Chapter One
Disclaimer – I don't own Harry Potter. I win.
"I'm worried about you, Hermione," Mrs. Granger said smoothly. "You're not your old self anymore, and it's not registering to me.. You used to be so colorful, and you used to care if someone told you they hated you.. I don't see what your damage is, but by God you better figure it out."
"Mom," Hermione said, as she applied more and more eyeliner. "You know very well that I'm not your adorable little preppy girl anymore. I hated the person I used to be, why can't you accept that? And you'd have severe damage too, if you were me.. You just don't understand, and I'm in no position to explain anything to you. So leave me the hell alone, I'm old enough to fend for myself now.. And I need to get packed."
With that, her mother stomped out of Hermione's room and slammed the door. She could hear her mutter "That child.." under her breath as she locked the door from the outside.. Hermione knew she was a lost cause to her mother, and at one time, her father, but she didn't care..
And to think, the nerve of the woman.. Locking her door from the outside? Did she not remember Hermione was magic and held more power in the palm of her hand than her mom could ever obtain, no matter how hard she tried? Sure, it might cause Hermione to lose some type of privilege for using magic underage, but she didn't really care.
So she just turned her music up even louder than it was before her mom came in to bitch at her about that.. She was listening to Rise Against.. The song Swing Life Away, to be exact.. And started throwing her things into her school trunk.
It was August 30th, meaning she only had two days until school, and she still needed to go to Diagon Alley to get her new books.. And of course, as anticipated, she was in fact head girl. She walked over to her wardrobe, took out a small pouch of powder, and walked to her fireplace.
Throwing a handful of the powder into the burned embers, she stepped inside and said "Diagon Alley" as best she could, what with the flying ash that was surrounding her.. And she was gone.
"Hermione Granger!" her mother yelled as she was undoing the locks outside her bedroom door. "I THOUGHT OF SOMETHING ELSE!" She opened the door and looked inside, but didn't see her daughter anywhere.
"DAMMIT!" she yelled, smashing the front of Hermione's stereo in. She then sat down on Hermione's giant canopy bed, held her head in her hands, and started sobbing.
"Look who I've become.." she said between cries. "She's my daughter, and always will be.. Why am I doing this to her.. She deserves it.." she trailed off. It was like a battle between the good and bad sides of her conscience.. She simply didn't understand what Hermione's problem was these days.. Always dressing like a gothic girl.. Like just today, she was wearing fishnet stockings with a short black skirt, a collection of studded belts, and a long sleeved black shirt.. Plus all the bangles around her wrists, the big black combat boots that came up to her knees.. The black hair.. And the worst of all, the way she wore her makeup.
"I hate her.. I hate her so much," Mrs. Granger thought aloud. "I don't understand where I went wrong in raising that child.. What is my problem?"
Somewhere along the line, Mrs. Granger fell asleep in her daughter's bed. An hour or so later, as it was nearing dinner time, she awoke to a popping noise and a burst of green flames. Hermione stepped out of the fireplace, laden with ash, and looked at her mother with the deepest loathing.
"What do you want, mother?" she asked, very sharply. "You know, after you called me a fuck up, I really don't feel like talking to you. So just go on out of my room and lock me back in, I swear to you it won't phase me."
"Hermione," her mother said calmly.. "Sit down beside me, I need to talk to you about something."
"What could you possibly want from me, mother? All I do is ruin your life.. I'm a lost cause.. Remember?"
"Hermione, I have no idea where we fell apart, or why we did.. But I just want to understand you.."
"Well mother, why don't you look a LITTLE deeper. That pisses me off, to be honest. First off, you'll never understand me, because I've been through a whole lot more than you have. But what pisses me off the most is that you don't realize how traumatized I am. Good God woman, how can you be so naive? Your daughter, your own flesh and blood, just lost her father two months ago. To fucking suicide. And in his suicide note, he left me a part that you never saw. And I think it's time you knew what it said." she finished, walking over to her wardrobe yet again, depositing her pouch of floo powder and retrieving a small envelop with her name written in what could be assumed a man's scrawl.
She opened it and threw the envelop carelessly on her bed, unfolding the letter inside to read it aloud to her mother. After scanning through to find the part she needed, she cleared her throat and made sure her mom was listening.
"My dearest Hermione.. Blah blah.. Some random stuff that shouldn't interest you.. And then.. 'Might I add, my beloved daughter, that I have more than one reason for this suicide. I know it is by far the right thing to do, but I can't take it anymore. I don't understand what happened between us, but ever since you've been attending that school, I feel like we lost our perfect little Christian girl.. The one who would always accompany us to Sunday services.. And with that deciding factor, I realized that I can't be sure, for myself, that there is a God, or a reason to believe in him. And honestly, your mother plays a big part in this as well, always ranting and raving about nonsense, I can't stand the woman. So I've given up hope, and I just wanted you to know how deeply I love you, Hermione, and you always have me in your heart.'"
Her mother started crying again. "So you're blaming this on me? You're blaming your failures on me?"
"If it wasn't for you, I'd still have a father. And other stuff would have never happened. It's probably time you learned of that too."
"What are you talking about?" her mother asked.
Hermione paused, mentally slapping herself for letting that slip.. She didn't want her mother to know of the things that had gone on after her father's funeral.. But she may as well spill it now, there was no other way around it.
