This chapter isn't very fast paced or, frankly, that interesting: it's mainly just several page of dialogue. The next chapter, however, will be very action-ey and it'll include a certain dwarf.

As for the robots? I'm not quite sure what I was thinking when I included them; I doubt I was in a sensible state of mind (of course, I am never in a 'sensible' state of mind…) However they're included now and I shall keep them. So nuh.

Okay; I didn't actually expect new reviews so soon, but here are my thank-yous and stuff…

Raven: Please don't commit suicide! You're one of my most faithful fans! I FORBID YOU TO DIE!

Me-obviously: Thank you, I was beginning to wonder if including the cats were a good idea.

Izzie: Please don't be depressed! I still consider you a friend.

Dormouse: Thank you for your permission to use the olive quote! I'd say Berry is 'Vimesy', but I guess not everyone reads Discworld, and Commander Sir Samuel Vimes doesn't come across as innocent as Berry. I don't mind if you tell me about the cow thing, you can e-mail me if you'd prefer not to write it in a review.

Athleticsrulz: (totally disagree with your name, by the way, I HATE running). I'll try and include Foaly more, but I don't know if I can find a place for him in this fic. Don't worry, he will be in the sequel.

Sequel, I hear you cry? Yes, sequel. Once this fic is over, look out for The Midsummer Hostage.

Chapter 5: Real TV

Koboi Labs

Topaz Koboi was having a trying day.

The pixie sat on the old Koboi Hoverboy™ that she had salvaged from the wreckage that the LEP had left behind when they'd initially searched Koboi Labs. The Hoverboy™ no longer flew but it was still quite comfortable to sit in.

'They've all escaped?' Topaz asked. Amazingly, her tone was quite calm, and her cheeks weren't flushed red with fury. Then again, she could have been keeping her temper so as not to disturb the grey kitten in her lap.

Donoka, who was once again the unfortunate bearer of bad news, nodded nervously. 'Yes, Miss Koboi, although we are searching for them as we speak…'

'Don't bother,' Topaz said. She stroked the kitten's small head; it purred and closed its amber eyes.

'Pardon?'

'You won't find them. Fowl is a genius and Holly isn't exactly stupid. A bunch of half-witted pixies that exist only to follow orders are not going to find them in a building of this size.'

Donoka glanced at the door behind Topaz. 'What are we to do then?'

'Isn't it obvious?' Topaz clicked her fingers. Donoka shivered at the sight of her guards. They glided gracefully along the floor, although rumour had it they had a problem with getting up stairs. 'Let these find them.'

Donoka nodded and bowed. 'Yes, Miss Koboi.'

Donoka wondered what would happen when the guards found the prisoners, if that term still applied. Or did the fact that they'd escaped make them free? Either way, they were still the enemy.

The male pixie shuddered. He was starting to feel sorry for the group…

Berry Short was having great fun.

She wandered around this big building with a Mud Boy in tow, occasionally issuing orders to a passing pixie, and no one had noticed that she was an escaped kidnap victim. It was great.

'I love this place,' she said as she sent a pixie scurrying with an order for a chocolate doughnut. 'The guards here just obey the voice of command, it's so cool…'

'For you, perhaps,' Artemis muttered, 'but I'm not exactly thrilled with being here again.'

Berry shot him a quizzical look. 'You've been here before? If you know the name of this place, I'd appreciate it.'

Artemis blinked at her. 'You don't know? I'd have thought Holly would have told you about this.'

Corporal Short snorted. 'Holly never tells me anything unless I blackmail her or catch her in a good mood, which happens about once every decade. Nah, I mostly get my info from Foaly.'

'Yet you still don't recognise this place?'

'I thought we'd already established that?'

Artemis sighed dramatically and looked around. 'This,' he said in ringing tones, 'is Koboi Labs.'

'Really?' Berry looked positively delighted. 'This just keeps getting better and better!'

'May I ask how?'

'Hell-ooo,' she said in a manner that reminded Artemis of Juliet. 'I am in the infamous Koboi Labs with the infamous slash famous Mud Boy, depends on your point of view, and I am actually bossing the pixie guards around! Don't you find the prospect even slightly appealing?'

Artemis stared at her and Berry was forcefully reminded of the way Holly looked at her when Berry said something outrageous or downright silly. The Mud Boy appeared to be searching every one of her features for some clue that she was, in fact, having some sort of private joke.

'You are one strange girl,' the Irish youth said eventually.

Berry saluted. 'Why thank you.'

Artemis was about to reply when Berry held up her hand and frowned. 'Can you hear that?'

'Hear what?'

Artemis strained his ears. He couldn't hear anything out of the ordinary. Just the footsteps of pixie guards echoing along the corridors some way away and the occasional meow of a cat (Koboi Labs appeared to have become infested with felines).

No, wait, there was something else, a sort of metallic whirring noise that grew louder and louder…

Berry grabbed the human's arm and practically dragged him along the corridor, although it was hardly necessary: that whirring noise scared Artemis so badly he was almost mute with fear. The scariest thing was that he didn't know why it scared him.

