrolling in the exchange student program?"
Three eyebrows raised in unison.
"Exchange students?" Kurama asked.
"Like, to America?" Eclipse added.
"Count me out, I'm not goin' to school next year," Shadow dismissed. "Not unless I'm gettin' paid, man."
Tashiro laughed a little bit. "Of course you are. Everyone has to go to school."
"I don't. All I need to do is hack into the government computers and wipe my existence from their databases, and nobody will be concerned with whether I go to school or not. Or I could buy a small island in the Pacific and live there alone with Hiei and nobody will be concerned with anything about us."
"Shadow, you may want to do that, but things like that just don't happen."
"They happen to me. I don't dream. I live. And if I want something, I make it happen." She smiled sweetly. "Was that all?"
"Well... yeah, I guess... if you're not interested, I guess I'll just see you here next year."
"Uh, sure." She smiled again, then left, waving cutely at her two friends.
"What's with--"
"Just ignore her. You know she's abnormal," Kurama said nervously. "What was this about exchange students?"
"Well, I was wondering if the three of you--well, two, now--would be interested in enrolling as exchange students to America. You've got excellent gradepoint averages, all your records are good, and... well, it'd be a good experience for your futures. What do you think?"
Kurama shrugged. "It sounds interesting. Where would we be going?"
"The United States. I'm not sure exactly where... So you're interested?"
"Yeah. Why not?"
"And you, Eclipse?"
"If he's going, so am I."
Tashiro smiled. "That's excellent. I have some things for you to fill out... Of course, you'll have to discuss this with your parents... So it's all still in the early, hopeful stages... There is, of course, a cost..."
"We'll see what we can do," Kurama said, taking the papers the man handed him.
"I need those papers back by the end of the week, if you don't mind..."
"No problem. Is that all?" the fox asked, standing.
"Yes, that's it. All the information you need is there, in those papers. If you have any questions, feel free to talk to me."
"Sure. Thank you, sir."
"No problem, Shuuichi. Have a good day."
Weeks passed. Shadow and Kurama had rehearsal every evening, they and Hiei had talent show rehearsal once or twice a week, Eclipse and the fox turned in their completed exchange forms, and surprisingly, Nakada and Arisa continued staying out of their hair.
"I'm kinda disappointed, y'know?" Shadow said. She was sprawled across Hiei's lap on the couch while Eclipse, Kurama, and Ryu were sitting around the living room.
"How come?" Ryu asked. "I think it's great. Arisa hasn't bothered me once since you got those pictures."
"That's great and all, Ryu, don't get me wrong, but I kinda like being able to harass people... I can't harass her, because then she'll harass you. Nakada won't harass me because then I'll harass her and she can't harass you cuz he started it. It sucks. I liked whipping Nakada. It was fun."
"And funny," Eclipse added. Kurama pinched her. "Ow! You jerk!"
"Am not."
"Well, weren't you plotting all those things to do to Nakada to get him to pick a fight with you?" Hiei reminded. "Just pester him innocently for a little while and he'll pitch a fit. Then you can whip his ass and show Slut-face's mother those pictures."
"Good idea, koi. You've always got a brilliant solution." She kissed his lips as she got up. "Who wants dinner?"
"Me," four voices answered in unison.
"What do you want?"
"Not ramen," Hiei answered.
"I could order pizza," she suggested. "My birthday's tomorrow, and I don't feel like making dinner."
"Excellent. Order pizza," Hiei said. "Whatever works."
"I want Subway," Eclipse said.
"Then go get it. You've got a car, haven't you?"
"Yeah, but it's at home."
"It is? Then how'd you get here?"
"Kurama brought her, genius," Hiei said.
"Yeah, really, gen-ius," Eclipse repeated insultingly.
"Shut up, jackass! Go get your own damned Subway! Have your boyfriend take you!" Shadow stomped out of the room.
"Good one, Eclipse," Hiei said sarcastically, grabbing a pillow from the other side of the couch and laying down.
