What Chewbacca Taught Me
by Saber Girl Jaina
A/N: The spell-check recognizes Chewie's name. Wow.
Credits: Today we will hear the wisdom imparted to the Solo children by Chewbacca, as suggested by Stevdown, and Silindro (happy late birthday, Sil'). The way Chewie talks is inspired by 'The Not Quite Love Letters' by Limelight, Queen Mother of Star Wars humor. I hope very much that I will not be executed for this emulation.
NOTE: THE FOLLOWING HAS BEEN TRANSLATED FROM SHIRIIWOOK FOR YOUR CONTINENCE, AND BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A FONT FOR THAT LANGUAGE.
Chewbacca taught me about NAMES. "Consider the possible nicknames, cubs, or you may end up with a son whose friends call him 'Lumpy.'"
Chewbacca taught me about DERJAK. "Cub, be glad you are of my honor family. Were you not, you would have less of a right arm than your uncle."
Chewbacca taught me about JEDI MASTERS. "They have a way of reappearing in galactic events when you least expect them too, much like a gartra lizard with bathrooms."
Chewbacca taught me about ROMANCE. "If he brings you a dead lizard, cub, he must really like you."
Chewbacca taught me about SHIP REPAIR. "Let your father do the jobs that involve zappy things."
Chewbacca taught me about EWOKS. "Ewoks are like Wookies, but smaller, and less likely to pull of your arm when you win at derjak, cub."
Chewbacca taught me about SHIP MODIFICATIONS. "Cubs, the most difficult thing to do to a ship is to expand the fresher to suit a Wookie. Your father nearly destroyed the cargo hold trying."
Chewbacca taught me about STORMTROOPERS. "Crunchy."
Chewbacca taught me about RATION BARS. "They taste bad, cubs, very bad. But the worst thing about them is that there is no CHALLENGE. One cannot hunt a ration bar."