There was a door near the end of the corridor. Neither intended to enter but as they passed two arms shot out and grabbed them, yanking them into the relative safety of the room beyond.

Berry gagged. 'Honestly, Holls,' she choked, 'there was no need for that.'

Holly smiled wryly. 'Revenge for Hughston.'

Butler, it appeared, had been a lot more considerate when he grabbed his charge and yanked him into the room. 'Are you all right, Artemis?'

The teenager nodded. 'Not too bad, all things considered.'

Berry was smiling faintly in a way that thoroughly annoyed Holly as the younger sister looked around the room. 'How did you two escape?' Corporal Short asked.

'The door was open,' Holly answered.

'No kidding?' Berry replied. 'Mine was too!'

Holly nodded at Artemis. 'What do you mean, "your door"? What about the Mud Boy?'

Berry shrugged. 'I think he was there at first but then our captor took him to be mind-wiped, which I don't really get…'

Holly nodded thoughtfully. 'I see your point,' she said. 'The Council would want him mind-wiped, but why some miscellaneous fairy?'

'Miscellaneous no more,' Corporal Short said with great gusto. 'I believe I know who our captor is.'

'Really? Who?' Holly couldn't hide the eagerness in her voice and even Butler looked quite interested; the only one who remained impassive was Artemis, who was leaning against the wall with his head in his hands.

'I'm only going to say this once, so you better listen up,' Berry said, dragging her answer out in a way not unlike Foaly. 'I believe that we were captured by no other than…'

'Get to the point, Bez,' Holly said sharply.

Berry pointed her tongue out at her sister. 'Spoil sport,' the younger sibling grumbled. 'You want to know? It's Topaz Koboi.'

There was silence. Finally Butler said, 'Don't you mean Opal Koboi?'

Berry shook her head. 'No, I don't; last time I checked, Opal Koboi was still snoozing in the Argon Clinic. I mean Topaz Koboi, the little sister no one's heard of. I think she's using this place as her hideout because it's big and still, technically, Koboi property.'

'Is Topaz as evil as Opal?'

Berry shook her head. 'I don't think so. From what I've heard, Topaz isn't a thing like Opal. Opal's at one end of the spectrum, and Topaz is at the other.'

'A bit like you and Holly, then,' Artemis said from the door. He was peering out cautiously at the corridor; the metallic noise was growing louder.

'Yes,' Berry conceded, 'but Holly isn't pure evil.'

Holly gave her sister an evil grin. 'Don't be so sure. Any minute now I'll start cackling.'

'Mwahaha!' Berry said and Holly grinned properly this time. 'You can't be the evil one, Holls, because I am! Any minute now I'll start stroking a long-haired white cat!'

Holly laughed and Berry joined in, glad that she had made her sister happy. It always worried Berry how serious Holly could be.

'Very funny, I'm sure,' Artemis said, 'but I think the merriment should wait.'

Captain Short was immediately serious again, and Berry felt slightly annoyed with Artemis for stopping her sister's giggling fit.

'What is it?' Holly asked.

Artemis stepped aside and allowed Holly to look through the crack between the door and the wall. 'See for yourself.'

Holly did so and gasped. 'Are they what I think they are?' she said incredulously.

This sparked Berry's interest. 'Budge over, Holls,' she said cheerfully, 'let me see.'

Holly numbly stood to the side and Berry caught a glimpse of Topaz's guards.

They looked like great big robotic pepper pots, about one metre tall, with a rounded dome for the head. A tube, not unlike a telescope stuck out of the head and about halfway down was another tube that resembled the barrel of a gun.

Berry tried very hard not to giggle. 'They're… they're…' she whispered, before she gave in to the giggles. She ducked inside the room and stuffed her fist into her mouth.

She had almost recovered when one of the robots said, 'Exterminate!' in computerised tones. Berry sank weakly to the floor.

'They're daleks,' she said, 'they're bloody daleks…'

'I don't see how that's so funny,' Holly said irritably. 'Aren't they supposed to be one of the Doctor's worst enemies?'

This didn't seem to help; it just made Berry's giggling fit worse.

'I didn't know you were a fan of Doctor Who,' Butler said.

Holy nodded. 'Foaly downloaded some human channels and the LEP get them for free, much to my sister's delight. Fairies love human sci-fi because it gives us ideas for more inventions.'

Berry looked up, tears of laughter in her eyes. 'I just can't believe that they're daleks. I know it's been done, but just… oh my gods…'

Artemis stared at the fairy. 'You are either in hysterics because you're so scared or you do actually think this is funny.'

Holy sighed. 'It's probably the latter.'

Butler said, 'You said daleks have been made before?'

Berry nodded. 'Foaly gave one to me as a birthday present after I got a place in the LEP.'

Artemis's jaw dropped. 'You have a dalek at home?'