"I'm not her boyfriend," Kurama said, knowing Shadow wouldn't hear.
"Can I borrow your car, fox?" Eclipse asked.
"No."
"Can I borrow your car, Ryu?"
"No, but I could drive you to Subway if you'd like."
"Would you? I've love you forever!"
"Fine." Ryu stood up, and Eclipse lunged off Kurama's lap and followed him out of the room.
"Fine! Get lost, you traitor!" Kurama said. Then he promptly went and laid down on the other side of the couch without a pillow, since Hiei had stolen it.
"Okay, guys! Pizza is ordered!" Shadow announced, coming into the room. She tapped Kurama's feet and he opened one eye. "Move."
He pointed to where Hiei was laying. "Make your boyfriend move."
"He won't move. He's rude."
"Then lay on top of him."
Shadow blinked. "Excellent idea as always, fox." And she did. Hiei put his arms around her and rested his hands on her stomach.
"So what are you two wearing tomorrow?" Kurama asked.
"Clothes," they answered simultaneously.
"I know that... But what are you wearing to dinner?"
"Clothes," they said again.
"Are you gonna wear a dress, Shadow?" he asked, sitting up.
"Me? A dress? Why, pray tell, would I wear a dress?"
"Because that's what you're supposed to wear to a place like that. You'll look scruffy otherwise."
"I didn't wear a dress last year."
"And you looked scruffy."
"Scruffy is a good word to describe her," Hiei said. "She is scruffy."
"Because I don't care what anyone thinks."
"She wears her hair the same all the time..."
"Too much trouble to do anything else with it."
"She dresses in mismatched clothes sometimes..."
"I just wear the first thing I see."
"Everything about her is disorderly..."
"It's orderly to me."
"She acts more like a guy than a girl half the time..."
"Except when I'm making out with you."
"Except when she's making out with me..."
"And when I'm groping you..."
"Guys could do that, too."
"Guys could make out with you, too."
"Not the same way you do."
"Then they couldn't grope you the same way either."
"Fine. You act like a girl when you're groping me, too."
"And when you're groping me."
"What? I never grope you!"
"Bullshit, Hiei! What about last night!"
"That wasn't really groping... That was..."
"Groping."
"Fine. But what's that got to do with you acting like a girl?"
"I have boobs."
"Yes, you do. But that's a feature, not an action."
"Fine, jackass. What about... When I'm cleaning the house?"
"When'd you do that?"
"Um... Remember that time those wolf-guys from the future were here?"
Hiei snorted and cracked up laughing. "Oh, dear Shadow... That was a long time ago."
"Shut up."
"And guys can clean houses too."
"Well fine! I'll have your baby and you can't come back with 'guys can do that too' THEN!"
"Isn't that planning ahead a little bit?"
"About nine months."
"What?"
"Cuz you're gonna make hot, passionate love to me right here and now."
"What!"
"With Kurama watching."
"What!"
"Maybe he could join in."
"NO!"
She rolled over and straddled him. "Come on, Hiei! Fuck me silly! I know you can!"
"But--"
"Unless you can't, since Mukuro was always dominant..."
"Not always!"
"Oh really?"
"And besides, it's not like she's not the only person I've ever had sex with."
"Oh! Oh! The secret's out! Hiei gets around! Who else?"
"Nobody you know."
"Ever have sex with a guy?"
"What?"
"I won't hold it against you, y'know. Makai is a tough place, and sometimes you just need to take what comes to you. Ever been fucked by a guy?"
"Shadow...!"
"Ever fucked a guy?"
"No!"
"So if you ever had sex with a guy, you were submissive then, too!"
"What is your obsession with my position during sex!"
"How come Mukuro was always on top?"
"She wasn't always!"
"Well fine! How often was she?"
"I don't know..."
"More often than not?"
Hiei blushed slightly. "Yeah... maybe..."
