Ok, first of all, here's some notes on shounen ai. Shounen ai is not actually what it's called in Japan. It was during samurai times, but it isn't anymore. Ironically enough, it's now called boii l(r)abuL and R are interchangble, so I put them both in. Shounen Ai actually has quite a negative connotation with it. To call male/male relationships by that name invokes the image of an older man and a younger boy; i.e. a pedophilic situation, not dissimilar to the same sort of goings-on in ancient Greece. It was considered very normal for an older samurai to "love" a younger one, usually an adolescent, and be his first introduction into sex (love). It was actually, as I understand it, considered quite an honorable thing to do. In fact, many samurai who were encouraged to give their hearts over to another comrade, found themselves in a tight situation, as this left them with little of themselves or their loyalty to give to their master. (Daimyo/lord) Women were married out of duty and the need to produce an heir. (Is it any wonder they had no value?)
I have it set up here, to make my life easier, that Ran and Ken have both had this experience. Yes, it's disturbing to write. But it's also natural. And so it would be to both Ran and Ken. And so I'm not going to write about it as if it was traumatizing to either of them, because chances are it wasn't. This also, as I said earlier, makes my life easier, in that it won't be a horrible shock to either of them to love another male. Thank goodness. Ok. Now some stuff on the ofuro, in case I left things out earlier.
In the ofuro, you have to wash first BEFORE you even think about setting foot into the tub. You soak to relax, not to clean. The Japanese were fairly firm about bathing, and usually did so on a daily basis so long as circumstances allowed. In fact, when the first Portuguese (the first foreigners ever in Japan I believe) came to Japan, the Japanese found them foul and offensive. Not only was bathing considered to be a dangerous practice in Western countries at the time, but the Portuguese also ate meat, which gave them rather rancid breath. Due to limited resources, the Japanese didn't really eat meat at all at the time. Barring, of course, sea food. So their first impressions of foreigners were NOT very good.
I've had Ran heat the bathing water with stones this time. I don't know if they did that at all, but I couldn't bring myself to torture Ken any further by washing him in cold water when he's sick. I know that usually, they DID bathe in cold water first before heating the water became the fad. shudders I'd have stopped bathing I think. There's never any heat inside those places. And it's cold with like two meters of snow on the ground here!
Finally, a quick note about Kimono sleeves. They're actually sewn almost all the way closed with the exception of a space to slide one's hand in or out, and the insides are left hollow. The left sleeve is used to store things (like a pocket) and the right is used to store waste. (I.e. used tissues, that sort of thing). This would be the reason, I think, that in a lot of anime, especially period anime or anime in which a person is wearing a kimono or an outfit with voluminous material, they can produce things seemingly out of thin air. Although I do have to say, a lot of times you really have to reach, and I don't think it's as discreet, fast, or convenient as they make it look!
Ok, rant done, enjoy!
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"How cool it is!
A small crab, in the rain,
Climbs on a pine."
Buson Yosa
Edo, Chapter 6
Ken stirred softly with a moan, and tried to roll over. A heavy weight pressed on top of him seemed to prohibit this action, and loosing his bearings, he tried opening his eyes.
His fevered headache did not appreciate this. Nor did the nearly unbearable pounding in one of his temples. He wondered briefly why it was only one side and not both. He also wondered how it was possible for him to have two different headaches at the same time. Nearly instantly, a cool hand settled something even cooler and wetter on his forehead.
"Are you awake?" a deep voice intoned beside him. Ken coughed weakly, and realized the weight he felt must have been about five or six wool blankets on top of him.
"Guess so…" he wheezed. He looked up to find himself staring into a pair of violet eyes in a pale face. Ran's red hair stood in bright, exotic contrast to his pale skin. The man was frowning at him. "What…?" the question ended in another cough. Ran shook his head.
"Nothing. You need more sleep." he said simply. Ken couldn't really argue there; he was bone tired. Except that he felt as if he'd been sleeping for weeks. And he doubted he'd be able to ever sleep again with how disgusting he felt. Not only had he been laying in bed forever, he also had apparently not bathed during that time.
