Well, this is it. The final chapter. Thanks, everyone, for your comments and reviews. This is for you.

Angel of chaos

Chapter Five: The plane of the Soul

They stood on the brink of an enormous tower, gazing down at a vast, glittering city, spread out before them like a carpet of stars. Overhead, the real constellations twinkled in cold, unfamiliar patterns.

Old Miltia, KOS-MOS whispered, gazing around in awe. The city seemed to go on forever, yet there was no mistaking it. The infamous Miltia of old, where so many died in one of the most horrifying events in history. But, this majestic city appeared to be in its prime, without a hint of the dark catastrophe to come; did that mean chaos was here too, even before the war?

Beside her, Nephilim stood on the edge of the balcony and turned her gaze toward the horizon. "Yes," she nodded, as if reading her thoughts, "this Miltia is a part of Yeshua's memories; a Miltia that prospered and grew, both in numbers and technology, right up to the city's demise. This is several years before the conflict. Yeshua's memory is long."

It's beautiful, KOS-MOS murmured.

Nephilim turned haunting blue eyes on her. "This is as far as I can take you," she said solemnly. "From here on, you will be alone. If you find Yeshua, I will come to you, but only if he permits it. Remember that these are his memories, KOS-MOS; what you see may or may not have happened yet." Nephilim was fading now, flickering out like a dying lamp; KOS-MOS had to strain to hear her. "The future is a constant, moving wave," Nephillim whispered as she disappeared completely, her voice lingering on the wind. "Nothing has been decided; the hearts of man have the power to change the flow of destiny. No hourglass or compass can decide what fate holds for those who believe…"

The air shimmered with heat, and far overhead, the stars changed. Only slightly, but it still sent a chill up KOS-MOS' back. She looked down to see the entire city engulfed in flame.

The tower abruptly crumbled to ash beneath her feet, leaving her hanging in the cinder filled air. KOS-MOS felt a momentary stab of fear—something she did not enjoy experiencing—before she realized she was more or less floating, weightless, over the conflagration.

These are just his memories, she reminded herself, landing gently on a strip of cracked and shattered pavement, which shimmered with the heat of the surrounding fire. This isn't really happening to me; I'm only seeing what once was.

Still, it was decidedly creepy, watching wave upon wave of Realians, marching through the burning city with the same crazed, empty look in their eyes. They fell upon citizens and sometimes even each other, not caring if they lived or were destroyed. Her theory was put to the test when an entire mob of citizens ran screaming from a deadly march of non-human look-alikes. Caught in the middle, KOS-MOS braced herself, but the Realians didn't even see her. They marched by her and through her, on their way to more wanton destruction, and paid her no attention.

KOS-MOS started walking. It was all she could do.

She walked through the destruction of Old Miltia into a raging dessert of sand, shielding her eyes as the icy wind shrieked and tore at her hair. The skeleton of a once great city loomed in the distance, and she could see monstrous things moving through the blinding duststorm. Some were the size of entire spacecrafts, yet they hovered over the dunes as if they weighed no more than insects. She hurried on, through a galaxy that was being eaten alive by a black hole, a horrible swirling void that sucked up entire stars and planets. Past the shores of a beach so beautiful she wanted to cry, and could only force herself to continue on, as figures with wings covering their faces and feet hovered beside a magnificent ivory gate. She literally ran past a great bloated worm the size of a small planet, her heart pounding in her chest as it gazed at her with an eye the size of the moon.

Gasping, she stumbled through a swirl of light, onto the bridge of a familiar ship. The Elsa looked different now, blacked out and empty, though KOS-MOS could swear she could hear the ghosts of whispers down the halls.

A glimmer caught her attention, as something white vanished around the corner. KOS-MOS hurried after it, seeing it disappear into one of the crew quarters, the door hissing shut behind it. Swallowing her fear, she walked up to the door and peered inside. There was a figure silhouetted against the window of the ship, a person with silver hair and great white wings folded behind him. Somehow, it didn't surprise her at all.

chaos?