"Okay, and why?"
"It was a show of dominance, okay?"
"She has you pussywhipped, doesn't she? She beat you in a fight and she dominates you in bed!"
"Dominated. Past tense. I haven't had sex with her since you and me have been together."
"Good boy. Want a reward?"
"Not really."
"Why not?"
"'Cause, knowing you, God knows what it'll be."
"Molestation."
"I don't want to be molested."
"Why not? You love me."
"Well you don't molest when you love somebody."
"Fondle? Grope? Tenderly kiss and touch and tease?"
"Um..."
"Just how many lovers have you had, Hiei?"
"Lovers?"
"Oh, you know. How many different people have you been naked in bed with?"
"I don't know! Why are you prying into my sex life? I lived in Makai, or have you forgotten?"
"So did I, but I'm still a virgin."
"I lived in Makai for decades longer than you did, and I'm male. You were merely a child when you were in Makai. Okay? Can you stop prying now?"
"So are you just saying that when you felt like having sex, you jumped on somebody and screwed them in the nearest forest clearing?"
"You make me out to be some kind of animal! Jeezus!"
"Well did you?"
"No! I didn't just jump out of trees onto random passerbys, tear off all our clothes, and screw them, alright?"
"Did you... go to bars dressed skanky and seduce people?"
"No!"
"Hotels?"
"No!"
"Did you stand on street corners?"
"No! Shadow! I wasn't a prostitute or a pimp or some easy prey sulking at the bar totally trashed!"
"Then what were you?"
"You're being really mean to the poor guy," Kurama pointed out from the other end of the couch. "It's not his fault he's not open about his sex life. Maybe he had a bad experience, or was somebody's bitch for a year or two of his life."
"You're not helping," Hiei snarled.
"Were you?"
"What? Ever raped? Or was I somebody's bitch?"
Shadow paused, staring into his eyes, before she laid back down on him and hugged him. "I'm sorry. I'm being mean."
"Yeah, you better be sorry."
"Are you mad?"
"No."
Kurama chuckled quietly. "You two are funny."
"Why?"
"Never mind. So are you wearing a dress, Shadow?"
"If Hiei wants me to," she said.
"I think Hiei should wear a tux."
"Where am I gonna get a tux between now and tomorrow evening?"
"Shadow."
"Where would Shadow get a tux?"
She sat up. "I'll need all his exact measurements." She reached in her pocket and pulled out a tape measure.
"Right there," Kurama said, pointing to her pocket.
"Could she pull a tux out of her pocket?"
"I don't know! Ask her."
"Shadow?"
"Yes I could. I'm gonna have to pull my dress out of my pocket, aren't I?"
"You have dresses in your closet upstairs."
"Psh. Skanky ones that I might wear to turn you on so I can get laid..."
Hiei sighed. "You've got a one track mind."
"Yup. You."
"Well, I'm glad you like me. Our relationship wouldn't do well if you didn't."
"I like you a lot, Hiei. You're strong and smart and hot as hell."
Kurama cleared his throat. "And Shadow, you've got to do something with your hair."
"What?"
"Wear it down or something!"
"Oh, shut your trap, foxboy. You don't know what you're talking about. You think you're so smart..."
"I am smart."
"Yeah, you keep telling yourself that."
"You're biased. If I said that Hiei was hot, you'd suddenly think I was a freakin' genius again."
"Hiei is hot."
"See?"
"Hiei, you've got to stand up. I need all your measurements so I can make the perfect tux for you."
"You can make it without. You just want an excuse to touch me some more."
"Yeah, you're right. Now stand up."
Hiei sighed and obeyed. She was in the middle of measuring his inseam when the doorbell rang.
"That's the pizza! Kurama, come here and hold this!" She nodded towards the measuring tape in her hands.
"No!" Hiei and the fox said in unison.
"I'm not getting near Hiei's crotch."
"I don't want him near my crotch!" Hiei snapped. The doorbell rang again.
