Summary- Team 7 has finally found the whereabouts of the Akatsuki and are ready to defeat them but there is one problem...Sasuke is out of Soy Sauce! Now Team seven must go shopping at the Sound Country WallMart but there they meet two new members of the Akatsuki. This could be the deadliest trip to WallMart they could ever have made. OC and complete OOC!
Disclaimer: Do we type like we own anything?
Team seven had been tracking down the Akatsuki for a while now. This was now their big chance to capture them once and for all. Team seven had arrived outside a brick layered castle that contains all the members of the Akatsuki in it.
" Finally! I'll get Itachi for what he did to my clan!" Sasuke said getting a kunai out of it's holder. Sasuke jumped out of the tree and was about to knock down the door with Katon: Gokakyu No Jutsu already on the sign of the tiger but then he felt someone pat his back.
" What is it Kakashi-sensei! Don't you know this could be my only chance to get Itachi back for all he has done to all of us! Why must you stop me now! WHY!" Sasuke was shouting at who he thought was his sensei.
When he turned around he found a little old lady about to cry.
" I...was...just...going ...to...ask...what was the time." The old lady sniffled as her chin quivered, both eyes filled up with a substance that resemble tears.
" Sorry, BUT YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SNUCK UP ON ME!" Sasuke shouted at the old lady until she got a heart attack.
" Holy crap! Sasuke-teme!" Naruto said as he and the other raced down to the old lady. "Sasuke-teme! You have to give her mouth to mouth!" Naruto shouted to Sasuke who turned around showing his disapproval.
" C'mon Sasuke! Just do it!" Kakashi-sensei gave Sasuke a stern look as he pushed him towards the old lady. Kakashi giggled like a little school girl as Sasuke bends towards the body of the small old woman.
Oh! HELL NO! I haven't kissed Sasuke-kun! There is no way she's having her saggy lips on my Sasuke-kun!! Inner Sakura shouted.
" Wait! Sasuke-kun! This is actually Orochimaru!" Sakura shouted to Sasuke who pulled away and jumped back.
"Really Sakura-Chan!" Naruto asked Sakura who was relieved that Sasuke wasn't near the old lady anymore.
" Sakura was just saying that so Sasuke wouldn't touch the old lady and-" Kakashi was cut off by the old lady transformation.
" How did you know it was I, Orochimaru? Damn you Sakura! I could have kissed Sasuke!" Orochimaru said as he ran away screaming his new found hatred for the pink haired girl.
"I hate you!" He screamed in a high pitched tone.
" Dude! That is so wrong! I almost kissed another guy, I mean...what is he?" Sasuke said in a baffled tone. Team seven sat down and pondered the question for twenty-four hours and twenty-three minutes, the sun set and raised again.
Tick tock tick tock…….finally! " It doesn't matter! Come Sasuke! It's time for lunch!" Kakashi broke the long silence as he took a picnic-basket out of his backpack.
" How did he do that?" Naruto asked out loud.
( During lunch)
Sasuke, Sakura, Naruto and Kakashi were eating their rice-balls but Sasuke's face reaction got very serious. He put his hand inside the basket and began to search for something but then he dropped his rice-ball. Sasuke was now getting very worried and he threw everything out of the basket even Naruto's extra packet of ramen! Luckily Naruto caught it in time.
" Hey man! What has the ramen ever done to you! Don't worry! Papa Won't let that mean old Sasuke hurt you!" Naruto began to cradle his ramen as Kakashi and Sasuke gave him a look of curiosity and amazement.
"And I still don't get how this is normal!" Sakura whispered to Kakashi.
" Well, you're the one to talk aren't you? I mean you do talk to yourself!" Kakashi said to Sakura who just looked down in shame.
( Back to Sasuke)
" OH NO!" Sasuke shouted in a fetal position.
" What is it Sasuke-kun! By any chance would it happen to be any problem that can be solved with my kiss!" Sakura asked Sasuke.
" No! It's...the soy sauce!" Sasuke said as he began to cry.
" What about your soy sauce Sasuke-kun?" Sakura tried to calm Sasuke down.
" There is no more soy sauce! God knows that I can't eat my rice-balls without soy sauce!" Sasuke began to cry uncontrollably.
" It's okay Sasuke-teme! We'll just go shopping in that conveniently placed Wal-Mart!" Naruto pointed towards the Wal-Mart right behind the trees.
