He felt like crying.
Byakko was missing days of his life and aside from strange recollections that made no sense or too much, there was nothing. Tsuzuki's continued presence had alleviated the fear that his master hated him, had banished him, didn't want him any more. Tsuzuki had spent hours with the white tiger, just sitting together, dozing, having fun, talking, reading... just being together.
It helped.
The strange memories concerning Touda had disappeared. He didn't really know what the devil had used, but for a while Byakko had thought he had hurt his lover. Maybe it was just something from the awful days when Touda had hovered at death's door.
Sohryu was a similar matter. He recalled the dragon being angry with him, but not why. Something to do with his family, but Byakko had only met them as a child. He didn't really remember much. Keijin was a face and Aya... He didn't remember her at all. Those memories had faded like the dream was now beginning to dissolve.
He tried to remember what the devil had done while he had been possessed, but it was like a total blank.
Touda had told him about the attempted attack on Sohryu, and it had horrified him. Still, he couldn't remember and no one blamed him.
Aside from himself.
I want to know! he thought desperately. I want to know what that bastard did to me! Why did I fall victim to him.
Because he had been broken by something the creature had confronted him with, twisting his memories.
Which ones? What had broken his neck? His spirit... his soul...
Byakko sighed deeply and sipped his hot tea. It was frustrating. Really, really frustrating.
Tsuzuki had to return later that day. Byakko hugged him tightly, so thankful for the shinigami's very presence, and Tsuzuki smiled widely at him.
The tiger was still bothered by his memory gaps, as well as the strange fragments he was getting now and then, fragments that made no sense and had nothing to do with either Sohryu or Touda. His fear of Tenkuu was receding, though he couldn't walk into the palace.
"I understand your fears," the building told him gently. "Whatever that creature of Hell did to you, it manipulated your mind to make us into your enemies."
Byakko sat with his back against one of the strong, thick walls, sighing. "I just wish I could pinpoint those dreams, Tenkuu. It's like being afraid of the dark. The darkness is just dark, but why do you fear it? There's no rational reason."
"Give yourself time, Byakko," was the calm answer. "You were under a lot of pressure. Your mind needs to recover."
Another sigh, then he nodded and walked off.
° ° °
Rikugo walked through the long corridor that led to the library, realizing only by the semi-lighting that it was late. Grabbing the scrolls he had worked on more tightly to prevent them from slipping from his grip he sped up a little, feeling fatigue set in after an entire day of endless, exhausting deciphering of old manuscripts and stuff.
But that was exactly what he wanted. It had been two weeks since the attack and things seemed to get back to normal. Almost. And he just couldn't forget what he had seen.
The astrologer wanted to drain himself, needed it. He needed to wear himself out so he could fall into his bed and be dead for the world until he would wake up in the wee hours of the morning, before the sun had even risen.
Otherwise he would start thinking.
And he really didn't want to think right now.
Rikugo nodded a greeting to a servant who was walking past him with a torch -- why they were still lighting the corridors with torches although they had internet and computers and electricity beat him -- and continued his walk. He glanced at the scrolls again that were starting to slip once more -- and landed on the floor the very next second, partly unrolling themselves. He swore silently and knelt to retreat the rebellious scripts.
"Rikugo. Let me give you a hand."
He looked up in surprise, smiling his thanks -- and froze the second red eyes widened, reflecting a horrendous mixture of terror and hate.
Byakko.
Obviously the tiger had been in the library, researching something or other and forgetting about time himself. Now he was kneeling on the floor, as white as a sheet, the outstretched hand trembling with fear.
Oh gods... why had it to be him? Rikugo groaned, feeling his own stomach clench. Rising carefully only resulted in Byakko scrambling back, curling into himself and trying to hide within the wall, making little distressed noises and panting. The wide red eyes stared into nothingness.
Rikugo stepped closer.
"Byakko..."
Wrong move, he decided. Byakko yelped in fright and jumped away, as much as his huddled form would allow, then wrapped his arms around his knees.
There was the flickering light of a torch, and Rikugo had never been more glad to see a servant.
"Call for Lord Touda," he snapped, registering how his voice made Byakko shiver violently. "Now!"
° ° °
Byakko lay in his bed, curled up, the black and white tail wound tightly around his slim form. His eyes were staring into nothingness and he was holding on to the pillow like it was a lifeline.
Hands stroking his body.
"You want it, kitten."
Another shiver and the nausea rose.
Kisses, strokes, caresses... the pain of...
He moaned silently and screwed his eyes shut.
What was going on? Why was he seeing those things, feeling it, remembering it as if it had happened?
Had it happened?
Or maybe not... maybe... No! He could still feel those adult hands on his small body, those whispers in his ears...
More violent images overlapped the prior ones. Violence and blood and pain and... so much!
He hadn't recalled any of it until the moment he had met Rikugo. It had been like flood gates opening, swamping him in this horror. He couldn't stop feeling this, couldn't stop himself from shying away from Rikugo's touch, and even the horror in the astrologer's eyes hadn't helped.
Rikugo... he had... he hadn't, no! Impossible.
But he felt it again and again. As if it had happened yesterday.
Someone entered the room and he felt the strong aura of his lover. Touda had taken to projecting more than normal to alert Byakko to who was approaching.
"Byakko?"
He made a soft little noise and Touda walked around the bed, entering his field of vision.
"It was a nightmare," the serpent said softly.
"It feels real... so real..."
"It wasn't."
Byakko swallowed, feeling tears rise again. It was as if he was suddenly ten years old again, so afraid, so small...
Touda sat down next to him and Byakko instinctively wrapped himself around his lover, holding on tightly. Touda murmured reassurance, but it didn't help. Tears flooded him and he swallowed several times, trying to fight those floodgates.
Rikugo was his friend!
-- he hurt you, a sinister voice whispered. He raped you, Byakko!
NO! He never would!
-- are you sure?
Byakko only moaned softly.
He couldn't be sure of anything any more. He knew for a fact that the devil had implanted false memories, that he had twisted his knowledge, had changed reality, but it was so hard to convince himself that those things he remembered were wrong, false, had never happened.
Touda stroked over his head, fingers carding into the thick silver hair. His aura was so strong, it drowned out everything else. There was only Touda and Touda meant safety. Byakko lost himself in the strength of his lover. He didn't care that he was a God, the Protector of the West. He didn't care about reputation or representation. Right now he was just Byakko; and he needed Touda.
tbc...