"Don't wanna." he protested feebly. Ran's frown turned into a scowl.
"Well it isn't like you can do much else. You're still very injured and very fevered."
"Yeah, I guessed that." Ken grunted. He turned slightly and put weak hands beneath him, trying to lift himself up on trembling arms. The very action hurt more than Ken cared to admit, and he hated himself for being so easily defeated. Stubbornly, he managed to force himself to sit up. There was an irritated growl from beside him.
"Is there anything in that head of yours? Do you want to recover or what?" Ran snapped irately. Ken tried to return the intense glower he was receiving but the look was rather crippled by the way he was shuddering as he tried to remain sitting.
"I f-fucking….don't want…to lay down….right now…." he growled out. "I'm gonna get…bedsores." Another coughing fit had his shoulders shaking, and he eased his breath out after he was finished as though it might slice his throat open or shatter his lungs. It did not take long for the ice in Ran's eyes to soften. Grabbing the blanket he'd been using to cover himself the previous evening, he wadded it up and placed it behind Ken, angling it against the wall. Gently, he leaned Ken against it so his weight was supported by the blanket and the wall rather than his own weary muscles. The result had Ken halfway between lying and sitting.
"…Thanks." Ken replied shyly, not meeting his eyes. Ran merely nodded. They sat in an uncomfortable silence for a few moments. Despite the pain they had shared the first night that Ken had woken up, neither seemed to know how to talk to the other; one overwhelmed emotionally and physically, the other having become used to keeping no company outside of his own. Finally, Ran reluctantly broke the silence.
"If you want...that is…if you feel the need to maybe get out of bed for a little while, I suppose we could make a trip down to the ofuro." he offered tentatively. Ken's face brightened like a sunny day, and Ran tried very hard to keep from mirroring the wide smile.
"I'd like that a whole lot, actually." he replied hoarsely, despite the energy in his tone. Ran nodded.
"Alright. It'll give the maids a chance to change the bedding too." he replied, eyeing the blood-stained linens with distaste. Ran went to the door and summoned a maid. When she appeared, he requested that the ofuro be prepared if it wasn't already and that someone come and change the bedding while they were out. He was about to dismiss her when Ken startled them both with a raspy call for an extra set of bedding supplies. Ran looked at him strangely, but nodded to the maid, dismissing her. He turned back to Ken with an inquisitive look on his face, helping the young man to slowly sit up once more.
"Hey, you've been sleeping on the floor for how long? It's about damn time you got some proper rest." when Ran scowled at him, he only grinned weakly. "I'll be ok, you know? I told you I'd do my best. It isn't going to help us if you wear yourself out too." he murmured. Ran could already feel him trembling with the effort to stay upright as he started to removed the bandages.
"Hn. Well if certain people would rest like they're supposed to…" he trailed off grumpily. Ken glared at him.
"Staying in bed….too long…could drive a guy…nuts…" he panted, doing his best to hold his arm up so Ran could unwind the bandage from his shoulder. Ran's scowl deepened and he gently tugged Ken's arm down.
"I don't need you to do that, you're only going to make the injury worse." Ken only sighed and turned his eyes down to the blanket. Ran finished removing his bandages in silence and then proceeded to investigate the wounds carefully. They looked, he decided, much better than they had only two days ago.
"Well at least these seem to be doing a little better. How do they feel?" he asked crisply.
"I'm sorry." Ken muttered quietly. Ran blinked at him.
"What the hell does that have to do with how your injuries feel? And what are you sorry about?" he growled in irritation. Ken was still refusing to look at him.
"I'm sorry you got stuck taking care of me. I—I know I'm not the easiest person to care for. But thank you, for making the effort. Even if I am being an idiot about it." he replied, so softly that Ran almost missed it.
"Ken…" Ran trailed off in exasperation. He didn't know if he wanted to shake the man or pat him on the shoulder. Probably both. Although neither was probably a good idea at the moment given his injuries. "…I wouldn't be taking care of you if I didn't want to. You want to show gratitude then listen to me and bloody rest. It's not like you're an incredibly difficult person to deal with. You sleep too much to be a source of trouble at the moment. Although if you keep trying to get up my opinion on that may change." he replied with a sigh. Ken looked up at him like a hopeful and somewhat reproachful puppy. Ran felt the rest of his irritation evaporate.
