(A/N: You know, calling them Xians is awkward, but it would be even worse if I was calling them X-Men, wouldn't it? Let us begin with what must be the fanfiction debut of one of the most obscure Godzilla monsters in history…)
Behold! I give you… King Caesar!
The mighty guardian of the Azumi family galloped across field and forest, freakishly light on his feet for a beast that tipped the scales at about 33,000 tons. His fierce, terrible bellowing rang out over the landscape, somehow lifting the hearts of all who heard.
He was, for all intents and purposes, a living Shisa, and he looked exactly like you'd expect a living Shisa to. In other words, pretty damn gruesome. His twisted, almost ape-like body was covered in a shaggy, tawny mane and occasional patches of dark scales. His mouth was ridiculously wide, filled with curving fangs, hideous lips folding out over the top of a beard that flowed down his broad chest. His wild eyes were huge, perfectly round and filled with the sort crazed gleam you'd expect from a Metallica concert-goer, one burnt orange and the other blood red.
Vaulting, tumbling and sprinting across Japan, King Caesar showed no fear of his coming confrontation with the horrible Space Monster. All that showed was the reckless enthusiasm and fierce joy for which he would forever be remembered.
The Mihama estate, early morning. It was unfortunate that Chiyo wasn't home today because it was exactly the sort that she loved. Quiet, breezy peace settled over the estate's spacious grounds like a thick blanket, broken only by birdsong, the distant rumble of Tokyo and…
"Woof! Woof! Woof woof woof woof wah-auuuuuu! Wau wau woof!" Mr. Tadakichi stood with his front paws on the veranda's rail, delivering this blistering denouncement with a fury scarcely less impressive than that of King Caesar. When his master approached, he lapsed into a loud, dangerous growl.
"What's wrong, boy?" Yasuhiro Mihama asked, coming out of the house in his bathrobe. "Chiyo come back in that silly costume again?"
Meanwhile, high in the yard's only stand of trees, two blue men in ninja garb were frantically conferring. "Did you see that thing? It's flarggin' enormous! I'm not going out there!"
"You idiot, just shoot it! We weren't told not to kill ani-!"
"Hey, there!" Mr. Mihama called from the veranda. "I wondered when you lot would come poking around. Don't bother trying to hide; the thermal cameras can see you! And you should know, by the way, that I have a shotgun."
"Ha ha, smart guy!" one of the infiltrators yelled back. "We know it's illegal to own firearms in Xap-!" BLAOW! Buckshot ripped through the branches above their heads, causing much panicked cursing and scrambling.
"What on Earth are you doing, Yasuhiro?" Mrs. Mihama asked as her husband dragged a rocking chair out onto the veranda and sat with the gun across his lap. "Waiting for the spacemen," he replied matter-of-factly. Mr. Tadakichi barked happily.
"Hey, bored to death, yet?" Xoltan asked lightly in Japanese, leaning his forearm on the back of Sakaki's chair. "This's about as exciting as it gets up here."
As a matter of fact, Sakaki wasn't bored in the least. She sat in the Prince's command chair watching the proceedings with a deep, fascinated horror. This was, after all, the nerve center of the war against her very own green Earth! Though everything was happening in X-lish and very quickly, she began to acquire a passing familiarity with the order of things. "No," she answered simply.
"Wait till you get used to it. Then you start counting the minutes and… huh?" he leaned over and let a lowly sensor guy whisper in his ear. In X-lish: "Yeah, sure. I'll go check it out." Then, turning back to Sakaki with a grin: "Taking any excuse you can to get out. You girls want a drink or something?"
Sakaki shook her head. Xandra failed to respond; she was staring about in undisguised fascination, obviously unable to keep up with everything that was going on. The third-in-command bowed casually to his future Queen and hopped the rail to leave.
That conversation was, in its way, more disturbing than her abduction by Xond. If only the alien invaders were a horde of faceless stormtroopers, or hideous, tentacled monstrosities in three-legged war machines! Then it would be easier to hate them… but these blue people from the stars (or from beyond Jupiter, anyway) were just that: people. What would they do if they managed to conquer Earth? Would Xolarus give a straight answer if she asked?
She looked at the alien commander, leaning past the Keeper's shoulder and gesticulating over his board, spouting a constant stream of that weird, lyrical language. The dragon had taken up a position on one shoulder; though mostly ignored, it seemed to bask in the Prince's very presence. This man had fallen in love with her?
To her knowledge, nobody ever had before.