"HOLD IT OR DIE!" she screamed in rage and fury.
"Yes ma'am," Kurama squeaked. He took the tape measure and held it exactly how she'd had it while she ran to the door.
"Why couldn't you have just answered the door, dickweed?" Hiei snapped. "Get your freakin' hands off me."
Kurama obeyed. "Sorry. Youko made me."
"I think Shadow was right. Youko was never after her. He was after me."
"Don't flatter yourself."
Meanwhile, Shadow answered the door and stared at the pizza delivery boy.
"You are a pizza delivery boy?"
"Yep. Gimme my money and my tip," Yusuke said, handing her the pizzas.
"I don't think I should. You interrupted me."
"That's nice. I figured I would. In fact, I waited until I felt that I would be interrupting something before I came. Now pay me, please."
"Well, since you said please..." She pulled the money out. "First, tell me what you think I should wear to dinner with Hiei tomorrow."
"How about nothing?"
"To dinner?"
"Oh. Well, wear something enticing and easy to remove, so you two can make passionate love afterwards."
Shadow chuckled. "You think exactly the same way I do, Yusuke. Hiei doesn't."
"Maybe he doesn't want to screw you because he's afraid he'll get you pregnant, or maybe he has STDs or a little dick."
Back in the living room, Hiei rolled his eyes. "Not only does he deliver pizza, but he accuses me of having a little dick. I think it's about time me and Yusuke had another match."
"Now, now, Hiei. Maybe he's just jealous. Maybe Yusuke has a baby dick."
Hiei snickered. "Yeah. Maybe he's all muscular with immense amounts of ki, talks big and is full of himself, but secretly has a tiny penis."
"How ironic."
The two demons were sent into fits of uncharacteristic giggles. (giggle is such a funny word)
Meanwhile, Shadow was looking offended. "Hiei does not have a small dick! I should know!" She made squeezy motions with her hand.
"Oh yeah. Forgot about that."
"I'm not giving you a tip now."
"What if I apologize and make myself look gay by fawning over how wonderful Hiei is?"
"Go for it." She set the pizza aside and crossed her arms. Yusuke shifted nervously.
"Okay, well, um... First off, I'm sorry for insulting him, and, um..." He glanced at his watch. "Oh, jeez! I've been here too long already! I gotta get back to work or I'll get fired!" He turned to leave and Shadow caught his wrist.
"What, leaving without your money?"
"Oh. Um. Yeah." He held out his hand.
"Nope. Say something good about Hiei."
"He's strong."
"And?"
"Fast?"
"Continue."
"He, um... Is... uh... He's short..."
"How's that good?"
"Well, they say short people make up for their height with the size of their penis."
"We've already established that he's well-endowed. Say something else about him."
"Um... He's kinda cute when he sleeps?"
"Kinda?"
"Okay, he's cute."
In the living room, Hiei and Kurama started laughing again.
"Anything else you want to say?"
"Um... He's... Uh... He's..."
"Want to sound really gay?"
"Not really, no..."
"I'm the only one gonna hear you. Say he's hot."
"No!"
"If you refuse too fiercly, I might think you actually believe it."
"Fine. He's... um... He's hot."
"WOOHOO!" She kissed his cheek and handed him the cost of the pizza, plus an equal tip. "Good boy! Thanks for the prompt pizza delivery and the way you so easily submitted to my taunts. Ja mata ne!" She shut the door and ran back into the living room, launching herself over the back of the couch and into Hiei's arms. He caught her and kept his footing, until she somehow knocked him off balance and they both fell into Kurama's lap.
And, of course, in typical humiliating cliche style, Eclipse and Ryu returned at that moment and walked into the room.
"Wow! Threesome!" Ryu yelped.
"Kurama! You're cheating on me!"
"I can't cheat on you, you're not my girlfriend," he retorted automatically, then realized how she would take that.
"Oh my God! So you ARE having a threesome!"