"Sorry. I just…I'm not really patient…" he replied, smiling sheepishly. Ran reached out and gently rested a hand on his head, ruffling somewhat grimy brown locks. He was in full agreeance that Ken needed a bath.
"Don't think so lowly of yourself. I know things have been rough. But trust me. I'm not the kind of man who stands for getting stuck with anything. So after your bath, you are coming right back up here to this futon and going back to sleep." he finished with a stern glare. Ken nodded again, and the room fell into a heavy silence as Ran examined Ken's wounds and Ken pretended not to feel embarrassed about such close scrutiny of his naked person. He knew that Ran had probably seen every inch of him at this point and such embarrassment was silly, but it still unnerved him none the less. He wondered what Ran thought about the other, older scars on his body.
Ken growled inwardly and forced himself to stop being so self-conscious. He tried hard not to squirm and to control the shaking of his muscles. He wondered just how bad his fever was. He couldn't tell. His head felt as if it were in the clouds and not on his shoulders. Although he realized belatedly that there was a different sort of pain in his gut aside from one caused by wounds or fever.
"What if…" he trailed off at Ran's glare.
"Yes?" Ran grunted.
"What if I'm…hungry?" Ken trailed off. Ran felt relief spread through his stomach and into his chest at the remark.
"You're hungry? Why didn't you say anything?" he was too relieved that Ken had found his appetite to sound anything accept mildly exasperated. Ken glared back at him.
" I wasn't hungry before. But I don't wanna eat until after I'm clean. I smell bad enough to ruin even my own appetite." he replied, giving his uninjured armpit a cursory sniff and then wrinkling his nose. Ran couldn't help it; he chuckled.
"Aa." he agreed. "You do stink." Ken only glared at him again. Shaking his head, Ran slowly, gently, helped Ken to stand. The brunette nearly collapsed, but they finally managed to somehow work it so that most of Ken's weight leant on Ran. For modesty's sake, Ran wrapped him carefully in the Inn's complementary yuukata He belted the sash loosely for fear of agitating Ken's wounds. Ken hadn't seemed to mind. Ran left the haori off, deciding that Ken could do without the extra weight in spite of the chill evening. Even though Ken was feverish, movement was going to be hard enough as it was for him even with only a cotton yuukata. Sliding the door open, he helped Ken out into the chill hallway, ignoring his slippers. He didn't need them sliding off of Ken's feet and sending the man sprawling. Ken didn't seem to mind this either, and Ran realized that his concentration was solely on putting one foot in front of the other. That was fine with him.
Very slowly, they made their way down the hall towards the stairs, Ken wincing and grunting and Ran pausing several times to help Ken rest. He was beginning to think this was a bad idea, but Ken's face had looked so happy at the thrill of a bath that Ran couldn't bring himself to deny the young man. He suspected that sleeping in that sort of filth wasn't helping Ken heal any faster in any case. Sponge baths could only go so far.
The stairs had been difficult. Ran still wasn't sure how they'd managed. The gash that had gone into Ken's thigh caused the man pain every time he'd tried to bend his leg even the slightest bit. By the time they made it to the bottom, Ken was pale and shaking, and he had lost what little healthy glow Ran had seen on him in the room. He was beginning to worry that this had been a grave mistake. But Ken pressed on stubbornly, and Ran tried to shoulder more of his weight, giving anyone who happened to be up and about at this time of night a furious glower to let them know that what was going here was none of their business. He could have wept with relief when they reached the ofuro finally. Gently, he set Ken on the cool reed floor and opened the small cloth sack he'd carried down. Inside of it were some cleaning implements and Ran pulled them out and set them aside before folding the cloth neatly and tucking it inside his sleeve. What he did next was practical, and quite acceptable; however, it shocked Ken at first.