Berry nodded again, although seeing the Mud Boy so shocked nearly launched her into hysteria again. 'Yeah, Foaly programmed it to say five different phrases if it detects movement. It's a sort of burglar alarm, you have to say a password before the end of ten seconds and it's coded to mine and Holly's voice patterns. If you don't say the password it follows you shouting "Exterminate!", "Destroy the Doctor!" and "Give me a cuddle!"'

Artemis frowned. 'What was that last on?'

'You never saw that Kit Kat advert? It had me in hysterics…'

'Somehow I don't think that would be very hard.'

'It's not dangerous,' Holly said. 'At the moment it just sits in the hallway and menaces insurance salesmen.'

'Hurrah!' Berry said.

Artemis put his head in his hands. 'This is so weird,' he said. 'I'm talking to a fairy about Doctor Who while daleks wander around outside and there's some mad pixie somewhere who really wants my memories deleted…'

The room's other three occupants glanced at each other. Even Berry, who hadn't been in Artemis's company for very long, had the feeling that this was not his usual sort of comment.

'Artemis,' Holly asked tentatively, 'are you all right?'

The teenager looked up. 'I'm fine,' he said sarcastically. 'Absolutely great. Bloody spiffing.'

That was really all the persuasion the other three needed to believe that there was something wrong with the boy.

Berry brought the laser disks out of her belt. There were five or six there, and these were only the ones she hadn't managed to restore to Artemis.

'Holly,' Corporal Short asked quietly, 'can I ask you something?'

Holly frowned at her sister. 'Not like you to ask permission.'

Berry shrugged. 'It's not my usual sort of question.'

'Fire away.'

'How far has Foaly's mind-wiping technology advanced?'

Holly looked surprised, and she was. Technology wasn't one of Berry's favourite subjects, unless CG animation counted.

Captain Short shrugged. 'The last major advance he made was only wiping partial memories, not whole blocks. He found that out a few years ago.'

Berry twirled the disk in her slim fingers. 'So he hasn't done any – how should I put this? – experiments?'

'What under the earth do you mean by that, Berry?'

Corporal Short took a deep breath. What she was about to suggest was weird and, frankly, twisted.

'I mean that he hasn't tried to wipe anything apart from memories.'

'Good gods, no!' Holly looked slightly relieved. 'That would just be horrible, and the Council'd never allow it.'

'What about someone who doesn't care about the Council?'

Holly found herself on rocky ground. For one thing, this wasn't a subject she was comfortable with, but what made it even more disturbing was the fact that Berry wasn't making some sort of silly joke about it. Holly had found herself wishing more than once that her sister could take something seriously and now that Berry was Holly found it scary.

'It's just disgusting,' Holly mumbled eventually. 'Inhumane.'

Berry nodded. 'I thought so. Yet it's till possible?'

'In theory.' This came from Artemis, who had apparently been listening to the conversation eagerly. 'Everything about your personality and character is just a little compartment in your brain. If it's possible to wipe memories then in all likelihood you could wipe other things.'

'Such as intelligence?'

Even in this state, Artemis was quick on the uptake. 'That would explain it,' he said.

Both Holly and Butler were feeling left out. 'Explain what!' the two of them practically shouted. There was a frozen moment in the group when the outburst was greeted by a faint 'Exterminate!' from somewhere at the end of the corridor. The four only breathed easy again when the metallic whirring of the dalek had faded away.

'I found Artemis connected to a large computer,' Berry explained in hushed tones. 'I thought it was just a mind-wipe, but apparently it's much more than that. If someone tried to take Artemis's intelligence it could explain this personality change.'

'And the large number of disks,' Artemis said smugly.

Holly rolled her eyes. 'A pity our captor didn't wipe your smugness.'

'I do have the highest tested IQ in Europe, Holly.'

'Admittedly, but fairies are more intelligent than humans and I doubt if you'd score above average if you took a fairy IQ test.'

'Oh, really? If I'm merely average, that probably makes you a dunce, then…'

'Stop it, the both of you,' Berry snapped. 'Artemis, I know you're usually a genius, but I'm afraid you're going to have to make do with just mere clever at the moment because I didn't manage to restore all the disks. Holly, please don't tease him.'

For some reason, Holly found herself obeying Berry. Imagine that! Holly thought. She's twenty years younger than me – barely sixty-three – a Corporal and I'm actually thinking of seriously obeying her!

'As for the whole personality thing,' Berry continued, 'your intelligence is what makes you so extremely smug and cocky, Artemis – oh, don't look like that, you are. Just try to remain calm and don't go bashing your head against the wall.'

Amazing, Holly thought. When she's not pretending to be a sweet, innocent little elf she can actually be quite commanding. She'll make a good officer, someday…

'We need to find a way to get out of here, restore Artemis's intelligence, and find out what was going on in Topaz Koboi's head when she planned this little kidnap,' Berry finished. 'Anyone have a problem?'

'Yes,' said a female voice from the doorway. 'I do.'