What My Aunt Mara Taught Me

A/N: Okay, three things:

1.I'm not even going to try to respond to all the reviews anymore- too many, too fast for lazy little me. Maybe Leia will. I dunno. Still, I'm reading every single one.

2.As mentioned above, I'm lazy as hell. Thus, I implore you all to suggest future topics. In fact-

3.-this chapter is based on a suggestion from ariapage (read her stuff, she's registered). She suggested doing an entry from Mara to an OC daughter, but I'm a bit squeamish about OCs. Still, it occurred to me that, seeing as Jaina was Mara's apprentice, she would have had a chance to impart some… feminine wisdom to her niece.

4.WARNING: Girly junk ahead. …Well, sorta. My friends would be quick to tell you that I'm about as girly as Mara herself. None the less, beware the menstrual joke.

My Aunt Mara taught me about DRESSING FOR THE OCCASION. "… and if the number of Imperials attending exceeds three, wear red. The bloodstains will show up less."

My Aunt Mara taught me about RESOURCEFULNESS. "If you can't find a pad, well… that's another good reason to carry fabric bandages instead of just bacta patches."

My Aunt Mara taught me about PRANKS. "Wes did. Wes always does it."

My Aunt Mara taught me about PAYBACK. "The best way to get back at him is to share embarrassing stories."

My Aunt Mara taught me about REMEMBERING DETAILS. "I hope you remember some of those funny stories Mr. Calrissian told."

My Aunt Mara taught me about MAKEUP. "Lipstick cases are good for concealing comlinks, blush in the eye can really hurt, and nail polish remover is mildly toxic to some species from the Outer Rim."

My Aunt Mara taught me about EMERGENCY SHIP REPAIRS. "If all else fails, hit the consul repeatedly and curse violently."

My Aunt Mara taught me about MALE ANATOMY. "They're pathetically vulnerable to blows to the crotch."

My Aunt Mara taught me about BRAS. "If worse comes to worse, you can strangle someone with it."

My Aunt Mara taught me about HOSE. "Completely useless for concealing weapons, but it makes an effective gag."

My Aunt Mara taught me about JEWELRY. "Again, strangulation. Also good for concealing electronics and poison needles."

My Aunt Mara taught me about DATING. "Carry concealed and always remember to scope out the restaurant first."

My Aunt Mara taught me A METHOD OF CUTTING WALLS SO THAT THEY FALL DOWN AFTER YOU GET AWAY. "Trust me, it may come in handy."