" What dangers could lie behind the doors of that Wal-Mart...Who knows..." Kakashi said dramatically before he noticed his teammates had left him.
( In Wal-Mart)
Sakura, Naruto and Kakashi were walking along the sidewalk while Sasuke looked like a rabid dog already foaming at the mouth.
" Okay! We're here at Wal-Mart Sasuke-kun!" Sakura said to her Sasuke who was on a leash howling. Naruto and Kakashi were laughing at Sasuke and didn't realize two people were right behind them.
" Hello there!" Said a person in shadow while the other just nodded.
" Who are you! Are you with the Akatsuki!" asked Kakashi while he was getting ready to attack with a kunai at hand.
" Actually.." the two people said as they began to walk forward.
All of a sudden someone turned on the lights.
" What! I just didn't feel like turning on the lights!" said an angry bald man who was picking his nose.
The old guy just walked away.
" Okay...? so what did you guys want?" asked Sakura as she tried to hold onto Sasuke leash.
" Well you see...we're here working at Wal-Mart and we wanted you to try...some...FREE SAMPLES!" said the girl who was dressed in a clown suit while holding a free sample of un-cooked broccoli.
" It's healthy and free! You should try it! It tastes exactly like cats!" said another girl in a giant burger outfit.
" Why are you dressed like that? And have you eaten cats before?" Kakashi asked the girls who were still posing in their Power Ranger poses.
" Of Course we ate cats before! Hello! We live in a dumpster and eat paint! What do you expect!" said the clown girl taking out a condom and blowing it until it was the shape of an over-grown penis and then she blew on another one and then began to tie them up.
" AWW! Dude! That's sick! You know they are condoms right!" Sasuke said as he got up forgetting all about why they went there in the beginning.
" No, actually I got these for free. So I thought they were balloons...but look! A PUPPY!" she gave the puppy/condom to Sasuke who looked at it then threw it to the side just for Naruto to jump and catch it.
"Safe! How could you Sasuke! How could you do this to your son! I thought you loved him?" Naruto said in a deep tone that sounded like scolding.
Sasuke looked at Naruto who looked like he was about to burst into tears.
" Look, I've just been under a lot of stress lately...I'm sorry Naruto and I'm sorry Sanosuke
( What Sasuke named his condom/son). I should have treated you guys better but I think Sanosuke should go with his mother right now so I don't try to blow out his brains okay?" Sasuke said really sweetly with a smile on his face.
Sasuke walked over with Sanosuke in his hands and gave him to Sakura.
" Sasuke-kun" Sakura said in a dream-like tone.
" Sakura...go take care of our son. For if I don't survive this mission he will be the head of the Uchiha clan and he can defeat his uncle Itachi...who on my spare time I like to call Itacho...kinda sounds like nacho...but anyway...I have to go...goodbye Sakura and Sanosuke Uchiha." Sasuke said dramatically as he walked passed the sliding doors of Wal-Mart.
( Keep in mind that child was a condom balloon dog…)
" Sasuke! I will take care of Sanosuke like you said, just please come back!" Sakura shouted with tears in her eyes but then she spotted a Nacho stand and let go of Sanosuke.
" OH! Nachos! YAY!" Sakura ran over to the Nacho stand and Kakashi just walked in and began to search for a new volume of his favorite manga Naruto!
All the while the girls were laughing maniacally,
" Those fools fell for it Kia! Lord Itachi was right! Now to go on to step two! I'll follow that fool Kakashi and the idiot Naruto!" The girl in the burger outfit said as she attempted to get through the door but her burger outfit got caught.
" Damn!" then Kia, the one in the clown outfit used her amazing clown powers and pushed her so that she could fit.
" Alright since Ayeka is going after those two that means that I will go after Sakura and Sasuke!" said Kia while laughing so hard that someone called over the security guards.
" Excuse, Ma'am but I have been getting complaints that you have been harassing people with balloon/condoms... is this true?" asked the guard.
" Ummmmm...I FOUND THE SOY SAUCE!" Kia shouted and three seconds before she was arrested Sasuke came and drop-kicked the security guard.
" WHERE IS THE SOY SAUCE YOU CRAZY LOOKING FOOL! I HAVE A CHINESE STAR DAMN-IT AND I WILL USE MY CHINESE STAR TO PICK YOUR LOCKS AND STEEL YOUR CAR!" Sasuke shouted until he found out that she had no soy sauce.