KOS-MOS' footsteps echoed against the floor of the ship as she inched towards the motionless figure at the window. Idly, she wondered how she could be making any noise, when everywhere else, she was only a shadow.

chaos didn't turn. His double, feathery wings were outlined by hazy blue starlight; silhouetted against the glass, he shone with a brilliance that was beautiful and terrible at the same time.

chaos, KOS-MOS tried again. No, that wasn't right, not here. What was it Nephilim had called him? His true name…

Yeshua, she whispered.

At that, chaos finally turned, wings flaring slightly to either side. His gorgeous eyes pierced the distance between them; kind, inquisitive, but heartbreakingly sad. "KOS-MOS," she heard him murmur, caught the barely veiled sorrow in his voice. "What are you doing here?"

And KOS-MOS couldn't speak. Standing before this beautiful, winged creature, knowing that hours before she had coldly put a sword through his chest with the full intent to kill, her voice failed and she almost fled his presence. She hadn't known what she would do when she finally encountered him; she'd expected chaos to be angry, or at the very least hurt by the callous way she had almost ended his life. But there was no anger in the eyes of the seraphim before her. Only acceptance.

It was almost more than she could stand.

chaos tilted his head slightly in that adorable way of his, a puzzled look crossing his features. "KOS-MOS?"

I'm sorry, she choked, wishing this horrible weight in her chest would go away before it stopped her heart. Was this guilt she was feeling? Shame? She could hardly bear to look him in the eyes. I'm sorry, chaos…Yeshua. But, I…you...what happened on the Elsa…I didn't mean… She stumbled to a halt, hating herself. Why did she suddenly find speaking so difficult? I'm so sorry, she finished miserably. I've never wanted to hurt you...

And then he was in front of her, taking her hand. He made no noise when he moved, leaving her to wonder if perhaps she was the real one and this was only a phantom. But the hand that touched hers was solid and warm. "Its okay, KOS-MOS," he whispered with that sad little smile. "It wasn't your fault. I could never hold anything against you."

You should, she found herself saying. You should all hate me for what I've done. Not just to you, chaos. I've killed so many, and I didn't give any of them a second thought.

Soft fingers touched her chin, bringing her gaze to meet his. "We all have our roles," chaos told her gently. "You were created for a purpose. KOS-MOS is a weapon, one who fulfills her duty most efficiently. You can do no more, no less. We all must follow the path that is laid out for us." For a moment, something dark passed through his eyes, and his wings trembled, but it was gone before KOS-MOS could place what it was. The angel dropped his arm and sighed, giving her a curious look. "Why are you here, KOS-MOS?" he asked again, sounding more resigned this time. "I felt Nephilim a little while ago, but I didn't expect to see you. What is it you want?"

You, she whispered immediately. chaos only looked at her, and she hurried on. You must return to yourself, chaos. You're dying.

chaos nodded. "I know," he replied calmly. Turning away, he walked, or rather glided, to the window, looking out at the infinite space. "I think perhaps its time I took myself out of this fight," he murmured as he wings drew tighter around himself, as if to protect him. "Nephilim warned me about getting too close. I'm afraid my decisions at this point will upset the balance of what is to come." He glanced back, giving her a brave smile. "You'll be fine without me," he said, his voice filled with unmistakable love and pride. "I know everyone will make the right decisions and support each other to the end, even if I'm not there. You will all make it through this."

KOS-MOS shook her head. No, chaos; we need you there, she protested, walking up behind him. You keep our spirit alive; you never let us give up, even when things look hopeless. The others look to you for support. We all fight a little harder, knowing you're right there to back us up. She felt moisture on her face, and her vision was suddenly blurry, but she blinked it away to focus on chaos. If you die, everyone will be devastated. You're our hope. We need you. She took a deep breath to calm her fear and continued. I….need you.

chaos smiled his sad little smile. "You don't," he said softly, gazing at her in the reflection of the glass. "You're so much more powerful than I could ever be, KOS-MOS."

Don't die, KOS-MOS pleaded, stepping up to him, so close the feathers of his wings brushed her face. They felt softer than silk. Don't leave us, Yeshua.

chaos turned and brushed a gloved hand across her cheek. "The tears of an android," he murmured, almost to himself. "Weep not for me, but instead for the souls in darkness, the ones who have passed on without seeing the light." He sighed and closed his eyes. "You win," he whispered, accepting defeat. "I could never refuse you anything, anyway."