Hell. The Xians thought they were doing what was right for Earth, and how did she know they were wrong? Of course, the Conquistadores thought they were doing a good thing, too… but they hadn't brought space demons to the table. It just seemed a strange way to look at beings that had reached across the stars to them: They don't know any better.
In short, Sakaki was pretty durn confused. All she could do was cooperate and hope that this horrible King she'd been told of didn't decide to step in and decimate Earth.
"My Prince!" Xond called, entering and hopping the rail to crouch on the console next to Sakaki. He hissed when he saw that he'd addressed the wrong person and wheeled about to face Xolarus. Now Sakaki didn't understand any of this exchange, but she got the emotional gist of it.
"What is it? And stand on the floor like a sentient being!"
Xond stepped down. He was wearing his Earthman makeup and business suit; his golden eyes looked a little jarring, but the prescribed sunglasses hung from his breast pocket. "I've got a lead on this 'Guardian' we've been worried about."
"Oh?" The Prince didn't notice that Xandra looked like she'd been kicked in the gut.
"Yes. With your leave, I am going to go down with two of my men. I believe that we can nip this problem at the bud."
"If that's the case, then go right ahead. Do I want to know?"
"No," the agent said unequivocally. "I will give you a call when the situation is resolved. Oh, and you should thank Xandra, here." He ruffled her silvery hair, making the poor girl cringe as if a bat had landed there. "It's thanks to her cooperation that I can do this."
"Well, good luck," the Prince said, quickly returning to his direction.
Sakaki looked over to her attendant. Xandra was breathing with difficulty, looking for all the world like the bridge was closing in on her. She continued to shudder long after Xond had left, choking on the cloud of malicious glee in his wake. "Are you all right?" Sakaki asked, feeling like a bit of an idiot.
"No," Xandra hugged herself. "I mean, yes. I…"
Sakaki stood and gently took her arm. When Xolarus glanced over, she said, "I'm sorry. I'm not feeling well."
"Oh, that's too bad. We liked having you… uh, when this other giant monster is dealt with, I was going down to inspect Sendai personally. It would mean a lot to me if you came as well, if you're feeling better."
"Sure."
"Xcisha!" Xandra called softly, holding out her arm. When the dragon didn't respond, she snapped a little, more upset than angry. "Xishka!"
Seeing this, Xolarus made a vague shooing gesture, setting dragon flapping back to her. "Here you go. And thanks for helping with the Guardian."
"N-no problem."
The two girls left together to the scattered well-wishes of a few officers. Xandra didn't speak until they had entered the elevator and the metallic disk beneath their feet was rushing down through a round shaft lined with slowly climbing circular lights. "I'm so… so sorry…" she whimpered. "I didn't mean to… he… I shouldn't have told him, but… but I…"
Sakaki didn't know quite how to respond, so she stood impassively, aching through her poker-face. She hated to see people and creatures in pain, especially cute ones. And Xandra was sorta cute in a weirdly pigmented sort of way.
"Does it bother you that your only attendant is a basket case?" she finally asked.
"What?" Sakaki blinked. "I don't think you're…"
"Ah, you still don't know me too well. I've had scrambled eggs for brains ever since I was little… oh, but this latest bit is priceless. Did you know I had a sister?"
"Uh…"
Xandra laughed bitterly. "According to the voices in my head, I do. She's an Earth girl! And do you know what else? She's carrying the guardian of Earth in an egg to some radioactive island! That's why Xond is going down, you know? He thinks there's something to it, and now I'm really hoping I am insane, because otherwise I might've doomed your world by being a spineless milksop!"
Sakaki looked down at her. "A… sister?"
"I thought he was going to kill me, so I told him everything!" she was crumpling in on herself; her emotional pendulum had swept all the way from bitter humor back to anguished despair. "Oh… I wish he had…!"
"Don't say that," Sakaki said firmly, laying an arm across her shoulders.
"You don't think it's really true?" she asked pathetically. "My sister and the egg and all that, do you?"
Sakaki opened her mouth to say something reassuring—then her heart stopped. Her mind rushed back to the previous morning, as she, Chiyo and Osaka walked to school. "It looked like a fossilized mushroom, but now I think maybe it's an egg." Could it be? Could the fate of the world have been entrusted to Osaka?
"You tensed," Xandra observed quietly. "What is it?"
"Nothing."
"You're not a tense person. What happened?"
Left no other option, Sakaki explained.
And so the journey of the Fellowship continued, racing down a rain-swept highway towards Sendai, which, thanks to Ghidora, was getting to be more and more like Mordor every moment. Tomo had once again claimed shotgun, much to the dismay of those consigned to the back. The ride was mostly silent, each, even Tomo, content to be alone with her thoughts.