"Oh. Oh yes, of course, Eclipse. Right in the middle of Shadow's living room floor."
Hiei picked up Shadow and quickly got her into the dining room, where their pizza was waiting. He sat down on a chair and she stayed in his lap. To Eclipse's somewhat disgust, they fed each other the entire meal.
"You guys are gross!" she complained every two minutes.
"You're jealous," Shadow retorted. "Do you think Hiei should wear a tux tomorrow night?"
"What's tomorrow night?"
"My birthday, dipweed!"
"Well how was I supposed to remember that? You didn't remember mine!"
"The authoress didn't remember yours. But we went to your stupid party anyways, without anyone's knowledge!"
"And you loved it, didn't you?"
"Whatever. The point is, do you think Hiei should wear a tux?"
"I do, if that's of any help," Ryu offered.
"And what about me? What should I wear?"
"A dress, considering where you're going."
"What kind of dress?"
"Something sexy," Kurama suggested. "Sexy without being skanky."
"Okay... Colors?"
"Red or black... maybe dark blue," Kurama suggested.
"Red or black would go better with her eyes," Ryu pointed out.
"Good point. Shadow? Red or black?"
"Black."
"Alright. And what about her hair?" Kurama asked.
"I don't know..." Ryu shrugged. "I'll think of something."
"Hiei? Any ideas?"
"No... Keep analyzing my girlfriend... I feel like I'm in a frikkin' zoo. Psychos. Are you sure you're not both gay?"
"Hiei, don't be rude! Gay and bisexual are two different things," Shadow snapped.
"And I'm not gay or bisexual," Kurama snapped. "Youko may be, but I'm not."
"You just said Youko was gay. After all his denying and complaining, his counterpart goes ahead and tells the truth... He must feel really betrayed right now..."
"Who's Youko?" Ryu asked.
"He's not gay," Kurama said calmly. "He's a demon."
"So? Demons can be gay."
"Demon? What are you guys talking about?"
Shadow and Kurama froze, then glanced at Ryu. "Oops."
"Y'know, I always did suspect something fishy was up with all of you... Demons?"
"It's uh, nothing. It's an inside joke or something, yes, that's it, inside joke indeed," Kurama said hastily.
"Then who is Youko?"
"My ex," Shadow said. Everybody turned and stared like she was insane. Hiei snorted and pushed her onto the floor.
"Jeez, Shadow. Thanks for telling me," he said sarcastically. He got up to leave and she scrambled to her hands and knees, crawling wildly after him.
"Wait, koishii!" She grabbed his hand. He turned and looked down at her. She stared up at him pathetically, then flung her arms around him and started sobbing and begging for mercy.
"Shadow! You're putting yourself in a very comprimising position!" Hiei snapped. She stopped abruptly and leaned back a bit, realizing that indeed she was in just that perfect place, and that her hands were really close to his ass. They stayed like that for a minute, the entire room silent. Shadow stared at Hiei's crotch, Hiei stared at Shadow, and the other three in the room stared at Hiei. Finally, Ryu spoke up.
"Well? You gonna just stare at it all day?"
Shadow grabbed Hiei's belt buckle and he instantly grabbed her hands, kneeling and holding them behind her back.
"We'll save it for another day," he said. Ryu sighed.
"You guys are going nowhere fast."
"And that's good. If a relationship moves to fast, all kinds of bad shit could happen," Kurama said.
"Really! Just look at Romeo and Juliet! They got married under 24 hours after their first meeting, and they both ended up DEAD a few days later!" Shadow pointed out accusingly.
"But you're not some 13-year-old little stupid girl," Eclipse said. "You should be responsible when you and Hiei make mad passionate love in the back of Kurama's car."
"I never!" Shadow said indignantly. Hiei, who was still kneeling in front of her, released her hands so she could wrap her arms around him lovingly. "The back of a car is far too small for the wild sex we're gonna have."