You're coming back? You won't die?

chaos nodded. "I'm coming back."

KOS-MOS took one step and put her arms around him, hugging him tightly. She could sense his astonishment, and truth be told she was shocked herself, but right now, in this timeless place, it didn't seem to matter. After a moment, chaos wrapped his arms around her waist, and his wings drew themselves around them both, shielding them in a circle of light and warmth. KOS-MOS laid her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, forgetting the outside world and U-DO and Gnosis and her other self. She knew this couldn't last. She understood that, when they returned to the real world, this moment in time would not exist. She even knew that chaos would not—could not—truly love her with the same intensity that she felt for him. chaos' love was an all encompassing thing; he loved everyone equally, with no pride or prejustice to get in the way. She knew that, and she accepted it. It was one of the reasons she had fallen for him in the first place.

She wasn't asking for a miracle. All she wanted was one memory with chaos; than she knew she could accept whatever fate had to throw at her. He would be standing behind her when her so-called destiny arrived; that was all she needed to know.

There was a shimmer out of the corner of her eye, but she didn't move. Nor did chaos release her from the circle of his arms, as the sudden glow behind them announced the arrival of Nephilim.

"Yeshua," came the little girl's haunting voice, and even KOS-MOS could hear the disapproval, combined with just a little sympathy.

And Yeshua sighed, burying his face in her neck."I know," he murmured, as KOS-MOS felt his arms tighten around her. "Please…give me this one moment."

"You're not being fair, to either of you." Nephilim's voice was gentle, but firm. "You know she will remember nothing when this is over."

KOS-MOS drew back a little to look chaos in the face. He met her gaze, sorrowful and maybe a little guilty, but unflinching. It's true, then," she stated. I won't remember anything? Anything at all?

chaos slowly shook his head. "This is all the time we have, KOS-MOS," he murmured, gently cupping her face. "When we return, you will go back to sleep, and I will continue to watch over you like I always have." He ran his thumb over her cheek, brushed a strand of hair from her eyes. "And, if one day you see me watching you a little more intently than usual, it's only because I'm worried about a teammate, nothing more."

Tears were trickling down her face again. She bit her lip to keep them in check, but it didn't help. Doesn't seem fair, does it? she whispered, leaning into his chest. People like Shion and Allen can't see what they have, even when it's right in front of their faces. Right now, I would give anything to be like them.

chaos smiled, and for a moment, seemed to glow brighter than ever. "I will meet you on the other side of eternity," he whispered. "When this is over, and our destiny comes to claim us, I will see you again. This I promise."

Nephilim regarded them solemnly. "So be it," she said. "Though I do not know what will come of this, I see that these flames cannot be extinguished. Yeshua, your body grows weak; you will not be able to remain here for much longer."

"I know," chaos replied, and then, with perfect sincerity: "Thank you, Nephilim."

The outline of the little girl began to fade, her enormous blue eyes being the last to disappear. "I pray that you will find peace," were her final words, and KOS-MOS wondered who she was speaking you.

Then she was gone, and she and chaos were alone.

KOS-MOS could feel the rapid beat of his heart; she glanced up and found him looking down at her, his expression unreadable. "What now?" she asked him, wishing this would never end, knowing it must. "Should we go back?"

chaos nodded. "Eventually," he whispered, running his fingers through her hair. "Right now, this is our time. I want to be right here with you. For however long it lasts." He smiled at her then, a real smile, full of hope and promise. "Someday, KOS-MOS, we'll be together for good. For eternity."

KOS-MOS couldn't reply for tears, but then, she didn't need to, as chaos lowered his head and kissed her.

No words were spoken.

But then, none needed to be.

"Shion!"

Shion jerked her head up from the chair in the corner, worry and hope flooding her at the sound of MOMO's voice. She had drifted off while sitting at chaos' bedside, and now she opened her eyes, dreading what she would find. Had chaos taken a turn for the worse? Was he better? Was he…gone?

