(Author's Notes: Thanks for the wonderful feedback guys and welcome to chapter two of Pilatus: Lord of the Random! Now a lot of you want to see Keitaro have mad fun with Pilatus and get into some stuff with the girls n all. I think the latter I have included should be a nice warm up to that. Sorry this one took so long but I have been busy, but now I get to work on this and I am happy. Now as far as where this story is going, I am not too sure, I have had a few ideas that are probably going to happen in future chapters. I am glad people who reviewed liked this story, because this is one of the most fun fanfictions I have ever had the privilege to write. This chapter might be a little shorter than the last one, but trust me I tried to work hard here. Oh you think it is random now, oh just wait until you all see what I have in store for Kanako… I will keep tight-lipped about the rest of the plot, but I will say it will be a while before the brother lover makes her debut here. This chapter is probably not that great, but oh well, just wait. Better things to come! Well anyway, enjoy this next chapter. Peace, love and cabbage. Temmy out.)

(Disclaimer: I do not own Love Hina, it is property of Ken Akamatsu. I also do not own the rights to any song in here. I also to not own the rights to anything except the phrase "Smack it like you mean it!" All things belong to their respective owners. All rights reserved an all that thar.)

Pilatus: Lord of the Random

Chapter Two: Smack It Like You Mean It!

"Your mastery of the force is stunning, Darth Naru." said Keitaro, pulling himself off the door, dusting himself off. "But I have got something you don't."

"Yes, I am well aware of that. I did take anatomy, Keitaro."

"And you call me a pervert..."

"What was that?" barked Darth Naru. "How dare you mock me? Darth Naru! Supreme Ruler of the Universe!"

Keitaro began to laugh uncontrollably. "That is stupider when you say it in person! Oh god, that's great!"

Darth Naru tried to throw Keitaro again with the force, but this time, he dodged. "Damn you!"

Keitaro smirked. "Heh, think that was cool?"

Darth Naru frowned. "Yes..."

"Come on, Naru. I don't want to fight you." said Keitaro. "Just give up the Darth Naru crap and come home with me, and everything will be back to normal."

"Normal?" muttered Darth Naru. "Normal? Oh no. Normality is in the eye of the beholder. Normal does not exist, who are we to say something is something when it isn't to some other people? Normality is an abstract principal and it can't be taken at face value!"

"Excuse me?"

"Normality isn't real! None of this is real! This isn't really happening at all! Because of..."

"Stop!" yelled Keitaro cutting Darth Naru off. "Do not, I repeat do not finish that sentence! Do not make a reference to the Matrix! Do not start that, please! The Matrix is so last year anyway!"

Darth Naru jumped back. "Enough talk." She drew her lightsaber. "Fight. Now!"

Keitaro responded by drawing his lightsaber. Without warning, Darth Naru flew across the room at Keitaro with a mighty slash. Keitaro simply blocked and returned the favor with a mightier slash, knocking Darth Naru back a little.

"Where did you learn to fight like that?" asked Darth Naru between strikes.

"I should be asking you the same thing, but I think the answer is pretty obvious."

"Man, Pilatus is a real double edged sword, huh?"

"Your right, Naru." nodded Keitaro, who stopped fighting for a second. "When both sides have the same advantage this is basically a pointless stalemate."

Darth Naru stopped for a moment and looked Keitaro in the eyes. "I offer again, join me and together as husband and wife we shall rule all. Nothing would stop us."

"There is something wrong with you, your not Naru at all…" sighed Keitaro. "The real Naru would never even entertain that idea, at least I don't think so."

"Open your eyes." Said Darth Naru. "I have always loved you. It's just that…"

"You don't know how to express your emotions correctly so you lash out at me. It is also due in part to pure inner conflict and indecision inside of your heart." Smiled Keitaro. "Is that what you're looking for?"

Darth Naru took a swing at Keitaro with her fist. "Do not put words in my mouth!"