" You bitch!" he said as he walked away.
" Damn!" said Kia as she took out a walkie-talkie with her teeth.
" How are things at your end Ayeka?" asked Kia. " Not good! Some guy beat me to the girl! He keeps on asking her if she wants him to show her how to use a tampon by him demonstrating!" Ayeka said as Kia began to track down Naruto.
" Alright We'll execute plan Clown! Itachi has told us his younger brother's fear of clowns! HEHE!" Kia laughed evilly as Ayeka appeared out of nowhere and did the sound affects in the background.
Someone politely cleared their throat to get the two attentions. Kia and Ayeka whipped their heads around, straining to see the old hippie's face.
"Aren't you..?" The hippie look-alike hushed Kia with his fore-finger.
" Shhh…shut up." "So…Itachi thought we needed a back up?" Ayeka asked while her attention was focused on a pretty butterfly.
"Wheee!" She was on her tippy-toes trying to catch the butterfly with a butterfly net that she had pulled out from her burger suit.
"He merely thought you guys…ummm shit! Let me be honest, he knew ahead of time that you guys would some how screw up a perfect mission. So he sent me, Jeevus, God's forgotten son".
A bright yellow light shone around Jeevus's perfectly sculpted body as a soft melodic song played.
"Shut up you annoying rascals!" Jeevus scream at the choir, they grumbled a few curses and left. One midget vocalist screamed over his shoulders at Jeevus,
"Just you wait till God hears about this!" 'Anyway, I shall focus my attention on Sakura." Jeevus said as he turned around to leave, his rob floating in the air as would in the matrix.
"Wait a minute! You're that creepy guy that was following Sakura around offering to teach her how to use a tampon?" Ayeka asked in complete bewilderment. Jeevus sighed heavily on purpose as his rob fell back down to it's original position,
"Yes…..yes that was me." He turned to leave yet once again.
"Hey!" Jeevus cursed with the mouth of a drunken sailor, "What the fuck do you want?"
Kia shuddered, trying to get the image out of her innocent mind,
"I was just trying to tell you that while you were doing that matrix walk away thing, your rob got stuck in your animal print thong."
( Tampon aisle)
Sakura sighed with relief. That old creepy guy that looked like a hippie isn't following her anymore.
Sakura looked to her right, her left, her right, and her left again. She moved around suspiciously, humming her own mission impossible theme song.
Then finally Sakura stood face to face with the bright blue box of tampon.
Her shaky hands reached for the box, but she drew it back as if it was a ticking bomb and she was just a stupid cop who doesn't know what color wire to cut. ( kinda like Ato! During class!)
"Excuse me miss." 'Shit!' Inner Sakura thought as the outer Sakura turned around and forced a smile.
Jeevus smirked, 'She seem so happy to see me', he thought amusingly.
"Die gay bastard!" Sakura jumped into the air and high kicked the air out of him. Jeevus fell backward and broke his back, (or so he made it appear!)
"Still want me to teach you how to use that tampon?" He groaned out.( Nope! He really did break his back!)
(Sasuke on insane raid)
"Woof!" Sasuke barked at a carrot. "I need my soy sauce!" Screamed Sasuke as if he were a crack head without any crack!
" Sup! Sasuke dawg! What chu checking out homes!" asked a very interested in life Rock Lee.
" I...uh...was...looking...for...an...English...gibberish with a beat! YEAH!" said Sasuke getting up.
" OH! That means you're looking for Rap music! Right!" Lee asked Sasuke who was glaring at the carrot who was mocking him.
" Yes! Now if you will excuse me, I will go eat food from the floor and piss there until I pass out." Sasuke said as he walked off.
" Well...have fun! What a nice guy!" said Lee as he walked off into Romance for guys who are sensitive but still manly section.
TBC in Chapter 2 Bevy-Chan( Marise-Faia): Hope you guys like the story! If it sucked just wait till the next chapter! The new plan will be sure to make you look at me like I'm retarded for coming up with something like that! Even though I think half of you think that already!
Ato-Chan (Sane-Sammi): I wrote some part of it and all is based on randomization. It's NOT suppose to make sense so if you want to complain…..go to Marise-Faia!
Marise-Faia- Bitch! You get half the blame!