He hadn't realized, that since Ran obviously had to help him bathe, Ran obviously also had to bathe, and by default be naked. Which normally would not have affected Ken. He'd been naked in the ofuro before; with men and women. It was nothing new. Hell, he'd been naked in front of Ran more times than he probably knew at this point. But somehow, a naked Ran was different. He felt suddenly shy. Ken swallowed and tried not to blush while Ran slipped out of his clothes and stripped completely naked, folding them neatly and setting them in a small reed basket. He turned around and came towards Ken, and Ken specifically avoided looking at the man's crotch, unsure why he felt so insecure suddenly. Ran's body was beautiful; sculpted as if by an artist, and Ken found himself slightly jealous of that perfect body. Ran's pale skin was the social ideal of beauty. His own dark skin was marred with wounds and scars, not all of them recent. They stood in stark pale contrast on his body, and Ken found himself suddenly self-conscious about them. He had never felt that way before; always taking pride in the marring as a memorial to the obstacles he'd overcome. Somehow though, he felt insecure about them around Ran.
Ken shook himself again and forced his thoughts elsewhere. He was who he was, and there was nothing that could change it, so he may as well accept it. Why on earth was he being so strange about this in the first place? He tried telling himself it was just his fevered brain and pent up frustration at being ill and injured. Ran had, after all, been taking complete and thorough care of him; which had probably endeared him to Ken's subconscious no small amount. And now, to have to be bathed like a child…by a grown man his age no less…
"Ken…? Are you alright? Are you sure you can do this?" Ran's concerned voice snapped Ken back to himself, and he started, not realizing that at some point during his mental wandering Ran had come to crouch close in front of him. He was now peering carefully into Ken's eyes, one hand on his forehead.
"Yeah sorry. My mind was wandering. I can do this. Please Ran. I need it." He murmured. Ran nodded and gently began disrobing him. He pulled Ken forward carefully and leaned him against his chest while he slid the yuukata off of Ken's shoulders. Ken closed his eyes and leaned into Ran, grateful for the support; even the touch of another human being, and hating himself for being vulnerable enough to need it at the same time. He helped Ran as much as he could and shuddered in the cold air of the room. Ran folded his yuukata and sash, laying them atop his own clothes in the basket, and then leaned down to help Ken stand again. In his other hand he held the washing implements he had set aside and two small modesty towels that Ken hadn't known he'd brought.
"Let's get out of this cold air and into the bath, ne?" he murmured quietly. Ken nodded, shivering in both pain and cold as they made their way towards the ofuro door slowly. Ken wanted to run into the heat, but even this slow walk was all he could manage. Healing was a frustrating thing.
It seemed like forever had passed by the time they stood in front of the ofuro door. Ran slid it aside without preamble and helped Ken into the warmth within. They walked to one side of the room and Ran gently set Ken on the ground near the small brazier set in the room to aid the warmth of the room and heat small stones used to warm washing water. Ken sighed in relief at the feeling of the warm wooden walls against his bare skin. His shuddering tapered off into trembling. Ran offered him a half smile.
"That good huh? You aren't even in the bath yet." Ken chuckled weakly.
"Just anticipation." he replied. Ran nodded. He filled a bucket from a small fountain used for washing and brought it over to where Ken sat slouched against the wall. Reaching into the small brazier, Ran used a pair of tongs to fish a couple of hot stones out from the heart of the flame, and dropped them into the bucket. They sank to the bottom with a loud hiss as they came in contact with the cold water. He waited patiently until he tested the water and it was warm enough for his liking before removing the stones and setting them back into the brazier. They hissed loudly as a cloud of steam wafted upwards. Normally he would not have bothered with heating the wash water, but he did not want Ken any sicker than he already was. Washing him in cold water in a drafty ofuro was sure to worsen the fever.
"This might hurt. Tell me if I'm being too rough." he intoned blandly. Ken nodded. He lay back and spread himself out as much as he could, closing his eyes and leaning his head back as he felt Ran begin to wash him. He sighed in pleasure. Ran's hands were gentle, even though they were calloused. The feeling of them on his skin so lightly; massaging, washing, lingering here or there to check a bruise, was luxurious. It did hurt a bit, but in a nice sort of way. In a way that meant he was healing. Ken simply relaxed, and left himself in Ran's hands.
