Rikugo stared at himself stoking a fire in the fireplace and preparing for his evening rituals. It was a much younger self he noticed, the hair was only hanging down to his hips, and he wasn't wearing that many robes. Well, he hadn't, at least not in his private time, in his private rooms. And something about this evening was vaguely familiar.
A knock at the door caught his attention and he went to open -- it could only be a servant, he mused, he wasn't expecting any visitors. And then he looked down on a bathed cat.
"Holy ... Byakko, what are you doing out in a weather like this? Come on in, you're drenched to the bones, boy."
Byakko slowly entered the warm room, and Rikugo's eyes widened.
He remembered this evening. Oh yes, only too well.
The tiger was indeed soaked to his skin. He must have run all the way from his palace in this weather to come here.
Rikugo shook his head when he watched himself peel the boy out of his dripping clothes and rub the shivering body dry with a fluffy towel, then wrap him in one of his warmer robes.
He placed a steaming mug of hot chocolate in front of the boy, watching as Byakko took a hesitant sip. He was the tiger's teacher since his father had died two years ago, and -- so he suspected -- the only father figure left for the little shikigami. The only one touching him, too.
"Now, Byakko, why did you come to me at this late hour?"
The white head sunk down and red eyes stared into the mug.
"I...I had a nightmare. And I couldn't go back to sleep."
Rikugo sighed as he remembered more and more of that night. Every once in a while the young boy had had bad dreams, or other problems a kid his age used to have. Waking up in a palace from a nightmare at a night like that, finding he wanted to cry out for his mother or father to hold him... and then remembering that they wouldn't come, couldn't come.
Yes, Byakko had sought him out more than once.
"You have to be tired, Byakko. Since your clothes are wet and all -- would you like to stay here the night?"
Red eyes lit up in hope, and the tiger beamed at him.
"May I?"
"Of course. Come, I'll carry you."
Byakko had been twelve years old, had even back then already been a God, but in moments like these he had allowed Rikugo to pamper him a little. He had done it, and gladly so, knowing that the child was just that -- a lonely little tiger missing his parents and in need for some comfort.
He put the kid down onto the pillows and gently tucked the blanket around the slender body, smiling when he noticed how Byakko snuggled into the blanket. He was a cat after all.
"Sleep well," he said softly, bending down and placing a little kiss on the kid's forehead before turning to leave.
A small hand sneaked around his wrist. Huge red eyes looked up at him pleadingly.
"Don't go. I... I don't want to be alone tonight."
He smiled reassuringly at the boy and shrugged out of his robe, slipping under the warm cover. The boy was snuggling against him immediately, sighing softly when he closed his arms around him.
Rikugo smiled with the memory.
Oh yes, Byakko had liked to cuddle up against him at nights like these. This had just been the first in a longer series when the child had been tormented by bad dreams. He had held him throughout the entire night, listened to the heartbeat and even breathing before he had dozed off himself.
The morning had found him with a little warm bundle in his arms, purring in delight when he had stroked his back -- sensuous little thing Byakko had been.
So what was so special with this memory? What had happened for Byakko that night?
A minute later Rikugo regretted asking.
He stroked over the slender form in his arms, caressed the back, put a little more pressure here and there and Byakko started purring.
"Feels nice, R'kugo," the tiger murmured, already half asleep. But then red eyes flew open in confusion as a hand slipped underneath the robe, caressing naked skin.
"Rikugo?" the boy asked, confused and bewildered as he undid his belt, parting the robe, one hand wandering over the body while the other one was pressing Byakko close.
"Rikugo... I... what are you doing, Rikugo? No... please... "
He had rolled the boy on his back and was now blanketing the much smaller body...
Rikugo paled dramatically, not believing what he was seeing. Gods, no... he had never, never laid a finger on the boy, let alone...
"What do you think I'm doing, little one? You come here, sneak into my bed and expect me to do nothing? You want it, too, and you know it. You're asking for it, aren't you?"
