Genbu watched his student with eagle eyes as Rikugo went through ancient charts, updated them, put them into alphabetical and chronological order. He frowned as the younger shikigami spent night upon night in the observatory, staring at the sky, sleeping little and eating even less.
And he grew even more worried when Rikugo began to sort the old basement archive, a job usually reserved for younger students and aspiring ones. It was Genbu's favorite task to send a promising young shikigami into his basement and have him or her battle the wealth of information on the ancient scrolls. There was no obvious filing system, no immediately visible order, and aside from Rikugo, only Genbu knew where everything was.
For Rikugo to now start putting it into a true order... something very bad had occurred.
Genbu knew what his student had done, that he had been inside Byakko's mind, in the nightmare that the devil had created. He knew Tsuzuki had accompanied him there in the end when Rikugo himself had been unable to help the tiger. Tsuzuki had seen a small fraction of the twisted reality Byakko had lived in, but Rikugo... he had seen a lot more, and whatever it was, it was hurting him just as much as the wind god.
The latest episode of panic and fear had been in Rikugo's presence, Genbu mused as his eyes strayed to the sole figure on the roof of the palace. It was night and Rikugo was watching the stars again, this time not in the observatory.
It had rattled not only Byakko. It had almost shattered Rikugo.
"I wish you would talk to me, my friend," Genbu murmured and walked back into his palace.
He couldn't push Rikugo into talking, only hope that he would come around and open up -- before it, whatever it was, broke him.
° ° °
Everybody understood his need to go away, but Byakko felt weak doing so. It was like running away from a problem and it was the truth. He was running away from Rikugo, from memories triggered by the astrologer's presence or aura, and he was running from confronting those fears.
Nights had been filled with nightmares. He had barely slept after the incident in the library, afraid of what he saw, what he felt, what the devil had done to him. He couldn't trust himself not to run away or worse, attack anyone he now saw as a threat. Touda's protective presence hadn't been enough. Nothing had been.
Byakko needed to be away.
So he had come here.
It was a place he knew, a place he had only good memories of, and something that didn't appear in his memories or dreams. The devil hadn't touched this sacred place, this memory.
The canyon was deep, but not too deep to keep out the sun. It still reached down to where the river meandered, continuing its eternal task of forging its path deeper into the rock. Grass grew in abandon, trees loomed high overhead, and there were all kinds of flowers, bushes and whatnot. Insects buzzed around, there was the sound of birds, and the quiet noise of the water in the background made for a relaxing scene.
Byakko was far from relaxed at the moment as he sat in his fighting
form at the shore of the river, gazing into the water. Dull red eyes watched
the reflecting surface.
Why me? he thought desperately. Why me! Why wasn't I strong enough?
Strong enough to fight those hands on him.
Strong enough to defeat a devil.
Strong enough to say no.
Strong enough... just strong enough...
He hunched a little, the long tail wrapped tightly around his tiger form.
A shinigami beating him. The Protector of the West now bound to a
master.
A small child trapped by a much larger body, hands everywhere.
A sinister voice whispering to him.
Kitten...
You're mine...
You want it. You're mine.
Byakko whimpered.
He should have been stronger, should have been able to defeat...
The devil...
The shinigami...
Rikugo...
Everything ran together, melting into one big chaos that was dragging him down. Even here, in this remote place where nothing could trigger him, the nightmares persevered.
I have to get a handle on this. I can't go on like a frightened cub! I'm the Protector of the West!
But pep talk just didn't do it. He was scared, so very, very scared.
A faint aura touched his senses and rounded ears pricked. Byakko turned his head as the aura approached, growing stronger, identifying itself even from that distance.
It was like déjà vu. It was like being back then, years ago, when a young shinigami had walked into this place, challenging him.
He had lost.
He had gained a master -- and his best friend. He had gained Tsuzuki Asato.
Byakko felt a strong yearning, a pull, to be where Tsuzuki was, to be safe. He had always felt safe with him. Tsuzuki was so powerful and still so gentle, sometimes incredible child-like, simple, but very complicated in turn. Tsuzuki was a riddle, an enigma, and someone he never wanted to lose.
"Byakko," the young man murmured and approached the so much larger tiger.
He mewled a little, fighting down the voice that whispered to him about this being his master, about punishment, about disobedience, and he let Tsuzuki wrap his arms around the furry neck. He was enveloped in an aura that was fiercely protective, that promised him that he would always be completely safe with him, and Byakko felt a deep, rumbling purr insides his chest.
"Tsuzuki, I'm so sorry," he whispered.
"Don't be. I understand nightmares." There was a dark smile on those smooth features. "Maybe more than anyone. I understand that reality and dreams are easily confused."
"I can feel it happening to me..."
He had yet to talk about the depths of his horror, and he wasn't sure he could ever reveal it to anyone, even his master.
"And it's real, in your mind," Tsuzuki added softly.
He nodded.
Tsuzuki stroked over the sun-warmed fur, his fingers carding through the long mane.
"It will get better. You just need time."
"I can't go back."
Because just being around Rikugo meant nightmares, meant reacting like a frightened child.
Byakko hated his own reaction to a man who had been his teacher once, had been - well, a father figure. He had never told Rikugo that he loved him like a father, but his feelings didn't make it any better. On the contrary. By simply closing his eyes he saw Rikugo, the teacher, mild-mannered and patient around those who were weaker and looked for guidance or simply asked for an advice, but fierce when it came to battle, might it be combat or a battle of wills like with Sohryu. And he saw something else, someone else, someone he feared and hated, someone who had taken advantage of a helpless child, and who in the end had faced said child's wrath.
"I know it's not real," he whispered.
It wasn't. A part of him had felt Rikugo's shock and horror, had realized the astrologer was as rattled to the core as he was. The tiger knew he had to face his friend, his teacher, sooner or later, but right now he'd rather it would be later.
He shuddered, feeling Tsuzuki's reassuring hands, his soothing strokes over his fur.
"I can't go back just yet," he repeated.
"Then we'll stay here for a while."
So simple. Byakko sighed softly, disturbing the dark hair that tickled his nose.
"Thank you."
"You're my friend," Tsuzuki only said.
And that was all that was needed.
Byakko closed his eyes and curled himself around the slender body of his master, feeling the powerful aura embrace him and soothing his frazzled nerves like the gentle touch on his fur, stroking away the tension with each rub, guiding him into a light slumber.
Things weren't perfect, but maybe... one day... they would be.
tbc...