A soft groan calmed her fears immediately, as chaos' still form stirred, and cracked open shining blue eyes.

"chaos," she said quietly, standing up. The silver haired boy looked at her and managed a tired smile.

"Hey everyone," he said in a hoarse voice. "Sorry if I worried you."

MOMO gave a little squeal of delight and threw her arms around his neck. "Don't do that to us again!" she said into his collarbone. "Jr. was so worried, he couldn't sleep. He stayed up all night on the bridge, just wandering around and making everyone nervous."

chaos returned the hug, moving gingerly as his wound still pained him. "Is he? Well, will you tell him that I'll be fine now, and to get some sleep? I'm sure he needs it."

MOMO drew back. "I will," she nodded eagerly, and sprinted out of the room. chaos watched her, smiling faintly, and turned to Shion.

"Hi," he whispered.

Relief engulfed her, and she found she could smile back. "We missed you," she said, laying a hand on his arm. "You scared us something awful."

He placed his gloved hand over hers. "Thanks for staying with me, Shion. How is KOS-MOS?"

"Asleep," Shion said in a small voice, marveling that he could ask so casually about the one who almost killed him. But then, that was chaos for you. "She's fine, but Jr. thought it best that she stay offline until we get home."

chaos nodded, and a shadow seemed to cross his face. For a moment, he looked unbearably sad. But then, he yawned, and was his old sweet self again. "Sorry," he murmured, looking abashed. "I can barely keep my eyes open. Strange if you think about it, since I was probably out all night."

Shion nodded in understanding. "I'll let you sleep," she said, giving his arm a final squeeze. "Get some rest, chaos. We'll be home in three more days."

chaos seemed to be drifting off, but forced his eyes open to look at her. "Home?" he mumbled sleepily. "Will you be staying there, then?"

"Well, I don't know about Jin. But yes, Allan and I will go back to our old jobs once we reach the Durandal. And KOS-MOS too, of course. Though I don't know what they have in store for her." Shion paused, thinking of her old life, and how odd it seemed, compared to what they had gone through. And now, their adventures were over. They would have to part, say their goodbyes, and go their separate ways. Somehow, it didn't seem right; they had been through so much together.

Shion shook away the dreary thoughts and tried to be cheerful. "It'll be a relief, going back to my normal, boring old job," she said, trying to convince herself. "If I never see another gnosis, it'll be too soon. What will you do once we get home, chaos?"

"I'm part of the Elsa crew. We'll probably go back to doing what we were before you and KOS-MOS came aboard."

"Ah. Paying off Matthew's debt?"

chaos chuckled weakly. "Until the day we die."

Shion laughed. It felt good to do so. "I'll miss you, chaos," she said. "I'll miss everyone. Look after Jr. and the others for me, will you?"

"I will. And Shion…?"

"Yes?"

A pause. Then: "Take care of yourself. And, tell KOS-MOS: I will not forget."

Shion didn't know what that meant, but she nodded anyway. chaos' eyes closed, unable to stay open any longer, and she tiptoed out of the room. At the doorway, she paused to look back at the sleeping figure, a slender, bright haired boy with a smile that was faintly sad, even in sleep.

"Goodbye, chaos," she whispered, and the door hissed shut behind her, hiding him from view.

The room was silent, save for the steady beep-beep of the monitors above his bed. Half asleep and ready to surrender to the void, chaos felt a feather light touch against his cheek, and the softest of kisses brush his lips.

"I will not forget, either," whispered a ghostly voice in his ear. chaos did not open his eyes, knowing if he did the room would be empty, but his mouth curved in a genuine smile, and for the first time in a long time, he was completely at peace.

Wilhelm sighed, shaking his head. A rueful little grin tugged, unbidden, at the corner of his mouth.

"Welcome back, Yeshua," he murmured, watching the Compass spin in more familiar patterns once more. "You certainly gave us a scare, you and KOS-MOS both. Well, now I know how far you are willing to go for her. This will make things…interesting."

He stood and walked to the window, gazing up at the stars.

"The pieces are all in place. The play is about to begin."

To be continued in Xenosaga, episode III….