"Say, Osaka?" Kaori asked diffidently. "You up?"
"Yep…" She lay back in her seat, shivering slightly, head tilted back and eyes shut. Chiyo had curled up and pressed herself against the older girl; this might have been uncomfortable except that (A) Osaka could really use the warmth and (B) Chiyo-chan is certifiably the most platonically cuddle-able human being on the face of the planet.
"I'm, uh, sorry about freaking out at you earlier. I mean, I wasn't thinking clearly, but I'm sure you don't need anyone yelling at you like that."
"Ah, that's fine," Osaka smiled slightly. "Don't have time to worry 'bout things like that now, anyway."
Kaori nodded, unsatisfied. "All the same…"
"What's this?" Kagura suddenly yelped.
"All right! It's the Fuzz!" Tomo cried. "Let's charge 'em!"
Instead, they coasted to a stop before the police barricade. "Charge them? Tomo, have you gone retarded?"
"No, I'm serious! C'mon, Kagura! We don't have any stars yet, so they shouldn't bring in the Army…" (Yes, I know Japan doesn't have an official "Army.")
The driver glanced into the backseat. "Hey guys? She got that new Grand Theft Auto game, didn't she?"
"She did," Yomi said tiredly.
"Damn… well, I'll still beat it before you!" Kagura gave the wildcat a playful shove and turned back again. "Okay, seriously, what are we gonna do, guys?"
"I'm tellin' you…!"
"Tomo!" Yomi barked. "Shut! Up!" The grateful silence that followed saw a few seconds of furious thought, then Yomi continued in a much milder tone. "I really hate to say this, but if Sendai's closed off, we should probably go down the coast and find a boat somewhere else."
All eyes shot to Kaori. She struggled for a few seconds before giving a tight little nod. "Right. You're probably right." Operation: Rescue Sakaki, it seemed, was destined for failure… but, though she hated the conclusion from the pit of her soul, there were more important things on the line. "Right."
"Does your family have boats anywhere else?" Yomi asked.
"No. Well, one in Tokyo, but it doesn't have the range." Chiyo glanced at the barricade. "Maybe… maybe we should talk to them?"
"Couldn't we steal a boat?" Tomo suggested.
"Right, I nominate Yomi to go over there," Kagura said. "She looks the most like a respectable, mature adult." Of course, her light sprinkling of sarcasm couldn't compete with the marinade in Tomo's voice. "Yeah, jeez, how did that happen?"
"All right, all right," Yomi grumbled. "I'll go talk to them."
She stepped out of the car, smoothed out her clothes and wiped off her glasses. Adopting a serious expression, Yomi squared her shoulders and set out towards the line of police cars determinedly. To those watching from the car, she seemed to grow three or four inches taller. "Excuse me?" she called to a loose officer, "Excuse me, sir?"
"Huh?" he glanced over, setting his coffee down. He sure didn't look like our first line of defense against alien assault.
"I'm sorry to bother you, but my friends and I have to get into Sendai."
The cop looked at her oddly. "Why?"
"Well…" Yomi gave a start as a line of tanks started to rumble through the barricade next to them. As she glanced over, one was stopped and some officers started talking to the Tank Commander. "How do I put this? I'm traveling with Chiyo Mihama, and we have to get to the boat her family keeps here because one of my friends has the Guardian of Earth in an egg that we have to get to Birth Island so that it can hatch."
This warranted a good five-second stare. "Um, ma'am, have your medications just kicked in?" Yomi straightened angrily. "I'm sorry, but how do you expect me to believe such a ridiculous story? Er, hold on…" he called over his shoulder, "Hey, hurry up with those laser tanks! The spacemen could attack any minute!"
Yomi slapped her forehead. "Listen, I'm not lying--!" Her train of thought was brutally derailed by something huge, hairy and graceful that flashed by behind the officer and vanished into the city. "Holy crap, did you see that?" she shrieked, pointing.
The cop turned, but the whatever-it-was was already gone and his annoyance quintupled. "I think you'd better go, ma'am," he said through a thin layer of civility.
Yomi wandered back to the car in a daze, leaning heavily on the hood. "Did any of you see that?" she asked vacantly. "Did you…?"
"What?" Kagura asked, leaning out the window.
"This huge… devilish… thing."
"What, you mean like a rolly poly?" Osaka asked, eyes cracking open.
"No! Not like a rolly--! Never mind." Yomi shook her head, springing deftly into the present. "Okay. He wouldn't let us through, so what now?"