Keitaro quickly dodged and said, "You know its true."

Darth Naru began attacking Keitaro in a flurry. "Come on boy! SMACK IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT!"

"Excuse me?" asked Keitaro, who was still defending against the onslaught.

"Smack it like you mean it." Replied Darth Naru. "Take your lightsaber and fight back as hard as you can."

"No." Keitaro said calmly, putting away his lightsaber. "I will not fight you, Naru."

Darth Naru took a step back. "What?"

"I refuse to fight you. I care too much for you to even think about fighting you anymore. So kill me if you must, but I shall not fight you."

Darth Naru gave an evil and twisted smile. "Then you shall die. Like the fool that you are. I am hurt, Keitaro. I really thought you loved me. I have given you a promise of marriage if you'd just go along with my plans, but no. You have to be all 'Oh the darkness is bad, light is good!' BAH! It sickens me. You are a fool, love transcends all boundaries of belief, culture and even morals. And to think, I was ready to make the marriage official!"

Keitaro groaned. "Oh damn."

Like the true sith goddess she was, Darth Naru shot massive lightning bolts from her finger tips into Keitaro's body, sending him reeling to floor. Yet as he lay on the floor in pain, she persisted shocking. She just keep on shocking him, until he was inches from death, and just as Darth Naru was going to deliver the death blow to Keitaro, the ship's captain came over the loud speaker in a very frightened tone.

"Lord Naru! Lord Naru! Two landing craft have successfully breached our hull and are unloading troops as we speak. Not to mention that a rather large ship has now come and pinned us to earth, as our escape route is currently blocked. This ship won't make it past the other ship. OH NOES! The ship has just started launching fighters and a rather fast, unidentified fighter has landed in our docking bay!"

Darth Naru turned around to look out the window of her chambers and her jaw nearly hit the floor when she saw what was waiting for her.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me. It's a Battlestar…"

Meanwhile…

Stuck rather bluntly in the walls of the Star Destroyer where two landing craft, and not surprisingly troops came out of these craft. But what was very shocking to say the least was that these troopers where essentially Clone Troopers, from the clone wars, the famous clash that formed the empire in Star Wars. Yet, they where not white, but painted brown and blue, with the trademark symbol of Mol-Mol emblazoned across their chest plates. Lo and behold, Su's preparations. Stranger still was who was leading the troops. Coming out in a full set of armor, minus the helmet was Motoko, the commander.

"Troopers." Shouted Motoko, raising her katana in the air then quickly chopping downward. "ATTACK!"

Motoko charged forward at the advancing line of storm troopers that where coming at her, with her army close behind. With one mighty blast, Motoko had decimated one fourth of the storm troopers defending the ship.

"Motoko! Motoko!" shouted Su over the radio. "Something is wrong! Another ship just appeared, identified as the Battlestar Dionysus."

"Dionysus?"

"Greek god of the vine and of wine!"

"Clearly with a name like Battlestar Dionysus, the captain is obviously a drunkard." Said Motoko over the radio. "You don't think…"

"You think its Kitsune?" asked Su.

"Seems to fit the profile. I wouldn't put to much thought into it."

"Uh Motoko." Muttered Su on the radio. "You might have a wee bit of a problem. A small ship just left the Battlestar Dionysus and landed in the landing bay of the Star Destroyer."

"Someone else is going after Darth Naru…"

"Indeed."

Back in Darth Naru's Chambers…

"Battlestar Dionysus huh?" muttered Darth Naru to herself as she looked out the window. "Only Kitsune would name a ship that…" She sighed. "To think my own best friend is attacking me. Maybe I deserve it."

From behind, the doors to her chamber opened and a small cloaked figure entered. The person gasped and ran over to Keitaro's unconscious body.

"Dearest Keitaro… what has she done to you?"

"And just what gives you the privilege to call him that, stranger?" asked Darth Naru, as she slowly turned around. "He loves me."