"But don't you want to chain me up?" Hiei asked. "I won't be goin' anywhere if you chain me up, so what does it matter if we're in the back of a car?"
"Excellent point, koishii. Kurama? Can we have the use of your car for the night? Me and Hiei have some... business to take care of." She moved her hips against her boyfriend's enticingly.
"I'd really rather you didn't use my car, if it's all the same to you."
"Can we use your bed?"
"Why don't you use your own bed? You've got a double bed. I don't."
"Good point." Her hands moved down slowly to the bottom of Hiei's shirt. Eclipse cleared her throat.
"We have a guest, you know," she said.
"I don't mind," Ryu replied, grinning.
"Don't you have a boyfriend, though?" Kurama asked.
"Yeah, but what he doesn't know won't hurt him."
"Such disloyalty," the fox sighed.
"He's not disloyal," Shadow said, slipping off Hiei's shirt. "He's just checking out a hot guy who happens to be the phys ed teacher at his school, my boyfriend, and about 11 years older than us both. I don't see anything wrong with that. It's not like Hiei's gonna actually sleep with him or anything."
"Exactly."
"Unless it makes you uncomfortable, Hiei?" Shadow asked.
"I don't care."
"That's what I thought."
They eventually relocated to the living room again, and Kurama and Ryu continued their discussion about Shadow's attire for the following night over a game of poker. When Ryu lost horribly, he agreed that he would help Kurama get the two fixed up for their date.
That game was followed up by strip poker, which they played all night, and ended up with all of them sitting around in their underwear by morning, halfway drunk, like a bunch of bums. Then they had to go to school.
"Happy birthday," Hiei said sarcastically to Shadow.
"Am I allowed to bet your underwear that I'll lose to Kurama?" she asked distractedly, chewing her lip while staring at her cards.
"No. We agreed nobody would end up naked," Kurama said. "I won't accept the bet."
"Fine. If I lose, I won't pitch a fit about you two making me 'beautiful' tonight for my date."
"Cool. What've you got?"
"Two pair."
Kurama tossed his cards on the table. "Flush. I win."
"I knew it." She shrugged and walked to the couch, laying on top of Hiei's scarcely-clad body. "You know what would be funny?"
"Hm?"
"If somebody rang the doorbell right now."
"Or if Yusuke walked right into the middle of what appears to be the afterwards of some kind of orgy," said a voice from the door.
"That'd be pretty funny too," Shadow said. Then her eyes snapped open. "Yusuke?"
"I just stopped by to say happy birthday, since I have to work immediately after school today and my cell phone is currently... out of service... so I figured I'd stop by on my way to school... But it seems I've walked in on something... And who's that?" He pointed to Ryu.
"You've never met Ryu?"
"Apparently not. Is he your new orgy pal?"
"We didn't have an orgy," Kurama said. "We played cards." To emphasize, he flung the entire deck at Yusuke, sending cards flying all over the room.
"If you say so," the boy said, straightening from where he'd ducked behind the couch. "Anyways, Shadow, happy birthday... I got you a card, if you want it."
"Of course I do! Give it here!" She jumped over the couch and grabbed the card, read it, then hugged Yusuke and kissed both his cheeks.
"I just got hugged and kissed by a sexy half-naked girl." He smiled. "My day started out well. Bye, guys!"
"My birthday looks promising, doesn't it?" Shadow asked. Hiei sighed.
"Go put on some clothes."
Yay! Come on! Review your little fingers off! Please? I'm done writing this! So now all you all gotta do is worry about when will I update? Which is all you've been worrying about this entire time! So review! Please! Just like you always do!
Incidentally... Who's gonna see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory when it comes out? I am! I can't wait. And not just cuz it's Johnny Depp. It just looks so... goofy. I also want to see War of the Worlds (Tom Cruise! Yay!) and the Fantastic 4 (um... anonymous people I don't know! Yay? But that one guy can turn into a fireball! That's exciting stuff, there).