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Ran found himself swallowing hard as he washed Ken's body. This was completely different than it had been upstairs, when it had been a sponge bath in the bright light of the lantern. When Ken had been unconscious and shuddering with fever.
The lantern light here was high along the walls, casting more of a dim orange luminescence than a bright glow in the steamy fog. It disguised the bruising and scarring on Ken's skin, giving the illusion of a tanned, healthy body. Even the wounds somehow seemed to shrink in significance. Ran could feel firm muscles beneath slick, warm skin, trembling slightly beneath his touch. Ken had spread his legs and tipped his head back, creating a rather appealing view along the column of his neck and down his chest and stomach. The fever flush on his cheeks somehow looked more associated with pleasure to Ran's mind with the eyes closed and Ken's deep sighing. He looked completely relaxed. His arms rested at his sides serenely, and Ken even appeared to be enjoying himself.
This did not help to keep Ran's thoughts any purer. He swallowed again and forced himself to look away from those slightly parted lips and down to his own hands. That didn't help either. He stared in fascination as they scrubbed gently at sculpted, tanned thighs and calves. They slid back up fluidly and massaged stomach and chest muscles, careful of the wounds, before gliding up to scrub at Ken's shoulders and neck. Ken sighed again, and there was no mistaking it; he was definitely enjoying this. He tilted his head to the side and allowed Ran better access to the area beneath his chin and jaw. Ran forced his gaze away from the juncture between Ken's neck and shoulders and down, following his hands as they moved. When it settled instead on a well defined chest and hardened pale nipples, he gave up and let out a breath, closing his eyes for a moment.
He squished any sexual thoughts of Ken down ruthlessly. Ran had been with other men before, and admired them as well. He preferred them to women. Women seemed too pure for him to think of sexually, although really the only women Ran had ever known even remotely well were his mother and sister. His older, and rather striking sensei had been the one to introduce him to the other ways one could care for one's close comrade. Ran had been touched by the whole experience. It was one of his warmest memories. And it certainly hadn't done anything to make him shy away from thinking of other men that way. It had given him the hope to fill a hole in his life that he hadn't realized was there.
But Ken was different. For the Gods' sake, the man was injured! He was sick! And he was trusting Ran to help him get clean and relaxed. Ken deserved a decent massage and bath, without Ran thinking perverted thoughts about him. He suddenly became aware of the feeling of Ken's hot breath near his ear.
His head snapped up quickly and almost collided with Ken's chin. The breath escaped from his lungs when he found himself looking into half-lidded, deep brown eyes.
"You ok?" Ken asked sleepily. To Ran that voice sounded deliciously husky. This was starting to get out of hand. "You look kinda tense." he murmured. Ran only nodded, swallowing hard and willing Ken to sit back again. Having him so close was wreaking havoc with Ran's senses. As if reading his thoughts, Ken sighed and leaned back again, and Ran had to keep himself from sighing in relief. " 'Soon as I'm better, I'm gonna give you a nice long massage buddy. You are way too tense all the time…" Ken trailed off as Ran continued cleaning him. This did not help contain the dirty images splintering through Ran's brain at the moment. He wondered what Ken would think if the man knew just what kind of massage he wanted. The thought of those tanned, calloused fingers working through skin and muscle made Ran feel a bit warm and flushed himself. He cleared his throat before trusting himself to say anything. He'd better put an end to that idea quickly.
"I don't need one. Lean forward so I can wash your back." Ran was proud of the neutrality in that tone. Ken complied and let Ran lean him forward, resting against the man's chest. He winced at the feeling of the man's warm breath fanning gently against his thighs, and clamped down even harder on those mental images to prevent his body from reacting to them. Innocence. This is all innocence. He reminded himself. Who knew if Ken felt the same way about other men that he did?