"Leave this place and never come back again." Said the cloaked figure.

"Excuse me?"

"Leave this place and never come back again. Or else I will be forced to destroy you."

"You cannot defeat me, I am Darth Naru!"

"And I am the Lord of Vermilion!" the figure took at a large scythe and pointed it at Darth Naru."

"Naru Narusegwa, your days are numbered! Leave earth and never return, Or perish at the hands of me!" the figure threw off her hood, revealing herself as Shinobu. "What? You where expecting Motoko?"

Darth Naru gasped in pure shock. "Shi.. Shinobu?"

"Did I stutter?" asked Shinobu.

"But you used to be so quiet and innocent and non-violent! What happened to you?"

"I used Pilatus to give me strength and give that ship to Kitsune, who has helped me greatly in my plan."

"Plan?" asked Darth Naru.

"To stop you. I have watched you abuse Keitaro and each time a piece of me has died for not doing something. Now I get my chance. Even better is now I have a better chance with him as soon as you're out of the picture!" replied Shinobu.

Darth Naru once again drew her lightsaber. "En garde, Shinobu."

Shinobu smiled and lifted her scythe. With one swing, Darth Naru was sent flying across the room and she hit the wall with a large thud. "I win."

Just then the captain's voice came over the intercom. "Darth Naru, we must retreat, all of our troops have been compromised!"

"What do you mean?" called Darth Naru back over the intercom with a tinge of pain.

"Well, the troopers are… well see for yourself."

A video screen came down from the ceiling and clicked on to show a live feed of Motoko's troops and the storm troopers with their arms over each other's shoulders dancing in unison. The sound clicked on, and the troopers all sang.

Darth Naru and Shinobu both sweat dropped while they watched this video.

"Kay… Captain… Give the order to retreat at once. Set the ship's self destruct for ten minutes." Muttered Darth Naru. She turned to Shinobu as she started to cry. "Take Keitaro and get out! Just leave. And I swear you have not won, oh no, this is not over!"

"You mean it?"

"Go. Fly you fool, put as much distance between Keitaro and this explosion."

Shinobu ran off and cradled Keitaro in her arms. He may be bigger than her, but with her new power, it was not an issue.

Darth Naru too turned and bolted out another door, heading for her back up shuttle to make a quick escape.

Shinobu quickly carried Keitaro to her waiting ship in the docking bay. It was a good thing she had copied the Puddle Jumper from Stargate Atlantis, it had plenty of room to carry people fast. Shinobu quickly ran up the ramp into the ship and she gingerly placed Keitaro on the ground. She kissed him on the forehead and then sat down at the controls. "Just hold on Keitaro. I'll get you home in one piece. I hope." Shinobu left the docking bay and headed for the Battlestar Dionysus.

"Kitsune!" said Shinobu over the radio. "Make way for a landing and get away as fast as you can! The ships on self destruct!"

"Oh snap! Are you serious?" asked Kitsune. "And what about Keitaro?"

"I got him right here, he's pretty banged up but he'll be okay!" replied Shinobu. "Tell Su and Motoko to get away from the explosion too!"

"Roger that."

Back on the Star Destroyer

'Seven minutes till self destruct and counting.'

"EVERYONE BACK ON THE SHIPS!" shouted Motoko. "Come on guys, move it or lose it! You stay, you die!" Motoko reached for her radio. "Su! What is the status on Keitaro?"

"He's safely off the ship, so come on!"

"Wait, who has got him? Is it Darth Naru?" asked Motoko.

"Negative. Shinobu's got him en route to the Battlestar Dionysus. Listen you have to get as far away from here as possible!"

"Got it. I'm getting on the ship now."

"Take your ships and head for the Battlestar Dionysus! Good luck and Godspeed Motoko. Su out."

Motoko and her landing craft hauled tail back to the Battlestar Dionysus. No sooner had she reached the safety of the landing bay then did the ship explode. Someone had set the Star Destroyer off by remote.