The astrologer felt his stomach clench painfully as he watched himself hold the boy's wrists over his head with one hand, pin him down with his weight and close off any protest with a bruising kiss, while he was at the same time reaching between the boy's legs, parting them roughly ...
Rikugo slammed the door of the soul chamber shut behind him, but not in time to avoid hearing the most horrendous sound he could ever imagine - a child's voice screaming in fear and pain.
He needed a few minutes to catch his breath, to wipe away the cold feeling that was freezing him in the darkness of Byakko's mind and swallow the nausea, the disbelief and terror that threatened to overwhelm him at what he had just witnessed. There were more soul chambers, and Rikugo would have to open them in order to find the one the white tiger was currently hiding in.
He was afraid of what he might find.
°
He heard the soft sobbing sounds right after he had opened the door, and it cut even deeper into his heart. Rikugo had had to open more doors, had seen more horrors
- like the thirteen year old Byakko being thrown over the table, a hand covering his mouth to prevent him from screaming too loud...
-- fifteen year old, being tutored by him and the light in his eyes dying when he put a praising hand on his shoulder from behind, caressing the nape of his neck...
-- sixteen year old Byakko, curled naked on his bed in a position so awkward the astrologer needed a second to realize his hands were bound over his head to the bed frame, sobbing. A tall figure towering over him, stroking the trembling form...
"No, please, no more!'
"You are young, your body knows what it wants, Byakko. And right now it wants this, kitten.'
...it had been too much, far too much, and Rikugo wished dearly for the opportunity to simply throw up - repeatedly.
There had been more doors, more memories of him molesting the young man, even some where Byakko actually tried to fight him.
It had ended only even nastier.
And then there had been scenes where he had read the hatred in Byakko's eyes.
And now it looked as if he had finally found the chamber where Byakko had fled to, had locked himself in. The room was pitch dark, the only light illuminating it came from the corridor. It fell onto a huddled white clad figure and Rikugo knew he had found Byakko.
The young man lay on his side, knees drawn up to his chest and hugging himself, a shiver running over the slender form. Slender? No, no more. Skinny. It wasn't exactly Byakko's physical form he was seeing but still -- it looked as if the tiger was trying to starve himself, ribs actually poking through the pale skin on his ribs, clearly visible where the white coat had been ripped open.
Holy...
And then Rikugo heard it.
A harsh, almost inaudible whisper, a litany of words coming from the young man.
"...my fault... my fault... make it go away... my fault..."
Rikugo kneeled carefully beside the trembling form of his friend, stretching out a hand slowly.
"Byakko," he cautiously addressed the huddled man, not really surprised at the lack of reaction. Byakko was under deep. Very deep.
"Byakko, do you hear me?"
There was only a slight shiver running over the body before Byakko resumed chanting.
Rikugo touched.
And Byakko exploded.
With a terrified scream the tiger scrambled away from him, the flare of his power shoving Rikugo back against the wall, making him cry out more at the suddenness than the pain of impact.
When he shook his head and looked again he only saw darkness, just the echo of Byakko's harsh breathing in the shadows telling him the tiger hadn't retreated completely, was still around somewhere. Then the chants began again, and this time it made Rikugo's blood run cold.
"... my fault... end it... I end it... my fault ... end it ... "
° ° °
Touda watched Rikugo pale considerably, cold sweat breaking out on the astrologer's face as he Looked into his lover's soul. The serpent didn't like what he saw, not one bit, and when Rikugo suddenly swayed he caught the slender form before he could hit the ground. The other shikigami was trembling so hard, Touda was briefly afraid he was having an episode. Red eyes closed and onyx opened, and Touda was shocked to see how shaken the usually so calm and steady man was.
"Rikugo?"
"Tsuzuki... we need Tsuzuki, quickly." The normally so smooth voice was harsh, rough, and painful on his ears.
Touda didn't ask what for -- he just yelled for his master over the bond.
tbc...