Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns all to do with Harry Potter, his friends, family and enemies. This story is for fun, not profit.
Where Do I Begin?
Chapter Four
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That anywhere I go I'm never lonely.
With him around, who could be lonely?
I reach for his hand it's always there.
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Lupin plonked himself down on the wooden stool. The kitchen was the quietest he had heard it all year and he did not revel in it. Usually he would welcome the peace and quiet as it meant no one firing weapons at him or throwing stones or shrieking in his presence. Large crowds were considered to be unfriendly company around Remus. But this silence was unwelcome. It was as if he was sitting in the eye of a storm, the stillness before the rage. The wolf's sixth sense was constantly alerting him to everything and the continual adrenaline rush was tiring him out.
However, he was not only physically exhausted. With this new information from Moody about Harry's ability to read minds and the need to comfort Sirius' woes every evening, the wolf in him was rapidly taking over his mental state. It did not help that the waxing phase of the moon would be complete next week.
A creak from the floor boards above woke him to his surroundings. His heightened sense of smell picked up a salty fried oil scent coming from the oven and a faint whisper of methanol coming down the hallway stairs. Remus pulled the left over bubble-and-squeak from the oven and silently gave Molly blessings as he ravenously dug into the warm egg.
"Hello old man," yawned Sirius as he stumbled his way down the stairs. Remus' growled at the intruder and pulled the plate closer under his protection. "It's all right. I've already eaten an Erumpent sufficiency tonight."
Remus blinked a couple of times and sighed. "I'm sorry. He's kicking in early this week," he went back to shoveling food into his mouth as fast as possible. "So what's keeping you up?"
"You," Sirius pulled up a seat beside him. "I was worried about you. We don't know when he'll attack again." A small whine escaped the masticated egg and Remus chalked up another reason for loathing his other self. But his embarrassment was quickly dismissed when Sirius placed a hand gently on his arm.
"I don't want to lose you either." Remus stared up at the hollow blue eyes. They both knew their lives were a small price to pay for victory over the brewing battle. Yet the cost was more than one can bear alone. He had never taken the time to think about how his life would be if Sirius no longer existed. Whilst his friend was in Azkaban, he had built himself a wall of hatred between their friendship. But when Peter was uncovered, the wall came crashing down and Remus was left there to figure out how he felt about his old friend. The one person he had inadvertently betrayed by not believing what his heart knew was right; that Sirius could never be a murderer.
Now here they were, friends again, at the edge of war. An overwhelming sense of déjà vu warped Grimmauld's kitchen to that of the Prewetts'. The old Order enjoying their fleeting moments between debriefings and the onslaught. James with Lily on his lap, so close to each other they almost became one being. Dumbledore performing his amazing spoon-stuck-to-nose trick with Molly and Minerva sighing at the howls of laughter for his audience. That wooden expanse of table, keeping him so far away from the dashing young man of his heart. Remus smiled at the recollection that it was not only dinner they were devouring at that particular table.
He peered back into Sirius' eyes and a small growl escaped as the wolf's possessiveness started to rise. It had been too long since he had touched that skin and his fingers began to itch. Sirius was his; and his alone.
Lupin shook the violent thoughts from his head. Now was not the time for reminiscing, but rather to be cheerful in the present. Sirius depended on his optimism and caring nature, leaving Remus to beat down the wolf's urges.
"It won't be a problem next week," Remus grinned. True to his nature, Remus' optimism lit up Sirius' eyes – yet this light was a little more alarming. "No. You're not rampaging with me. Your little stint at the station has alerted the Death Eaters to your animagi ability. I don't want to curse another human being to protect you."
Often he needed to remind Sirius that it was a curse and not some other reason to have some fun. The years in Azkaban had taken their toll as his small reprimand had turned Sirius' face to shame. Remus would not wish his curse on the Dark Lord himself. To be unable to control your primal rage to the point of scaring yourself to appease the blood-thirsty urges, was the worst torment of all.
"He wants to teach Occulamency to Harry," Sirius growled. Only one human being could cause Sirius to react like that: Severus Snape. Remus had heard about Harry's legimens in the situation of Arthur's rescue. It is a remarkable gift that must be controlled; surely Sirius could understand that.
"Severus is the best, next to Albus of course. It would benefit Harry to learn from a master," Remus replied, pushing away the smidgeons of cold egg. He knew about the hate-hate relationship Severus and Sirius had convened. Something to do with past relatives and family tradition – something purebloods would worry about and would be of little consequence to other wizards.
"But to leave Harry alone with that – thing? He could be filling the boy's head with all sorts of ludicrous pureblood crap. Turn him into some minion of the Dark Lord's."
"You don't really believe that do you?" Remus raised an eyebrow. "Besides, once Harry has control, perhaps he can use his gift to find out who told Voldemort the whereabouts of the weapon."
"They probably tortured it out of Bode before he – well," Sirius motioned a circle around his ear.
The mere thought of losing the control over your mind forever scared Remus to no end. No one could possibly understand what it was like to have no control over yourself, unless they were under one of the Unforgivable Curses. Once a month was enough for Remus to endure. For anyone to endure. He had lied to the young man in the hospital, being a werewolf was the most insufferable life.
"I saw Boderick the other day," Remus tried to change the subject. "The healer said he's settling his speech to one language; ancient Aztec. They're apparently bringing in an expert next month. We'll find out everything then."
Sirius groaned and held his head. "By then, we could all be wiped out!" It was true. They still did not know who was leaking information to the Death Eaters.
It did not take long for James and Lily to be killed, at least that was what he had heard. He had to move continents incase someone found a way to control him in his most vulnerable state. He would not make that mistake again. No matter the consequence, he was needed here.
Lupin wrapped an arm around Sirius and rubbed his cheek on his shoulder, in an attempt to absorb his pain. Though another one of his wolf traits he would prefer to banish, the nuzzling began to settle Sirius. "You do realise, that at the first hint of danger anywhere near my godson, I'll be there to kill all of those bastards," he whispered. "You won't be able to stop me, Remus."
He peered up at those haunted eyes. He did not have children and therefore could not fathom the range of emotions their guardians felt whilst trying to bring them up in this very screwed-up world. But the wolf inside told him one thing straight. No one was to hurt his pack. Remus nodded and squeezed him tight. "I know."
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