Later the next morning, back on Earth

Everyone had made it home in once piece, and by some stroke of luck, someone had gotten a hold of Mutsumi frozen in carbonite, and where fast in unthawing her. Keitaro had been put to bed in his room to recover. Once again, his fast healing and immortality did not fail him. But Keitaro had no clue that after he was put to bed, a secret meeting was held at Pilatus. The random was not over. Not by a long shot.

When Keitaro awoke the next morning he found himself back on his futon, he opened his eyes not remembering anything after Darth Naru had almost killed him. Instinctively, Keitaro went to lift up his right hand, only to find that it was weighed down. He looked over at his hand, he saw he had five rings on his ring finger. They where wedding bands.

"WHAT THE HELL?" screamed Keitaro. "Girls! Girls!"

"Yes?" chimed in all five in unison, all awaking from different parts of Keitaro's room. "Is something the matter?"

"Is something the matter?" repeated Keitaro. "Is something the matter? Of course something is the matter! I have more rings on my finger than Little Richard!"

"Yeah… about that…" muttered Kitsune. "Congratulations! We're all married!"

Keitaro's eyes got wide. "Oh hell no. Hell no! When did this happen?"

"After we returned from space and before you woke up." Said Shinobu.

"S'matter Keitaro?" asked Su in a pouty voice. "Dontcha wanna be married to us?"

"It's not that I don't want to but you all could have asked me before you did this!"

"Our husband has a point." Said Motoko. "We didn't take into consideration his feelings on the matter."

"Look girls… You have to undo this." Sighed Keitaro. "First off I can't be married to five girls, second I don't think I am ready to be married, thirdly, this seems like it was a decision made under the influence of alcohol." Keitaro looked at Kitsune who just blushed and looked away. "Its not that I don't love you all it's just… I need some time to sort things out."

"Perhaps this was a rash decision." Sighed Shinobu.

"We where so caught up in what we wanted we never really thought about the whole picture." Said Mutsumi. "If we just reverse this with Pilatus and give Kei-kun some time to think, I am sure everything will turn out good in the end."

"And let us vow to never drink that much again, ever." Laughed Motoko. "It clouds our judgement."

"Hey speak for yourself. I didn't feel much of a buzz at all last night." Said Kitusne. "Y'all are just tenderfoots, I wasn't even near being totally tanked."

"Uh, before you guys go and reserve this…" asked Keitaro. "We didn't like… make it… official, did we?"

"No, we where saving that for tonight, you where still really weak after we brought you home." Said Shinobu.

"We figured all the excitement might kill you, Kei-kun." Laughed Mutsumi.

"So we… and… then… go… an…" Keitaro stuttered as a torrent of blood poured from his nose. He later passed out from blood loss.

"I almost didn't have the heart to tell him." Laughed Shinobu. "Oh well, I hope he didn't loose too much blood there."

"Eh, he'll be fine, after all, he's immortal." Said Kitsune, placing a hand on Shinobu's shoulders. "Now how about some breakfast!"

"Oh that sounds wonderful?" clapped Shinobu. "What are you cooking!"

"… you can't be serious."

"Oh but I am."

"Are you?" asked Kitsune uneasily.

"Nah, just playing with you." Shinobu smiled and walked down stairs. "Breakfast will be ready in a little bit, I'll call when its ready."

Kitsune chuckled to herself and walked back to her room. She stopped in front of Keitaro's door and peaked in to find him sound asleep. 'Some things will never change.'

Keitaro bolted up from his sleep and yelled, "Crack addicted monkeys have rice on Fridays!"

End Chapter Two

Coming Next Chapter…

Keitaro's life changes once again after Kitsune gets drunk and plays with Pilatus. Will the girls and Keitaro be able to set the new screwed up world straight? And what really happened to Darth Naru, and what really happened when the gang got married? All these answers and more, coming in the next chapter!