"You see, mother, things happened after dad's funeral that I didn't find important to tell you.. Considering I'd just get yelled at, and told that it was my fault anyway, and then get to hear how much of a fuck up I was.. But after that funeral, I went with Ron and Harry someplace, trying to drown my sorrows into the shoulders of my best friends. Harry was totally sympathetic, after all, he lost both of his parents.. But Ron wasn't so nice about it.." she trailed off.
After a minute, she heard a silent, "Proceed.." from her mother.
"Ron was drunk, and Harry was trying his best to sober him up so he wouldn't say something totally inappropriate to me about my father's death.. Or anything, for that matter.. But it wasn't working. Harry went to find help, because Ron was acting like a madman.. But was gone much longer than expected.. And Ron bound me with magic.. And he.. He raped me.. Mom.. And ever since then, I've been unsure of myself, in many ways. Not that you really care, but I started a few bad habits.. And I'm not going to talk about them right now."
She waited for a reaction from her mother, but she looked too shocked to speak.. However, after a moment, the blood came back to her face just long enough for her to say, "Hermione Elizabeth, get the fuck out of my house, and don't you dare come back. You didn't get raped, you just want sympathy. You just want me to love you, don't you, you fucked up little bitch. I can never love you.. I never have, to be honest. So leave, and don't come back."
Hermione didn't hesitate. She threw her newly purchased school things into her still open trunk, levitated it, and walked out the door. She walked down the stairs, to the lobby of her manor, and found her broomstick in the closet under the stairs. She had recently borrowed Harry's invisibility cloak, so she threw that over herself and her trunk and made the trunk lighter, fastening it to the bottom of her broomstick, and walked outside.. She yelled "FUCK YOU" to her mother and flew off, never looking back, not even wanting to ever look back.
She flew over her town and found her way, slowly, to the Leaky Cauldron. Her explanation had taken a while to tell, and by now, it was nearly completely dark outside, which was best for what she was trying to pull, even with the invisibility cloak. She found the Leaky Cauldron, finally, and went inside to buy herself a room for the next two nights, until she could go to school.
She went up to the room she got, threw her trunk on the floor, and fell across the bed, sobbing. Why had this happened to her? Why did she lose her father and then her mother all in one summer? And just to think.. She was raped, her mother was just a heartless bitch that could care less..
She must've fallen asleep, because she was awoken by a familiar hand wiping tears from her eyes and kissing her softly on the forehead. She didn't want to open her eyes.. She knew she was probably dreaming, no one cared about her enough to do anything of this sort.. But she heard a voice say, "Hermione, I'm here, I've got you.. You're ok.." and felt another kiss brush across her forehead..
She opened her eyes slowly, only to see Harry sitting beside her. "One of the caretakers told me you had checked in," he said, grabbing her hand in his. "You look a lot different from last time I saw you.. I heard what happened, from Ron, no less.. I just want you to know that I ended my friendship with him as fast I could.. And he was recently admitted to St. Mungo's.. They believe he has a very serious mental disorder."
Hermione started sobbing once again.. She couldn't control it, this was too much for her to take right now..
Harry pulled her up to him by the shoulders and wrapped his arms around her tight. "You're ok baby, I have you.." he said soothingly. "I've got you, I'm not letting you go."
She cried into his the comfort of his shoulder, wishing, for once, she could stop.. She was too attracted to Harry to let this go by, because she knew he was just doing it to make her feel better. She pulled away from him and flounced back onto the bed, this time facing the opposite direction of him.
She felt him get up from the bed, and figured he was leaving.. So she waited a minute and turned over onto her back, and saw him still standing there, just looking at her.. Just looking, she thought, deep into her soul, from five feet away.
"I know what you're thinking, Hermione.." he said.
"Oh really, what's that?" she said, regretting the sarcasm in her voice.
"You love me, don't you? I hate to be blunt, but that's how you feel, isn't it?"
"Of course I love you, Harry. You've been like my brother for the last six years. I'd be lost without you, you should know that."
"You know that's not what I mean, Hermione.."
She turned back over, facing away from him, and squeezed her eyes shut.. She hoped that if she squeezed hard enough, she'd disappear into the frumpy comforter she was laying on. "Harry.." she said quietly, since even she didn't want to hear herself say this. "You've been there for me through everything.. Yes, I love you.. I have since fourth year.."
By this time, Harry was on the other side of her bed, watching her.. She was so beautiful, just the way she blushed when she said she loved him, the way she laid there, the way he knew how badly she was hurting on the inside without her saying a word about it.
"I don't know what to say," he said, simply put.
Hermione frowned and kept her eyes squeezed shut.. She looked to him like she was about to cry.. He leaned down, his face by hers, and with a sudden burst of confidence, kissed her once on the lips. Hermione, not really sure of what she should do, just let it happen.. She had always kind of been a go-with-the-flow type of girl.
Harry pulled away, sort of amazed at himself for doing that, and wiped the tears from underneath Hermione's eyes.. Her eyeliner was starting to run.. And he held her in his arms until she calmed down. "Hermione.. Shh, it's ok, I've got you.."
Harry kissed her forehead and looked down to see her sleeping in his arms.. He laid her down and pulled the covers up to her chin, kissed her on the lips, and whispered, "I love you too, Hermione Granger.."
how was that for chapter one? review!