"Hijacking a police car's out, isn't it?" Tomo sounded disappointed but resigned. "I don't suppose we could get an assault rifle and blast our way through?"
King Caesar's great paws left jagged craters in the streets of Sendai as he pounded towards his foe. He skidded around a corner and at long last faced King Ghidora, a gleaming statue poised over a wide field of rubble. It was then that the imbalance between them became apparent; fifty meters tall made Caesar a colossus by any standard, but unfortunately, the Space Monster was more like a hundred and fifty meters tall, and perching atop the Manufacturing Works made him seem even larger.
If he was bothered by the fact the other was more than twice his size, King Caesar didn't let on. He roared a challenge at the Space Monster, stomping his feet, capering, snarling and generally carrying on like a Mexican professional wrestler. Ghidora was less than concerned. Two heads swiveled unhurriedly towards the Earth monster and belched a pair of gravity beams at him.
If you put a gun to my head and forced me to name an onomatopoeia for the sound that followed, it would be crick! Bweeeeeeen! Caesar's orange eye glowed with a strange internal light and a sphere of distorted air rushed out from it. As they crossed into the distortion, the gravity beams twisted out of their course and vanished harmlessly into the eye's burnt-orange depths.
Then, doubled in power and focus, they erupted from his red eye, snapping across the distance between them and driving into the Space Monster with sledgehammer force! Ghidora shrieked in surprise, toppling from his tower with an impossible crash and a billowing cloud of dust.
Caesar didn't waste any time, sprinting towards the dragon even as he fell, plunging a knobby hand unhesitatingly into a building and wrenching a great I-beam free in passing, vaulting to the top of the Manufacturing Works and then into the air over the Space Monster, bringing the improvised weapon up like a spear to plunge into Ghidora's exposed chest…
A golden tail swept him from the air, knocking the living shisa sprawling down another wide street. Gravity beams tore after him but bent crazily, slamming into skyscrapers or streaking off into the distance as he recovered with a rapid shake of his shaggy head.
Ghidora righted himself and took a menacing step towards the smaller monster—then jerked to the side as a hurled chunk of concrete whistled past his heads. One head glanced back after it—and was beaned from behind by another projectile. Caesar ripped a huge chunk out of the street beneath him and flung it discus-style at the golden beast, knocking him a stumbling back in a burst of pulverized pavement.
Caesar closed the distance between them quickly, swinging his I-beam bludgeon with a vengeance. It hummed like bo-staff as it made ringing contact with the dragon's armor again and again, making his sinuous body jerk about almost snake-like as he retreated clumsily.
One head made a wide, vicious sweep for him, but Caesar wove under it like a boxer and continued his assault unchecked. Other heads tried snapping at him like cobras, rewarded only with sharp blows in their snouts and skulls. It looked like Earth just might prevail…
Then the left head grabbed hold of Caesar's thick neck and broad shoulder, raising a harsh cry of pain. The right head snatched his I-beam while the center spewed a gravity beam down at him; gladly, he still had the presence of mind to sidestep even as his weapon was torn away.
With an almost negligent gesture, Ghidora flung him soaring into the air, hocking gravity beams after him that still warped in flight, but not by nearly as much. Caesar fell right through the Mihama Industry's building like a comet, smashing it beyond repair. He stumbled to a crouch, blood pouring from his shoulder, hand pressed to his forehead and suddenly not quite so cocky.
A final gravity beam lashed straight and true at his side, blowing a huge smoking wound into his flesh and knocking him tumbling through the wreckage of the Manufacturing Works. Caesar somehow found his feet out of the roll, wavering visibly as the space-monster advanced. More beams slashed towards him—
And he was gone, leaping through the city like a Brobdingnagian gazelle. Ghidora twisted in time to see him disappear into the concrete jungle of the mostly-intact industrial sector. Howling in frustration, the Space Monster took to the air in search of his wily foe.
Most of this battle was visible from the police barricade. The men were transfixed, of course, and the officer Yomi had spoken with was feeling a little bad about being short with her over the monster sighting. He shook his head in amazement as the three-headed monster wheeled overhead, "You don't see shit like that every day."
"Hey, Honada," another officer said, "The car's still there."
"What?" he looked for himself and observed the little green car still sitting by the roadside. "Damn. I'll go get rid of 'em." Grumbling much as Yomi had on her way to him, Honada trudged over to the car and rapped on its window. "Hey!"
There was no response.
"Hey, open up!" He leaned down to look inside and groaned aloud—the car was empty.
(A/N: King Caesar's only movie appearance was in the original Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla. I would recommend you see it… but I can't do so in good conscience.)