His hands slicked along the length of Ken's back, careful of the gash, massaging gently as he cleaned. The muscles beneath his hand were firm and warm, and Ken had stopped trembling. That at least was a relief. It meant that he had warmed up a bit finally.
"I'm going to rinse you now. You might want to hold your breath for a second." Ken nodded and sucked a breath in raggedly. Ran winced in sympathy at the obvious pulling in the man's chest and slowly poured the bucket of warm water over his head. Ken sighed like a man being caressed, body flexing minutely under the flow, enjoying the warmth. Any reprieve Ran had from his less than pure thoughts quickly fled as they were activated again.
"Ok. Now let's get the grime from your hair." At least he sounded in control.
"Mmmm…" Ken replied throatily in agreement. Ran kept himself in check. He refilled the bucket and reheated the water. When it was ready, he gently took a bit of soap and rubbed it into Ken's brown hair, grimacing at the reddish-brown suds that resulted. He was going to wash it twice, just to be sure. His fingers rubbed carefully into Ken's scalp, massaging where he was sure there were no bumps that would be sore. Ken was silent, although he occasionally released a small noise that sounded suspiciously like a purr. Ran pretended he couldn't hear it and wondered if he really should wash Ken's hair twice after all.
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By the time Ran had finished washing Ken, he felt no small amount of relief. He leaned the man back against the wall gently, mentally congratulating himself for not letting his mind wander off too far while he had washed and massaged that rather very nice body.
"I'm just going to clean up quickly, and then we'll get into the tub ok?" Ken nodded sleepily.
"K…." he trailed off, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the wall. He hadn't bothered to move from his sprawl, Ran noticed. He stopped himself from letting his gaze roam over muscles beneath moist skin gleaming in the foggy lantern glow and instead focused on washing himself. The water was cold since Ran hadn't bothered to heat it, so it worked well and he was clean in no time. The sooner this was over the better. Once he was done, he turned and set about the task of getting them both into the water.
Gently, he leaned Ken forward and tried to get the man to stand. They both managed it with some effort, and Ken moaned weakly as they staggered towards the tub.
"Are you alright?" Ran asked softly.
"Yeah…just…it hurts…I'll be ok once we're in the water…" he grunted. Ran nodded and stepped carefully into the tub before turning and basically lifting Ken in. He slowly sank the brunette into the water, and Ken seemed to turn boneless as soon as his body was submerged. Concerned, Ran sank in himself quickly and pulled Ken to rest against his chest before the young man could slip completely beneath the surface of the water. Ken sighed and settled the back of his head into the crook of Ran's shoulder. It only took one look at his face to tell Ran that he was pretty zoned out.
"That better?" he asked softly.
"Yeah, tons. Feels really good." Ken mumbled, his breathing slowly evening out.
"I'm glad then." Ran replied. They sat in silence and Ran listened to Ken's deep, even breathing. The heat of the water must have relaxed his muscles enough that he could breathe somewhat normally and without pain. Ran was glad for it. He would let Ken doze for a little while before they went back up, he thought, as he felt Ken's heart beating steadily against his chest through the young man's back. The sensation calmed him somehow. Ran stared at Ken's soft brown hair thoughtfully, and he wondered vaguely, not for the first time, what he had gotten himself into. He wrapped his arms around Ken to be sure the man wouldn't slide under, and then leaned his head back against the wall, allowing the hot water to drain all of the stress and tension from his body. With a pleasant sigh, he closed his eyes, and let the room drift into silence.
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WAAAAAIIIIIIIIIII! I LOVE ofuros! They're probably better than a trip to the spa I think….Especially in the chilly fall and cold winter. I went in an outdoor one once when it was only about 30 degrees out. At night. With the wind howling. And it was wonderful. Sorry the haiku didn't make much sense… I'm having a hard time finding some good ones.
Also, to all of my reviewers: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! Things get so hectic here with everything I'm doing, and it's often hard enough just to get the stories out. In fact, I don't get to edit them very often either, so thanks for bearing with that. Thank you all for your input, comments, compliments and support. This story probably would not have gone far without them! So thank you again! I am in your service as always…..
Next chapter, Omi's back!
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